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 22susie22
Joined: 8/12/2015
Msg: 190
What are men in their 40's looking forPage 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

I'm visually impaired so no I can't drive, and yes I would need my date to handle that one because my visual impairment makes it challenging to cross streets myself, and I don't want to spend money taking public transportation and cabs to go out on a date with someone!


I can't find this quote or who said it in this thread, but anyway...


I don't want to spend money taking public transportation and cabs to go out on a date with someone!


But you are okay shifting the burden of paying for your transportation to your date? Driving isn't free you know!

I assume you pay for your public transportation or cabs when going to work or doing other things that are important to you. If meeting someone is important to you, why would you be unwilling to pay for a bus back and forth to Starbucks, for goodness sake?

Of course a person might offer to transport you, just to be nice, but the fact that you expect it is a major turn off IMHO.
 Rocketboy91
Joined: 9/8/2015
Msg: 191
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/11/2015 7:11:42 PM
Of course a person might offer to transport you, just to be nice, but the fact that you expect it is a major turn off IMHO.

Being the fact that I expect my date to have a car and that's the only really huge thing I expect from my date when it comes to taking care of me, I certainly don't think I'm expecting too much. I also don't think that's a turn off, I think that is totally reasonable. Now if you were to tell me that expecting my date to take care of me financially, pay my bills and buy me food or clothes is expecting too much and that it was a turn off, that I can totally agree with. If you want to talk about people expecting too much of their dates you might want to look at the gold diggers.

I pay my own bills and take perfectly good care of myself, the least my date can do is to have a car so we can go places together so that I don't have to pay my way all the time. Also you mention paying my transportation to go to and from work, that's because I half to, not because I want to. Now for the first time, I might pay my way to met up somewhere with someone, but if I have to keep doing that again and again and again well that will definitely annoy the crap out of me. And no, I don't expect my date to pay for my meal, which is why I always have money on me just in case. You might think I'm a spoiled brat and to me that's just whatever. If expecting a potential partner to have a car is such a turn off to you, well why would I want to date someone like you anyway?
 Rocketboy91
Joined: 9/8/2015
Msg: 192
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/11/2015 7:15:19 PM
The fact that I pay my own rent, phone bills, food and clothes and any other bills I may have all on my own and have my own place, I already have a burden as it is. If I constantly have to pay my transportation to meet up with someone again and again and again and again why would I want to be with someone like that?
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 193
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This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.
Posted: 10/13/2015 6:18:07 AM
For me,

Sex will NOT get or keep me.

The way I see it, for A LOT of women, that's pretty much all they have to offer. And, that is precisely why they mention it so much, ("He's only after one thing.", "Not here for a one night stand.", Woo, woo.) They're one trick ponies. Once they play their "sex" card, there is NOTHING else.

If I had to boil it down to a single thing, it would be that I better not ever get the thought, feeling, or impression that I am working harder at the relationship than you are, because if I do, "That's ballgame."

I like an attractive woman as much, or more than the next man, but the operative question which would perplex the hell out of a woman (in real-time), not on the Internet where she would have time to formulate an answer is, "Aside from your appearance (sex), why should a man (that you're interested in), want to get to know YOU?"

Female Ralph Kramden: "Well, I uh, I'm a good person, I can cook, uh, ummm, uh. Humina, humina, humina.............................."
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 194
This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.
Posted: 10/13/2015 8:15:30 AM

The way I see it, for A LOT of women, that's pretty much all they have to offer. And, that is precisely why they mention it so much, ("He's only after one thing.", "Not here for a one night stand.", Woo, woo.) They're one trick ponies. Once they play their "sex" card, there is NOTHING else.


This a kind of an odd way to describe a relationship. Sounds more like a FWB scenario to me.


If I had to boil it down to a single thing, it would be that I better not ever get the thought, feeling, or impression that I am working harder at the relationship than you are, because if I do, "That's ballgame."


That's pretty much the demise of most relationships isn't it?

Problem I see with that is it boils down to your perception. What if they see you as the one not "working" at the relationship? Can they kick you to the curb as well? ymmv :/
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 195
This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.
Posted: 10/13/2015 8:40:40 AM


If I had to boil it down to a single thing, it would be that I better not ever get the thought, feeling, or impression that I am working harder at the relationship than you are, because if I do, "That's ballgame."


That's pretty much the demise of most relationships isn't it?

Problem I see with that is it boils down to your perception. What if they see you as the one not "working" at the relationship? Can they kick you to the curb as well? ymmv :


I agree with CC.
A relationship is what you put into it. If you are in a relationship and have to be constantly checking that you feel that you're working harder and not getting anything in return, the relationship is done. Whatever weird thing you feel, she's feeling it.

To me sex IS important to the relationship. But so is doing things for each other. Sometimes washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen when she least expected is the most erotic thing you can do for a woman.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 10/8/2015
Msg: 196
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 8:45:28 AM

Rocketboy91 :
The fact that I pay my own rent, phone bills, food and clothes and any other bills I may have all on my own and have my own place, I already have a burden as it is. If I constantly have to pay my transportation to meet up with someone again and again and again and again why would I want to be with someone like that?


Maybe when you make it in the music industry you could have a chauffeur to drive you around. In the meantime, either you get yourself your own wheels, or pay public transportation as most of us earthlings do.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 197
This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.
Posted: 10/13/2015 8:56:44 AM

If I had to boil it down to a single thing, it would be that I better not ever get the thought, feeling, or impression that I am working harder at the relationship than you are, because if I do, "That's ballgame."


That sounds too much like keeping a score card, and someone dumping you because they expect or ask you to jump through hoops A to Z, and you skipped out on Z. I think a better term is compromise. which is a foreign concept to a lot of people-especially to people who grew up as a spoiled brat who got anything and everything they demanded without hesitation, and expect the same lifestyle in relationships (the Kardashian curse-lol). But compromising won't work if one feels they're giving up too much and resents it, and/or feels the other person must give up something in return, and it becomes a game of "who will win the battle of giving up the least and get their way?"
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 198
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 2:51:09 PM
I was VERY careful
to start out my answer with the words, "FOR ME".

To my knowledge, I have never been cheated on by a woman.

No woman that I have been in a "relationship" with, has ever initiated a break up with me.

A LOT of dates have said, "Kick FN rocks NikonGuy (and fall on something sharp while you're at it).
But,
NOT an ex-wife or girlfriend.

I come on here and type a lot of &$#^, but IRL, any woman who gives me one, more often than not, get's two (or more) in return.

C'mon, can't we be 'real' here for a minute?

We're all friends, right?

At least on the surface, where it counts.

Oh YES, let there be absolutely NO DOUBT, I most definitely, "Keep score".

Almost everybody does. You do at school, at work, and in your relationships.

That's what all the, "I emptied the dishwasher the last 3 times.", "You brought the car back with no gas.", "I do ALL the housework." "I get up EVERY night to feed the baby." stuff is about.

And the reality is........................it causes resentment.

"Resentment" is like cancer to a relationship; doesn't matter whether it's a business partner, a colleague, your boss, or your S/O.

Anybody who doesn't "keep score" is lying, naive, or a Saint.

The "cosmic ledger" is very real.

Yes, as an earlier poster wrote, (something to the effect), 'The demise of most relationships comes down to one party feeling like they're doing the 'heavy lifting.'

I concur.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 199
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 3:10:19 PM

Posted by Rocketboy91:
The fact that I pay my own rent, phone bills, food and clothes and any other bills I may have all on my own and have my own place, I already have a burden as it is. If I constantly have to pay my transportation to meet up with someone again and again and again and again why would I want to be with someone like that?


Lets be perfectly Honest about it..... You wouldn't Date Someone, that was, Just like Yourself.......
Why would someone else want to Date someone, that they have to Pay all His/Her Transportation Costs?

If I had to always cover the Transportation Costs of My Date, then they better step up & cover some other part of the Dating Costs......
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 200
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 3:11:56 PM

Oh YES, let there be absolutely NO DOUBT, I most definitely, "Keep score".


Not condusive to a healthy relationship.

Experience has taught me to just do what needs to be done, regardless of "who's turn or who's job".

Blessed be the lost.

Signed Saint Rick ;)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 201
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 3:17:14 PM
"Oh YES, let there be absolutely NO DOUBT, I most definitely, "Keep score".

Almost everybody does. You do at school, at work, and in your relationships."



I think I can guess why you're single. :D
 Meagan06825
Joined: 10/8/2015
Msg: 202
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 4:25:09 PM

"Resentment" is like cancer to a relationship; doesn't matter whether it's a business partner, a colleague, your boss, or your S/O.

Anybody who doesn't "keep score" is lying, naive, or a Saint.

The "cosmic ledger" is very real.

Yes, as an earlier poster wrote, (something to the effect), 'The demise of most relationships comes down to one party feeling like they're doing the 'heavy lifting.'

I concur.


Keeping score is strong wording. One party doing the heavy lifting sounds more PC than a scorecard. Same concept, different words.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 203
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 4:34:50 PM

I like an attractive woman as much, or more than the next man, but the operative question which would perplex the hell out of a woman (in real-time), not on the Internet where she would have time to formulate an answer is, "Aside from your appearance (sex), why should a man (that you're interested in), want to get to know YOU?"


Entirely irrelevant. Women don’t have to convince men to be interested in or pursue them. I think most mature, realistic men realize that.

That question is rude, from either gender.


If I had to boil it down to a single thing, it would be that I better not ever get the thought, feeling, or impression that I am working harder at the relationship than you are, because if I do, "That's ballgame."


What a lame, useless threat. You sound like quite the romantic devil laying down the law. “I better not ever…hic…belch…” Is she supposed to beg for your forgiveness?

WTH does “working harder” at a relationship even mean?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 204
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/13/2015 6:15:27 PM
Kariusaway

Men want a connection and to feel some chemistry just like a woman. We don't know what experiences you have had with dating but all in life is timing I believe. Men want sex and most want much more than that as well. Online is probably not the best place to find a suitable guy, just use it as an option for real life meets, maybe.

If you post full length shots of yourself rather than the hot air balloon you may get more response and therefore more options to meet up.

That you smoke may be a turnoff for some but not other smokers, I guess.
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 205
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/15/2015 1:29:59 AM
"What are men in their 40's looking for"

The same thing they looking for in their 20s..

But only from one woman.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 206
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/15/2015 9:08:01 AM

Anybody who doesn't "keep score" is lying, naive, or a Saint.


Like someone said, keeping score is a rather strong word. And if everything becomes tit for tat, very soon your partner is going to exit your a ss out of the relationship.

But do we feel resentful when the balance of chores, actions, reaction feel one sided? Absolutely. I was in a relationship that I felt used, so after a while you feel like keeping score.

In my current relationship, I don't feel like keeping score. I do things, she does things. Sometimes I feel like I cleaned up the kitchen and cooked too many times, so I tell her. I don't want to cook and clean tomorrow night. And she knows that I've done it even when it was her turn to clean up. So she obliges. Same thing, when I go do a bike ride in the weekend and have fun while I left her in the house cleaning. She communicates with me. And we work like a team. The thing is that then instead of keeping score, you try even more to please and make your partner feel better, feel loved, feel like I give a crap about her day. And something magic happens, she reciprocates.
 mikey7477
Joined: 9/11/2015
Msg: 207
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This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.
Posted: 10/15/2015 3:31:55 PM
men covet what they see,,sex is primary drive,,what does a 40year old man want,,,,,,a 25 year old girl,
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 208
This your opinion and stating this doesn't increase your value, IMHO.
Posted: 10/15/2015 4:20:06 PM
Lmao! Mr. Mike? Was that suppose to be enlightening? :)
 Looking_4_her_still
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 209
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/23/2015 4:12:08 PM
Men are looking for an honest reliable woman who is very caring and a best friend.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 210
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What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 10/24/2015 6:16:23 PM
Each man is different. One 40 year old will want casual dating with the emphasis on sex, with 20 somethings because that's who we're primarily attracted to. Another will want someone in her fifties because he prefers a mommy type. Still another will want someone in her mid to late thirties because that's who he sees as the best companion for the rest of his life. I think that I was surprised at the question, because it presumes that once known, a woman will adapt herself to be what she thinks a particular man wants. Yet this plan has not worked satisfactorily in the past, because she's not going to change herself permanently, only to 'catch' her target. Then afterwards, both parties are unhappy.

So why not decide what YOU'RE looking for, instead, and be up front about it? And then see which men respond to that? Unless, of course, you're like the woman I met on Match, who after meeting me, told me that I was 'nice and everything, but I'm really looking for someone with money. I mean, I've gotten use to the lifestyle and don't want to start a relationship with a guy who can't afford the finer things in life'. Needless to say, I can't imagine any guy EVER wanting someone like that. That was 10 years ago. She's still 'hunting'.
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