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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Rejection because they are lesbians      Home login  
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 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 26
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Rejection because they are lesbiansPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Because the more women the merrier!
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 27
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/3/2015 7:26:37 PM

Hey, why is the thought of watching two women making out so appealing to so many men, but the thought of watching two men making is not commonly a huge turn on for women?


I know a lot of hetero women who watch lesbian porn, women are sexier and softer. It just depends though because two butches or studs making out isn't appealing to me at all. Before I joined the CG when I was working a regular 9 to 5. I had a co-worker who was a soft butch lesbian who playfully flirted with me before and it felt weird, way too masculine.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 28
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 4:48:27 AM

*One woman did threaten to punch me out if I carried on talking to her girlfriend. That was role reversal funny. I carried on and her friends had to drag her away from starting sh**e. So you do have to be careful........


Interesting tactic otherwise but it does sound like asking for trouble as happened to you then. Chances are that if you try and debate it thou you will at least get a 'Nice try but no leave us alone' or something like it.

I wouldn't say that I have a problem with rejection itself really. In the past I had a problem with getting the confidence to ask in the first place with many of my friends watching and some of them can get quite immature when to comes to this. At least with a rejection it wasnt a really a missed opportunity and I have had a few of those.

On any night the chances of no are always going to be much higher than yes. Firstly most people, gay/lesbian or straight have a partner but unless perhaps they have kids its unlikely to stop them going out. Men know that most women are simply unavailable because they arent single and while yes some men will try regardless just like most women know that many men in the bar wont try to chat them up because they already have a partner. If you include those who are single but aren't interested that obviously declines the yes's further.

In fact I suspect that the majority of relationships don't start because random has said yes to random guy and start out together within days or weeks but more that male/female friend has acted as matchmaker to a male and female friend of his/hers. They then get talking and something develops, sharing a friend in common can be reassuring in some way. Or they both know each other already through work or some other activity.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 29
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 4:50:02 AM

*One woman did threaten to punch me out if I carried on talking to her girlfriend. That was role reversal funny. I carried on and her friends had to drag her away from starting sh**e. So you do have to be careful........


Interesting tactic otherwise but it does sound like asking for trouble as happened to you then. Chances are that if you try and debate it thou you will at least get a 'Nice try but no leave us alone' or something like it.

I wouldn't say that I have a problem with rejection itself really. In the past I had a problem with getting the confidence to ask in the first place with many of my friends watching and some of them can get quite immature when to comes to this. At least with a rejection it wasnt a really a missed opportunity and I have had a few of those.

On any night the chances of no are always going to be much higher than yes. Firstly most people, gay/lesbian or straight have a partner but unless perhaps they have kids its unlikely to stop them going out. Men know that most women are simply unavailable because they arent single and while yes some men will try regardless just like most women know that many men in the bar wont try to chat them up because they already have a partner. If you include those who are single but aren't interested that obviously declines the yes's further.

In fact I suspect that the majority of relationships don't start because random girl has said yes to random guy and start out together within days or weeks but more that male/female friend has acted as matchmaker to a male and female friend of his/hers. They then get talking and something develops, sharing a friend in common can be reassuring in some way. Or they both know each other already through work or some other activity.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 30
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 6:13:44 AM

Hey, why is the thought of watching two women making out so appealing to so many men, but the thought of watching two men making is not commonly a huge turn on for women?


Very good question, and I will take it a little further. The image of two women kissing doesn't necessarily turn me on, but it doesn't bother me if I saw it in a movie, real life, or a photograph. However the image of two men kissing, I find it completely repulsive. Now, I have to make a distinction here. There's the man to man kiss that you see Russian men do, Italian men do, and Latino men do. That incorporates a bear hug and it's done in a manly way. I don't have any problem with that one. I do that all the time when I meet with my uncle, or my brother, or guys that are close to me and are like brothers. The one that I find repulsive to watch is the one with sexual overtones. Now, don't get me wrong. I have no issues with gay men. If they want to kiss, that is their business. If they want to kiss in public, again that is their business and we live in a free country, but I reserve my right to look away, and to find the event not to my taste.

Does that mean I am homophobic? I don't know. I have no issues with them. I know a few gay men as well as I know a few gay women. But as I do not impose my lifestyle on them, they do not impose their lifestyle on me.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 31
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 10:46:21 AM

I know a lot of hetero women who watch lesbian porn, women are sexier and softer. It just depends though because two butches or studs making out isn't appealing to me at all. Before I joined the CG when I was working a regular 9 to 5. I had a co-worker who was a soft butch lesbian who playfully flirted with me before and it felt weird, way too masculine.


I think that's the thing. When many men say they like watching lesbians they mean the attractive feminine types. Doubt the butch more masculine types or even unattractive lesbians are on the radar. Personally if I'm trying to chat up women I don't see women dancing together as necessarily a positive. If they are both just friends then its different if she shows some interest in me but if there is no interest there after asking then its little more than a show which will ultimately go nowhere. I would much rather that a woman was dancing with me than watch two women dancing with each other.

Also the traditional notion that still exists even now of men being judged on actions and women on looks plays a part. For instance women find men with a six pack as sexually attractive, men have that physique because they work out. The physique that attractive women have however is not the result of a trip to the gym.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 32
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 1:15:00 PM

And I think it's perfectly valid expression to banter with ladies who say that they are gay on approach in hetro venues when my experiences tell me that they usually aren't. Do you really want me to go into graphic detail exactly how I know that?


Yes please.


Unless you want me to wrestle with Hawking? I think he's cute. Plus, I would definitely be the man in that relationship....


Yes please.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 33
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 4:47:23 PM

Rejection is a huge risk and male libido (and OLD) usually takes care of the dilemna women have about making the first move IRL. I have known some very considerate and compassionate women in my life and in my whole almost-half-century on this planet, I've known only one woman, only one, say to my face that she has sympathy with men for having to make the first move. Women take it for granted. And that's fair enough, sometimes gender empathy can only go so far.


I guess that if they are guaranteed of approaches by men its quite easy to take it for granted, just like anything in life I suppose. As long as there are no complaints about not getting approached because they know what they need to do. Had a couple of times where the woman started talking to me first but one was a lesbian and the other was taken, I doubt that either woman would have done so if they were single and looking but I'm sure it happens very occasionally.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 34
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 5:49:42 PM

I ask them to kiss each other ;-)


:(


Hawking, you heard the lady. Better act like warm toast next to the butter tray. In other words, get ready to be spread!!!


I have to admit I was a bit surprised by this - you called me a "lady" :)
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 35
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 11:12:59 PM
Oluben's tactic is interesting but I guess I don't care enough to entertain them, if a female interested in me she shouldn't lie about being a lesbian even if she's clearly not. Knowing that she lied to my face because she finds unattractive or just slimply lumping me in with every guy in there isn't going to make me pursue her which I guess is the point, if she's looking for banter and to flirt then she should just do that and not let her friends speak for her.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 36
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 11:26:22 PM
When I go to clubs and bars these days I just mainly ignore the women. I will talk to my friends and pay them no attention. If a girl is looking at me or moves closer to me I might start a conversation. A sign I look for is when a girl has her back almost to you and you catch her turning around or turning her head to get a better glimpse of you...she is interested in something. If a girl does not give some kind of sign, I just stay away. I am not going to bounce from lady to lady trying to get their attention.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 37
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/5/2015 7:38:06 AM
It might be a "white lie". Just like some women will say that they have a boyfriend when they are actually single. But aren't interested.


Rejecting strange men in person is fraught with peril. Women don't know if he will fly into a rage, becoming abusive and violent.


I think most men would accept it and move on. But if a man became abusive or violent at a bar / club type setting or a house party, he would get kicked out and/or maybe end up in jail.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 38
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/5/2015 10:15:04 AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPAmDULCVrU


Niiiiiice. I knew there was a catch.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 39
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/5/2015 12:17:21 PM

That's probably the difference. When I was out and about I loved banter. And I used to get a lot of various different types of initial knockbacks that with practice, you could learn to come back from without being unnecessarily aggressive. I did meet some very funny and flirty ladies back then but the truth is that many women are wary and some just aren't that good at interacting full stop. So even if they do like you (even if it's just slightly) they fall back on default forms of resistance and testing. Not aiming this at you Blackwood, but I wonder if many people are so determined to save face now they seem far too afraid to banter these days? Or approach.


That's the thing, I'm not into bantering, it's the INFP (http://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality) in me. Never really been great at small talk, I can do it and have gotten better at it but that's not my thing. Saving face is an issue I have so no offense taken there. When I'm in a bar I think I go out of my way too much and try to justify it "as not bothering them" so more often than not I'm not approaching them. I've found when I don't give a shit and just do my own thing rather it's being more outgoing or just keeping to myself (which is usually what happens) is when chicks approach me.

I think sometimes I take a too 'logical" approach to courting and dating which is weird because it goes against everything else within my personality.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 40
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 5:43:52 AM

That's the thing, I'm not into bantering, it's the INFP (http://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality) in me. Never really been great at small talk, I can do it and have gotten better at it but that's not my thing. Saving face is an issue I have so no offense taken there. When I'm in a bar I think I go out of my way too much and try to justify it "as not bothering them" so more often than not I'm not approaching them. I've found when I don't give a shit and just do my own thing rather it's being more outgoing or just keeping to myself (which is usually what happens) is when chicks approach me.


A friend of mine had the strange notion that if we sit down on a sofa the girls will come to us lol. I think basically he just didn't want to talk to them because it doesn't quite work like that. In the past I would sometimes think too much about trying to 'pull', not see any opportunities of doing so, then just got back to chatting with mates or just watching people. While I would enjoy the night out it ultimately meant that I wasn't going to get anywhere.

The truth is sometimes you just have to 'bother' them. They are only going to be bothered if there not interested. The one thing you can guarantee with chatting in person is that you will get a response. However unlike online dating there are time limitations in when you can do it and there is a high chance she wont be single. Not sure how many women would be keen on the idea but its a wonder that more bars and clubs don't have 'single nights' where you are bared entry if you aren't lol.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 41
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 6:37:38 AM
Baby - I just read that more women would watch guy on guy that girl on girl porn.
I have never known 2 women who would say they are gay when they aren't. Actually never met any lesbians who called themselves Lesbians.. I hear them use partner/wife/lover
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 42
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 6:59:08 AM

Towards the end of my cruising days, I was much more selective about who I approached. And previous experiences allowed me to get it right much more often than before.

oluben, what were the selection criteria? and how does a guy decides he's near the end of his cruising days? is it like smoking? does he say to himself that he's giving up on it next week? or does he become distracted and only remembers retroactively that after six months of not-cruising he doesn't feel like cruising anymore?
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 43
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 8:56:06 AM
Ouija: What? Really? Or are you pulling my leg?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 44
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 9:20:53 AM

I ask them to kiss each other ;-)


That is weak. If there is a couch they need to be doing a hell lot more.


When I go to clubs and bars these days I just mainly ignore the women.


Yeah that works. Because we all know girls like unfriendly men.

A sign I look for is when a girl has her back almost to you and you catch her turning around or turning her head to get a better glimpse of you...she is interested in something.


Yeah, she is interested in making sure you don't get any closer. Much better to be at the bar in the traffic flow IMHO.

If a girl does not give some kind of sign, I just stay away. I am not going to bounce from lady to lady trying to get their attention.

Well that is the wrong attitude. For one thing, most gals out with friends do everything to avoid eye contact and looking desperate. Second, when gals are going to be brave enough to initiate they generally avoid risk. So they have to be close to 100% sure about you and they save their effort for the top guys in their subjective opinion. Unless you know you are the GUY who stands out in your venue, you are going to go home alone most likely.

There are ways to stand out, but that takes finesse and a bit of attention to detail. Being VERY tall is like a freebie from god in these cases. Having REALLY white teeth can help if you are in a dark place and smiling like a Jackal.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 45
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 9:33:15 AM
Baby - nope :) Google, everything from getting ideas for diff positions to a " fan" club of straight women who enjoy D on D.
I personally am only interested in shoe porn ( drooling over beautiful expensive shoes I'll never have)
I'm prolly transfinancial
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 46
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 9:36:57 AM
^ Careful what you say around here - I've known men who would lick a woman's shoes, given the chance.

*Below: Get your tongue the hell out of my shoes.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 47
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 9:40:25 AM
Whats a matter ........? You have an issue with a free shoe shine? No pleasing some of you!
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 48
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 11:05:48 AM

I don't know what is wrong upon meeting a lesbian/gay couple to acknowledge that they make a good couple? And then treat them accordingly like a human after that?/quote]

I went to a club yesteday and I saw a girl tell a guy that she was a lesbian and more into her female friend who standing next to her even gave her a playful kiss, the thing is she was lying like hell. I saw her dance with multiple guys earlier and her friend had flirted with me before even danced with me earlier. They clearly weren't lesbians and I wouldn't have been wrong if I tried to pursue it further by getting her number later (even though I didn't) I think those are the kinds of chicks Oluben is talking about, I don't know him personally but I've read enough of his posts to know that he's not an homophobe and he's not an idiot, so he's not going to waste time trying to chase lesbians.


The truth is sometimes you just have to 'bother' them. They are only going to be bothered if there not interested. The one thing you can guarantee with chatting in person is that you will get a response. However unlike online dating there are time limitations in when you can do it and there is a high chance she wont be single. Not sure how many women would be keen on the idea but its a wonder that more bars and clubs don't have 'single nights' where you are bared entry if you aren't lol.


I'm pretty good at meetups and singles mixer or at least the one I POF mixer I went to but I also know every girl is looking to meet a guy and looking to socialize. As opposed to a club when everyone is there and there's just so much stimulation I get disoriented sometimes.


Yeah, she is interested in making sure you don't get any closer. Much better to be at the bar in the traffic flow IMHO.


One time I was in a club and the place was crowded as hell no room to move, so this girl's back is turned to me and while she's cute I'm not really paying it any attention. I can see her friend in front of her and they're talking about something or someone and that someone happened to be me they were talking about. I can read her lips, I'm not sure what the girl was saying to her.

Girl: He's cute...I don't know, he's behind you.....I don't know if he wants to dance or not.......He's not really doing anything.......Maybe he has a girlfriend.....maybe he's gay....

The thing is I heard "maybe he's gay" even though the place was loud as hell, I could hear the words "He's gay" out of her mouth. My reaction was immediately "Damn she's think I'm gay, what are you doing idiot, dance with her."

I started dancing with her and then I bought her a drink and got her number.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 49
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/7/2015 11:11:38 AM
Hey, why is the thought of watching two women making out so appealing to so many men, but the thought of watching two men making is not commonly a huge turn on for women?
-----------------------
I have often wondered that. However, since I don't have any interest in accommodating that sort of thing, I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth by asking my gf to explain it.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 50
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Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/8/2015 1:15:23 PM

My reasons for stopping were specific and I may discuss them at a later point. But generally, I think there comes a point when guys get tired of approaching even if they are "successful" and just want to settle down. You get to a point where you prefer the warm feeling of staying indoors and watching a reality show with your lady rather than the approach-risk of being surrounded in a venue by lovely-looking women that might all reject you.


Well said. For older guys street game is more productive anyway as you go along your business.


miss the energy I had in those days and the tolerance for the utter BS that often came my way, but I don't miss the costly entrance fees and cab journeys home, the constant threat of violence in the venues and the all-night takeaway queues, the c()ck-blocking of so-called "mates" and the fact that even if you pulled, you might just be pulling with a lady who.... often goes to nightclubs ;-)


Say it again! But what is a "takeaway queue"?
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