Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Online World Different From Offline      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 76
Online World Different From OfflinePage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I'm really tired and disillusioned from the wishy washy, flaky men. Thinking they can have some kind of electronic relationship and melding of the minds from long distance and cancel meeting. What point is it to just screw with peoples minds in a fantasy lala world? grrrrrr
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 77
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 8:54:00 AM

I think some of ya'lls approach to online dating should be different, it seems like you guys approach it like you're approaching an job and that's not healthy. I can understand wanting to find a mate and wanting a relationship but OLD isn't suppose to be that serious.

I agree with you! Online dating can be fun if you don't don't have a whole lot of expectations. Put up as much info as you're comfortable putting up. If you like someone - proceed with meeting them. If you don't - pass it up. If you're not really interested, let it go, don't go on a date with someone you don't like. It's not a job as you said. Chances of meeting the right person are slim online or offline, may as well relax.


It is actually rare (at least for me) to hear a woman online admit, like kj did, to feeling bad at having to ignore men she is not attracted to. I wonder if many more women feel like this but won't say it for whatever reason?

Tons of men have looked at my profile and not written - that's rejection and they don't feel bad. I have written to quite a few and they did not respond - that's rejection and they don't feel bad. I'm not jumping off the bridge over it, neither should they.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 78
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 8:54:10 AM
[Msg 77, Peas]:
If you're always getting the same results, there's one common denominator. That's why it's best not to waste time doing text ping-pong, and get to the point of meeting in person sooner rather than later-after exchanging maybe 2 or 3 messages at most. If they make excuses for not being able to meet right away, move on. I don't waste time with someone who wants either a text buddy or wants to exchange countless messages, and is too busy to meet in person for 20 minutes or half hour. What's the point of being on a dating site if a person is not ready or available to meet?
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 8:54:15 AM
^^ Hey Peas, that's the new way of having relationships. Didn't you know? No one REALLY hooks up anymore, they just have virtual relationships online.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 80
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:01:37 AM
^^^The younger ones have virtual babies, they live in virtual houses, drive virtual cars and have virtual dogs.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 81
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:04:12 AM

Back to the topic. It is actually rare (at least for me) to hear a woman online admit, like kj did, to feeling bad at having to ignore men she is not attracted to. I wonder if many more women feel like this but won't say it for whatever reason?


I wrote a lengthy response to this, but when rereading before posting I felt some would misinterpret....so I'll just say this..

I think any woman with a concious, a sense of emphathy for wanting and desiring someone for a relationship would grow saddened of having to say....thank you...but no, over and over. I imagine it would get to the point you would rather just not participate.
 Moderate_Recall
Joined: 3/1/2015
Msg: 82
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:17:37 AM

wishy washy, flaky men. Thinking they can have some kind of electronic relationship and melding of the minds from long distance and cancel meeting. What point is it to just screw with peoples minds in a fantasy lala world?


For about half or more of those "men" that chat up online but then always cancel meeting, they are not who they say they are. Many are juveniles just wasting time after school with their friends giggling at what responses they can get from lonely adults online. Some have gotten more adept at pretending to be adults, with someone else's pics and practiced responses to adult issues.

Nothing is real until you meet".

There are SOME flaky adults out there. But most fully ambulatory independent LOCAL adults who actually have real pics of them in their OLD profile, rarely choose to waste their valuable time chatting online instead of actually planning to meet IRL.

NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL YOU MEET
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 83
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:29:58 AM
I would love to take some time and watch along with some guys here as they converse and get messages from women. I'd love to see some of the estrogen laced nonsense. The photos, the claims, the expectations.

I did go on a date with a guy who said that the woman showed up and was HUGE, easily 300 plus, along with a huge friend.

He actually sat and had dinner with them.

I would have taken one look at that and left. I would have explained WHY I was leaving, but the evening would have ended there.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 84
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:31:23 AM

I wonder if many more women feel like this but won't say it for whatever reason?

This has been brought up before and a lot of us women stated we try or use to respond to all but some of us
got nasty letters back or it was obvious they hadn't read our profiles....It's hard not to sound negative in your profile.
One fellow (a smoker) said I should have asked him before we met.What?? You lied on your profile plus, I have on mine...NO SMOKERS>.

If it's a well thought out nice message....I still will respond but I try to not to encourage a meet just because I feel bad for them.
When I first joined on line dating...I met everyone, it was fun and I really never had a bad experience but now I need to be more
selective....besides, I would hope they felt they found me attractive enough to contact...it needs to be mutual.

There are the ones you feel bad about...there's a lot of nice, lonely people out there....just need the click.
In the words of OJ's lawyers....If we don't Fit...I can't commit....errr...something like that.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 85
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:39:44 AM

No, a woman will respond if she finds the guy hot or appealing for whatever reason and what he writes hardly matters as long as it is not obscene or too suggestive and is written in correct English. If a hot guy approaches a woman in real life and just says "Hi, how are you?" and she finds him attractive, it is enough to get the ball rolling. The guys who have little going for them but write a well crafted articulate message, so what??????


Ding!Ding! Ding! We have a winner. Some women on the forums will complain "How are you?" and cut / paste emails. But the bottom line is people will often look at your pictures first. Then your "stats" including age, height, income and education level, smoking and drinking habits, having or wanting kids, religion etc. If they like your photos and "stats", then they might read the rest of your profile. The content of the email is the least important thing.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 86
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:48:45 AM

[Msg 77, Peas]:
If you're always getting the same results, there's one common denominator. That's why it's best not to waste time doing text ping-pong, and get to the point of meeting in person sooner rather than later-after exchanging maybe 2 or 3 messages at most. If they make excuses for not being able to meet right away, move on. I don't waste time with someone who wants either a text buddy or wants to exchange countless messages, and is too busy to meet in person for 20 minutes or half hour. What's the point of being on a dating site if a person is not ready or available to meet?


I agree. Yup. Read that before and had noted it.


^^ Hey Peas, that's the new way of having relationships. Didn't you know? No one REALLY hooks up anymore, they just have virtual relationships online.


I noticed. Seems to be the trend since I've tried different OLD sites over the years. Maddening. Waste of my time as maleman said also. Time is the common denominator.



For about half or more of those "men" that chat up online but then always cancel meeting, they are not who they say they are. Many are juveniles just wasting time after school with their friends giggling at what responses they can get from lonely adults online. Some have gotten more adept at pretending to be adults, with someone else's pics and practiced responses to adult issues.

Nothing is real until you meet".

There are SOME flaky adults out there. But most fully ambulatory independent LOCAL adults who actually have real pics of them in their OLD profile, rarely choose to waste their valuable time chatting online instead of actually planning to meet IRL.

NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL YOU MEET


Of course nothing is real until you meet. That is the reality of it, to get to reality from your minds eye.

I however like to get a sykpe session goin on, to verify, and prolly they've passed my now required criminal checks too, lmfao.

 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 87
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:52:10 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^I object!! Meant for Southcity...
Just a little in my age group...it's a little different for some...of us.
I did admit ....I need to find him attractive but that's not just in his pictures....I read everything on a mans profile...
Trust me! I have seen and went out with a few attractive men, I would never waste my time on again.

vvvvvvvvvWMB...Love your headline....funny gal!
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 88
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:52:15 AM
If they made me laugh, I replied. After awhile of being on there, if someone sent a nice message but didn't seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer, I wouldn't reply, but it made me feel like an ass. Obviously I'm not in the same league as KJ, but it's the reason my profile is hidden, too.

Also, I didn't feel bad blocking people who repeatedly sent the same copy and paste message, as they presumably wouldn't much care.
 HotNSC123
Joined: 10/17/2014
Msg: 89
view profile
History
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:57:35 AM
People make this too hard. Why are people getting upset about an unanswered email? Rejection is a part of dating. If you don't have thick-skin or can't stand rejection, then you have no business dating. Rejection happens to everyone, even the super attractive. Besides, it's not a popularity contest, you're trying to find someone you are into, and that's into you. That's it. Why would anyone would want a pity email or a pity date is beyond me. I mean, when you log on, and you see you have email, are you really going, "hmm, I sure hope it's a rejection"? No! So, why do you want people who aren't interested to email you if they aren't interested? So, you can persuade them? Desperation isn't flattering and isn't going to win you dates. A no response IS a response. It's a lot to ask people to return email to people they aren't remotely interested in, just for the sake of being nice. Women get inundated with emails all day, who has the time to return EVERY email? I mean, just on the logistics alone this should be common sense.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 90
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 10:00:20 AM

No, a woman will respond if she finds the guy hot or appealing for whatever reason and what he writes hardly matters as long as it is not obscene or too suggestive and is written in correct English. If a hot guy approaches a woman in real life and just says "Hi, how are you?" and she finds him attractive, it is enough to get the ball rolling. The guys who have little going for them but write a well crafted articulate message, so what??????


Would'nt this also apply when reversed? I see nothing there that isn't the same if you swap genders.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 91
view profile
History
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 10:01:39 AM
double post :(
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 10:04:24 AM

I did go on a date with a guy who said that the woman showed up and was HUGE, easily 300 plus, along with a huge friend.


That is pretty beta male, indeed . Well , at least her huge friend wasn't her bf or husband or anything like that. That would be a good story to tell at parties!


I think any woman with a concious, a sense of emphathy for wanting and desiring someone for a relationship would grow saddened of having to say....thank you...but no, over and over. I imagine it would get to the point you would rather just not participate


Agreed which is maybe why most don't do it. I myself feel guilty not responding (especially when they write a few times) but I truly think nothing good is going to come from a rejection letter unless it isn't truly a rejection.

An example would be when the message is saying distance is too far away, or something non personal. When I 1st joined I once got a message from this gal on OK( perhaps one of the hottest gals I ever seen here) that basically rejected me because she suffers from extreme cat allergies but it was completely sorry, complimentary and almost wishing that things could work out. So when she sent me the next message requesting that I send her money to help cure her allergies I ran to the bank right away :P. No that part isn't true but I cherished that message and even today I have it, I think , in my inbox there since inboxes don't get deleted there( CC I can send you what she said if you want lol)


Tons of men have looked at my profile and not written - that's rejection and they don't feel bad.

Although I understand what you are saying, that isn't rejection anymore than the 99.999999999% of the population in the street that pays the other 99.99999% very little intention. Rejection is when their is refusing or dismissing ones advances, and some say if it is for practical reasons, it isn't really rejection. That is subjective though.


The younger ones have virtual babies, they live in virtual houses, drive virtual cars and have virtual dogs.


That was FUNNY! LOL. Perhaps a bit true as well. I have heard about those virtual games where people marry in the game and then marry IRL. In the old days teenagers were told to take care of eggs and don't crack them.


Would'nt this also apply when reversed? I see nothing there that isn't the same if you swap genders.


Of course this is true. Actually, I always say that people waste too much time worrying about message content. Just don't send anything pervy or really stupid and guys/gals have a shot if the receiver likes them.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 93
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:17:22 AM

Agreed which is maybe why most don't do it. I myself feel guilty not responding (especially when they write a few times) but I truly think nothing good is going to come from a rejection letter unless it isn't truly a rejection.


The truth is, I don't like messaging someone to tell them....no thanks.

This is just for an example. The day before yesterday....I changed my mail settings to receive a message from a forum poster. I unhid my profile at that time and in about 6 hrs I had received 23 messages on the dating side. (I have since hidden it again) I can ONLY attribute this to my age bracket nothing else or possibly that locally everyone else my age is dead. I can view their profile pics and tell they did'nt read my profile, but yet I am hesitant to even open the message because I'll feel badly about not responding because I know what they feel. I just don't like the feeling of guilt? associated with rejecting someone, they may very well be the best personality and a world class person but it there's no attraction it doesn't matter.

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to have a hundred or more in your inbox all the time.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 94
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:27:23 AM

People make this too hard. Why are people getting upset about an unanswered email? Rejection is a part of dating. If you don't have thick-skin or can't stand rejection, then you have no business dating....



I don't care about getting "No thanks" or no response to the first email when a woman isn't interested. However when I had 1-3 dates with a woman or we had discussed going out on date and a woman later changes her mind. Then I think it's good manners to be upfront with tact and tell the other person instead of ignoring him/her. That way (s)he will know and can move on sooner. If you get any type of backlash after that, then block that person. BTW some women ( and men as well ) told me that they got rude emails because they didn't respond.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 95
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:28:22 AM
As for feeling bad about abstaining from replying, even if to communicate that you're not match, it's about perspective. If I were to care about how every little I do or choose not to do and how such could affect other people, I would not be able to function. Yeah, I feel sort of bad when I get messages and I have no inkling to even read it as they are not my type, but I bet they don't feel bad about not having read my profile thus sending a message with no consideration to my preferences. So they get what they get, I feel bad they thought they had a chance.

Just today, I got a message from a gentleman I wouldn't date, but at least he started by avoiding "hi", so here it goes:

Him: How do you feel about the whole Hulk Hogan news?
Me: I don't know about it, I'm more into global news not celebrity news.
Him: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f20Z-iGVoP0
Me: I still don't understand what is the problem
Him: Anyways I would like to get to know you a little better even if it's thru message .. Because I know there are a lot of weird people on the Internet.. Is that alright with you?
Him: He was being a racist
Him: My bad that was the wrong audio
Me: How so? Did he express any hatred toward another group of people? Black people have been calling each other the n-word for a very long time, so if they can do it amongst themselves, I see no reason why it's racist when someone else does it. I've never heard Hispanics calling each other "spics", so when someone does, then someone can claim it's racist.
Me: You're not my type but I do not mind holding a conversation through messaging for a few minutes.
Him: That's cool. Do you travel?
Me: yes, but not extensively
Him: That's what's up!! Where was the last place you went? I hit up Amsterdam last year.
Me: I went to Florida last month
Him: Oh I like Florida I've been to Clearwater.. Where in Florida did you go? Family there? Just because?
Me: I went to Ybor City to meet up with friends and eat Cuban food.
Him: Ybor city is popping!!
Him: what did u eat?
Me: I don't remember but it was in a restaurant called Columbia
Him: Did you eat some ropa vieja?
Me: No
Him: Do you even know what ropa vieja is?
Me: Yes, I know what it is, I'm very familiar with Latin cuisine, particularly Cuban.
Him: Lol ok good just making sure
Him: Are you Cuban?
Me: No, I'm not Cuban. Did you read my profile or you just looked at pictures?
Him: I read it.
Me: So then why would you ask if I'm Cuban?

The end, for now. I'm sure he's drumming up a response to that because he lied about reading my profile.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a gentleman I'd otherwise date had he not resorted to street language about half way into the 30 mins were messaging each other. I almost felt like I was talking to a student or a hoodrat, no thanks, I'll pass. Most people just don't read profiles, then have no idea why I turn into John Wick, and go full circle discontinuing conversations. The premise is that if you want to get to know someone, you'd read their profile, at least that's what makes sense to me.

I'm rather easy to talk to, but such does not imply I'd date whom I choose to speak to.

So the scope on messaging is that it is better to delete as if it never took place, than to reply and confirm your existence as such translates to many, as an invitation to converse to then slime their way into getting what they want, your attention.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 96
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:44:02 AM
I have a quote from "Catcher in the Rye" on my profile. Awhile ago I was talking to a guy on the dating side of things and his knowledge of and insight into the story were astounding. Being a bit of a skeptic, I googled it to see what information on the book people had access to via the Internet, and his comments were all directly from Wikipedia. Too funny.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 97
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:51:45 AM
For $25.00 a month you can have a virtual BF or GF, including texts, love letters, voice mail. The woman who wrote the article I read was really happy with hers.
Baby - well he tried. Did you meet him? :/ I can't recall one single thing about that book. More a Clockwork Orange girlie
 HotNSC123
Joined: 10/17/2014
Msg: 98
view profile
History
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:56:06 AM
@ south_city: Agreed! I think once both parties take it off the internet and make plans for a date, it's definitely the considerate thing to do to tell the other party you're no longer interested in that date.

And yeah, I don't doubt the rude emails from people that don't get replies. For those that feel bad for not being interested, they send out the "no thanks" emails and they're often times met with rude emails also. That, or trying to convince them to give him/her a chance. It's a no win situation for the recipient . So, when faced with those options, most people are going to chose to value their time over being polite. I personally would chose my time regardless, but that's just me.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:56:21 AM
@Belle is that your typical online chat?
He should have left the minute you said he wasn't your type, unless you said something that would make it seem you were giving him a chance. Get the number within 5 lines. I can't even read that dialogue to the end!

What a waste of time! You really do reign ,because they don't have the time to f*ck around with anyone else! ;P


For $25.00 a month you can have a virtual BF or GF, including texts, love letters, voice mail. The woman who wrote the article I read was really happy with hers.


Hopefully they get 2 days off from work per week!
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 100
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/26/2015 11:58:26 AM

LetitiaLeGrande :
No, a woman will respond if she finds the guy hot or appealing for whatever reason and what he writes hardly matters as long as it is not obscene or too suggestive and is written in correct English. If a hot guy approaches a woman in real life and just says "Hi, how are you?" and she finds him attractive, it is enough to get the ball rolling. The guys who have little going for them but write a well crafted articulate message, so what??????



south_city :
Ding!Ding! Ding! We have a winner. Some women on the forums will complain "How are you?" and cut / paste emails. But the bottom line is people will often look at your pictures first. Then your "stats" including age, height, income and education level, smoking and drinking habits, having or wanting kids, religion etc. If they like your photos and "stats", then they might read the rest of your profile. The content of the email is the least important thing.


+1
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Online World Different From Offline