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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 101
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to researchPage 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Well, I don’t do candles, so no problem there. I do have to throw away sex toys though. Any time you start a new relationship, you have to go to the store together and buy brand new toys for your new love interest. Seems a shame to throw away perfectly good, perfectly functioning fairly expensive toys, but there it is.


Fairly expensive? A few of those toys have cost me $400 each..
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 102
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/23/2015 10:29:29 PM

This has also been my experience. I think it's because most middle-aged men grew up in the 1950's with mothers who did all of the cooking, cleaning, childcare and housework. This conservative belief is seared in men's minds as HOW THINGS SHOULD BE. My ex-husband's idea of doing the dishes was to place a cutting board over the sink.


My mother did most all the cooking and cleaning up. My dad used to make chili and do any grilling.

But my mother was a very basic cook, pork chops, mashed potatoes, spaghetti, polish sausage, corrn, etc. Never fish as my father did not like fish. The food is OK, but after leaving home at 18 I learned to like a lot of types of food, so it's not my preference .

From an early age, I liked more exotic food. I recall being at a restaurant with my family when I as 13 years old, and I ordered escargot. Everyone in my family still remembers that, how can you eat snails?


I never worked so hard in my life as when I was married. I did all of the housework, childcare, laundry, cleaning, yard work, leaf raking and snow shoveling... and most of the cooking. "My back!" Terry protested, clutching his lower back, whenever I asked him to do anything physical. Yet he managed to play tennis four days a week, creating more towels and laundry for me.


I can emphasize with that, and I think it's why a lot of older women don't want to get married. They grew up in the era when women did most of the work in a marriage.

========================================
In my first marriage, my wife did all the cooking. She was a gourmet cook, she even got a job as a cook late in my marriage. She was one of the best cooks I have met, and she enjoyed it.

I don't know how much I would cook if I were living by myself, it's been 25 years since I lived alone.

Now days I do about 40-50% of the cooking. I can cook quite well, though I don't really enjoy it. But I do like good food, so I end up doing a fair amount of the cooking. But I don't do much of the cleaning up.

So how I was raised didn't much influence my ability to cook meals.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 103
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/23/2015 10:42:34 PM

Over cooking in a crock pot? Hm….maybe didn’t follow the recipe correctly? Maybe not enough liquid? Cooking doesn’t get much easier than loading it up and flipping the switch. Love coming home to the smell of delicious food, all ready to eat.

Do you mind if I message you? You may be my lifesaver with this thing I haven't used in a year.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 104
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 12:38:20 AM


Jeez. Maybe you could use the candles to burn the sheets too. Since there might be overlap.


OMG...this is hilarious!



OK, dumb question...if someone's actually coming over to your house to sample your cooking...is it safe to jump to the conclusion a few dates have already occurred, and these people feel safe in coming to your place? that before your cooking, there was eating in public places?


Yes, a few dates have occured already.

I usually offer dinner at my place for the 3rd or 4th date.

It's a decadent experience and there's nothing healthy about it.

Chocolate, wine, cheesecake, assorted cheeses, crackers, etc.

Ok...1 thing will be healthy. A protein dish of some sort too.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 105
view profile
History
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 12:15:56 PM


Well, I don’t do candles, so no problem there. I do have to throw away sex toys though. Any time you start a new relationship, you have to go to the store together and buy brand new toys for your new love interest. Seems a shame to throw away perfectly good, perfectly functioning fairly expensive toys, but there it is.


dragonbytes
Fairly expensive? A few of those toys have cost me $400 each..

A few years back (2? 3? More?) there was a long thread here wherein the “sybian” machine came up, and was discussed at some length. Some very attractive women waxed very enthusiastic about it, and I looked into it. About $1,300 for the base model, attachments can add several hundred more. I was just about to spring for one when it occurred to me that I would possibly (probably?) have to spring for a new one for each new girlfriend.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 106
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 12:27:18 PM

Fairly expensive? A few of those toys have cost me $400 each..


Damn.....makes me feel kinda bad with the whipped cream and strawberries.....:(
 07songsungblue
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 107
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 12:36:26 PM
Real women come with their own toys.

Pun intended.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 108
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 1:12:13 PM
um.....$400 toys? errrr. Wow.
 Brave_one
Joined: 6/26/2015
Msg: 109
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 2:27:29 PM

PS. and here is my secret liquid ingredient .....I add V 8 juice.
a nice kick.....
Oooh, that’s a good idea. :)


Thank you.... as that was pass on to me from my old Italian landlady. When in a pinch, that was her quick secret ingredient... As I’ve been using it for over 35 years.

And like just about anything else, it takes practice to cook good....as my compost pile thinks I’m the best from ruined meals I have added over the years....lol
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 110
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 6:25:27 PM

Do you mind if I message you? You may be my lifesaver with this thing I haven't used in a year.


Sure, but really all I can tell you is to find some recipes specific to crock pot cooking. Unfortunately, I haven’t done it myself for a while. But the internet should be loaded with great recipes and tips. I do think making sure there is enough liquid is key, especially if it will be cooking for hours.

There’s nothing like walking in from a long, crappy day to delicious, already cooked food, IMO. Almost like having a wife. ;)


Thank you.... as that was pass on to me from my old Italian landlady.


I always wished I had an old Italian grandmother, or landlady. Best cooking ever. :)

I love to experiment with food and recipes, cooking relaxes me and it usually comes out damn good. I love to share that with people, too. :)
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 111
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 6:59:27 PM

I love to experiment with food and recipes, cooking relaxes me and it usually comes out damn good. I love to share that with people, too. :)


This was my MIL (Mother in Law)...... She learned to cook a lot of Mexican Dishes from Her MIL, too... Her MIL didn't measure things out the way we would now.... So My MIL had Her MIL pour out the ingredients & then measured them & wrote it down..... Then She played with the amounts till they tasted right...

My MIL would have a new dish at a resturant & then come home & try to duplacate it, too....

I inherited my MIL's cookbooks with all the old Family Recipes..... I've shared those recipes with friends, too....

Right now my SIL (Sister in Law) is converting all the old Recipes to computer files & when She's done, it'll all be searchable on a Database......

vvvvvv Diana, at least you've got the other 2 single people there....... Being the 3rd or 5th wheel isn't fun....
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 112
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 7:23:21 PM
Christmas in July dinner party starts in 6 hours.

Cooking is going to plan.

Even washed the dogs this morning so they are all clean and cuddly.

2 married couples.
1 single woman and her daughter and me.

Dinner for 7.


So nice to be cooking for friends.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 113
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/24/2015 9:16:51 PM
Quite right Blue Eyes.

Most of the time I am the only single person.
Horrendous.
At least this balances things a bit.

The single woman is the one I mention in another thread whose recent ex's new lady is paying her out.
Will try to keep the conversation away from that and on happier topics.

Now to prepare the pork crackling.


 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 114
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 5:35:34 AM

According to various happiness research it seems to be consistent that men are happier when married and in a relationship and less happy when single.
From the research the opposite is true for women.


Do they tell us "how" the research was done? As in, was the wifey standing over the shoulder of the hubby when he was checking the survey list? Very relevant. And how is "happiness" defined? Is the man happy because the wife believes he is happy in their marriage and she isn't biatching at him because of his reply? Again, relevant.

We should also take a good look at how society, and it's outlook/beliefs have an affect on a individual living in that society. Are you "happy" with the big fancy dancy house because society looks "up to you", or because it fits your needs as an individual? Is the marriage/relationship something you require, or is it a form of "contentment" within your mind? Could it be "anyone" to fit the other half of the partnership, or does it have to be the "one"?

We have to remember, "marriage" in itself is something we humans made up. It's not a natural thing. It's a "ceremony", which some have decided to add all kinds of definitions to. Something, our societies have decided to add some form of value on. It does affect some individuals with their thoughts, beliefs, and yes, their "feelings".

I don't question that some people are quite content and happy within a relationship/marriage. I do question that we can say they are "happier" than others not in the same situation. Why? Not all of us are the same. Not all of us require the same to put a smile on our faces. Think about it, for just a minute or two.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 115
view profile
History
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 7:55:30 AM
Research has shown the OP's findings for a long time. I remember these studies when I was in college, 30+ years ago.

The reality was--and probably still is, b/c I haven't seen research yet to demonstrate otherwise--that women did a lot more work in marriage, while men did *less* than when they were single. (No, I'm not criticizing men--women are part of the equation!!). Working women had "the 2nd shift," and took on primary responsibility for daily household/family tasks. Women carried/carry more responsibility for children, too. This can all be summarized as "the second shift."

I see younger couples that have a better balance, but also those who don't.

*If* a man becomes part of her workload (again, for a mom working outside the home, too), and *doesn't* share the work or provide some balancing "benefits" to her, then a woman is going to start to feel resentful (the opposite happens, too, when men take on too much, but it's less common although it happens fairly often to 'nice guys').

So it makes sense that women are happier unmarried--kind of that, "one less child to clean up after." When a woman starts to see her husband in this way, things are definitely already halfway gone. Most couples don't realize that until it's too late, of course.

If "marriage" = more work and less benefits, of course a person would be less happy. Working women, in particular, have found this to be true more often than men do.

Our younger generations will find ways to make things work for them--and there is no telling how that might look. There are as many ways to organize society as there are people, so I'm sure folks will find what works for them.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 116
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 7:58:18 AM

We have to remember, "marriage" in itself is something we humans made up. It's not a natural thing. It's a "ceremony", which some have decided to add all kinds of definitions to. Something, our societies have decided to add some form of value on.


Plus all kinds of laws are added in marriage as well. The government has decided that the rules of marriage that they make up must be followed, or one or both people suffer financially if the marriage doesn't last.

I've heard the saying "Happy wife, happy life" lots of times. Why is it, I never hear "Happy husband, happy life"?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 117
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 10:05:45 AM
wait, wait, I finally figured it out!

I had to think about how married couples worked, and it finally hit me!

How did the husbands answer this question? the same way they solve every other annoying issue in the house, after they have been married for at least 5 years:

"honey? Honey! can you come here and help me with this?"

which of course, translates to.....take this over for me.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 118
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 1:31:33 PM

"honey? Honey! can you come here and help me with this?"

which of course, translates to.....take this over for me.


The mute phrase a man utters when he forms a tent *muttley laugh*
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 119
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 2:15:36 PM

This was my MIL (Mother in Law)...... She learned to cook a lot of Mexican Dishes from Her MIL, too... Her MIL didn't measure things out the way we would now.... So My MIL had Her MIL pour out the ingredients & then measured them & wrote it down..... Then She played with the amounts till they tasted right...


That is exactly how I learned from my (ex) mother in law. She was so used to just doing it, without recipes, and I had to follow along fast. :) I took her basic recipes and made them my own. Probably she’s where I got my experimental cooking nature….my own mother didn’t teach me to cook; she just shooed my brothers and me out of the kitchen. We were too much trouble.

When my MIL tried teaching me how to crochet, forget it. That needle was flying, no way I could follow along. I never did learn and still feel badish about it.

OT: I agree this sort of survey is meaningless. what's anyone supposed to do with this info, anyway?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 120
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 3:08:27 PM

OT: I agree this sort of survey is meaningless. what's anyone supposed to do with this info, anyway?


What you do with the info is conduct another survey to verify the findings. Then have another survey to verify the accuracy of the latest, and so on. Surveys have been around since the beginning of time. Anything that has been surveyed has been surveyed a thousand times previously. There are companies and government agencies whose only purpose is to come up topics to survey. And if they can't come up with any knew ideas, just conduct survey number 5000 on a same old topic. Why do you think "experts" are always flip-flopping on things like the dangers or benefits of various foods and beverages. One day something is deemed to be good for you, and the next day, it's a health hazard, then the day after, it's good for you.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 121
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 3:49:59 PM

Why do you think "experts" are always flip-flopping on things like the dangers or benefits of various foods and beverages. One day something is deemed to be good for you, and the next day, it's a health hazard, then the day after, it's good for you.


I figured it had something to do with who was paying them off. :/
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 122
view profile
History
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 5:03:31 PM
I think the results are lopsided. Who determines what group of people to use? Then add in those who don't want to stray from general conscientious. Or, just flat out lie about it. I'd rather accept my reality, and make the best of it.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 123
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 5:20:19 PM
See....look at what we are missing out on. Awww, shucks.

Couple's Final Wish Fulfilled After 75 Years of Marriage
https://youtu.be/1DGWWhSF8OM
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 124
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/25/2015 5:20:59 PM
I don't think this is gender specific. At least among my circle of friends and acquaintances. I have friends that are miserable when they are single. I have other friends that enjoy being single. As for cooking, I'm not an expert cook. But I can cook basic things like pasta, eggs etc. Plus there is plenty of precooked foods you can buy at the supermarket and warm it up in the oven or microwave.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 125
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:21:15 AM
^^^Cooking seems to be one of those things that you either have a passion for it, or it's just a daily chore that must be done to get rid of hunger. Some people feel that dinners must be a 10 course meal with the finest ingredients, and is a really sensual experience with every mouthful of food, whereas others think heating up a TV dinner or some other frozen food, or having left over pizza is fine dining, and it does it's job by getting rid of hunger pangs.
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