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Show ALL Forums  > Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help  > Flagging non-repliers      Home login  
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 26
Flagging non-repliersPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

You send me a messsage : Hi, blah, blah,
I reply : Crawl back under your rock
My reply rate = 100%

Exactly but if I don't respond my reply rate is 0 %. The system *over there* is flawed. Anyone who uses the response rate to decide who to message is probably not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 27
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/8/2015 7:25:11 AM

Unsurprisingly, people seem to be taking this as a personal insult. I do find it rude not to reply

why are you assuming anyone is insulted when they're merely trying to explain to you how your logic is flawed?

Go to OK cupid and you'll see their system.

their system: 'replies often'.... 'replies occasionally'.... 'replies rarely'. they will never tell you 'replies 100% of the time' or, 'never replies'.

the color of the dot on their profile is meaningless, because without writing to them you'll never know if they're going to reply to *you*.... or even, what their answer will be. so you're in exactly the same position before you started imagining you were in danger of being insulted on a different website based on completely useless information somewhere else.

I have found the information helpful on the other site, because it helps me, and others, in avoiding the time-wasters, the chronic non-repliers.

what in your mind is the difference between not getting an answer and getting one that says 'no thanks'? explain how your time is any less wasted because someone gave you the brush-off versus being able to easily infer exactly the same information because someone never bothered to answer.

it's not as if you were putting your life on hold waiting for a life-changing answer from a complete stranger when you could have been messaging other women or finding something else to do.....

or is it?

It's rude. I'd sooner disable my account.

disabling your profile because some women didn't give you answer makes about as much sense as disabling your computer because you saw something on the internet that annoyed you. *shrug*
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 28
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Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/8/2015 3:43:50 PM
I have an account on o k cupid. On that particular site, I block 99.9% of all messages I receive without replying. The reason is that it is extremely rare for me to receive genuine messages. Most are from men who are from overseas. Most tell me how beautiful I am and how my profile compelled them to have to write to me. They are so clearly scammers that I don't even bother to reply. I just hit "block" and, if an image search reveals their pics as scammer pics, I report the profile.

On another site, r s v p, they also have a rating system for how often people reply. As there is no potential for people to write offensive first messages, and it costs $ to write a real message, I always respond to messages on that site. It is a fairly hostility free environment.

The rating system on o k cupid is completely useless.
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 29
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/8/2015 3:57:15 PM
ForeverBelieving79...see what Spot4UserName and gcdeb wrote above?
There is no need to agonize over the "data" of the likelihood of whether a woman will respond or not.

In the amount of time utilized contemplating should I or shouldn't I a solid message could have been sent.
Another thing that might help is to simply delete your *sent* messages folder. It won't be a stark reminder to you.

If it offers any additional hope for the future...I do believe response rate increases as we age.
Once I reached my mid-40s or so my response rate was probably 85% or more.
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 30
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Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/8/2015 4:07:56 PM

the color of the dot on their profile is meaningless, because without writing to them you'll never know if they're going to reply to *you*.... or even, what their answer will be. so you're in exactly the same position before you started imagining you were in danger of being insulted on a different website based on completely useless information somewhere else.

Actually if they rate "like" or"rate" profiles that are a match a message is generated. So a women could be seen as replying often when in fact she only likes to rate profiles as a way of expressing interest.

The color also changes frequently.
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 31
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Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/10/2015 10:47:14 AM
AussieNancy wrote:

Message: Hi there. I like your profile. Can we meet sometime?
Reply: Hello. I'm not looking for anyone. Just here for the forums. Have a good day.

Message: So you'd rather talk to the forums than talk to me?
Reply: Thankyou for your message. Have a nice day.

Message: Listen, lady. You think you're better than me? I'm doing you a favour. If no one else wants you, I will.
Reply: Thankyou but I'm not interested at this time. All the best.

Message: Think yourself lucky I'm spending my time on you. Is this how you repay me? Being rude?
Reply: Good day Sir.

Message: You didn't answer my question. Is this how you treat someone who is trying to do you a favour? What sort of twisted biarttch are you? You encouraged me then turned me down. You're nothing but a cokk teaser.

YIKES!! I hope that's not typical or common!

On the other hand, I do think it's sort of impolite not to reply.. but I guess I think so because I sort of see it in a "saying hi to someone in public, and the person pretends you're not there" sort of way.

HOWEVER.... if the intent of not replying is to avoid a situation like the above, I'd probably suggest that, upon the first off-putting comment (in this case, I'd think potentially the second message, and definitely the third), that the Block feature would then be used. Or, depending on the language they use, the Report feature.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I make it a point to reply, even if with a gentle sort of not interested message. I've had a very small number of instances where someone got nasty with me, but I didn't even have to use the block feature. They did their nasty message, then subsequently blocked me (but obviously waiting long enough to be sure I got their message? I thought that was a little odd.. how would they know how soon I'd check?) But, while, yeah, somewhat off putting, I'd still rather be polite and respond, on the assumption that most people are understanding and seem to appreciate a response. In my experience, this has generally been the case.
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 32
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Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/11/2015 3:24:27 PM
Putting aside whether the message sender or recipient decides to take issue personally, having a response ratio is potentially useful. If recipient's response ratio is low, the odds of a favorable response to your message are also low. You may want to reconsider whether your message and match are exceptional or whether your time is better spent pursuing someone else.

It matters hardly at all *why* the response ratio is low. Whether the person is rarely interested, spends little time here, or just gets way too many messages, it means that a message/match is not not exceptional is unlikely to get you what you want.
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 33
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Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/11/2015 4:15:57 PM
Take a hint. No reply, is a reply.
Why do you need a rejection letter? I prefer not to get a rejection letter, so I don't send them.
Besides, some men can get nasty.
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 34
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Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/11/2015 10:57:14 PM
OP, Let me explain my thoughts on the replying "no" and no-replyin' controversy.

Premise 1: BLOCKING offensive users trumps ENCOURAGING users to respond to someone they don't want to give the time of day.

Premise 2: PoF may keep count of BLOCKS and act on them if a user messaging provokes a high percentage of recipients. Being able to accurately keep track of BLOCKS is essential for the computer model used for PoF.

Premise 3: SEEING FRIENDS ONLINE trumps seeing rejections online.

So many posters have ego-related comments in this thread and there is nothing wrong with that, we all deal with our own junk. I don't think yours is any more or less reasonable than theirs ... in short it would be a nice to have for some users. Unfortunately it conflicts with the entire design of PoF (see above premises).

Let me walk you through it:
1. If people send a message back the original sender can then BLOCK them. People of both genders respond differently, and frequently there are sour cyber-grapes when the rubber meets the road. You should not respond to someone you are sure is not for you, unless they are so charming or so interesting that they are worth a platonic conversation and the risk of being BLOCKED if things went south. And then PoF would get spurious data that would cause all kinds of inequity among users when accounting for BLOCKS. Not to mention a lot of grief and unnecessary complaints.

2. Some applications allow users to see people they message popping online when you are on, although there are some pretty bad glitches with that showing people online when they really aren't on PoF. This is great when it works since you can do a back and forth with a new friend and move it along striking when the iron is hot, and chat fresh in mind. If you got a reply from everyone, this functionality would be lost and you are replaced seeing rejected people (works both ways) mixed in with your friends. To be honest I don't always remember which PrettyWoman123 is which so it would become clunky and confusing to have a month worth of people online.

3. Some users that are in high demand simply don't have the time to compose messages, even short ones. If we morally were to oblige them to reply, there would be less time to write messages back to the ones they actually did want to reply to. And you might get passed over from someone who actually would have messaged you, because they were too busy writing rejection emails. That would be a shame, because it prevented a possible match! It might be yours.

There is a solution of course, but it comes with its own problems. No system is perfect. PoF could give a "Delete Not on my Life" and a "Delete Try Again" that shows up in sent messages. I would prefer they not do that and it stayed the way it is. Don't game the system or sweat this like some people do. Just do your thing. If you get a crush on a profile and no response, just message again in a few days. Nobody gets hurt and if there is no response the second time you can be 95% sure this person is NOT interested. 95% is enough considering you don't even know the person for real and there are Plenty of Fish in the sea.
Joined: 8/28/2015
Msg: 35
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/18/2015 4:30:48 PM
Just coming back to disable my account. I talked to a couple of friends about online dating, and what they said seems obvious now.

I'm 35, the women I am hoping to meet are 25 - 35. So, if a woman in that age bracket is actually worth dating, she's probably not going to be single. The ones that are single and worth dating, are most likely going to not be so short on offers that they have to look online. If she is on POF, one must ask why.

Blindingly obvious, when you think about it.

Adios, POF, I'm rejoining the real world.
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 36
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/18/2015 4:57:18 PM
Right…the women rejecting you on here are rubbish.

Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 37
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/18/2015 7:24:33 PM

Just coming back to disable my account. If she is on POF, one must ask why.
Adios, POF, I'm rejoining the real world.

Oh Please don't go, don't leave us here, we'll feel so lonely in this fake world without you

But, if you still decide to leave , then, farewell.
Joined: 9/12/2015
Msg: 38
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/19/2015 5:29:49 AM
It's obvious to me that people don't owe you a response.

Don't let the bacon hit you on da bootie, on da way out, bruh. (Bacon is too precious to waste.)
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 39
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/23/2015 2:28:08 PM
Let me ask a ?. If you say HI, Hello, or something to a woman and she ignores you, then what happens?
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 40
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/23/2015 2:32:25 PM

Posted by Lindsay_G:
"...Let me ask a ?.
If you say HI, Hello, or something to a woman and she ignores you, then what happens?..."

Nothing happens. There is no dialogue and no interaction occurs.
Nobody knows about it except the person who wrote the note and the recipient.
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 41
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/23/2015 2:37:32 PM
Well then what is the person BI" about, no different than in person. Most likely the guy will mumble under his breath or make some obnoxious comment hoping she hears it. That is typically the norm. And if she does, she will get in his face. In the end, he will wish he just kept going and ignored it.
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