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 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 26
This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

do you really think 40% of the USA dating pool is tainted?


I don't. But I would venture to guess 60% on the forums are. :/
 07songsungblue
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 27
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 9:34:26 AM
Volcano, do you want references? Confirmation of my existence? A note from my doctor? For what, so you can still accuse me of being a troll and be a cranky b!tch? I'd ask a few on here that I've met in person to back me up or a few on here I have as FB friends but when put them out for someone not worth the time. Maybe fvcking lighten up on the troll bullshit.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 28
This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.
Posted: 8/6/2015 9:38:14 AM
I think a HUGE amount of online daters have some pretty significant issues, sure. Not ALL OF THEM, of course. But enough to see repeating patterns over and over? Of course. Very much so.

The bottom line is, the main problem with the internet and OLD in general is that *people dont listen*. They gloss over profiles, dont really read anything, just plow on with their own agendas, and lie about their own. It's like real life on crack.

I've had a very very clear profile here on POF stating in no uncertain terms why I am here, and I still regularly get men writing looking for a date. Which means.....yeah....not reading my profile. And why should they. Really. At this point.

Oh, I also get alot of hostile emails because WHY AM I ON HERE IF I DONT WANT TO DATE!!!! Yeah, the abuse..yes, almost forgot about the verbal abuse from men.

Yeah! OLD sucks.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 29
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 9:55:45 AM
OP, Your question has been asked many times by men and women. You are not alone.

LOL, For most men, the answer remains the same, ...........sex, with or without the companionship component.
Some men, seek only a sexual encounter, ONS, some men, seek occasional sex with no responsibilities, FB, some men seek FWB........OR
anything in between, to seeking a woman to marry, live with, love her, in good times and not so good, AND have sex with just her, (everyday, LOL)

The fact is, it doesn't matter what "they", "He", "men", are looking for.

WHAT do you want? What are YOU looking for? What do you desire from a relationship?
This is about you, not them.

Dating becomes harder, not easier as we get older, for many reasons. We can't change others to meet our expectations.
We CAN change ourselves.
I have no doubt you feel frustrated.
Be honest with your self , "What do I want?", be proactive, be patient, live your life to it's fullest, and when you least expect it, there HE may be right in front of you.
Best wishes!
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 30
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 9:57:16 AM

As for the topic, I disagree with those who think that men who just want to hit it and quit it don't exist

Just making it clear....I never said that's "all" they want. Of course, most men want it all...just like "us".
If a woman told a man there would never be any "sex".....ever, do you think she would get one single date?
What woman doesn't want to be "desired" as well.....goes both ways....yes!


I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets!

There you go!

^^^^^^^^^^Well said LadyinRed......we each just got to find our compatible one...not easy!
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 31
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 9:58:31 AM
I think people in here - both male and female - are losing patience in ALL aspects of life. And its getting worse.

An animated movie from the early 80's defined humanity as the "Rushers of Din" and were obsessed by the "clock", which told "time", which they don't have. How prophetic.

What that means for online dating is people want, expect, and even demand quick results, or it's a waste of their time. I think associating sex with that instant gratification is a little bit over-exaggerated, but then again, over-exaggeration is all part of this lack of patience.

Guys who just want sex or a status upgrade or a notch in their bedpost will abandon anyone the instant they don't get what they want. Women aren't any different. There are indeed plenty of shallow people who just LOOOOVE playing this online game as if it was another video game, with instant 'resets' and no real consequences for quitting early. They throw up their checklists of 'wants' and go over a date like they were testing a cantaloupe for ripeness, and dump them just about as quickly. There ARE indeed people looking for more serious and long term relationships - it's just they are probably not the ones who throw their profile in your face the instant you log on the first time. Give them time to find you, and be sure your profile is something unique to you, and not something generic that panders to the lowest common denominator.

When it comes to online messaging, always assume they are busy and may be messaging several people at once. Even if they are not, don't ever expect exclusivity or intimacy from an online source. It's definitely cool to feel like you are 'special' in a few online messages, just don't ever believe it completely until you start dating in real life. If they do stop chatting and leave with no warning, you are kind of prepared for it.

I believe even more than just 'sex' - a man is looking for 'intimacy' - inside jokes, shared 'looks' across a crowded room, holding hands or touching in a way that's singular and intimate to the both of you. People are hunting for shared experiences from the second you make contact, and WANT something in common to be so blatantly obvious you don't need more than ten seconds to spot it. Being open and sharing and 'warm' in the sense of a communication style makes all the difference in the world. Making people 'dig' for that kind of familiarity is about the same as cementing another brick in the wall between you.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 32
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 10:01:11 AM


I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets!


And hoping she wants a gentleman at dinner and a caveman in bed.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 33
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 10:45:00 AM
Ok, I understand that, but in their profiles they are also seeking a partner to do things with also. Is that stuff all just a line to get you into bed or are men really seeking a relationship that includes great sex?
---------------
I was not specifically looking for a relationship, but I ended up in one 3 1/2 years ago (which is still going just fine). However, my criteria included a woman's attitude toward sex. Specifically, I had no interest in any woman who was going to make a decision about sex based on my intent regarding a relationship. I figured if she didn't like sex enough to make that decision based on wanting to have sex or not have sex, she wouldn't be very good at.
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 34
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 10:59:43 AM

Dating becomes harder, not easier as we get older, for many reasons. We can't change others to meet our expectations.


Agreed.

It seems many people in their 40's are jaded. Many have been through ltr's and no longer want to take risks so they seek out casual relationships.

I've found with men in their 40's who have above average looks and builds tend to take advantage of it and seek out fwb's until maybe they find the queen they seek. Men in their 40's who have average looks and builds tend to look for something with a little more substance. However, this is not written in stone.

It's hard to know what a person wants. It really depends on what their experiences have been.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 35
to feel good. that what we all want.
Posted: 8/6/2015 11:49:23 AM
everyone wants something different. Some grownups are still boys in mind and deed. some fellows, however, are just looking to do with someone, what they don't do alone. For example, yes, sex. But, they may also go out to eat, but just not a fancy place--but with the right partner, they would. or they go to a local swimming hole, but with a partner who isn't boring, they may plan a day at the beach.

an activity partner tends to require a connection. for example, I went to the beach with someone, they covered parking ($14) and I covered lunch ($22). the costs weren't the same, but the sharing of responsibilities were, and that's what counted. mooches aren't fun. as we get older, there may be a difference in energy levels. certainly, a difference in interests. it would be nice to be with someone who isn't critical, judgemental, mental, or boring.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 36
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 2:28:20 PM

Volcano, do you want references? Confirmation of my existence? A note from my doctor? For what, so you can still accuse me of being a troll and be a cranky b!tch? I'd ask a few on here that I've met in person to back me up or a few on here I have as FB friends but when put them out for someone not worth the time. Maybe fvcking lighten up on the troll bullshit.


Will I do?
*backing the non-troll up* :)



I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets!
And hoping she wants a gentleman at dinner and a caveman in bed.


Forget hoping, praying for it!!! :P




It seems many people in their 40's are jaded. Many have been through ltr's and no longer want to take risks so they seek out casual relationships.


(note: I have not read all the posts, my apologies)
What comes off as being jaded may actually be self-awareness of 'been there, done that".
It's not so much as not wanting to take the risk but rather not jumping in with two feet as people tend to do when younger. The casualness is akin to just putting one foot in.
The thing is how people deal with this, their attitude. You've got a group of men and women who think this way but one can be negative about it while the other is positive. I don't mean blissfully happy lol, but in a realistic sense.
This is how I am. I'm not jaded, I'm realistic. I'm not angry, I'm content with how I now feel and view things.
Make sense?

After 40, what we look for is a way to encompass everything we've learned so far with room to make mistakes.
And the funny thing is, the more we learn as we go through life, the more we have yet to learn. Just when we think we've got it, we discover we don't . Well, I'll be damned. lol
This is why I think people need to be forgiven (a bit) for how they think and behave. Don't assume because the man "used" the woman for sex, that's all he's about or that's how he is with every single women he meets. Or the woman who appears to be serial dating, she doesn't care about every single man she dates.
People get butthurt that they aren't 'the one'. But that's life.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 37
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 3:40:39 PM

After 40, what we look for is a way to encompass everything we've learned so far with room to make mistakes.


After 40, most people in the dating and mating world are in their second semester-and some are in their third or fourth. Yet, I recall hearing (or reading here) that second and subsequent marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. So apparently, what we learned after the first time wasn't quite enough. You know what they say about the definition of insanity.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 38
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 3:58:22 PM

I recall hearing (or reading here) that second and subsequent marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages.


Hence the "room to make mistakes"
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 39
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 4:01:35 PM


I recall hearing (or reading here) that second and subsequent marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages


Hmm.

Each of my marriages got better each time, lmao.

I'm sure the next will be the last, and best:)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 40
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 4:34:20 PM
They could be married, just looking for others and not feeling it for you or any number of reasons why they disappear. Including no sex within the first few dates. It is all pure speculation here.

Men in their forties if they have "all their ducks in a row" will go for the younger woman than they, and get them.

You could post a full body shot in something seductive and you may get more response. You look like an attractive woman and sex sells baby!

That you are a heavy smoker may be a "drawback" for some.

If you are talking about lack of success on sites like this one, you need to realise that only 1% ever succeed with any sort of enduring relationship, perhaps not even 1%. That you are open to men in their fifties, is a good move. If you have been here on and off for years, I hear it is even more difficult now than it has ever been to find someone desirable, suitable and real.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 41
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 4:55:20 PM
Well Op, congrats on being the 1,000,000,000 to state on the forums they are better in person. I'm only better as an etch o sketch but
This row of ducks - what does that mean exactly? So you only need a Man to complete your perfect Life? And they are going to complete it how - duck herding?
I doubt there is a basic what anyone wants at any age.. we all seek different things
I do agree with getting up a full body shot
Why do you care if a random person thinks you are a gold digger. BTW here on POF if you digging for gold you going to need a very long shovel ( I refer you to the Bytch wants me to buy her a coffee threads)
Seems a few of my ducklings just wander off and being comforters
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 42
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 5:41:35 PM

The eternal question ... I don't know the answer. Wish I did.

I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that men my age are NOT looking for women my age.


That is so not true.......

I think it boils down to how women expect us men to behave and react in our 40s and beyond. I get a sense from some middle age women that we are still expected to chase after them, woo them, and charm them like we did when we were in our 20s. Guess what - I don't really want to play games like that anymore. What I expect is a genuine, laid back lady that is capable of having an intelligent conversation with a few laughs in-between. I want to feel at ease with you - I don't want to feel like I have to climb mount Everest to get a shot at being intimate with you. I don't care if you are older, same, or younger than me. If you are playing hard to get or you are setting expectations with just a simple conversation - I'm out!!

Into our 40s we start to think more with our big heads rather than our little heads, and if something doesn't feel right, I'd much rather walk away early rather than bear the brunt of a pissed off woman after a night or two of sex and then having to explain why it wasn't going to work out...............younger guys will have no problems operating this way as its the little head that drives them first. Op, I suspect a good many men your age that you met did exactly what I described above. Something didn't seem right after a few conversations/meets so they walked..............

Keep trying.......or try for a younger guy. Cougarlife.com seems to be very popular these days...............my .02.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 43
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 5:49:38 PM

What are men in their 40's looking for?

Women in their 20s and 30s.


I am a woman who has all her little ducks in a row

You'd be surprised how -little- men care about this.
 07songsungblue
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 44
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 5:54:33 PM
^^^. Silver, IMO you nailed it. You're going to take flack for it but if a person, man or a woman, expects anything more than genuine, laid back, capable of intelligent conversation with a few laughs (and I'd add mutual respect, love and sex), anything more is too much drama and not worth the effort.

And no, not a troll because imagined with a man.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 45
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 5:59:25 PM

What are men in their 40's looking for?

Women in their 20s and 30s.


^^^ I concur
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 46
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 6:14:38 PM
Not all men find Angelina Jolie attractive nor want a "little house," anywhere. It sounds like the old southern boys
from what you describe. Not all women want Brad Pitt either by the same token.
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 47
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 6:15:54 PM
Whoops... I hate that the edit after posting is so fvcked...
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 48
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 6:18:09 PM

What comes off as being jaded may actually be self-awareness of 'been there, done that".
It's not so much as not wanting to take the risk but rather not jumping in with two feet as people tend to do when younger. The casualness is akin to just putting one foot in.
The thing is how people deal with this, their attitude. You've got a group of men and women who think this way but one can be negative about it while the other is positive. I don't mean blissfully happy lol, but in a realistic sense.
This is how I am. I'm not jaded, I'm realistic. I'm not angry, I'm content with how I now feel and view things.
Make sense?


Absolutely yes. So well explained. :)
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 49
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 6:18:54 PM

LOL, For most men, the answer remains the same, ...........sex, with or without the companionship component.
Some men, seek only a sexual encounter, ONS, some men, seek occasional sex with no responsibilities, FB, some men seek FWB........OR
anything in between, to seeking a woman to marry, live with, love her, in good times and not so good, AND have sex with just her, (everyday, LOL)


I think that something most women never get is that while 99.9/100 men want sex and they look at every woman and wonder what sex would be like with her, men really DO want to connect, fall in love and have a fantastic relationship with a woman.....

... the trouble is that until he actually sees her naked and has sex with her, he really doesn't hear a thing she says.

He'll nod, do his best to engage, but he is still trying his best to NOT think about what she looks like naked and that pretty well blocks everything else out.....

It's really not rocket surgery....

 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 50
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 7:18:00 PM

After 40, most people in the dating and mating world are in their second semester-and some are in their third or fourth. Yet, I recall hearing (or reading here) that second and subsequent marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. So apparently, what we learned after the first time wasn't quite enough. You know what they say about the definition of insanity.


I think that a lot of the problem with second marriages is the blending of families. There is not a chance that I would ever do that.

I don't think I have much in common with men my age on this site...I hate camping; NASCAR puts me to sleep, and UFC makes me want to vomit.
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