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 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 26
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile reviewPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Based on the number of comments like that I've read, I'm wondering if online dating is past it's prime already. Some things are cyclical, but others are just in a death spiral.

I wrote my profile with the attitude of "Average looking guy with a sense of humor, nerdy interests, proper writing skills, decent taste in food and drink, an open mind, and sex positive attitude seeks to spend time with intelligent, caring women accepting of same."

But it seems that what I did in fact write, according to the majority of feedback here is "Immature fat slob with no job who hides behind sunglasses only seeks NSA sex."

How could my perception be so far off? I've read my profile 100 times and the only way I could even come close to reading it the way some people have presented it back to me is if I were specifically trying to stretch the words to fit some preconceived notion based on false assumptions. Isn't it normal to take people at their word unless they personally give you reason not to? That's how I've always striven to live my life.

I suppose it's another case of you get what you pay for. haha
 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 27
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 10:22:55 AM
FullMoonGuy I think your profile is hilarious and reads like something I might have written. I would think the ladies would be all over that just based on your personality."Dangling my participles" is hilarious in the context of a dating profile. If I read a woman's profile just like yours I would think I had found my soul mate. haha!!
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 28
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 10:25:03 AM

Isn't it normal to take people at their word unless they personally give you reason not to?


Not with online dating. Women learn that in about 20 minutes with these sites. You may be legit as hell, but you are following thousands of d-bags who have already gone before you. It will be an uphill climb for you anyway, but having those little flags (that you have removed most of already) would've guaranteed disappointment. You will still likely be disappointed with your results here as we've already explained, but you are intent on leaving the last pieces of what appears to be 'player' clues so you'll have to be content with that.

Once again, good luck!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 29
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 10:35:05 AM

FullMoonGuy I think your profile is hilarious and reads like something I might have written. I would think the ladies would be all over that just based on your personality."Dangling my participles" is hilarious in the context of a dating profile. If I read a woman's profile just like yours I would think I had found my soul mate. haha!!


Gracias.

I used to get much more interest and contact in years past, but as I said, online dating is not what it used to be.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 30
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 10:35:50 AM

How could my perception be so far off?

You are missing the point. Once again:

Every picture and written word sends a message, whether intended or not. Online dating is a written, visual medium. Your profile is an advertisement to help you attract the type of woman you want to meet.

"Wants to date but nothing serious" means you are looking for casual sex with no commitment, in online dating-speak. This is a turnoff for women. The majority of women want a loving relationship.

Your headline, "I've got a fever, and the only prescription is..." is a sleazy, sexual come-on. It's like saying, "I've got an itch that only you can scratch." UGH.

If they also happen to be a little on the slutty side then that is the pièce de résistance. ;-)

Talking about sex makes you sound like a crass, disgusting jerk who just wants casual sex. This is a huge turnoff for women.

Unfortunately, it appears my profile is attracting men who never learned to cook. I've met eight men like that so far. They expected me to do ALL of the food planning, grocery shopping, food prep and cooking. To me that's a huge burden.

As a result I am considering removing "Cooking Real Food" from my interests, along with the sentence about surprising people on hikes with homemade brownies or oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies.

Every picture and written word sends a message, whether intended or not.
 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 31
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 10:57:34 AM
That's exactly what I mean. I saw "Cooking Real Food" and I thought, "Wow, someone who doesn't eat out of the microwave on a daily basis" and it made you more appealing to me. I would never assume that you would cook all my food for me, and anyone who does is an idiot. That is like such a female gender role stereotype that went out in the 1960's. In fact, since I also love to cook, that would be a shared interest and perhaps even a 3rd date option to cook something together. I love it when women cook for me, or anybody cooks for me, but only if they are doing it on their own terms, not out of obligation or duress; that takes all the meaning out of it and reduces it to a chore for you just to service me. Not my cup of tea.

Why would you remove something like that just because you encountered a handful of misogynists when compared to the hundreds who did not message you about cooking food for them? In my opinion removing it would be a knee-jerk reaction to a problem that may not actually exist outside of a few outliers. JMO
 Deedeelogan
Joined: 12/1/2013
Msg: 32
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 11:23:01 AM
Online dating is all about perception. All we have to go on is what you've written and what a woman interprets it to mean, whether that was intentional or not on your side. There's all kinds of things that can be written that are code for something else. They've been listed here. Whether that was your intent on writing them or not is not really important to debate. Its been pointed out and you can do whatever you want with that information.

Most women come to dating sites looking for what will hopefully turn into a loving relationship. A woman looking for a relationship is only going to click on profiles for men whose intent is either looking for a relationship, putting in serious effort to find someone, or looking for someone who is marriage minded. When a page of results comes up on POF we see the main photo, the headline caption, age, location, intent, and a few words of About Me. Women looking for a relationship are not going to waste their time and click on profiles of men whose intent is looking for casual dating, no commitment, and want to date but nothing serious. The only women clicking on those profiles are looking for one night stands and fvck buddies. You can justify it all you want why you chose your intent and express outrage at perception but that's how it is here.

You're only getting suggestions here. Take them or leave them. Its your profile and you can do whatever you want with it.

Good luck.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 33
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 11:36:28 AM
remove the whole " what I think of POF so far"
They are called friends because they say nice things about you - I'd prefer to hear how someone sees themselves ( or what their enemies have to say)
Women and Men have much different experiences on dating sites - that is why the women here are giving you their viewpoint.
A few things, do you reckon lots of women ur age group going know/care about Macklemore for example? If the answer is yes well I suggest you be wearing a concert t shirt, grandpa's onesie, etc :/
Great you like FMG profile, but you are looking to date women, correct? Yes yes I have hear the cliche about who a lion ask a gazette how to catch gazettes. Well LIONS seldom do the hunting it is the Lioness. Lions too busy trying to avoid being killed by other male members of the Pride.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 34
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 11:57:12 AM
To dissuade men who never learned to cook, I changed my profile to:

"On hikes I surprise and delight people with homemade date bars or oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Instant hero. My hero is a man who surprises me with a healthy, home cooked meal."

Deedeelogan:

Most women come to dating sites looking for what will hopefully turn into a loving relationship. A woman looking for a relationship is only going to click on profiles for men whose intent is either looking for a relationship, putting in serious effort to find someone, or looking for someone who is marriage minded.

When a page of results comes up on POF we see the main photo, the headline caption, age, location, intent, and a few words of About Me.

Women looking for a relationship are not going to waste their time and click on profiles of men whose intent is looking for casual dating, no commitment, and want to date but nothing serious. The only women clicking on those profiles are looking for one night stands and fvck buddies. You can justify it all you want why you chose your intent and express outrage at perception but that's how it is here.

Well put, Dee.
 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 35
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 12:02:11 PM
You are correct, the problem is with me. I'm never going to get past the fact that people are lumping 5 different intentions into 2 categories and I just will not lie about my intentions to get into the other category.

Just like Heisenberg, you can tell the truth, or you can get what you want, but not both.

I think I came here with the expectation of using this as a tool to meet new people and go out with, expand my social circle, and maybe even find the girl of my dreams during one of these encounters. Silly me.

Thanks for all the advice. I think I'm going to leave my profile as-is and see what happens. If I get nothing in the next few weeks I'll just assume my personality is not compatible with POF, close this account, and try something else.

I seriously did not expect there to be so many hoops to jump through for something as simple as meeting a new person.

Cheers
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 36
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 1:13:08 PM

Why would you remove something like that just because you encountered a handful of misogynists when compared to the hundreds who did not message you about cooking food for them? In my opinion removing it would be a knee-jerk reaction to a problem that may not actually exist outside of a few outliers.

You are mistaken. The eight men I met who never learned to cook were not "outliers." They were well educated, professional men: a judge, attorney, medical doctor, computer software engineer, etc. Reluctant to admit they cannot cook, they initially lied about it. I discovered this while getting to know them.

Secondly, I believe newly divorced people, including me, are certifiably crazy for a year after their divorce. I refuse to meet newly divorced and separated men. Recently divorced men I met were commitment-phobic. I don't want to become the rebound girlfriend. Typical crazy-making behavior ensues: "Now I want you; now I don't."

As a newly divorced man, it is wise to take a break from dating. This is a key time for you to heal and grow. What part did you play in the demise of your marriage? What will you do differently in the future? You can learn from your mistakes and grow as a person.

Many people rush from one relationship into the next. Then the bad behavior comes out, the same bad behavior that destroyed their last relationship. This is because many people are unwilling to work on themselves.
 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 37
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 1:48:42 PM
I meant outliers as in the last holdout misogynists, I wasn't referring to their professions. In fact, many professional men are still misogynists. I don't believe that women exist to serve me in any capacity, and I would assume that to be the general consensus these days.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in chivalry, but in the sense that it means kindness and courtesy to all people, not treating women with 'extra care' because they are fragile flowers. I don't pull out your chair because I think you cannot do it, I do it out of respect and courtesy. I do the same thing for my guy friends even when they look at me like I have 3 heads. It's just like holding the door for someone, it's just the right thing to do. All of that is chivalry.

Your point about divorce is well taken, which is why I don't want anything serious, but I don't really want to be alone, either, so casual dating/friends is what will help me grow, and one of these could actually grow to be 'the one' but we'll never find out if we don't try.

I look at it this way. If you had a job for 25 years and you left for whatever reason - downsizing for instance - you would be encouraged to apply for as many jobs as you can, not necessarily to get any of them, but to get interviews so you can refresh your skills. My son was advised upon graduating college that he should send his resume' to as many places as he could, and go on as many interviews, rather than just send his resume' to his 'one dream job' and then be crushed when he did not get called back. As it turned out, one of the places he interviewed actually turned out to suit him better than he expected, and probably better than what he thought was his 'dream job'.

I hate to call these dates and short-term relationships practice, but essentially all of our failed relationships are practice for when the right one comes along. If we don't get out and date our skills get rusty and when the right opportunity comes along we are ill prepared for it, or worse yet, we miss that great opportunity because we let ourselves be limited by our assumptions. We don't know what we don't know. I see casual dating as 'practice' relationships, and maybe that sounds bad, but if we don't fail we never learn to change. You can't take a failed relationship personally, it has to be viewed as a learning experience. If everyone had that same outlook, we'd all be going on more dates and probably finding the right relationship much quicker. I kinda thought that is what online dating was all about - putting yourself out there.

PS - Yes, I realize I am an idealist. :)
 LegendofPOF
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 38
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 1:56:47 PM

Prepare to get peeved a lot on here, then.

"Assumptions" run rampant.

Online dating is not what it used to be.
The best advice I can give a guy is to use as much clean humor as possible in profile and messages, and hang in there and hope it starts to get appreciated again soon, like it used to be years ago. when more people actually seemed to be more serious about it all and actually made contact.


They make contact. Believe it or not. It's with the same shirtless ripped abs dudes they claim to "not want". Doesn't matter if their profiles say they're looking for "fun" or "down for whatever".

Don't kid yourself.

Who is IN the pictures "writes" the profile. Most seem to ignore that elephant in the room. Most want to suppress what the suspect might be true. I know from far too many men in person on the site who just so happen to be cut up, ripped or jacked are getting the majority of replies, meets and more..I've seen it all.

OLD is hot or not. "Serious relationships" are only considered on how good the actual person looks and how he stacks up to the competition in his area.

Top 10% in looks can write basically anything and believe it or not..they are getting the majority of replies and women acting just like the say men do.

Knowing nine different dudes in real life who are using POF and run through the site (not just risque pics, texts etc.) the common denominator is how jacked they are, what they appear to own, and how photogenic they are.

All one has to do is log out of their profile. Search as a female looking for males within 14 years DOWN of their age within their area. ATHLETIC. Gallery.

Now if you see other men with gym pics juiced up, six pack abs etc? That's who's getting the majority of replies and meets. No matter how their profile is written.

No hate, no bitterness. It is what it is. They don't use the best looking, most popular etc. to sell things for nothing.

the best advicce I can give is for men to join a gym, get in their absolute BEST shape, groom and dress their best, THEN put up those pictures and they'll see a WORLD of difference in replies doing ZERO changes to their profile. But by then most will be looking their best and won't need OLD. (Especially if they have other things going for them in life.)
 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 39
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 2:14:08 PM

do you reckon lots of women ur age group going know/care about Macklemore for example?

What is my 'age group' ? I date women of many ages, I don't really have a 'group'


If the answer is yes well I suggest you be wearing a concert t shirt, grandpa's onesie, etc :/

Yes, I do wear concert T-Shirts on occasion, but you make that sound like a bad thing and so I'm confused. Many people like concerts regardless of their age. I took one of my younger friends to a 38 Special concert 2 weeks ago and there were people there from 16 - 90. I also like Disney movies and musical theater, saw Minions and Inside Out at the drive-in last week but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.


Great you like FMG profile, but you are looking to date women, correct? Yes yes I have hear the cliche about who a lion ask a gazette how to catch gazettes. Well LIONS seldom do the hunting it is the Lioness. Lions too busy trying to avoid being killed by other male members of the Pride.

I'm just saying that if more women wrote their profiles with humor so their personality came through rather than being all serious or completely aloof it would be much easier for me to spot the good ones. Profiles written in a humorous tone really grab my attention, even more than the photos. To me, the photos are the easiest way to lie and the least revealing of what is really inside a person. I seldom focus on things like physical appearance, height, weight, race, etc. because if I did, I'd probably miss out on the one I'm supposed to be with.
 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 40
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 2:22:26 PM

"On hikes I surprise and delight people with homemade date bars or oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Instant hero. My hero is a man who surprises me with a healthy, home cooked meal."

I actually like this, it is a give and take, and I'd be a guy who would love to surprise someone with a home cooked meal. I may steal a variation of this for my profile if you don't mind.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 41
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History
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 4:22:29 PM
Does your brain fall out your mouth when you open it Legend? You are a nice looking chap who seems articulate and who gets the "game" of OLD. I can't get why you are single. Based on your other posts, it isn't by choice.


the best advicce I can give is for men to join a gym, get in their absolute BEST shape, groom and dress their best, THEN put up those pictures and they'll see a WORLD of difference in replies doing ZERO changes to their profile. But by then most will be looking their best and won't need OLD.


Except that the gym doesn't cure ugly. But it is great advice in that it will give the man/woman new found confidence and energy.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 42
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 5:36:19 PM
Hello OP.

Your current profile explains quite a bit and eliminates the great majority of the things I mentioned earlier.

My concern however is have you made your profile what women who are seeking a relationship want rather than to attract the ladies who are more aligned to your wishes.

PLEASE...

One of the biggest complaints on here from women is that a profile, early conversations etc can say one thing but then the true intent surfaces.

PLEASE...
Make your intentions clear.

Extra information I would suggest you add.

1. How single are you? Is the divorce and financial / child care final and sorted? Do you have your own place or are you still living in the joint home?
2. How many and how old are your children? When are they with you? What time do you have for dating?
3. Your work and travel? How often are you home and between your travel and children, what time do you have for dating?
4. If your intent is Dating but Nothing Serious.. PLEASE make this clear.

You are obviously an intelligent,literate and articulate man so you can use words to make all of this clear.

Making your intentions clear can minimise wasted time for everyone if there is a mismatch.

Good luck to you and to the ladies of your choice.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 43
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History
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 6:18:34 PM
In the interests of being fair, I have to say that I didn't find any of his comments or pics suggestive, nor did I see a shirtless one. No reason to doubt he is newly divorced either.

However he is doing so well in real life with a full dance card but yet seems to have tried every dating site he can, as well. Looking to be a player????..... perhaps.

But seriously dude Needmore Cowbell is a silly name and you need to remove the pic in the blue raincoat!!!. It looks tortured and really offputting. The one with the goat would have been really appealing if only you had taken the glasses off.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 44
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 6:21:33 PM
Sealady is right. You need to be HONEST about your intentions.

I was hurt by two players who claimed to want a relationship, and said all the right things, just to get into my pants. Then WHIZ!... off they went to the next unsuspecting woman. I felt hurt, disillusioned and all kinds of stupid.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 6:25:20 PM
Literate hiker

I would not have felt stupid if I were you. These men were the manipulators and liars it seems. You wanted a proper relationship with some meaning, these guys didn't, at least not with you. One day they may really fall for a woman and guess what, she wont want them for anything other than casual.
 NeedMore_Cowbell
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 46
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 8:00:59 PM

I was hurt by two players who claimed to want a relationship, and said all the right things, just to get into my pants. Then WHIZ!... off they went to the next unsuspecting woman. I felt hurt, disillusioned and all kinds of stupid.

It happens to guys as well. I was played by a woman last fall, but she kept playing me after she got into my pants and into my heart, then she broke it with "I met someone else about 3 weeks ago, I'm sorry, I wasn't looking it just happened." Then apparently last month she did it to that guy and jumped into another relationship. I have no intention of hurting anyone, which is why I never tell a woman I love them until I know I really do and that is usually after at least 6 months. I don't believe in leading anyone on.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 47
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 7/31/2015 8:51:32 PM

To me, the photos are the easiest way to lie and the least revealing of what is really inside a person.


Which is why I so enjoy the stories of people being deceived by old and fake photos.
They set themselves up for it by overly obsessing and focusing on one single aspect of a profile/person.
 BadResponseGuy
Joined: 3/26/2013
Msg: 48
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 8/2/2015 1:56:54 PM
I only joined this thread because of your account name.

*Bows down*

America wants....more cowbell.
AMerica needs.....more cowbell.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 49
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 8/2/2015 4:21:37 PM
^^^^ I thought that skit was friggin stupid.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 50
Newly divorced trying online dating - profile review
Posted: 8/3/2015 12:30:15 AM
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/6-proven-ways-succeed-with-online-dating.html
^ ^ ^ ^Suggested reading.

OP, There is a lot of info available online concerning OLD. Not everyone thinks alike. Not everyone is looking for the same results. Not everyone who joins ANY OLD site will be successful.Very few find their one and only quickly.

There is no magic pill. It often takes months to years. Be patient, and stay positive.

LOL, When all else fails, do a search as a Female looking for a Man, to read the profiles of other men. Look at your profile compared to your competition. Look at your profile the way a female would view it for the first time.
IF you believe your profile stands out in a good way. Leave it alone. IF not tweak it. IF you believe a female will view your pics and profile and be interested enough to contact you, leave it, as is. IF not, fix it!

OLD from ANY site can be frustrating. LOL, For that matter ANY method of meeting and dating nowadays can be frustrating. Keep a sense of humor and good luck!
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