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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > "No answer is an answer" Is that really true?      Home login  
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 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 76
Now this is about spreadsheets and fun stuff like that !!!!Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Um.....yeah, no answer means get a clue and move on with your life
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 77
Now this is about spreadsheets and fun stuff like that !!!!
Posted: 8/18/2015 7:02:03 PM
"Man gives attention to a woman. Woman expresses her lack of desire for said attention. Man immediately turns hostile. Unfortunately, it's a dynamic as old as time -- or at the very least, as old as Internet chat rooms.

"When a woman receives unsolicited attention that she decides she isn't interested in, she's forced to respond in a way she believes will create the least resistance. And because these situations most often arise between strangers, the woman on the receiving end of the attention usually truly does not know how the man will react. Will he accept her rejection and move on? Will he laugh it off? Will he scream at her? Will he harass her online? Will he turn violent?

"When we live in a world where a woman can get slashed in public for ignoring a man's advances, women have reason to feel trepidation when rejecting a man."

"Dear Men, Women don't owe you an explanation for rejection" by Emma Gray, Huffington Post, August 18, 2015.

 11qq
Joined: 7/17/2015
Msg: 78
Now this is about spreadsheets and fun stuff like that !!!!
Posted: 8/18/2015 7:27:21 PM
they ALWAYS answer MY emails that's why they call me LANCE ROMANCE.


under the right circumstance
you may like a man who will take a firm stance
you may even think I just want to get in your pants
but actually I live for romance
I won't take you to France
i'll take you to dance
at the end of the night i'll make an advance
will we end up in bed per chance?
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 79
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/18/2015 8:19:52 PM

They have to wait for the nasty messages they are compelled to open.


The bigger question is why do they keep reading it? That's the great thing about text, you can just close it and it's gone forever.
 Brave_one
Joined: 6/26/2015
Msg: 80
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 4:39:54 AM

"Dear Men, Women don't owe you an explanation for rejection" by Emma Gray, Huffington Post, August 18, 2015.


lol good point....as the definition of when one ,’’ has been rejected, '' has a mind & millions of explanations.... of it’s own. And when you listen to all those how have been rejected. Its never clear cut is it ! lol
And sadly for many, can be the onset of other mental illnesses or other neurosis .



now make a report from a spreadsheet. lmfao. Databases do that.You going to tell your wife you still have all that data?


a little creepy you say.....and can I tell you what,'’ skeletons'' are in my closet ? lol
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 81
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 6:16:48 AM

The bigger question is why do they keep reading it?


The bigger bigger question is, why do you think they keep reading it?

More importantly, most won't send a response just to avoid that possibility, as.......no response is a response.

You can take it to the bank R/T, if you send a message and you don't get a response it's because they're not interested...period, and they have the unequivocal right too not be obligated to tell you as to the reason why.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 82
view profile
History
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 6:21:19 AM
I wonder if these guys make advances to a woman in real life and she ignores or rejects them, do they demand to know the reason why or expect some lame excuse????
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 83
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 6:29:31 AM

I wonder if these guys make advances to a woman in real life and she ignores or rejects them, do they demand to know the reason why or expect some lame excuse????


Usually, we start chasing and pursuing until the woman in question finally gives in and pats us on the head like a dog, while our tongues are hanging out, dripping spit. Then we wait for the kick like all good boys do.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 84
Now this is about spreadsheets and fun stuff like that !!!!
Posted: 8/19/2015 6:46:24 AM
there were a couple good points made in that Emma Gray article.

What's inappropriate is hounding the other person, and dominating her personal space (virtual or IRL) to the point where she is forced to acknowledge you.


and a post from a reader:

"When a man says no in this culture, it's the end if the discussion. When a woman says no, it's the beginning of a negotiation"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 85
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 7:08:34 AM
I wish no answer would work in the real world as well as it works in the dating world. Why is it, when Jehovah's Witnesses or any other bible thumper comes to my door and I don't answer the door, they keep coming back week after week? Do they think I'm going to change my mind and see the light a week later? The few times they did got a hold of me because I'm working in the front yard or sitting on the porch, they asked me if I want to be saved, and I would say "No". That doesn't stop them from trying to save (recruit) me anyways. It's funny how saving someone always involves giving them money. The same thing with door-to-door sales people. I guess part of their training is never accept No as an answer.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 86
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 7:24:42 AM
Long answer to a short question, but databases were part of my daily life for 10 years.


Spreadsheets are for forumas and equations. Charts and graphing. You can link all that shit into your database FROM spreadsheets. Unless you wanna make up some visual basic coding in Access for formulas, which I hated, I used to dream the answers while I slept.

now make a report from a spreadsheet. lmfao. Databases do that.


You have very rigid ideas of how databases and spreadsheets can be used. I think reports from spreadsheets were a little easier, but I used MS Word to create actual reports for distribution.

I would link the statistics created in the database tool to create pretty graphs in Excel, then insert the graphs into MS Word. to write a report around the data. I could have gotten the graphs created in the database but they aren't as pretty and were harder to create.

I would either use Paradox or SAS Analytical software, I had to switch out of Paradox when it started to lose support. And Paradox wasn't powerful enough to handle really large sets of records. I tried Access, I thought it was clucky and for visual basic, I saw no reason to use a programming language that had to be compiled and debugged just to get some simple statistics like means, standard deviations, means, averages, skewness and kurtosis. I was the only one that used the data and stats, I had no need to distribute software.

It was a a little more complicated to parse text fields from emails into a database in order to create records I could analyze. The text data in the email could be written in various ways, though it was suppose to follow a format, humans tend to create variations. But I still used Paradox, SAS and UNIX shell scripting.

I used statistics to find subtle troubles in USA telephone system, SS7networks, track quality in the Internet, track maintenance activities, whatever I was either requested to do or thought was going to be a popular metric with senior management. Sometimes my management would want me to create my own work project without giving me direction, which isn't the easiest thing to do.

I am not sure how much visual basis, C++, MS Access has change in the last 20 years, my newest copy of MS Office is from Office 95. It still worked until Windows 7 caused some weird effects in WinOffice.

I switched out of MS Office into OpenOffice, which is a free open source version of MS Office, I haven't used an MS Office products in 5 years. But I might buy MS Office 365 University version for my wife, it costs $80 for a 4 year subscription, that seems reasonable and she needs to work with others in the school on projects, having the same software version will make it a lot easier.


You going to tell your wife you still have all that data?


To start that conversation with my wife would be weird. I gave her that Nokia netbook I chatted about while were were dating and she was in Thailand, most of the data was on there also. She saw the pictures of the trip I took with a woman in Hong Kong and Chicago. The result of that was she wanted to visit everywhere I went with the other woman.

We don't discuss the past all that much, it's more about the present and future.

We don't have any secrets, we have each others passwords to all accounts, financial and email. She mostly gets annoyed that I spend to much time with "my forum" which she thinks is a waste of time.

BTW, after you brought the subject up on this thread, I started to search for this old data, it's kind of weird in a disturbing way to read my email / msg exchanges with other people. I was burning the candle at both ends, and it gets chaotic to mulitdate in an international setting. I also had all the Skype conversations saved, I needed them to support the application for a visa for my wife to prove an ongoing relationship to the Government.

I needed recently to prove we are legitimately married for the last 2 years. But now I only use spreadsheets to track things like credit cards and health report data (back to 1992). Sometimes things connected with stocks. Historical data is useful at times.

Now that my wife just recently got her 10 year permanent resident green card, so I don't really need to save any old data, but it takes a lot of time to find all old data just to delete it, I haven't looked at this stuff in 4 years.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 87
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 7:25:29 AM
It's never going to happen, but POF could easily make this better.

Limit the number of unread MSG in a mailbox to 20, and inform new profiles that the mailbox is full.

20 MSGs aren't difficult to parse through, and then recipents would need to either delete, read or respond to MSGs before they got new MSGs, and senders would at least feel that their msg was looked at in some way.

Even though I never had this problem, I can see from a man's POV to send 100s of msgs into a black hole makes one wonder what is happening? Did the glitchy POF fail to send the MSG, did the woman just blanket delete everything, was she going on a date with her number 1 / 2 / 3 choice but then it was a non-start. So now she is open to other meets?

But really, I think there will always be some percentage not happy with the way things work no matter how it changes.


"When a man says no in this culture, it's the end if the discussion. When a woman says no, it's the beginning of a negotiation"


I guess you have never tried to say no to a woman about buying a home, buying a new car, perfume, jewelry, long term relationship status, no is never the end of the discussion.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 88
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 7:27:35 AM
You saved all your emails and msg exchanges???? with other women? what on earth for?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 89
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 7:36:03 AM

You saved all your emails and msg exchanges???? with other women? what on earth for?


I didn't really save them so much as I never deleted them.

Email I seldom delete anything, so I have msg going back since the beginning of the account, mostly junk from various websites. Also I use a word processor to write most longer msgs, the originals are still on the computer. I wasn't using POF where the MSGs disappear in a month.

If email looks messy, I create a filter to parse common senders into a subfolder, or I will use an advance search to blanket delete advertisements.
 11qq
Joined: 7/17/2015
Msg: 90
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 7:48:11 AM
Maleman from msg 87


The same thing with door-to-door sales people. I guess part of their training is never accept No as an answer.



ask a 20 year what a door to door saleman is.
early on in my first couple of years in the steel mill I wanted to try my hand at another type of job outside of pipe and tube making. so I became a door to door salesman of burglar alarms. I tried my spiel out on my best friend's dad and he got pissed at me because they trained me to keep going even after they say no.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 91
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 8:18:14 AM
As an atheist, I have a surefire way to dissuade Jehovah's Witnesses' who knock on my door.

"I don't believe in an invisible being that resides somewhere beyond the clouds," I tell them cheerfully. This shuts them up. While they puzzle over this, I add, "We're all atheists here," smile and shut the door.

They never come back. Perfect.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 92
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 8:22:59 AM

I tried my spiel out on my best friend's dad and he got pissed at me because they trained me to keep going even after they say no.


Early in my retirement, before I had stated dating, I had a lot of time on my hands. For a while I accepted the challenge and got Jehovah's Witnesses and telemarketers to emotionally break down.

Jehovah's Witnesses I invited in, listened to their pitch, and tossed back questions about the bible that had always seem contradictory. Like why was dying on the cross a sacrifice when Jesus knew after he died he would go back to be God for eternity. What's 30 years compared to eternity, isn't that more like getting a root canal then never again for eternity having to go to a dentist?

After 2 visits, I never again saw the Jehovah's Witnesses again.

And I used to get called twice a day from stock boiler room brokers and scam Nigerian money schemes.

The stock brokers were the worst, it was like a Mad magazine editorial where you fill in the blanks. Their spiel was so well scripted and always followed the same format that I thought maybe it was bought from a common source.

It all started out the same way, and I soon knew what their answers will be to any objection I might make.

But it would often take an hour on the phone before either group would break down and respond like a normal person. Sometimes the Nigerian types would curse at me, sometime just admit the real truth, sometime the brokers would just chat market with me for a time

So I gave up that entertainment, now I just hang up, and I don't get hardly any of those types, only some weird credit card offers, and it's mostly computers doing the spiel.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 93
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 8:28:44 AM
You wanna know the real reason why some folks are never going to figure this one out? I have a feeling that many here can bang out 50 words a minute on a bad day. Not that typing speed alone is the real crux of the matter.

Post a new Q and ask folks how much TIME they might/can/usually spend "looking over" and heaven forbid actually READING a profile and THEN typing out a "good" first message and hitting the SEND button. Yes, I am talking first contact email here. What you will find [unless things have changed drastically here in the last 5 years] is that plenty of folks would never spend over 3 or 4 minutes, tops, from start to finish. Even the ones who claim to be looking for a LTR. And of course these folks will assume that EVERYone who sends emails puts minimal effort into them so what's the big deal with ignoring people?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 94
view profile
History
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 8:29:06 AM

11qq
ask a 20 year what a door to door saleman is.

early on in my first couple of years in the steel mill I wanted to try my hand at another type of job outside of pipe and tube making. so I became a door to door salesman of burglar alarms. I tried my spiel out on my best friend's dad and he got pissed at me because they trained me to keep going even after they say no.

When I was in college, back around 1971, I worked for a few months part time selling Kirby vacuum cleaners door to door. I had some very interesting experiences, VERY interesting. The pay was unreliable (no sale, no money, at all), but overall it paid quite a bit better than most part time jobs available to a college student. I eventually quit because the people I was working with / for were scum bags, really really sorry excuses for human beings.


dragonbytes
It's never going to happen, but POF could easily make this better.


You have to remember that Marcus has zero interest in making this experience better for the users. His only interest is making money, and he is very successful at that. Very.

dragonbytes
Even though I never had this problem, I can see from a man's POV to send 100s of msgs into a black hole makes one wonder what is happening? Did the glitchy POF fail to send the MSG, did the woman just blanket delete everything, was she going on a date with her number 1 / 2 / 3 choice but then it was a non-start. So now she is open to other meets?

I did have this experience, back when I first started. And it is ungodly frustrating.

The answer, of course, is to not let it bother you. If you can get to the point where you absolutely do not care about whether that particular woman answers your message, then that attitude will show in the words that you write, and in your profile, and (some of) the women will start to answer you.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 95
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 8:50:10 AM

If you can get to the point where you absolutely do not care about whether that particular woman answers your message, then that attitude will show in the words that you write, and in your profile, and (some of) the women will start to answer you.


There's something profound to this statement, Ohenry. This is what worked for me. Not to care. I even treated sending messages as a game. What can I get away with saying that would elicit some response. So along the way, some women responded to what I said in a negative way, in a positive way, or a weird way.

The one thing I made sure, was that each and every woman that I contacted got a unique message tailored to what he profile said, so she knew right off the bat that it was not a blanket email.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 96
view profile
History
Now this is about spreadsheets and fun stuff like that !!!!
Posted: 8/19/2015 9:17:09 AM

The answer, of course, is to not let it bother you. If you can get to the point where you absolutely do not care about whether that particular woman answers your message, then that attitude will show in the words that you write, and in your profile, and (some of) the women will start to answer you.


True , power is when you don't even have to send them messages 1st, they contact YOU 1st.


The bigger question is why do they keep reading it? That's the great thing about text, you can just close it and it's gone forever.



Human nature 101. Have you ever had a fight with your GF? They say they won't read your letter or whatever BUT almost 100% of the time they are reading it. Curiosity really didn't kill the cat!


Um.....yeah, no answer means get a clue and move on with your life


Hi there ;)
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 97
Now this is about spreadsheets and fun stuff like that !!!!
Posted: 8/19/2015 9:22:57 AM

If you can get to the point where you absolutely do not care about whether that particular woman answers your message

why does anyone have to "get to" the point of not caring as if it required going thru emotional rehab? why would anyone ever be bothered about any particular woman not answering their messages?
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 98
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 11:13:55 AM
Dating spreadsheet = way too much time on your hands.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 99
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 11:26:11 AM

Dating spreadsheet = way too much time on your hands.


Way

...with control freak issues
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 100
No answer is an answer Is that really true?
Posted: 8/19/2015 11:31:12 AM


"When a man says no in this culture, it's the end if the discussion. When a woman says no, it's the beginning of a negotiation"

I guess you have never tried to say no to a woman about buying a home, buying a new car, perfume, jewelry, long term relationship status, no is never the end of the discussion.


You don't count lately, you have this experience with foreign Asian women. The quote stated "in this culture".
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