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 AUTHOR
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 351
Mind the gapPage 15 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

I've been trying to be more complementary of my partner... even buy her flowers. Tell her when something looks hot on her.
Yes, this is what's important and a woman should always compliment her man too.....
I don't compliment people unless I mean it but boy the ones I know were sincere towards me.....I remember and appreciate them.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 352
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/27/2015 12:50:01 PM

I am going to jump in here in the defense of LH..



Is she arrogant? Absolutely.



Is she picky? Absolutely.


That's your DEFENSE strategy???
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 353
view profile
History
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/27/2015 1:31:39 PM

The majority of the men out there dating prefer certain body types. How is that fact so offensive?


And the majority of women out there like tall men. That wasn't my point though, my point was just how stupid the argument really is. Both sides haven't just beaten the horse with a stick, you hit it with a car, backed over it a few times, beat it with a stick and then shot it multiple times then for emphasis set it on fire. Who cares? It was never that serious an small argument turns into profiles getting deleted and a bunch of butt hurt feelings. I expect this in a forum filled with a bunch of 20 and 30somethings not people who are middle aged and older. LH is a 61 year old woman I would hope she can defend herself in an internet forum if push came to shove.

Some people in here need thicker skin.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 354
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/27/2015 2:23:07 PM
Sorry I am learning a new puter ( whimper) Blackwood nailed it.. I guess the only thing that gets thicker on older people is their arteries.
And goodness IG, that wasn't much of a defense!
Do you know my old puter was so old that this is like seeing stuff in 3d
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 355
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/27/2015 7:11:42 PM
Ouija: New computers make me sweat and cry.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 356
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/27/2015 7:44:19 PM

And goodness IG, that wasn't much of a defense!


Goodness? Just say Oh my God!! You can do that.

I don't think she is offended by my defense because She GETS it. I am a arrogant and so is she. I am extremely picky and so is she. What you think are put downs are not.

I personally don't give a rast's ass how she treads men. If there's a different paradigm that she needs to change to get what she is looking for, it's only for her to find and define. But feeling offended by her actions is ridiculous. She knows her outcomes.

But even after going out on dates with 200 men she is positive. Have the fvcking idiots here think that SHE is bad. If you're an attractive woman, that is a little frustrating, yet not grown to give up. Should she be more easy with men? Fvck no. You can't keep up and you said so, bye. I get what she is saying.

Are her stories perky and very, very "Sound of Music"? Yes they are. But that is her. That is her life. Again, if you don't like her stories, don't read them, if they offend you, don't read them, if they consume you with anger, don't read them. More than likely they puss some button on your inner self and it's more about you (the reader, not you ouija) than about her.

You know guys, lately there has been a lot of flame wars, ridiculous wars and people have disappear. It's weird, like Ohenry have said. I do not now who is deleting people. We hate each other, we love each other, but we love the tug of war and honesty that we bring to each other. So, let's try to get along.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 357
view profile
History
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/27/2015 8:50:06 PM
Respiratory infections are making their rounds here. You can smell that certain smell. It made me think of one possibility that would not be humorous ... mouth, esophageal and lung cancer. Sobering thought.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 358
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/27/2015 8:59:35 PM


Sobering thought


Please, none of those after 7pm :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 359
flossing a dead horse
Posted: 8/27/2015 9:19:04 PM
Finally! all these pages about offering a man dental floss, and now the next time RT explains why a woman just absolutely has to give him a response to his email otherwise she is responsible for the tear in the time/space conmindium she has just created, we now all know what that woman should write back with:

hey, want some dental floss? I can smell your breath thru the email.

Its the new code for "4Q!". And I just picked on RT. i'm sorry. let's discuss that for a few pages. b/c somehow it does....something. somewhere. not sure where.

(hey, weeja, imagine the voice that said that :) ). Haven't imagined voices. have imagined naked bodies. Don't worry, you all said it was great. and its not like you would lie about that,right?

I love that phrase, "Take my advice, i'm not using it." so pithy. it clearly says, "i may not be smart, but my ass sure is." I'm going to have to use it from now on, I like it so much. why do we give free advice? well, honestly....we do it b/c it feels good. if we really think we are helping, it feels good. if we are trying to raise ourselves up by bringing them down, it feels good.

if its true that "pretty is as pretty does", then spot must get more done by 9am than most people do all day.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 360
view profile
History
flossing a dead horse
Posted: 8/28/2015 12:35:19 AM
LH, a serious observation:

"I learned the hard way that I MUST remove wet clothes at the top- temporarily exposing my bare, wet skin to the cold wind- and change into dry clothes. Piling jackets over a wet shirt does not work. I still shiver violently because my skin is wet. At home it takes all night to warm up my core under a down comforter. Many people have died from exposure, even in the summer. Add a cloudburst, fierce winds, and dehydration, and suddenly hypothermia becomes a risk. "

I understand hypothermia. I understand the need for the right dry clothes. I understand that these clothes can not be worn over the wrong wet clothes. I have felt the beginning stages of hypothermia and self-treated; I have helped others in the beginning and early stages. Blue lips, trembling, and mental confusion, cold sweats; out of the chill wind and into the sleeping bag for you, my friend, and here's some hard sour candy for you now and a cup of warm (not hot) tea when you feel better. We're in no hurry; we're just going to settle in with you until this passes. Not to be trifled with...

But as easy as you slip into early stages of hypothermia, I think you are underweight by a couple of pounds. You need a little reserve body fat for the brain which consumes a significant number of your calories. You have no reserves for cold weather. Based on your own stories, you have little to no margin of error and pose some danger to yourself and those with you. Adding a little body fat would be beneficial as an energy reserve in cooling weather.

I had a friend who use to regularly pass out between 9,000 to 10,000 feet. For some reason, he could not adjust to altitude. After a while we had to say, "Sorry but you can not go with us."
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 361
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 12:51:01 AM

personally don't give a rast's ass how she treads men. If there's a different paradigm that she needs to change to get what she is looking for, it's only for her to find and define. But feeling offended by her actions is ridiculous. She knows her outcomes.


I think the "treads men" was awesome ...

but my question is in the spirit of handing a man dental floss..there is a judgement --yet here you are saying it's only for her to find and define...wouldn't that have also gone for the guy to find and define himself without her judgement of his breath?

But you are excusing her behavior on what basis? It was ok for her since the allowance is being made based on this presumption that cause she is ABC (educated, attractive, slender) that it is ok since she is attractive to men? Do you not realize what in fact you are saying with this?

I think what most of the individuals who found her statements unbelievable and extremely harsh are upset since this exactly what another poster said...it's the looking down on others as not being good enough.

I do not lack from men asking me out on dates...I have never had an issue getting requests-but I learned there is an obligation with that-- of my viewing him as someone with potential (hate that word) for something (friend, lover, relationship etc). If I see a man smokes, I am not going out with him cause I had cancer. If a man is on a harley and talks about how a harley is his life...there is no point in my meeting him cause that simply isnt me. So when someone is meeting guys who don't have what they require to consider the guy as someone to become involved with in some fashion (I am leaving the wording open-ended on purpose cause different people have different objectives) then it implies by action they are doing it for attention or ego, which is imho using people.

If you look around in the world you will see all kinds of people together, short with tall, ugly with beautiful, fat with skinny, educated with non-educated....so there is no real basis for any one person to feel so good about themselves using the high number of people they have they have met that they could demean another person in such a fashion--it just is not a nice thing to do. Saying a man is highly attracted to me and so that gives me the upper hand to put him down is just an out and out ego statement. Saying you are arrogant has an implied meaning...but in logic that couples are together from all walks of life makes you no better than a short fat man who cant get it up --someone will love him and thereby feeling you are better than others and have this right to diminish what someone else might not mind or even never notice.

Sorry but one person is not better than another and there is never a GOOD reason for not treating someone who took the time to meet you with such nastiness. If you don't wish to see them again--then dont--but don't put them down with the purpose of building up your own ego at their expense and certainly not to come on a forum board to brag about it.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 362
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 5:14:29 AM
If you have breathe that can peel paint off walls floss isn't much help. I am more curious how she knew it was so bad. :./
Inner G - I am awful re cursing so much - so I refrain here. That and nothing could get by auto censor
One more sleep for Charmin Baby
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 363
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 5:34:25 AM

I don't think she is offended by my defense because She GETS it. I am a arrogant and so is she. I am extremely picky and so is she. What you think are put downs are not.


I don't know LH personally so I can't say if she is arrogant or extremely picky.
I don't think she is arrogant in person and, with so many dates behind her, I don't think she is picky either.
But this is a thread and based totally on our pictures, profiles, and posts.
Anything else - like voices (yes, I have voices for most of you, too) - are merely our projections.

I'm wondering about the deletions also.
I hope to see Pig and Charmin and others soon.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 364
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 5:44:21 AM

But even after going out on dates with 200 men she is positive.


Cowboy said he met 200 women, Gwen (some may remember her) told me 300, LiliMarleen has posted about meeting 80 men.

I don't think it's a big deal. Gwen and LiliMarleen both found the "right guy" likely LH will as well.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 365
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 6:22:25 AM

benartflick Msg: 263
Was L. H. exchange of dialogue actually annoying to you?

None of her statements contradicted one another. Perhaps in your mind or you're just trying to annoy her. Common around here.

(I'd explain to you what she wrote, but if you believed it was logically inconsistent, I would be wasting my time.)


Annoying, like a fly buzzing about. But I will explain my POV.


"You can whip me into shape," overweight men say. "Only YOU can motivate yourself to exercise and eat right," I reply. You would resent me if I nagged. Hire a trainer."


"Yon can whip me into shape"

The man wants help getting into shape, LH has a very organized routine of keeping in shape. I think it's logical to assume she could create a good regime to get in shape.

"Only YOU can motivate yourself to exercise and eat right"

It's a popular meme to say that, meaning you have to have the motivation to do this on your own, no one can motivate you.

"Hire a personal trainer"

Anyone can google a training routine on the Internet designed for any level of fitness.

But personal trainers are largely about motivating their clients to do their best. Just like coaches, good teachers, managers are about motivating others.

So on one hand she is stating no one can help, it has to be internal, on the other hand she is saying a personal trainer can help. But we know that one person CAN motivate another person to change, espeically if they want to change.

LH is usually very direct and logical. If someone told me this, I would think they didn't want to be involved with me, but weren't going to say this directly, it's implied.
=========================

BTW, I agree with LH, I wouldn't want to be a free personal trainer for a relative stranger who was over 60 and was 50lbs over weight and wanted to get to the same level of fitness as LH. If possible, it would take over 2 years, and likely it would all fall apart after 2 months.


The only person I can change and control is myself.


Another popular meme that isn't literally true.
Prisoners are very controlled, military boot camp whips 95% of men/women into shape, in a marriage both parties tend to become similar, the goal of all marketing is to change behavior. There are many examples , with both good and bad intentions, of how one can change and / or control another person.

I think these are all popular and low key ways of saying, it's not my job to make you a more fit (or better in some way) person, we don't have that strong of an emotional bond to warrant that sort of effort. Never mind that the odds of success are low.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 366
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 6:41:35 AM

But you are excusing her behavior on what basis? It was ok for her since the allowance is being made based on this presumption that cause she is ABC (educated, attractive, slender) that it is ok since she is attractive to men? Do you not realize what in fact you are saying with this?


I am not excusing her behavior because it's not for me to excuse. Or to chastise. Everything you do in life has a cause and effect. Some people call it karma, others may call it the yu-yu man, but cause an effect is always present.

If when I go into a date, my date tells me things that I find as a put down. I simply would not go out with that person again. But I am not going to then chastise that person, or hold a grudge, or berate of how evil that person was for not treating me the way I wanted to be treated.

Realize also, that when it comes to dating, it's a lot different that when it comes to relating to people in general. When I date it's not about trying to be nice, it's about finding that person that is compatible with you and that you absolutely feel attraction. If I don't feel it for that person, simply because they have a mole, or laugh funny, or have a hairy lip, arm brow, I am not going to be nice and pretend to like them.

In other words, I am entitled to my own pickiness, and that pickiness will produce a cause and effect. It always does.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 367
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 1:14:57 PM
^^ so basically cause it didn't work for you --you shouldn't have to exhibit general decent behavior toward another person...WOW

A person is a person-just because you are meeting them to see if you wish to date doesn't take away from their humanity and being mean to someone cause they have a mole or laugh funny etc doesn't entitle you to mistreat another person.

You are correct--hopefully there is karma for people like you.

I have had some out there dates mainly with men who tried to take advantage of the situation back when I first signed up but once I realized that if a man is sexual at the start of a conversation he is basically telling you what he wants and it's up to you to listen. Since then I have met quite a few men and all of them have been classy gentlemen even if we didn't want to go out again.

I prefer to leave someone thinking nicely of me but that is cause Im a nice person so it's not fake --I would hate to end up with a man who pretends to be nice cause it suits him due to his attraction to me.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 368
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 1:30:06 PM

^^ so basically cause it didn't work for you --you shouldn't have to exhibit general decent behavior toward another person...WOW


PSG, I don’t get it. Where in my above statement have I said that I shouldn’t exhibit decent behavior? You are connecting imaginary dots.

I said that if I go on a date and the tell me things that I find to be a put down, I simply would not go out with that person again.

Now pay attention to what I said next, are you ready?


But I am not going to then chastise that person, or hold a grudge, or berate of how evil that person was for not treating me the way I wanted to be treated.


In other words, I let go.


If I don't feel it for that person, simply because they have a mole, or laugh funny, or have a hairy lip, arm brow, I am not going to be nice and pretend to like them.


Again, read in context of the whole thing, not isolated. If I do not like you as a date, I am not going to pretend to like you, period. That does not mean I am going to be nasty, it simply means I will hold my side of the conversation and the end of the date, goodbye.


I prefer to leave someone thinking nicely of me but that is cause Im a nice person so it's not fake --I would hate to end up with a man who pretends to be nice cause it suits him due to his attraction to me.


And once again, you totally misread what I said. I will not pretend, I will not pretend to be nice because it suits me. So next time, read carefully before you start judging.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 369
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 2:03:50 PM
Mr. Dragon.....

With regards to this.....

"The only person I can change and control is myself."

"Another popular meme that isn't literally true."


I concur that given the right stimulus....one human being can effectually control another.

But how are you defining "change" ? Cognitively or behaviorally?
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 370
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 2:12:09 PM
I can tell you exactly what the deal is with LH. She adamantly believes she is right in maintaining a family like atmosphere with her ex for the sake of her grown children. Yes they do holidays and God only knows what else together and she strongly believes she is the poster girl for proper post divorce family structure and all the professionals admire her for it.

She even claimed that one man she dated for a year actually got invited to join "us" for Christmas.

Other than that she seems like a lovely healthy caring person.

This is a classic example why I don't date divorced parents....most of them are still married subconsciously and will never treat you better than a glorified lover. And they are quite well meaning but clueless about it.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 371
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 2:14:50 PM

But how are you defining "change" ? Cognitively or behaviorally?


I was thinking about behavior when I posted, but either one can be affected by the people in your environment.

I wouldn't claim it is easy to do, and not everyone will change, but it happens all the time. I do think the younger you are the easier it is to change or affect change.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 372
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 3:06:57 PM
With regards to behavior.....yes....you can control a person and effect a change in actions but whether that change is temporary or permanent is dependent on if a cognitive change has occurred.

An one thing I do know is that a cognitive change is a lot more difficult to effect but it can be influenced.

Now....if anyone can come up with ways that I can do this without the willful participation of the other person....well...I would be much obliged.

Oh....and....I mean legal ways. Cause I have already imagined illegal ways to cognitively change and control my heathens behavior! :)
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 373
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 3:15:25 PM

Yes they do holidays and God only knows what else together


God only knows right? Just like you're study mentor is in all probability incestuous with his daughter?
Wish you had the nerve to approach him and just tell him what you and your mutual friends think. Luv to see that.

You certainly come across as rather bitter Wonton. I would say a bit jaded but perhaps more like sandblasted would be more apt in your case.

Really inspiring to read that post in off topic as well. Those posters aren't cyber bullies by the way, they just call bs posts what they are...bs.

I've noticed you seem to have a penchant for jumping in to defend 20's something boys on here in spite of their obvious issues.

What's up with that? Never mind, it's probably not what I think it is, right?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 374
view profile
History
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/28/2015 3:33:55 PM

Now....if anyone can come up with ways that I can do this without the willful participation of the other person....well...I would be much obliged.


Darling all you had to do was ask. ;)


Oh....and....I mean legal ways. Cause I have already imagined illegal ways to cognitively change and control my heathens behavior! :)



That sounds like it might be fun! O can I have another!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 375
view profile
History
AGE GAP
Posted: 8/28/2015 9:40:27 PM

I am near mid 60s and do not think most women in 40s are too young,,,,

I'm always amused by the amount of old men who think that dating someone 20-30 years younger is age appropriate! WTF is wrong with dating women in your "immediate age group"? Which by the way isn't 15-20-30 yrs younger than yourself but 5-10+ yrs older/younger than you.

I for one was happy with the age restrictions. It stopped the barrage of old men not dating women their own age and blowing up the inboxes of women young enough to be their daughters!
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