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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > 2+ months of dating then just gone???      Home login  
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 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 26
2+ months of dating then just gone??? Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I am a very understanding, rational person, and he knew that about me.

he knows no such thing about you. not after 2 months of dating where everything was peachy until....


after a couple of months and the way things SEEMED to be going, it's wrong. It's disrespectful. It was extremely hurtful

you never know what people who feel extremely hurt are going to say or do to you right after you did something that you know damn well is disrespectful. that's why they disappear.

I had something very similar to this happen to me once. he eventually answered my message and told me he had been diagnosed with Hep-C and was having trouble dealing with it mentally/emotionally. turns out he had met someone he liked better and just decided to dump me without telling me.

now try to think of any explanation he could give you that you'd either LIKE, or BELIEVE.

you just have to let it go.

I hope you can do more than just let it go.... find a way to forgive him too. not because he isn't a prick but because the shadow of what he did shouldn't be a dead weight you're dragging around. be free. [in hindsight, I eventually learned that every single guy who ever went away was doing me a favor.... may not have felt like it at the time, LOL!]
 Spring_Diamond79
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 27
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 11:03:46 AM
^^^this...exactly
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 28
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2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 11:04:23 AM
All right, let me see if I can summarize this.

OP is 36 years old, attractive, has a 7 year old daughter. She meets a man, they spend quite a bit of time together. After two months of this, they have sex for the first time. She never sees him again. He answers messages for 3 days, and then stops talking.

Accurate summary?

Some will tell you that he got what he wanted, and has no further use for you. I find that unlikely. Possible, yes, likely, no.

What is more likely in my opinion is that he did not enjoy the sex. When I was young, back in the Precambrian era, men used to say, “Sex is like pizza. The worst I ever had was great!”

But that is not really true. I have had some really unremarkable pizza, and some really unremarkable sex.

Now the OP is attractive, and I think if I spent two months working for it, I might try more than once to liven her up. Unless, of course, she was the very embodiment of “starfish”.
 Spring_Diamond79
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 29
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 11:12:50 AM

Unless, of course, she was the very embodiment of “starfish”.


Nope! lol
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 30
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 12:30:07 PM
I really don't understand anything about your relationship the way you describe it. None of it makes sense.
 lyn1214
Joined: 3/11/2015
Msg: 31
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2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 2:54:37 PM
not saying it's easy but you need to chat up some other guys basically just do whatever you need to do to keep your mind off this guy. he's not going to give you this closure that you seek and even if he did give you an explanation,9/10 it's not going to be the truth. trust me I've been there wondering and wanting answers and it's nothe a good look. for whatever reason he's not feeling it anymore and is avoiding confrontation by fading to black. been on both sides of the coin so I'm suggesting for your sanity that you move on. you'll see soon you got worked up over somebody totally not worth it trust me. take it day by day if you have to but you'll be fine!
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 32
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 3:46:04 PM
This exact thing happened to me with the very first man I met on PoF, around six years ago.

We dated for about a month before we started having sex, and then dated about another month after that. The last date we had, he cooked for me at his place. I thanked him and helped clean up. He walked me to my car, gave me a sweet kiss goodnight and said "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Just like we always said. We had been on daily communication since the first week we dated

When I hadn't heard from him in about a day and a half, I texted him. No answer. I knew he was fine, because my coworker lived on his street and had seen him out and about...LOL. After another couple of days I texted again and said "Well, your lack of response tells me it's over. I enjoyed our time together. Good luck. " No answer to that either. Deleted his number.

About a year later, I ran into him at a local pub, and he was a little drunk. Since he approached me, and opened the conversation, I did ask him what happened. He said he wanted to end it because he "just wasn't feeling it". Fair enough. I asked him why he didn't just tell me, he said he was a "coward"! LOL. "But what were you afraid of? What did you think I would do?" I asked.

His answer? "I thought you might cry." This, of course, caused me to burst out laughing. Then he started laughing too. He told me he "always" avoided the "break up talk" for the same reason...he was afraid a woman would get emotional and he wouldn't know what to do or say. So weird.

I have NO idea if this is common, or if so, what motivates a man to do this. I am a very direct person, and I always tell the guy it's over. I don't necessarily tell the real reason, because I would rather be tactful, but I at least let him know it's done. One man did cry, quite a lot, but he had some other stuff going on around the same time, so I don't think it was all my fault!
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 33
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 5:02:19 PM
It happens.
It happens more often than many will admit.
Supposedly the vanishing is a cowards way of saying goodbye.
Age, time and amount of intimacy or time makes no difference.
I have heard of men, who have been married with children and they go out for something then never return.
Vanish.

Google "Disappearing Man" It is quite a phenomenon.

Chalk it up to experience and move on.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 34
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 6:26:49 PM
Spring Diamond79- There is NO telling what happened and even if he tells you, it might not be the truth.
Long ago, I met a man online, we met and we had a few things in common, but I wasn't sure, still we scheduled date #2 and I knew it wasn't going to work for sure then.
He had asked me to tell him the truth if I wan't feeling it and I did.
What happened next? OMG, he begged to see me again (not bragging, just what happened), he wanted specific reasons, which I gave and STILL he asked for another chance.
I got texts from him for a while after that, to the point to where I had to let him know, in NO uncertain terms, not to contact me again, ever.
What does this have to do with you?
You are saying he should have known you wouldn't do as the guy I describe above did, but my guess is he wanted to avoid telling you, he probably DID think there would be drama.
He was a coward for this, make no mistake, but be honest with yourself, what difference would it have made had he told you and not just disappeared?
Either way, it's over.
Personally, I'm not a fan of cowards and I say you caught a break, ok?
Not all men are jerks, you just found one who was.
I hope things go better next time. :)
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 35
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 7:33:45 PM
Are we taking bets? I'd like an update if he gets back to you opie, ...otherwise, I'm going with this:


He said he wanted to end it because he "just wasn't feeling it". Fair enough. I asked him why he didn't just tell me, he said he was a "coward"! LOL. "But what were you afraid of? What did you think I would do?" I asked.

His answer? "I thought you might cry." This, of course, caused me to burst out laughing. Then he started laughing too. He told me he "always" avoided the "break up talk" for the same reason...he was afraid a woman would get emotional and he wouldn't know what to do or say. So weird.


They hate it when we cry.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 36
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/7/2015 8:12:04 PM
OP, guys like this tend to reappear whenever and ask for more sex. Watch.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 37
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2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/8/2015 12:32:04 AM
It seems ever so reasonable to have closure, a polite explanation with the final goodbye.

I had a relationship for 4 months that was ended by the guy. He gave me completely ridiculous excuses for the breakup. It was very painful. But that was the best he was able to muster. He should have said something like this;
"I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work. I thought it was, but was mistaken"
But no, instead he claimed it was all my fault, it was because of things I did, with zero acknowledgement of his contribution to what went wrong.

So although the desire for a respectful closure is normal, most of the time you won't get it whether or not the other party talks or just disappears. people who disappear are sometimes cowards, other times they realize they can't do it "right"
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 38
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/8/2015 1:53:51 AM

OP, guys like this tend to reappear whenever and ask for more sex. Watch.


^^^ Yep had that happen yesterday.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 39
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/8/2015 9:06:39 AM

I have heard of men, who have been married with children and they go out for something then never return.
Vanish.


"Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back
Like a river that don't know where it's flowing
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going

Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart"

-"Hungry Heart", Bruce Springsteen, 1980.......
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 40
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/8/2015 9:38:08 AM

What does this have to do with you?
You are saying he should have known you wouldn't do as the guy I describe above did, but my guess is he wanted to avoid telling you, he probably DID think there would be drama.
He was a coward for this, make no mistake, but be honest with yourself, what difference would it have made had he told you and not just disappeared?
Either way, it's over.
Personally, I'm not a fan of cowards and I say you caught a break, ok?
Not all men are jerks, you just found one who was.
I hope things go better next time. :)


Yes. It sucks when a person doesn't TELL you it's over, but the fact remains the same; it's over.

As far as telling the truth? "I'm just not feeling it" is about as close a person needs to get IMO. It true enough, but not specific enough to hurt more than necessary.

I went on a few dates with this one guy and right away, the way he walked got on my nerves. I seriously wanted to scream at him, "For ****s sakes, pick up your ****ing feet, and stand up straight wouldja? " He was a pretty nice guy, and I admit it might have been a little shallow on my part, but the more I spent time with him, the more it bugged me. What good would it do to tell him that? None. I am sure there must be things about me that would get on someone's nerves. I snore. My attention wanders. I talk about my kids a lot. Do I want someone to list all my faults when he dumps me? Not really. If one of us think we are not a match, then it's done and we need to get over it!
 Spring_Diamond79
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 41
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/8/2015 10:50:32 AM
Sunnydaysss - this. Exactly. Every word describes where I'm at.
 sweettea091
Joined: 7/31/2015
Msg: 42
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/8/2015 12:09:16 PM
Seems like he fled after you both hooked up. Maybe it wasn't what he expected? Seems to be the most logical reason here. Sorry he wasted your time. But consider it a blessing. Btw, not everyone likes confrontation. I'm guessing by him ignoring you, he figured you'd get the hint.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 43
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2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/9/2015 3:57:19 AM
This could be anything from he could have developed feelings for you and been scared so he ran to he was a player. Bottom line is even if he were to text you today and give you a reason, how would you know it was the truth?

As for being out in public and being affectionate that means nothing. The "his girl" thing could be code to his friends for "this is my next victim".
 UZEASY
Joined: 8/3/2015
Msg: 44
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/9/2015 6:46:19 AM
Sorry to say that you had to go throw this only but trust me its not worse. In my case my ex stayed for 15 month and as a married couple. please note that I am Muslim man and in Muslim culture it is consider act of adultery to have a sex before marriage.

I see my relationship as abusive as yours. As my ex used me to get into Canada and after having a Sex for few times she got bored. She ran off. Now asking for money and I have to go through painful Divorce. As a religious man I am stuck with my principle trying to live a life with dignity and not cheating anyone. This theory has brought more pain in my life. Now I can't have sex with anyone as I am still considered married despite being the fact I am separated since march 2013.

Who knows what she is upto ? As a Man I find all sympathy factor were in favour of her. She lied to court, falsified and despite being all these proven facts court says I am responsible.. Go figure.

Since I can't afford a lawyer so I am getting screwed big time. trust me what you had to go through is merely a scratch to you. But what I am going through is like that my life has been flipped upside down.

I wonder sometime why I even went to into relation. I had a beautiful single life.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 45
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2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/9/2015 2:07:46 PM

I have heard of men, who have been married with children and they go out for something then never return.


More or less, Jerry Garcia . . .cowardice
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 46
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2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/9/2015 5:11:28 PM
Spring diamond

OLD is fraught with those who want the conquest and then they are gone. He had no manners, integrity and was a coward. He was a player and knew all the right moves. One day he will fall for someone and she will do the same thing to him, lets hope.

He may contact you again for more sex when his well has run dry, I hope you have deleted and blocked him already.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 47
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2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/9/2015 5:14:44 PM
Yes had that happen, after 6 months of no contact and he was in the area, could he come and visit?? Hardly knew him in fact. Another one after 15 months of no contact, and I had blown him off, but he was trying again. Delete and block......
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 48
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/10/2015 2:11:50 PM
Sounds to me like you two were not sexually compatible. That something in that department did not click.
Don't take it personal, it happens. It's not a "should I have done this or that different?" It simply is. And I don't think he was trying to use you or anything, since he waited 2 months to get in the sack instead of going after it on the second or third date.

Stuff like this happens. Be happy that it happen then instead of after dating him a whole year.
 ThePigIsHereForEternity
Joined: 7/19/2015
Msg: 49
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/11/2015 1:21:03 AM

CrookCatcher - I am not hoping for closure or reconciliation. He is gone and even if he came back, I am not opening the door for him to do this again. I just don't go "deleting" people. I feel if he is the one who wants to cut contact, then let him do it.


I don't get this, either. He's already done some "cutting", obviously. Deleting someone from your Facebook (especially this dipshit) isn't quite the dramatic and serious task you're making it out to be. It's not like you're having him arrested. Damn.

It sounds like you need comforting. I'm game.
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 1/19/2015
Msg: 50
2+ months of dating then just gone???
Posted: 8/18/2015 4:27:42 PM
OP I feel for you, I've been there and it hurts. Especially when it happens from someone that was dead set on 'good communication'...hah! Gotta keep on truckin' and stay positive....yet I say this as I still sit here waiting for "prince charming" to fall thru my ceiling...
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