Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi, Mae! Good to see you.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 34
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 7/23/2015 12:26:14 PM
Thank you. As I said in another post....just popped in for a wee visit. But in actuality, a FB friend said she couldn't log into the forums for some reason and asked if I would do her a favour and see if I could log on. So here I am. Couldn't resist responding to a couple of posts while I was here, it's been years...lol

I see some familiar faces and also see that some very old threads are being revived. Now that's a blast from the past.

Cheers....

Mae
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 35
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/2/2015 1:18:32 AM
Actually where I moved to --Tampa from Knoxville--I have noticed this trend from men, it is like they feel if they show you interest it is up to you to keep things going

Totally confusing to me, if it was one guy then I'd say it was him but it has been happening for a few months.

Him: Hey would you like to meet?
Me: Sure (before yall get your panties in a wad-yes I will meet someone right off the bat, I prefer it than getting to know someone who might not be anything like their profile)
Him: He will talk about anything else other than meeting
Me: I respond waiting to find out if he was sincere
He disappears for a few weeks
Him (weeks later) Hey would you like to meet?

I feel they were wanting something else from me-like me to chose a place or time etc. However, other men here that have asked to meet have almost immediately set a time and place and then they ask if I want to go out again and I reply with sure and they disappear and then they come back a few weeks later with "I really liked you why didn't we go out again?"

Tonight I got a message that said "Hello Hello"...I said "Hey Hey" back ...They said "Like the pics" I said "Thank you". Nothing else was said.

Do I care...no and I think that is actually what all of this means...no one really cares, if it works it works but not going to put a ton of energy and effort into things.

Here is what I think, online dating has made many into desktop junkies, they can get a fix of attention from a variety of people and feel some type of validation. So they just roam around talking to different people and have no real desire to connect to anyone else. So someone writes you-doesn't mean anything...they just want to see if someone will respond and it makes them feel a little bit less lonely.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 36
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/2/2015 5:03:19 AM

Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?


In my case I think it is often both. I send a number of first contact messages to men and very rarely get a response. I am fine with that. No response is a response. So lack of interest is fine with me. If you aren't actually interested please don't respond.

It is the guys who message me and then I respond to them and they have nothing to say who puzzle me. I give good message. ;) I will always pick something out of a profile and/or directly answer the questions I am asked. I try to leave it open ended so that responding writes itself.

I do have the mail filter that requires a set number of words in place. Some men truly struggle with needing to say more than hello or u got a purdy mouth. It is usually indicative of all messages to follow. They just can't write. And yes, I know that it isn't everyone's forte but a man that I am interested in would be able to string together a few grammatically correct sentences.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 37
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/2/2015 5:10:09 AM

It is the guys who message me and then I respond to them and they have nothing to say who puzzle me.


You called their bluff by answering and they are clueless as to what to do next. Time wasters. Next.


Some men truly struggle with needing to say more than hello or u got a purdy mouth.


Lmao. That has to be pathetically comical to get a message like that. :)
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 38
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/2/2015 5:25:49 AM

You called their bluff by answering and they are clueless as to what to do next. Time wasters. Next.


In the moments since our last posts I received this gem: "Do you live here?" I responded with: "Do I live where I state that I live? Yes."
He responded with something equally as enthralling. I can't imagine what a scintillating conversationalist he must be in real life. Next indeed.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 39
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/2/2015 6:24:21 AM

I don't do phone calls well and I prefer person-to-person conversations. A lot of men just do not like talking on the phone.


It isn't just men who do not like talking on the phone. I don't do phone calls either. I have posted about it a number of times. I detest talking on the phone. It gives me a headache and absolutely no insight into the person (probably because I am fixated on the headache I am developing). I prefer to meet and meet quickly. We will decide in person if we are destined to be friends, lovers, or duel at dawn.

In my experience the men who don't want to meet quickly and want to yap on the phone are not really interested in meeting. I had this happen this week. Back and forth with a man for a day- he asked for number and I told him I don't share my number until I have met a man and want to see him again. Let's meet! - So on Wed (the day I said let's meet) he asked if I was free Thur and I said yes and asked him where he would like to meet - cue never hearing from him again. This is a man who was all about messaging. My instincts tell me that he would have yapped on the phone ad nauseam and never met. I don't need that sort of time wasting. I am old and OLD is getting old.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 40
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/2/2015 3:47:57 PM

u got a purdy mouth.



Lmao. That has to be pathetically comical to get a message like that. :)


But, it worked on Him, when His Cellie, Bubba said it.........

ETA: I too, hate talking on the Phone..... Makes My skin crawl & I want to run away......

I grew up with one Phone in the House, You said what You needed to & got off......
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 41
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/3/2015 5:31:00 PM

I grew up with one Phone in the House, You said what You needed to & got off......


A 976 number, eh?

(couldn't pass that one up)
 Moderate_Recall
Joined: 3/1/2015
Msg: 42
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/3/2015 7:12:15 PM
For those who "double post" here, or in the next thread just below VVVV.
You CAN delete your own double post by clicking on that little "delete post" button under the second post!

VVVV That means YOU can Branes! Unless someone else posts below yours, there is about a 15 minute window of opportunity to delete your own post.



Many people are nervous on the phone with someone they have never met IRL.
Initial phone calls should be short, only a few minutes to verify you are a real adult and to set up the specific location/logistics for the "first meet".
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 43
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/4/2015 12:13:26 AM

PassionateSunnyGal :
online dating has made many into desktop junkies, they can get a fix of attention from a variety of people and feel some type of validation. So they just roam around talking to different people and have no real desire to connect to anyone else. So someone writes you-doesn't mean anything...they just want to see if someone will respond and it makes them feel a little bit less lonely.


Very true. There are lots of people who prefer to stay at home texting, sending back and forth email messages with no hope of ever meeting anyone. A few times in the past, after conversing with someone for a week or two, I found that I've been blocked right after I suggested them to meet me.
 ShipForBrains
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/24/2015 10:25:57 PM
I think that starting out a conversation that is strictly on a topic such as the weather or why you do or don't have a photo is doomed to fail after the answer has been reached. It is difficult to read any interest over a phone call to the operator. More flirting less manuals. This is a dating site so let your hair down, the worst that could happen is you make the daily news.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/25/2015 9:22:14 AM
Ahhh, conversational skills. Some people are terrible at written communication, others are terrible on the phone, and there are some who can’t hold a conversation in person to save their life.

I have had the experience many times where I write two paragraphs, get back 2 or 3 words. And they will keep answering forever, just never saying anything. After two rounds, I send them my phone number and say “call me”.

I was talking with one woman online, great written communication skills, but when we got on the phone…. She would not “end her statement” and let me speak. She would drag it out with “you know” until she could think of something else to say. It got so bad I was counting the number of times she said “you know”. I never actually met her, so no idea how she was in person.

Another woman, once we got on the phone, would never stop talking. Barrage of words, never ending, not a chance in hell that I would get to say anything. But she was very cute, so I used “text messaging” to setup an actual date. In person, she was a very good conversationalist, no problems at all.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 46
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/25/2015 10:19:41 AM
What are the fundamentals of good conversational skills?

1. Put your best foot forward. Research shows positive self-presentation actually shows the real you.

2. Emphasize similarity.There is extensive research that we like people who are like us.

3. Get them talking about what interests them. Don't be a conversational narcissist. Want to get along with people? Learn how to listen.

4. Make people feel good. Studies show no matter what people say they prefer likable people over competent people. So don’t worry so much about being impressive.

How do you make people feel good without being slimy? Offer sincere compliments and ask for advice.

5. How to keep a conversation going? Don’t dominate a conversation, but don’t be a non-contributor either. Add to what they say and bounce the ball back.

From: "5 Secrets That Will Help You Master Conversational Skills" by Eric Barker, TIME Magazine, June 24, 2014.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 47
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/25/2015 10:52:13 AM

Research shows positive self-presentation actually shows the real you.


There is extensive research that we like people who are like us.


Studies show no matter what people say they prefer likable people over competent people.


They actually need to spend time and money on research and studies to figure out all this common sense stuff?

Time and money well spent , for sure.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 48
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/25/2015 8:28:12 PM
FullMoonGuy,

You would be surprised at the number of people with poor conversational skills. Many people don't listen.

Online dating seems to attract shy people with poor social skills. I think shy guys turn to online dating because they are uncomfortable approaching women in real life. The trouble is when they meet women, their shyness and social awkwardness prevents them from connecting once again.

Communication problems abound in Ask a Girl and Dating and Love Advice:

I don't know how to start a conversation
I cannot tell if she likes me or is still attracted to me
Getting on well and then being ignored
2 months of dating and just gone?
Unsure about date
Girl asked to hangout
Is he interested?
Does she still like me or have feelings?
Should I ask her out or risk losing her entirely?
She stopped talking to me
 7seatac
Joined: 8/12/2015
Msg: 49
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/25/2015 9:06:53 PM
Most of the folks in Ask a Girl and Ask a Guy are relatively young or new to dating or coming out of a long relationship. They don't have 100 or 200 first meets under their belt. So yes, many of the questions in there seem "juvenile" or they seem to have poor skills. I'm sure the really, really experienced people were a little shy at one time too.
 ShipForBrains
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/26/2015 2:16:06 AM

I'm sure the really, really experienced people were a little shy at one time too.

I'm wondering why the really, really experienced people are still hanging around this site. Joined 6/14/2008. What's wrong, did you settle for someone that's in the back room playing video games and won't come out and cuddle with you? Did you screw up Mr./Mrs. professional date advice giver?
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 52
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/26/2015 8:49:15 AM
Ship for brains:
I'm wondering why the really, really experienced people are still hanging around this site. Joined 6/14/2008. What's wrong, did you settle for someone that's in the back room playing video games and won't come out and cuddle with you? Did you screw up Mr./Mrs. professional date advice giver?

Sounds like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Some people take a break from dating when they feel disillusioned, hurt or jaded.
Others stop meeting new people when they are developing a relationship.

Yet we still enjoy the forums.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/26/2015 10:56:07 AM

I'm wondering why the really, really experienced people are still hanging around this site. Joined 6/14/2008. What's wrong, did you settle for someone that's in the back room playing video games and won't come out and cuddle with you? Did you screw up Mr./Mrs. professional date advice giver?



I have a car, does that mean I won't be on a car forum.
I have money, does that mean I won't be on an investment/money forum.
I have a place to live, does that mean I don't look at RE forums or travel forums.

Point made!

PS- the forum isn't even connected to the main dating site.
 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 55
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/26/2015 1:53:12 PM
lack of conversational skills and being lazy in my opinion

most send out the same intro message in mass quantities

some send out a cut/paste biography
some send out a "hey" or "hi"
 ShipForBrains
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/27/2015 10:28:36 PM

PS- the forum isn't even connected to the main dating site.

I found this forum by accident. Although I did get some great advice from you folks, I'm going to be leaving here soon before I turn out out like you. When I get back to the main site I'm going to be sure to not tell anyone about this forum because I don't need any help from you guys screwing things up for the rest of us. If everyone took your advice (all 2o of you) everyone would be so self conscious and believing that no matter how hard they try, their profile picture will never, ever be good enough to warrant a reply. Thank you Literate_Hiker for teaching me the most important lesson...It's all about the picture the size of a saltine cracker. I will never forget that. I'm on my way to success now by golly.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 58
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/27/2015 10:57:39 PM

Thank you Literate_Hiker for teaching me the most important lesson...It's all about the picture the size of a saltine cracker. I will never forget that. I'm on my way to success now by golly.

You're welcome. I'm glad you appreciate my advice about photos.

I'm going to be leaving here soon before I turn out like you.

That's a mean thing to say about people who gave you great advice, as you put it.

When I get back to the main site I'm going to be sure to not tell anyone about this forum because I don't need any help from you guys screwing things up for the rest of us. If everyone took your advice (all 2o of you) everyone would be so self conscious and believing that no matter how hard they try, their profile picture will never, ever be good enough to warrant a reply.

Again, you are being negative. Many people have thanked me for my help with their pictures and profile. They experienced an immediate increase in messages after uploading clear, bright, smiling photos.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 59
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/28/2015 5:30:47 AM

I found this forum by accident. Although I did get some great advice from you folks, I'm going to be leaving here soon before I turn out out like you. When I get back to the main site I'm going to be sure to not tell anyone about this forum because I don't need any help from you guys screwing things up for the rest of us. If everyone took your advice (all 2o of you) everyone would be so self conscious and believing that no matter how hard they try, their profile picture will never, ever be good enough to warrant a reply.


As far as "dating forums" go this isn't the only game in town. There are plenty of others. Some are even more "clique" driven and some have mostly one hit wonders. I participate A LOT more in forums other than these. Just the old school formatting here makes me nuts.

I still like your user name.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 60
Lack of interest or lack of conversational skills?
Posted: 8/28/2015 5:58:16 AM

I'm going to be leaving here soon before I turn out out like you.

I think your username totally suits you, although you spelled it wrong. do you want help with that or do you just want to know where the door is? don't let it hit you in the azz on the way out.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >