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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherer      Home login  
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 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 51
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannahPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Golly, and here I been a thinking that Humans were animals. And that we too - at least SOME OF US - despite our massive brains and intellect - must follow some type of hierearchy/selection process to choose mates other than "good looks" or amount of "success". Survival of the fittest. How ALL animals must manage to adapt or die. Can some people really believe that ALL humans can simply wander around willy nilly mating with anyone they choose?


The problem may be that humans are thinking animals who, bombarded with an ever-increasting amount of information and choices, overthink their every possible actions these days. Analysis paralysis, so to speak. As for wandering around will nilly mating with anyone they met, in neolithic times it was probably just a friendly way to say 'hi' to your neighbor.

We (and all animals) are still adapting to an ever-changing environment. We cannot say that we are the 'pinnicle' of our DNA's design.

Helen Fisher is a good read - at least her early books were - and more scientific speculation than genuine textbooks. She explored what research seemed to be saying about humans. I think these days she's working with a dating site based on Myers-Briggs tests (the INTP or ESPJ stuff you occasionally see).

As for not shaving, showing up in paint-spattered jeans and hole-y shoes, I don't think most men would do that on their worst possible day no matter how comfortable they wanted to be. Dating is an attempt to present ourself in the best light (or the most evolutionarily fit) in those particular circumstances - the correct clothes, the right way to do things. Males usually love preening around women they find attractive (and a new person inspires extra showing off for both sexes). Sometimes men preen in looks, sometimes in physical strength, sometimes in wisdom and knowledge. Women usually preen reproductive availability - the high heels emphasize the gait signaling wide hips, the nipped-in waist, long hair, breasts not affected by time or gravity are all also signals of 'ripe for reproduction'. However, as the on-going survival of the human race shows - that push-up bra and those stiletto heels aren't really necessary for attraction, it's merely an additional sprinkle on the ice cream cone.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 52
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 4:45:04 PM
Replying to Crook Catcher message 46


One uses the line - 'No matter what happens tonight we will not be a couple'




Hmm.....is this a reverse psychology thing or what? Maybe one of those PUA lines? I just can't envision the scenario where a man would just throw that out there in the hopes that's what it takes to seal the deal.

But to be frankly honest, I've seen some things posted here that I really wonder if the poster could actually be serious.....like wth? Who would say something like that? If half of some of this stuff is true, I'm shocked the species still finds a way to breed. :/ ymmv



^^^ Yep he even said that to me one night.
I was sitting on his boat, mid winter, Sydney Harbour to watch a light display.
The others did not arrive so just us.

He is a sailing buddy of mine, and we get along famously.
Because it was so cold we were sitting on deck snuggling under the blankets and combining body warmth.
And drinking copious quantities of wine.

Then he said that to me.
Actually he said.

"I will tell you what I usually tell them. 'No matter what happens tonight we will not be a couple'"

To this day we are still buddies nothing more.

Pity as we are the same age, have similar interests and adore each other's company.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 53
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 4:49:22 PM
Doesn't sound like he adores you as much as you adore him
Should have made him walk the plank!
No idea why some people think they are such a prize we will be crushed when they reject us as mates
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 54
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 4:52:51 PM
^^^ We have never been romantic.
We are friends.
Nothing more.

I laughed at his comment.


If we women made every man who has ever said something that we disagree with walk the plank the planet would soon be completely devoid of men. And the sharks would be very fat.


.....................................

p.s. I remember at a beach party we both attended. I was enjoying myself and asked him if I could sleep with him in his van. Asked in public and everyone knew.

He was not keen.. so I laughed and joked that he hoped he would get a better offer.

I decided to not drink any more alchohol and dance off what I had already consumed and drove home.

Just before I left he said I could sleep in his van.
Obviously he did not get that better offer. lol
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 55
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 5:23:16 PM

I think this is about what attracted your great, great grandfather to your great, great grandmother and vice versa has not changed much. We, as an individual, still prefer a certain type as a mate or partner.

Then how do I explain the fact that my great grandfather was 5'3 and married twice, with the divorce being his decision? He would probably have very little luck on Plenty of Fish today.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 56
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 5:34:26 PM

He is a sailing buddy of mine, and we get along famously.
Because it was so cold we were sitting on deck snuggling under the blankets and combining body warmth.
And drinking copious quantities of wine.

Then he said that to me.
Actually he said.

"I will tell you what I usually tell them. 'No matter what happens tonight we will not be a couple'"


That tell's it in a different context than what I originally thought, which was trying to seal the deal.

I could see the humor with that in that situation. There was this time I went camping with these two lesbian models and.....well maybe in another post, but I can see what you're talking about. :)
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 57
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 6:22:11 PM

If a woman wants to be sexually attractive to a male, she should wear something that shows or gives the illusion of her waist to hip ratio (hence the pencil skirt), & a pair of heels maybe 2 inches or more (emphasizes the female gait) a push up bra, wear her hair longer & flowing. A little color in the lips & cheeks also are "signals"...


This makes me laugh. Is this woman trying to be “sexually attractive” to just any guy who wanders by, I mean this outfit would be worn in public so she’s basically up for grabs…?

I don’t want to be sexually attractive to just any guy, I want to be sexually attractive to MY guy, in private, and that guy won’t give a sh!t about my “waist to hip ratio.” WTF

Let me guess….the “color in the lips and cheeks” etc. represents healthy fertility, because everybody wants to have sex to procreate, oh it’s hard wired blah blah evolution my azz.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 58
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the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 6:34:16 PM

Doesn't matter what you wear purplerider because don't you know? Men are always fvckable, no matter what kind of shoes and belt they wear.


But not if your appearance doesn't stimulate me. I am not most men. Wanna blend into the woodwork? Dress the way you describe, and I won't see, nor pay attention to you. I know the pheromones business. That doesn't attract me at all. What gets me going is a freshly washed female body with a through fogging of a perfume I like.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 59
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 7:42:49 PM
matter babe, you're right, we do "motorboat" the computer screen. Nice thing is, on the touchscreens, the picture just gets bigger.

how does the human species continue to exist with all these rules and regulations and hoops?

in a word:

alcohol.

amazing what we throw out the window, after enough of that "liquid courage"
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 60
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 8:10:52 PM
Purple,
Just because a woman doesn't wear 4-inch heels, push up bra, and the entire cosmetics counter doesn't mean she will blend into the woodwork. That's assuming that women are totally passive - that they are simply receptive to men's attention. But women are not simply that passive and anyone who thinks so really should think again.

Maybe she'll just ask a question, tilt her face sideways but slightly toward you, smile and slowly blink once. Her lips might part slightly and her eyes widen as she expresses her admiration of you. The best way to make people remember you is to make them feel special.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 61
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 8:35:12 PM
I just discovered this thread. I agree. It's called evolutionary physiology. I have not read the in between. But that it's what's all about.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 62
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 8:42:47 PM
SunshineGirl

I don’t want to be sexually attractive to just any guy, I want to be sexually attractive to MY guy, in private, and that guy won’t give a sh!t about my “waist to hip ratio.” WTF


Really?
Gain fifty pounds so you're waist to hip ratio is 1:1 and tell me that again.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 63
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 9:55:17 PM
Grog and all of the other hunter/gatherers sat with their backs to the wall at Eats, the local restaurant, and eyed all of the cavewomen in their pencil skirts. They had no other choice - it was their biological imperative.

What a bunch of hooey. Is there a biological urge? Sure. Is the way men and women act dictated by biology? Hell no, it is societal lessons/pressure passed down from previous generations, not something that can't be changed or ignored. Hell, even the biological urge itself can change or diminish; I was at a local charity event last night and was talking to a semi-attractive lady there, but due to my past experiences I was still put off when I shook her hand. Did biology give me this repulsion to touch? Obviously not since we are supposedly hard-wired just the opposite. So much for the boy/girl (man/woman) thing not changing.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 64
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the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 10:43:41 PM

sealady111
p.s. I remember at a beach party we both attended. I was enjoying myself and asked him if I could sleep with him in his van. Asked in public and everyone knew.

He was not keen.. so I laughed and joked that he hoped he would get a better offer.

I decided to not drink any more alchohol and dance off what I had already consumed and drove home.

Just before I left he said I could sleep in his van.
Obviously he did not get that better offer. Lol

SeaLady, I would most strongly urge you to not ever do that again. I have had that happen a number of times during my long life, and I always hate it. The bad part here is “asked in public and everyone knew it”. In private, absolutely fine, I enjoy a woman coming on to me. Very flattering, very ego boasting.

But not in public, where I have to accept her advances publicly or reject her publicly. Very bad juju. Please don’t do that.

I will proposition any attractive woman, given the chance. “Want to come up and see my etchings?” But not in public, not in front of her or my friends.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 65
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the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/23/2015 10:50:25 PM
ohenryx said:

SeaLady, I would most strongly urge you to not ever do that again. I have had that happen a number of times during my long life, and I always hate it. The bad part here is “asked in public and everyone knew it”. In private, absolutely fine, I enjoy a woman coming on to me. Very flattering, very ego boasting.

But not in public, where I have to accept her advances publicly or reject her publicly. Very bad juju. Please don’t do that.

I will proposition any attractive woman, given the chance. “Want to come up and see my etchings?” But not in public, not in front of her or my friends.


Why should sealady111 change anything about herself based on your past experience?
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 66
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 12:05:37 AM
Henry..... you have it all wrong.

I was seeking a place to sleep and asked if I could sleep with him in his van.

SLEEP!!!

My exact words were "Can I crash in your van?" But I am not sure if crash has the same meaning there.

I WAS NOT asking him for sex.
I WAS asking him the same way I would ask a female friend.

No sexuality involved at all. No propositioning. No etching

We are FRIENDS!!!!!!!

Male / Female friends. Buddies.

NO SEX NOR ROMANCE from either side.

It IS possible for men and women to be friends.


_________________________________________________

To confuse you further he is a nudist and we have both sailed and swum and been together in the altogether.

NO SEX.

We are friends.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 67
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the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 12:38:14 AM
Like a lot of other conditions something goes awry in the womb. Homosexual men get one shot of male hormone when they really need two, to be heterosexual, according to some research. There is a theory also that they had so many past lives as females that they over identify with their mothers and other women in the environment. I don't know if that is true. I think there is varying degrees and then there is bi-sexuality. I do feel they are born and not created by circumstance as some would suggest or that they have a choice.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 68
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:51:52 AM
Why should sealady111 change anything about herself based on your past experience?
-----------------
If she doesn't mind being discourteous, she should ignore ohenry. On the other hand, common sense and countless books say that putting people in awkward situations and not giving them an out is not only bad manners, but a good way to not get the answer you were hoping to get.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 69
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 7:05:46 AM

NO SEX NOR ROMANCE from either side.

It IS possible for men and women to be friends.


Yet he rejected you. Why do you think? Because deep inside he wanted to have sex, but he also knew that since you were friends you would not. And while booze may cut his inhibition, it would not cut yours. So he felt awkward. So I can understand that Ohenry said.

Also if both of you had seen each other naked before, I don't know even more reason to abstain. (And I say this not implying that he may not found you attractive, but rather more reason that he wanted to ravage you.)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 70
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the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 7:57:17 AM

sealady111
Henry..... you have it all wrong.

I was seeking a place to sleep and asked if I could sleep with him in his van.

SLEEP!!!

My exact words were "Can I crash in your van?" But I am not sure if crash has the same meaning there.

I WAS NOT asking him for sex.
I WAS asking him the same way I would ask a female friend.

Sealady, I apologize for the misunderstanding. But going back to your original posting, you said:


He was not keen.. so I laughed and joked that he hoped he would get a better offer.


When I first read those words, I took “better offer” to mean sex with a more attractive woman than you, when what you meant by “better offer” was “sleeping AND sex”
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 71
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 8:04:01 AM

First, the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah. Millennials haven't really invented new ways to hook up.


Personally, I agree. Some have tried to re-invent tthe wheel, but (IMO) a man is a man & a woman is a woman & certain things are just biologically programmed into us, regardless of current sociological "trends"!



Perhaps, but what people find attractive changes over time and is different for different countries.

For instance, portly men and chubby women used to be the ideal early in the 20th century in the USA.

What I think it is, people are attracted to signs of health and higher social status, but those signs change with time.

Another change is the desire to have children. In every developed country in the world the birth rate is dropping. IMO because it's expensive and not a financial positive to have children in a developed country.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 72
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the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 3:24:06 PM
InnerGorilla said:

Yet he rejected you. Why do you think? Because deep inside he wanted to have sex, but he also knew that since you were friends you would not. And while booze may cut his inhibition, it would not cut yours. So he felt awkward. So I can understand that Ohenry said.


I think you are misreading or reading more into what sealady111 said, she said he was holding out for a better offer but given they are friends he didn't mean from her. Would have been a bit uncomfortable had he scored only to have a friend taking up his prime real estate. lol
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 73
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 4:35:19 PM
Quite right geekgrrl.......
He was keeping his 'real estate' vacant in case he got lucky.
I regularly call this man a 'tart' as he is a 'loose man' and brags about his freedom and availability of available women.
Interestingly, neither me, nor any of our mutual sailing buddies have ever met ANY of these women.
At one stage he bragged that he had 5 women after him.
We asked him to bring them around so we could help him make his decision.
No women have EVER been sighted.
He has no intention of loosing his bachelor status and says 'I am what I am' with a cheeky grin and usually with both sets of cheeks visible.


Thank you Henry. Apology accepted.
An excellent example of what is written and intended vs what is read and understood.
The perils of the written word.
Especially with different mindset and colloquialisms.

A question for you Henry. In a different thread you stated that MeetUps have many more women than men.
Why? Why do you think this is the case?


I think that NOW is the best time for women and possibly the worst time for men.
Very, very different from hunter - gatherers.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 74
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the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 4:51:39 PM
A looooooooooot of people are saying a loooooooooooot of things about genetics inheritance and evolution, which are wrong in the extreme.

Primarily, because so many people fall into the common error in thinking that there is INTENT behind evolution. That when things do change, it is because the change can be shown to be beneficial to the organism. That all evolution makes us better.

People aren't just buying into THOSE abject falsehoods. Some attach moral conclusions to DNA related concerns, often attributing effects to what are more probably causes.

They do the same thing in spades, when they start talking about cultural or social evolution. This can get really bad, when someone who observes an entirely artificial change having been made to a society, and then looks at the result of the artificial manipulation, and declares that a natural reaction to the manipulation proves that the manipulation was a good idea (?).

It's all more complicated than that. Even basic changes in DNA, aren't "designed" in any way at all. Creatures don't change their genetics (yet) in order to deal with changes in the environment. Changes in genetics just happen all the time, and occasionally, one of the changes chances to be "just what the doctor ordered." Other times they actually get in the way, or simply clutter the being with meaningless stuff.

Humans are NOT elegantly designed works of DNA precision. We are kluged together chunks of this and that, and we lurch across the planet as best we can, doing what we can with what happens to be in front of us.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 75
the whole boy/girl thing hasn't changed since we were hunter-gatherers on the African savannah
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:07:03 PM
I know this is your field of expertise, and I've tried not to go beyond what I've read written by others who are also experts in this field.

But any dating thread is bound to veer off into tangential areas. I find evolutionary psychology fascinating and in broad terms makes a lot of sense in explaining human behaviour. Not every act by any individual, but in things like mating I think we're driven by primal urges that don't change with fashion. When I was young men were told to behave like Alan Alda. Turns out Steve McQueen was a better model for getting the babes.
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