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 AUTHOR
 Moderate_Recall
Joined: 3/1/2015
Msg: 126
Mind the gapPage 6 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

Gotta love it!


Many people seem to enjoy taking little digs at others that they seem to envy, for whatever reason.

It is one of the most common human defense mechanisms. If you can't manage to model yourself after their success or strive to surpass the envied qualities, then some may try for a mental consolation prize of seeking any tiny possible flaw and trying to laugh about it or show others.

Basic human nature default defense mechanisms take some energy and much thoughtfulness to overcome instead of just going with the "blink" instant responses.

Taking a few minutes to think before posting anything, and editing posts several times before posting would greatly benefit most Forumites and improve the impression they give of themselves by what they post.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 127
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:04:08 AM

Just being a bit of an arbitrator here, I think this may have been misinterpreted as an attack of sorts, but the poster made a pretty good disclaimer prior, indicating otherwise...imo


Hi LH,

You are in great shape and have a lively personality (at least through the forums) and I can see why you are popular with men who would love to learn to hike, however this exchange made me do terrible things involving coffee and my keyboard.


I interpreted the part where 2ufo then referred to LH as "old" as a veiled attack. If someone called another poster "fat", we would never hear the end of it.

Any way you slice it, referring to someone as "old" or "fat" isn't a compliment. One isn't any more acceptable than the other. JMO.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 128
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:16:58 AM
There is so much wrong in both your reasonings....it's become laughable now.
Done with your nonsense!
It was funny....I chuckled and a few others did too....get over it!
I haven't the time to cut and paste LH's posts.....making fun of out of shape men but I'll be sure to point it out....as not funny next time!

veiled attack

Thank goodness...He wasn't a funeral director or grave digger....lol.




Although speaking of the "past", as others have mentioned, it is great to be able to share some good memories of the past.

Absolutely!
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 129
view profile
History
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:18:42 AM
I'm a member of forum in which we rift on each other all the time, whether it's age, race, some kind of stereotype, size etc....it's never taken seriously and it's all in good fun at the same time we've been members of that forum for a good 12 years now so we practically know each other even if us the majority of us have never met. I think since LH is really likeable, I think some of us are being bit too defensive, in the end it was a harmless joke with no ill intent behind it.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 130
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:23:49 AM

Well, I'm sorry I thought it was funny as well.


LOL Me too!
I didn't read it as an insult to LH, sorry Kathleen, I just chuckled, when I read "41 year-old archaeologist".....
"study old things."
LMAO, I like it when my BF "studies" me!

I have mentioned this before, but yes, Boo, you DO look good in that hat!
And ouija, SHOES!!!???? LOL I have bought a pair of shoes, I couldn't live without and THEN went shopping to buy an out fit to wear with them. It ALL about THE shoes /boots!
 7seatac
Joined: 8/12/2015
Msg: 131
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:30:27 AM

Many people seem to enjoy taking little digs at others that they seem to envy, for whatever reason.

It is one of the most common human defense mechanisms. If you can't manage to model yourself after their success or strive to surpass the envied qualities, then some may try for a mental consolation prize of seeking any tiny possible flaw and trying to laugh about it or show others.

Basic human nature default defense mechanisms take some energy and much thoughtfulness to overcome instead of just going with the "blink" instant responses.

Taking a few minutes to think before posting anything, and editing posts several times before posting would greatly benefit most Forumites and improve the impression they give of themselves by what they post.


I don't know if anyone on here envies another. I highly doubt it. There are some I like a lot, some I like, some I ignore and some I dislike and I'm sure every poster on here will say the same. But envy, no, I doubt it, no envy happening.

Who's "success" are we to model after? There is no success unless they are coupled/partnered/married/in a relationship or living together. Otherwise, just folks looking to date and most without success including our "model of success". No success there. Except those no looking at all and there a quite a few of those. Speaking directly about LH, many of us admire her tenacity to put herself out there, but envy, no.

It was meant as a joke; a young archaeologist looking to date "older". It was not mean spirited, it was a light hearted joke that obviously ticked a few off but was taken as a joke by others.

We need more light hearted banter on here, laugh at ourselves a little bit more.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 132
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:39:08 AM

I kno rite?
I write mine on scrap paper, then type it, sleep on it, take it into work the next day to get some feedback on it, then if its ok, I come back and post it here......some people just don't wanna put the effort in


I hear you...I do the same. I find the feedback from the peeps at work most beneficial.
I do have to keep a few excel spreadsheets to keep track of the posts and to keep track of the timing...
but like you say...I feel it's important to put in the effort.

Amirite?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 133
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:41:38 AM

I interpreted the part where 2ufo then referred to LH as "old" as a veiled attack.


Well there you go. That's why you can't be an arbitrator.

Being frankly honest, had not another poster saw fit to make it out to be an insult, I doubt LH would have cared either way. She seems mature enough to be able to laugh at a situation like that. Interesting how it seems a rallying of the chosen few is taking place over nothing.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 134
gapping the mind
Posted: 8/24/2015 11:06:05 AM
I found it delightfully snark-full

BUT

as Blackwood pointed out, I would have only used it on someone I knew well...and who knew me well enough to realize they weren't the target, just the person who's situation fit the reference so well.

What's the diff between making a pun about age, and making a comment or opinion on weight? I could be snarky and say, "depends on who's popular" or "one's at least funny", but I think the question answers itself.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 135
gapping the mind
Posted: 8/24/2015 1:44:48 PM
"I kno rite?
I write mine on scrap paper, then type it, sleep on it, take it into work the next day to get some feedback on it, then if its ok, I come back and post it here......some people just don't wanna put the effort in"
This made me laugh out loud.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 136
view profile
History
gapping the mind
Posted: 8/24/2015 2:58:06 PM
I took it as a thinly veiled attack.

Disclaimers just soften it as not to loose too much credibility with other forum posters .. or perhaps .. It's a "I know I shouldn't say this but I really want to say this (because it's funny or I want to make a dig) so how can I say it without offending (either the target audience or the person) too much" issue. Which it is would depend on intent.

Sure, some have been here a while, but it isn't a small group. I'd think about 50- 100 people read the comment. You wouldn't say something like that on a microphone at an event gathering would you? Not much different, except you don't have to face the people as you say it.

It could be that it really wasn't intended with malice ... there are so many people out there who make comments IRL that weren't intended to be how they were received (ADHD, Aspergers, accidental neurological damage, etc).

As LH stated, "considering the source" likely means this person has done this before. She also stated that it "stung" (to those who didn't read that either), so the notion that she enjoyed the (IMO) 'barely under the surface' dig disguised as humor is incorrect.

Edit: Yes, the joke itself was funny. Singling someone out to be the "brunt" of a joke isn't. That's the stuff you learn in kindergarten. We all slip and say things we shouldn't ... humor is especially tricky. If you think "maybe I shouldn't say this because it might be taken wrong" then you probably shouldn't, IMO.
 22susie22
Joined: 8/12/2015
Msg: 137
gapping the mind
Posted: 8/24/2015 3:07:41 PM
I thought the archaeologist joke was funny! The poster also made a nice disclaimer, which I buy as sincere.

I am fifty and if a 30 year old man messaged me I might make that joke about myself!

Curious though...I thought a 41 year old wouldn't be able to message a 62 year old? There is another thread about the age restriction



I kno rite?
I write mine on scrap paper, then type it, sleep on it, take it into work the next day to get some feedback on it, then if its ok, I come back and post it here......some people just don't wanna put the effort in


LMAO
 Moderate_Recall
Joined: 3/1/2015
Msg: 138
gapping the mind
Posted: 8/24/2015 3:26:42 PM

As LH stated, "considering the source" likely means this person has done this before. She also stated that it "stung" (to those who didn't read that either), so the notion that she enjoyed the (IMO) 'barely under the surface' dig disguised as humor is incorrect.

Edit: Yes, the joke itself is funny. Singling someone out to be the "brunt" of a joke isn't. It's stuff you learn in kindergarten.


"Most" people may learn that in K-12 classes and or needed RL experience.

Some people here online seem to feel enough semi-anonymity that they sometimes revert to preteen behavior, safely behind their keyboards. It is soo very common in many online Forums for some participants to regress back to immature juvenile expressions and behavior. Things they may never say or do in person where the immediate results would be felt.

It is also evident that some online attempts at humor fall flat or can be taken different ways by different people, since no common visual clues like smiles and tone of voice are present.

So it behooves the source of any online "jokes" to expand the disclaimer and written scope enough to include more than just any one person, who may not appreciate being the target of any particular online "joke" whether intended or not.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 139
view profile
History
AGE GAP
Posted: 8/24/2015 3:39:34 PM
shirleywonton

I am guessing you mean "could not pay me a million bucks to date a guy in his 60's" In fact I am not into men in their sixties now and I am getting there myself. lol!!

Ah the cougar hunters!! Had my fair share of men twenty years contacting me, when I had a profile up, lord know why they do it but I notice a particular ethnic group predominated.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 140
AGE GAP
Posted: 8/24/2015 3:46:38 PM
Oh FFS. The whole point of LH’s post (108) was that she was TOO OLD for the 41 year old archeologist. SHE said that.

Now she’s “stung” over an obvious joke about her age and the archeologist’s profession?? But apparently thinks it’s cool to post his private messages to her on here.
SMH
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 141
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 3:59:16 PM
LH - sorry about the 'humorous' comment, it was never meant to hurt.
Particularly since you are not even 5 years older than me...

However, if you can spare the moment, I would like an explanation of "considered the source".

ETA: The disclaimer was because we have differing views on gun legislation on another othread or two.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 142
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 4:56:27 PM
2ufo,

Thank you for your apology. I appreciate it.

Kathleen
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 143
gapping the mind
Posted: 8/24/2015 4:58:32 PM
Bebedeleau & ModerateRecall & anyone else defending LH,


I took it as a thinly veiled attack.

Interesting. I not to attack people and when I do I'm never veiled, I want to make sure you know exactly how much of an idiot I think you are. Opinions, however, are always up for consideration. However, the way we (as in people) take comments is more of a reflection of what is going on in our own lives. When (and not if) I take what someone else says 'personally' or as an 'attack', I look in my mirror first and try to figure out why it concerns me. Most of the time, I can shrug and say, 'no, that wasn't directed at me', I was just being oversensitive about x, y, or z.


Disclaimers just soften it as not to loose too much credibility with other forum posters .. or perhaps .. It's a "I know I shouldn't say this but I really want to say this (because it's funny or I want to make a dig) so how can I say it without offending (either the target audience or the person) too much" issue. Which it is would depend on intent.

So you think I shouldn't make a disclaimer? Sorry, but there isn't enough visual feedback for me to determine if you understand that I am disputing your opinion and not actually trying to insult you. In RL, I can avoid people who argue rather than discuss, I can avoid people who take my words as the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and personal insults. That is not something that is immediately evident on internet. The disclaimers stay.


You wouldn't say something like that on a microphone at an event gathering would you?

Sure, I would.

But, like LH, I wouldn't mention the name of the other person in my communication - she'd have to guess it was her. In this instance, she had already commented that she was too old for the archaeologist and why was he interested in her. Making the joke without naming her would have been sly, sneaky, and underhanded since the identification of her with the joke would have been obvious. As you say below:
Edit: Yes, the joke itself was funny. Singling someone out to be the "brunt" of a joke isn't.
. How could I not single her out since she had already done so?


It could be that it really wasn't intended with malice ... there are so many people out there who make comments IRL that weren't intended to be how they were received (ADHD, Aspergers, accidental neurological damage, etc).

It wasn't intended with malice but your armchair diagnosis is incorrect.


As LH stated, "considering the source" likely means this person has done this before.

I don't believe so. LH and I were in a rather terse debate regarding gun ownership. I don't recall ever calling her names or being rude to her... her debate or her words, yes. Her as a person, no.


If you think "maybe I shouldn't say this because it might be taken wrong" then you probably shouldn't, IMO.
Now that I've said it and with a little feedback and a bit of thought,

I'd say it again in these same circumstances.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 144
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:00:28 PM
Moderate....Are you just here to stir $hit again?
I think CC is correct in that it wouldn't have been such a big issue if you didn't make it to be one.
LH....has shared many personal, private things on here with "us strangers"...it's not like she is is new or some wall flower...for petes sake.

You are best to keep your nose out of others business....she is quite capable of sticking up for herself.
Or did you notice her lowering her standards to retaliate....smh.
And another thing.....I don't come here to hear some old guy lecturing me on what I should or shouldn't say.
Anonymity...my a$$.....Take your pretentious self and gather your minions>......

FYI.....I didn't think one bit....while writing this. I'm not on here to win a popularity contest....talk about high school...phew.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 145
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:03:43 PM

I don't come here to hear some old guy lecturing me

That's what they like to do though. I tried to date someone 17 years older than me (ex-military, in great shape), and as soon as in a phone conversation after our 1st date he said "I've got a few years on you" and started *explaining* something to me. No thanks, this is not what I want to be hearing for the rest of the relationship.
 7seatac
Joined: 8/12/2015
Msg: 146
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:12:18 PM
Bravo and applause to 2ufo and Whistlestop.

If a silly joke like that upsets someone, how would they manage in real life with real life problems and day to day interactions.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 147
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:29:13 PM

Walts - Oh for heaven's sake. At 63 years old, what makes you think you are attractive to women in their 40s?
The same reason why a 60 year old guy would like a 61 year old woman.


Bingo




Im Right - OP stop being a cry baby. Just copy and paste your profile info into a new one with a lower age. Easy peasy.


Someone who's username I'm Right encouraging someone to lie in their profile.... uummmmkay



LH - My point is the OP should date women around his own age.



....and your point shall apply to only you. Please refer to Walts' quote which applies to the mass public..... fairly.




Susie

- Do 60 year olds really think 40 year olds are age appropriate? If so, then I guess they think 80 year olds are also age appropriate!

- I am merely observing that I think 40ish women who will want to date a man his mid sixties who drinks more than three times a week and who is 5'5" will be rather few in number. Hopefully the OP will find a wonderful 40 ish woman who thinks he's the cat's ass.


Why yes, yes, they do think that and so 80 year olds are. Some will drink just as much and MANY will shrink (get shorter) as they age.
Not much room to judge eh? Again, refer to Walt's quote.



Ouija - But people CAN date whoever, what ever age they want.. they just can't msg people younger/older than 14 years here


The lovely Ouija re-interating Walt's quote with a closer that is the one big main fact that shuts up all complainers.




Bebe - Stop underselling yourself. Women in their 40's are in their sexual prime. If they wanted you they wanted you.


Think on this for a second and you'll realize why men like the OP is after the younguns. Yet everyone is blasting him for it.
tsk tsk



HS - The topic of the OP is "Age Gap", not "Leagues". You seem to have the two confused.



Excellent point



seatac....The original poster says in his profile he is a "lite drinker". I know many people who have a glass of wine every night with dinner, one glass, yet that qualifies them for "more than 3 times a week". To me this is not a problem drinker or alcoholic. And some people don't worry about height, especially when the person is interesting or wonderful to them. Many people in their 40s, 50s and beyond don't seem to worry as much about height, hair, wrinkles and fluff as much and tend to focus on reality like what is inside a person and what attracts them or draws them to a person. I don't think too many women have tossed Tom Cruise out of bed for being 5'7".



The judgy people come out of the woodworks eh? Oh ye al jugdy people *wags finger

*edit.. I know judgy isn't a proper word, so Shhh!




2ufo- because archaeologists study old things.



Lterally LOL'd



MD- Appears that your comedy routine needs work.
If that was supposed to an attempt at improv comedy instead of just a minute attack on someone you envy here.
Come back here in one year when you ARE "authentically" her same age, and show us any self-improvements and appreciable ageist "humor" you may have developed by then, if any.


Are you fukin kidding me? Needs work? It was COMEDY GOLD!
Your attempt to try and make her feel bad for it only reflects back at you. Just sayin'




MD- Many people seem to enjoy taking little digs at others that they seem to envy, for whatever reason.
It is one of the most common human defense mechanisms. If you can't manage to model yourself after their success or strive to surpass the envied qualities, then some may try for a mental consolation prize of seeking any tiny possible flaw and trying to laugh about it or show others.
Basic human nature default defense mechanisms take some energy and much thoughtfulness to overcome instead of just going with the "blink" instant responses.
Taking a few minutes to think before posting anything, and editing posts several times before posting would greatly benefit most Forumites and improve the impression they give of themselves by what they post.



You know I adore and respect you for all your help with my computer issues but your uppity all superior yap at anyone who's behavior you don't agree, they don't model themselves the way YOU expect at such a constant rate, every single bloody time, is annoying. In other words shut your uppity self up.
Remember.. it reflects back at you. Food for thought




Some people here online seem to feel enough semi-anonymity that they sometimes revert to preteen behavior, safely behind their keyboards. It is soo very common in many online Forums for some participants to regress back to immature juvenile expressions and behavior. Things they may never say or do in person where the immediate results would be felt.



SO WHAT!!!!!!!! Adults can be childish.. SOOOOOOOOOOO WHATTTTTTTTT!!!
You don't like it.... don't read it.. skip to the next post that is more to your liking. It ain't rocket science ;)


bebe... I took it as a thinly veiled attack. The poster also made a nice disclaimer


Correct, there was the disclaimer. Attack or not, it was still comedy gold.
And the lovely 2ufo DID apologize and explain.
Such intelligence, wit and personality. *whistles
I bow in awe. She has my respect.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 148
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:46:38 PM
Comedy Gold?

Hey, just call me Donna Rickles on the Comedy Gold tour. I'll be here ever night this week, remember to tip your servers. *wink, points finger* Luv ya all*


*disclaimer - but only platonically.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 149
view profile
History
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:54:41 PM

It wasn't intended with malice but your armchair diagnosis is incorrect.


I wasn't referring to you specifically, however, my "armchair" diagnosis is correct.

My post was in response not only to the comment, but as an opinion referring to the comments after.

It was my opinion on the 'debate' done in comments afterwards and covered both sides of the issue despite my personal opinion. Moderate respond with a GENERAL comment of the wider issue in general. It wasn't about you either.

I would say you missed the point of both comments and took it personally instead of a general comment on the subject and the subject of forum/internet problems in general.

 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 150
Mind the gap
Posted: 8/24/2015 6:45:49 PM

It was my opinion on the 'debate' done in comments afterwards and covered both sides of the issue despite my personal opinion. Moderate respond with a GENERAL comment of the wider issue in general. It wasn't about you either.


In that case, I'm surprised we were not diagnosed as 'schizophrenic' since there was a wide and occasionally opposing diversity of opinion.
You may be right that I took it personally and I'll double-check my attitude mirror.
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