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 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 51
Online World Different From OfflinePage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Ms. Lagomism....

You express OLD from a woman's perspective rather beautifully.

And welcome to posting in the forums. :)
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 52
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/24/2015 3:39:39 PM
Agreed.

Welcome to the forums Ms Lagomism,
Your articulate post matches my experiences beautifully.

I have gone off all dating sites other than this one and I am currently trying a reverse psychology experiment.
Results to date?
No change to the messages.

I still send out initial messages and like you hear back from very few.
Of the ones who start out to seem promising many deteriorate very quickly.

I have dropped my 'dating' frequency. None in the last few weeks and prior to that only a few with men from here and 'meet up'.
Of those dates the men were lovely and we really enjoyed each other's company. At least I enjoyed their company, told them so and they also told me that they enjoyed my company.

BUT...

They made it very clear that they were not looking for a relationship because of personal circumstances they need to sort.
Caring for aged parents, young children, housing etc etc etc etc etc

Each of these 'dates' lasted 2-4 hours.
But no second date.
With two of these men a week later I phoned them and suggested going out again.
Answer, "Would love to get together again but can't this weekend because of xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
Then nothing.




__________________________________________________________________________________
I think the world has changed.


My neighbour has a 17 year old daughter. She is slim, bright, polite, athletic and beautiful.
They were discussing a school formal dance and she was telling her mother that the boys are only interested in looks and what can she do to become more attractive.
Another daughter of a friend is 13 and she is an early developer so has had older boys and young men 'hitting' on her for the last few years.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 53
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/24/2015 4:00:26 PM
"The main difference for me, OLD vs IRL, in IRL, I'm invisible, apparently due to my age."

I hear ya. I apparently vanished about 8 years ago. And online, a huge majority of men my age dont want women my age. I remember when I first tried OLD when I was 43, I ran into a guy who was 50 and didnt want anyone over 40. It was a very rude and necessary awakening. Having not dated since I was 21, I had to learn it was a VASTLY different world out there for me as a woman, and I have learned to drop my expectations to zero. I haven't been on a date since Jan 2013. It was the usual thing, the guy wasnt interested..and it was "real life" too. When you hear "well..good luck" accompanied by a half hearted smile at the end of the date, it's the death knell!! :D
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 54
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/24/2015 4:19:05 PM

All this is just one woman's experience from the retrospective position of ~three years past. I enjoyed reading everyone's perspectives on the matter, thank you all for sharing your views. ..............


lagomism, you are welcome.
Now allow me to say THANK YOU, to you. I have no idea who you are, or where you have been hiding (LOL) but I read EVERY word you wrote. You truly impressed me in a positive manner. I agree with you, your views and perspective.
Very well said, thank you!

Your phone friend? As you have suggested, perhaps he is afraid, you will be disappointed with him, when meeting in person? Perhaps he is hiding a physical disability?

I wish you well, here and IRL.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 55
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/24/2015 4:47:39 PM
And a few words to Mr. AdventureJoe....but to me...Joey.....

Not sure if you realize just how sexy you are when you post so positive and sweet but....it is a good thing you are happily involved or you would have all the forum women vying for your attention! I always enjoy your posts from a male perspective and you have taught me more than you realize over the years! :)
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 56
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Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/24/2015 5:10:18 PM
You got me at "Joey" luv, You, you vixen ;)
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 57
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Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/24/2015 6:41:04 PM

crookcatcher wrote:

I know..right?

The only way I could ever look like that is if they had me on video slipping on a wet floor at the grocery store. Just sayin....


HAHA!!! You guys crack me up. If only dating and socializing were that simple. :/
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 58
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 7:02:12 PM

Everything Lagomism said is true.

True for her but not for everybody. I am much simpler than that, and I can only wish for the loads of overt sexual messages. Hasn't happened to me yet.
 lagomism
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 59
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:00:32 PM
clooneystutor, InnerGorilla, kj521, sealady111, ladyinred4755, thank you all! And I'm happy to finally be a participant instead of reader.

NJgirl116, be careful what you wish for! :) Honestly, if you wish to have upfront sexual conversation, just make that known in your profile in words that feel comfortable and true to your nature and desire, and to the extent that anyone can guarantee such a thing, I guarantee you will receive sexual attention in abundance. You are lovely and many, many men would enjoy to share that facet of you, if you make it known you desire that.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 60
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:02:45 PM
No sweetie that is not what I desire, it just surprises me that it happens to so many women but I just get the short and polite messages.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 61
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Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:23:24 PM
^^Well you did have a church pic at one time, for the love of God! Hopefully most men aren't that crass to so send such messages to a women of the cloth! ;)
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 62
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:25:23 PM

^^Well you did have a church pic at one time, for the love of God! Hopefully most men aren't that crass to so send such messages to a women of the cloth! ;)

Oh okay that makes sense. Yeah, church is sort of important to me.
 lagomism
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 63
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:26:37 PM
NJgirl116, sorry, I misinterpreted "I can only wish for the loads of overt sexual messages." as you kind of wanting to receive them.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 64
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:32:52 PM
Online and IRL are about the same in terms of getting dates, and liking people.

Online saves time because you can identify deal breakers more quickly.

There are some fake people here, though. I don't mean real people with a fib or two on their profiles; I mean characters who are entirely made up. IRL you can always ask around about a person. Not so much online.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 65
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:40:50 PM

HAHA!!! You guys crack me up. If only dating and socializing were that simple. :/


But it is..... I don't know what Your problem is, in Your Never Been on a Date Life.....

But the Common Denominator is YOU..............



There are some fake people here, though. I don't mean real people with a fib or two on their profiles; I mean characters who are entirely made up. IRL you can always ask around about a person. Not so much online.


Not always.... I was a Ghost........ IRL
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 66
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Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 8:49:56 PM

volkanoking wrote:

I hear ya. I apparently vanished about 8 years ago.


HA! I'm the incredible invisible man. I never became visible in the first place.
 lagomism
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 67
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 9:10:27 PM

HA! I'm the incredible invisible man. I never became visible in the first place.


This made me remember a comedian clip I saw recently. Rephrased for your situation it would be: "Women have always treated me like a god. They don't believe I exist!" :)
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 68
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 11:03:37 PM
"I never became visible in the first place."

Ha! Good one. Sometimes, I feel that way too, I had a very small window and was NEVER the first choice of anyone in the room, but.... you work with what you got.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 69
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 11:25:02 PM
Volkano....I don't get it. I would approach you...the question is, Would you just dismiss me? This goes to another point that I have made before. It all depends on your area in which you live. People are quick to say that there is no reason why others cannot have success. Well, where I live OLD sucks. It is flooded with dudes and it is always the same old group of ladies, most of whom have already ignored your messages in the past. IRL it is not great, but much better than online. In other areas it might be different. I have a great idea that I think could help, but I am not going to disclose it here because it might be worth something. But anyway I think Volkano is cute. I am hitting on you right now. xoxox : )
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 70
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Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/25/2015 11:42:04 PM
Clooneys and others

No, a woman will respond if she finds the guy hot or appealing for whatever reason and what he writes hardly matters as long as it is not obscene or too suggestive and is written in correct English. If a hot guy approaches a woman in real life and just says "Hi, how are you?" and she finds him attractive, it is enough to get the ball rolling. The guys who have little going for them but write a well crafted articulate message, so what??????
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 71
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 12:40:37 AM
"the question is, Would you just dismiss me?"

I'm not sure what you mean.

Do you mean, if we met in a social setting and you came over to talk, would I ignore/blow you off?

I don't do that to anyone. I run a social group (a meetup hike) where guys I dont know talk with me all the time as we hike. I get new people every week, and everyone gets my attention.

So, in that sort of situation, no, you would not be "dismissed."

Or, do you mean, as a potential date? I look a peek at your profile..I'm not into facial piercings. >_< Thank you, though.

Bear in mind, my crabs are the result of living in a very very tough dating market. The most beautiful people in the world come here from around the world to break into movies, modeling, etc. Everyone has their pick of the top notch, this is the land of 50 plus unemployed beta males who have convinced themselves that if they just wait long enough a hot 25 year old "10" will finally fall into their lap!

Now, if I was living somewhere out in the middle of nowhere, in some mining town filled with lonely men, well...trust me..you would NOT be seeing me in these forums! :D

 LegendofPOF
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 72
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 2:48:32 AM
I've written *essays* here about how online is a total and complete wash...the main message that someone touched on here was that the anonymous, shopping cart feel to how you pick people online distorts everything..it reduces human connections to a "check the box and order up" mentality, and people are rejected and dismissed at a rapid pace. The feeling is that you can literally buy a mate, and they can be made to order like a product.


Also, the false feeling of intimacy created when two people start messaging and texting before they meet, and they get attached and are CONVINCED this is the one...then, one of the people vanish, or they meet, have sex and then one of them vanishes, and the other is left dumbfounded, already in the throes of heavy attraction and attachment.

I found too that no matter how much I prescreened, asked about what they were looking for, asked if they were single, just tried to be very careful about whom I met up with for a date, there was ALWAYS some dealbreaker, many of which were revealed when the lies fell away..many married men, false ages given, or yes..shocker..they really WERE looking for sex on the first date.

And of course the super high incidence of people with major handicaps..no car, unemployed, herpes, heavy debt, or back living with the parents at the age of 50 plus. There was so much of this I came to the conclusion that online dating does attract those who are kinda "leftovers" or have some pretty major challenges in front of them that could be a turn off. Yeah, you'll find this in "real life" too..but the heavy concentration of it online just makes the odds all the higher that you're going to be sent on a trip to whacko land so fast your head will spin.


Oh, and does it ever attract the lazy. Lazy and broke. A whole generation of lazy, broke people eating potato chips, drinking Coke and staring at a screen, hoping to find their pot of gold with the most minimum of effort. And if anyone falls short even a fraction of a percent..into the dumpster they go..sort of like in Willy Wonka, when the "dud" golden eggs go right down the chute into the incinerator.


There is so much truth to this post you wrote it's freaking RIDICULOUS. I couldn't have said it better myself.

That and hearing from MANY women of men showing up shorter than stated, older than stated, heavier, using old pictures, some even using pictures of their SON and ADMITTING it. Yet still going after the "tops" in looks. and many ARE meeting up. OLD has become an easy hook up spot where the "best" in photos get taken off the shelves.

VK if I could tell you the amount of stuff I've PERSONALLY seen women send to guys I know in different states. Pics AND videos and these are juiced up gym guys (most all are chasing after the Chippendales look IDGAF what's "written" in their profiles it's 99.999% LOOKS and who is IN the photos.) you'd be even MORE convinced how bad it is. It's like being an average decent looking guy EVEN IF the person talks and is interested the "hawt" guys spam her and she gets to thinking I'm worthy of THESE guys. Doesn't matter if they are getting ran through. And not for nothing? I meet better in real life. Who in God's name would take these women seriously? The majority of the people on the main forums DESERVE each other. The stories I've heard and the amount of pics and self-made videos I've seen...I'm not surprised in the LEAST. I mean stuff that you cannot BELIEVE people are that stupid to send out with JOBS no less?? GARBAGE.

Most men haven't the slightest clue and I'm POSITIVE there's massive amounts of BSers and complete garbage on the men's selection. Garbage attracts garbage. And before anyone thinks I'm "hating". I've read others profiles and the hook up buzz words are all there to see. That's just the tip of the ice burg. Details and everything I've heard and seen from users on the main site. Multiple pictures from MANY users. Site might as well be Adult FF/ ashleey madison 2.0.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 73
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 3:50:34 AM


The guys who have little going for them but write a well crafted articulate message, so what??????


I was kidding. Ya know, women are supposed to respond to ANY guy that's not lewd and spells correctly. Men are not allowed to be fussy (rolling my eyes).

Someone, maybe it was KJ, posted about not liking the feeling of not responding to a nice message from an unattractive sender.

It feels shallow when someone takes the time and puts in the effort to reach out to us, but the attraction just isn't there.

I went to a night club for the first time in many years this week. Felt good to sit there and be stared at, but damn, being out after 9pm? Meh. Dangerous.
 HotNSC123
Joined: 10/17/2014
Msg: 74
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Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 4:25:41 AM
@Patchjoker: Dude, why are you on here if you hate it so much? If it's just for the forums, okay, understood. But, there are millions of people on here everyday, do you really think no one is having success? I mean, it's just nonsense that people come on here with unrealistic expectations, put little to no effort in, and expect it to net their dream mate. Chances are if you're not doing well here, you wouldn't do much better in real life either. And if you do, what are you doing here? Do what works for you. People shouldn't waste their time on something that isn't working and just making them miserable. This is just a tool to meet people, no one should use it as their ONLY means of meeting others. If that's your outlook, perhaps you're asking too much of this site. The site works if you know how to use it.

Look, even if you're doing all the so called right things on here, what else can you do to increase your chances of getting a date? There's always room for improvement and some either aren't willing to do the work it takes or think they're perfect as is, and everybody should accept as them as is. Sure, we can all accept you as is, but if that's not netting you the desired mate, what do you have to lose by trying? The people that whine about how unfair dating is, aren't the ones that will be successful at it. It's the same concept in life. You don't whine about not getting what you want, you figure a way to get it. People often refuse to be proactive about things, they rather whine and point fingers for their failures. I mean, really, who wants to date a whiner? Do you? Doubtful!

Oh, and this give me a chance both men and women ask for, don't realize that they've turned down people in their life themselves, for whatever reason that suited them. And, you want others to put aside their wants and needs and go after the person that they're not into? Why? You're not doing it. Yeah, you may be more open and have less suiters to chose from, but there are people that at some point in your life, has shown interest in you, and you weren't interested in. People don't want to look at it from a different perspective then their own, but perhaps if they did, they be better at achieving their goals.We all have our preferences, even you, so it's unrealistic to expect people to deviate from them. All the wishing and whining won't change people wanting what they want.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 75
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Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 6:02:28 AM
I think some of ya'lls approach to online dating should be different, it seems like you guys approach it like you're approaching an job and that's not healthy. I can understand wanting to find a mate and wanting a relationship but OLD isn't suppose to be that serious. If you're on POF for hours searching profiles, reading profiles, sending mass messages, more reading, more clicking, more messages and then expecting immediate results you're not going to like it. It's probably going to suck. I spend a few minutes each day, reading some profiles and sending a message or two. I come in with little to no expectations and I'm better off for it. It's just another tool to use along with offline.
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