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 AUTHOR
60-ish men with toddlers ...Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
These older, new daddies will never be able to retire unless they are wealthy men. The young new wives are good for their ego but the cost of raising and educating child is enslaving.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 27
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/13/2015 8:25:29 AM
Thanks for your input "passionatesunnygal" lol

I'll send all the old guys with toddlers your way.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 28
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/13/2015 11:14:26 AM

trying to pull on your mothering instincts! Boy did they miss the boat if they selected you!


My goodness.

I am going to hazard a guess that the OP is much like myself. It is those strong mothering instincts that make her think twice about an older man with a very young child(ren). I know what sort of mother I was when I was busy rearing my sons and what sort of mother I am now that they are grown. My baby is 21 today *sniff*

If I were to be with (and I am talking serious relationship/living together/marriage) a man who had a small child there is no way I could take a passive role. I was the mom who went on every field trip, coached or was team mom for every team, baked cookies, helped in class, etc. etc. I don't know if at this stage in my life that I am prepared to do all of that again but I do know that I would never be able to NOT do those things.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 29
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/13/2015 3:05:31 PM
Thanks OP, I don't have an issue with other people's life choice and sure wouldn't continue to use the POF Forums as a way to put down members of the opposite sex for theirs as you seem to want to do so...didn't you start a similar thread just a few years ago with the same basic theme--putting down older men who had children cause you felt their trophy wife had abandon them or as you said "stuck them" and you love to mock men about it. My father had me at a later age in life and for that I am so grateful --so try and remember your put downs on other people's choices aren't as neatly wrapped up as you would like--my mom was the same age as my father when I was born.

Spot4username I understand completely where you are coming from, I met an interesting man once who's daughter had been killed in a car wreck and the SIL l had died of cancer--him and his ex were co-parenting the grandkids and had legally adopted them, so when I see comments made where individuals ASSUME things vs trying to understand not everyone's choice is the same and at times it is just a good man being a good man and stepping up to take on a role cause there is no one else. He talked often about how much better he felt he was this time around and that while it would be nice to have someone as actively involved in the children's activities with the co-parenting it was actually more optional than required, yet I agree with you-you want to be more active in a child's life when you can. I think having someone else to do part of the *normal things moms do would make the burden less for both.

Happy birthday to your son.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 30
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60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/13/2015 11:43:18 PM

My father had me at a later age in life and for that I am so grateful --so try and remember your put downs on other people's choices aren't as neatly wrapped up as you would like--my mom was the same age as my father when I was born.

PassionateSunnyGal, LOL! I spent longer than I'd admit reading the above sentence as a word problem in high school algebra :-)

Interestingly, your other comment on grandparents raising their grandchildren was the first thought in my mind when the first posts were made in this thread. Who would have anything but complimentary things to say about that? And how terribly different is this thread's topic... where there is love, I can't see how intent matters as long as one gets there and is responsible. The world is filled with conceited men, business men and there are so, so few lamplighters:

"That man," said the little prince to himself, as he continued farther on his journey, "that man would be scorned by all the others: by the king, by the conceited man, by the tippler, by the businessman. Nevertheless he is the only one of them all who does not seem to me ridiculous. Perhaps that is because he is thinking of something else besides himself."

ref: http://www.angelfire.com/hi/littleprince/chapter14.html

Keep your sunny side up for you, your daughter, and everyone in your sunny orbit! We were in the same boat with our parents. Your comprehension of the possibilities is refreshing. There are good and bad things in everything and we pay our money and take our chances. But to criticize, e.g., a healthy 60 year old for having a two year old child who provides a loving home for them is beyond ridiculous. How many children are born with deadbeat dads, lose their parents at a young age due to sad accidents, diseases like cancer and war, and any number of other factors. We can't pick our parents out of a catalog, but a 60-ish dad who can pull off a budget and hasn't lost his spunk is undoubtedly a great Dad and no less a father to anyone he gives life.
Cheers
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 31
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 12:00:08 AM
A 60 year old man with a toddler can be a great dad.

But I do not have to date nor marry him.

I want to be able to hand the kids back.
Cuddled a 6 week old baby on the weekend for about 15 minutes.
Enjoyed it for that 15 mins.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 32
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60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 12:48:41 AM

But I do not have to date nor marry him.

The scarlet letter patrol respects that a toddler doesn't rock your prospecting world and thinks you're a great person, as they've followed your posts for some time ;) I'll send my friend Dennis Quaid elsewhere in case he goes through with the divorce :)

Personally, I'd take a woman with a toddler that was fun to be with, enjoyed witty conversation, and was open minded and energetic any day of the week. It's never worth generalizing a 'never' (except to 'never generalize'). There are just too many possibilities.

The best gifts come in all kinds of packages for all kinds of people. Maybe Woody Allen had that in mind when he said being bisexual doubles your chances on a Saturday night. He's right of course. Criticizing a person's morals, or raking them over the coals because they are interested in you is very different from saying you're not into that, but you're feeling flattered.
Cheers
 Swimalittlecloser
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 33
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 1:24:53 AM
I live in LA and there are a LOT of men here in their late 50's -60's with children under the age of 5, actually I have come across quite a few with two children (not twins) under the age of 5.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 34
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 2:53:03 AM
Thank you pluto.

What is Life/Phys sciences?

p.s. I am also a scientist.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 35
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 5:00:05 AM
Look, sunnygal, I have no issue with you. My thread wasn't "mocking" any older person with young kids. But really, how chronic is the problem when I actually have to add that phrase to my profile?
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 36
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 5:25:45 AM
Everytimt that I have seen this, the young woman decided to get pregnant. What difference does it make? Most of the women here claim not to want to marry again. Only see him when the child is with the mother.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 37
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60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 8:55:28 AM

What is Life/Phys sciences?

I'm a generalist now. Work's definition's been blurred beyond recognition from my days as a bright-eyed lad in an industrial chemical laboratory. To that, add an intensive interval of care-giving (of a loving parent) recently enough that I still lose some sleep pondering every now and then :-(

p.s. I am also a scientist.

One of the nice things about a science career is that it frequently trains its own to keep open minds, so I'm sure that's part of the vibe that made me like your posts. That doesn't mean I agree with the old-person smell theory though!
Cheers
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 38
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 9:52:57 AM

Only see him when the child is with the mother.


That would work with the "Date occasionally-Nothing serious" or "Looking for a FWB" crowd, but with someone wanting more, not so much.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 39
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 2:14:40 PM
Thank you Pluto.

(She says dipping into a deep curtsy fluttering her eyelashes)

I agree. We scientists who are cross disciplinary survive.


Re Old person smell.
I sat in a chair the other day and had to move to a different one as an old man, who rarely bathed, regularly sat in that chair and I could not stand the smell.

Whilst I call it old man smell. I think it really is not bathing regularly, stale urine and general poor hygiene smell.
I have smelt it also on women. Mostly with dementia, even very early stages dementia.
The smell gets into almost everything. Fabrics, walls, bedding, clothing, furniture.

I wish I could work out how to eliminate it.
So far all my attempts have failed.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 40
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/14/2015 8:53:55 PM

But to criticize, e.g., a healthy 60-year-old for having a two-year-old child who provides a loving home for them is beyond ridiculous. How many children are born with deadbeat dads, lose their parents at a young age due to sad accidents, diseases like cancer and war, and any number of other factors. We can't pick our parents out of a catalog, but a 60-ish dad who can pull off a budget and hasn't lost his spunk is undoubtedly a great Dad and no less a father to anyone he gives life.
Cheers


Thank you 9Pluto-that was exactly my thoughts on it--having a great father no matter what his age is what is important! I also don't think a woman who desires not to be involved with a man with younger children is selfish-they have their reasons--it was the mean-spirited way this thread was contrived to poke fun at older men who had trophy wives and then lost them...the OP can claim whatever she wants but when you put the words "Stuck" it is very obvious what the intent was.
 baconflavoredbacon
Joined: 9/12/2015
Msg: 41
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 7:13:02 AM
There are published stories that bust myths about trophy wives. Now the oldies want somebody who's considerably younger and established. In other words, somebody who isn't going to take them for a ride. Good for them! They wanna get married and create families. Great! The issue seems to be availability of time in dating more than their choices and abilities as parents.

It's assumed at this stage that, if we're talking about both successful and wealthy/rich people, they will have the means to raise these children with relative comfort. In the dating world, this means there'd be considerable resources like live-in tutors, au pairs, nannies, you name it, to assist in caring for the children. This means they would have the time and means to date somebody at their leisure, without pausing to worry about getting a baby sitter at the last minute or trying to scrape the budget for funds to go out on a date. There wouldn't be any burden or struggle in getting up in the morning and getting children to school or daycares as the OP implies. Typically, people in this income bracket are healthier, more energetic, and have the means to maintain themselves for a long time, no feeling stuck, no exhaustion, and little worry next to most However, you won't find such people on this type of dating site. They have first pick of the litter.

The typical fare here are the struggling older dads that have very little time for commitments. These folks are managing just to get by, shuffling their kids to and from school, events, scrambling to find babysitters and have little discretionary income to go on dates. There are typically no provisions made for their children once they're gone, because they've earned and spent most of it while trying to raise them. They have more stress, more medical problems and significantly more work hours to clock in to get by. They also don't have a lot of time for relationship outside of their children if they are primary caregivers and dwell on these sites to find comfort and not relationships that demand time and resources to maintain.

I won't sit here and debate the merits of what constitutes good parenting and make judgement calls on how the children were conceived and received. If you don't want to date a man with children, it's your decision. If the man gets annoyed because you wanna date a man who's done raising kids, you can always tell him that he can make the decision to date women with perky tits. What's fair is fair.

There are consequences for choices made, good and bad.

Have a bacon-filled day!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 42
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60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 8:27:36 AM
I disagree with the lifestyle choice of having children, on purpose, when you are grandparent age. The fact that they have toddlers and are single & dating really makes the whole thing seem ridiculous, they aren't even together, and there are these little children. I find that selfish and WTF were you thinking. So no, I wouldn't want to date them. There are lots of reasons two people would not want to date each other, it doesn't matter if some things have worked for others, if you want no part of it, then it's a deal breaker.
 rhinestonesky
Joined: 6/9/2015
Msg: 43
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 8:38:23 AM
Having any kids at home at our age, particularly toddlers is a complete turn off. No way.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 44
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 8:55:54 AM

Msg 40:
...but a 60-ish dad who can pull off a budget and hasn't lost his spunk is undoubtedly a great Dad....


I disagree. I think they're idiots and selfish. How long is the dad in his 60's going to have spunk and energy to keep up with a kid? Kids are draining enough for people half that age. When the kid is in his/her teenage years, that's often a crazy time for kids who often do crazy things trying to figure out how to be an adult, Mr. Dad will be in his mid 70's. When the kid graduates from high school, Mr. Dad will be pushing 80. How many people that age have a lot of spunk and no health problems, and can keep up with a young person? If the kid goes to college, the dad will be well into his 80's. The most likely scenario is the kid, at a young age, will end up burying the dad-and possibly having to care for him before death. How is that a good thing?
 high-ground
Joined: 6/16/2013
Msg: 45
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60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 11:19:15 AM
Interesting subject. Anyone thought of all those grandma's that choose to have there grand children over every day. Yes a willing babysitter for there daughter or son, and usually no compensation. Then there are those grandparents that need to take of them full time, since there daughters or sons dropped them off and never returned, went to jail, or just plain non-functional parents. In fact there are many women listed here that expect the future beau to understand the need to have her grand children over 5 days a week.

As for a man becoming a father over 60, it doesn't really matter if the mother is young enough to have children. She has the youth to bear and take care of them. Usually the man is not home except for evenings, and if retired I'm assuming he can support them financially. Remember in today's world the woman makes the decision about birth control, with or without his input. Yes I know men can have a vasectomy, but a women wanting a baby will find a way.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 46
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 11:37:43 AM
I agree with both maleman and high-ground. It's not the greatest idea to subject a child to a parent who is 60+ for a few reasons but it apparently happens. It also happens that children are born to one or both parents who totally disappear from their lives either through death or other reasons and older grandparents do the upbringing, and though painful to the child when those only known parents (the grandparents) they've known die, they go on to live productive, well-rounded lives.

I am sure there are women out there who the scenario of a 60 year old father to a toddler would be appealing. Perhaps women who could never bear children or mothers of children who for whatever reason never made them a grandmother who would give their eye teeth to have a toddler in their life. Difficult, perhaps, for the 60 year old man to find a woman who fits that bill, but I'm sure not impossible.

Life sure has its variables!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 47
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 12:29:22 PM
Another variable is: How old is the mother who bore the kid? I doubt a guy who is 60-plus would convince a 20 or 30-something woman to have a kid with him. If it's a woman who is close to being non-bearing age (late 40's I presume), that increases the risk of future or immediate medical issues. Is a 60-plus guy prepared to look after a toddler if the toddler ends up having medical problems or a disability that requires around-the-clock care?
 rhinestonesky
Joined: 6/9/2015
Msg: 48
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 1:09:25 PM
My brother had his first child at 45 with his 35 year old wife. They have no idea how to parent.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 49
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 1:36:56 PM
My friend's father had her at 53. He died while taking a stroll when she was 42. Her mother is still alive and living alone. My friend married and has two kids. Her father walked her down the aisle. Unassisted. And he danced at her wedding.

If it doesn't work for you it may work for someone else.

I would be more turned away by a man with two dogs. To each his own

What high ground said.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 50
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/15/2015 1:51:29 PM
"the mean-spirited way this thread was contrived to poke fun at older men who had trophy wives and then lost them.."

Seriously? How do you come up with your special spin on this subject? YOU are the only person who thinks I was poking fun because you're overly-sensitive on this subject. I was merely commenting on the number of middle-aged men with toddlers I encounter, especially now that I've had to add that to my profile as a dealbreaker along with smokers and drunks. Quite frankly, I think these guys choose grandmothers like myself since we most likely have young grandchildren and might be more welcoming to someone with young kids because they know their chances at landing another younger woman is slim-to-none. Just my theory -- you don't have to like it or agree with me.

As most posters have stated, these men should know better and it should come as no surprise when the wife leaves them for someone more age appropriate. Water always finds it's own level.
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