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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > 60-ish men with toddlers ...      Home login  
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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 151
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60-ish men with toddlers ...Page 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
sometimes these guys are trapped into becoming fathers with the younger woman but after all if he does not take precautions it is his fault as well. Then they may think they have still got it if they can impregnate a woman in their fifties and beyond. EGO AND LUST. They don't think about the repercussions later on and that they will be an old dad or possibly even dead when their kids are teenagers.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 152
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/3/2015 4:48:50 AM

Most people who find this an issue only do so in terms of compatibility (or lack thereof), as most of them have completed parenthood



A lot of people will understand that you really don't "complete" parenthood until the day they start throwing dirt on you. There is NO timeline for it. Unless of course, you have the belief that parenthood is a job and/or a burden.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 153
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/3/2015 8:41:20 AM

A lot of people will understand that you really don't "complete" parenthood until the day they start throwing dirt on you. There is NO timeline for it. Unless of course, you have the belief that parenthood is a job and/or a burden.


While I don't consider parenthood a job and/or a burden, I do know that things change.
I'm still a parent, but I don't do my kids laundry, make their lunches, drive them to school and events,
make their doctor appointments or schedule play dates. I don't have to be home to make their dinner,
I don't wait up until they get home and I don't have to share my car with them. I don't worry about their
school grades or wonder if they did their homework. I don't have to worry if it's my turn to make the
cupcakes for the bake sale, or if I double booked myself on the night of the school play. Don't even get
me going on projects or science fairs, soccer practice, gymnastics, ballet..............

There are different degrees of parenting.
I'm not really interested in doing the above unless it's with my granddaughter.
I think a lot of women my age might think the same...and probably some men.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 154
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60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/3/2015 9:05:33 AM

browneyesboo
There are different degrees of parenting.
I'm not really interested in doing the above unless it's with my granddaughter.
I think a lot of women my age might think the same...and probably some men.


+1

While I understand, and agree with Walt's point that your parenting is never completely over, I also agree with Boo, totally different after they are adults.

I don't encounter women with small children of their own, but I have encountered quite a few who are actually raising their grandchildren. And I don't mean part time / weekends, I mean full time parenting.

Count me out, sorry.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 155
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/3/2015 1:46:48 PM
At the other end of the spectrum, there's story in the paper about a 37 year old man charged with manslaughter in the death of his 13 month old grandson. It sounds like a case of children having children, which is never ideal for raising kids. Somebody in their 30's having grandkids is as creepy as old farts having toddlers.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 156
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/3/2015 6:13:39 PM
I have met men who LOVED the ages of my kids and included them in activities that they designed

I have also met men who moved on.

You know what?

Fine.

Just like smoking, drinking, religion and dogs(me) and cats(me) and snakes(me), people cannot see themselves living with certain things.
To some people it is anyone under 21.
Just move along.
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 157
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/4/2015 1:24:20 PM
Walt, Boo and Henry make some good points. As far as being involved with a woman raising grandkids, I'd prefer to look at that on a case-by-case basis,rather than drawing and hard lines in the sand.
I think I'd have some serious reservations about dating a woman who knowingly left grandkids in a significantly dangerous environment, or allowed them to be put in the foster care system.
But that is just my personal position, not a blanket statement or judgement on anyone else.
 Looking_4_her_still
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 158
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/14/2015 5:39:32 PM
A 60-ish guy is raising toddlers means he is a devoted parent, and will certainly be a devoted partner. Maybe considered a man with fine character.

Seems a virtue but is irrelevant in the real world.

Women of course are looking for a 60-ish guy who will devote all his resources, which may include money, health insurance, life insurance, deed to the house, his retirement, new car; but not just for her but her own grown kids.

At singles events like dances, one can observe women in their 40s and 50s swarm 60-ish men who they think may offer such benefits. There is heavy competition among those women who apply lots of makeup to look attractive. The guy realizes all of this, of course.

So, his quality of being a good father is trumped by the needs of post-heyday women looking for someone to pay their bills.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 159
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60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/14/2015 8:14:22 PM
It is a sweeping statement to say that 60'ish men are necessarily devoted parents and partners. Or that they have a fine character. Any more than a younger man.

It is a bit much to say that a woman would expect the second husband to provide for her own grown kids necessarily. Older men essentially buy younger women, that is how it is and that is fine if everyone is aware of the dynamics.
 Hosch_bau
Joined: 11/11/2015
Msg: 160
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 1:38:57 AM

At singles events like dances, one can observe women in their 40s and 50s swarm 60-ish men who they think may offer such benefits. There is heavy competition among those women


Say what? I've never experienced that or seen anything remotely close to it. But that's probably because I can't dance worth a toot. :/
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 161
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 2:44:07 AM

A 60-ish guy is raising toddlers means he is a devoted parent, and will certainly be a devoted partner. Maybe considered a man with fine character.


I don'r agree: one hand doesn't always hold the other in harmony, in this situation. All it means is that he's a parent with responsibilities that come with raising a very young child, Unless he has the resources to be able to hire a nanny, on-call, to date women and the time and mostly importantly the commitment to share with somebody for a meaningful relationship, he isn't going to be a devoted partner, as much as he thinks he is or wants it.

Being a parent is one component of a person's life and overall character, albeit it's a very significant component.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 162
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 2:57:26 AM

A lot of people will understand that you really don't "complete" parenthood until the day they start throwing dirt on you. There is NO timeline for it. Unless of course, you have the belief that parenthood is a job and/or a burden.


There's a point in time when you stop becoming the catcher's mitt of your children's fall backs and become a parent to an adult child. Sometimes the best parenting is not infantilizing them, so they learn from the consequences of their choices, like becoming an adult and earning that degree and getting a promotion at their jobs which would mean increases in responsibilities; that is love, that is being a parent, without being hands-on.

Sure, there'll be times the children won't communicate you for days, or call you when they need something, or resent you because you refuse to subsidize their rent or food bill, but a little austerity isn't going to hurt them.

And yes, parenthood -- the act itself -- is a big burden and a tough job to do; there isn't anything romantic about it. Sometimes with all of these sacrifices and hard-work, your children still may resent you and other children will respect the relationship; relationships with your children are no different like any other relationships; if you don't set boundaries, you're enabling them to make more work for you than necessary.

Of course, it also depends on your children: some children are special needs and do rely on somebody to assist them to meet their needs; but those are the needs that have to be met; they're still somewhat autonomous human beings in that they have their own feelings, desires, thoughts, preferences, etc, still there's exists a relationship (or not).
 Looking_4_her_still
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 163
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 6:21:57 AM
Oh those 60-ish men raising toddlers. Then there are adults living with parents, sure aint 1982 anymore. Some of us are always a parent. News says "young adults" aged 18-34, moving in with parents(s) 42% men 36% women, most in yrs.

I know several women in their 50s who moved back in with a surviing parent. I meet them in church. They go to church to find "old Fashioned" structure and a conservative hard working man to rescue them with a marriage contract. Nothing wrong with it. Economic driven.
I never touch those loosers, Im doing great, I support my kids, and I want it to stay that way.

Many 40-sh 50-ish women may not have a parent to move in in with. So, they get creative, in swarms, and make moves on men from a senior generation. Nothing wrong with it. Economic driven, It comes down to arithmetic.

How do they fix this new social reality and re-empower women, who really are worth it? Some divorce courts already have. Focus on men who were married for 20-30 years. One lady told me her ex was ordered to pay steep alimony ($3000/mo), pay her health insurance ($1200/month), her co-pays, and car allowance, maintain a life insurance with ex as benefactor,, for life as part of their divorce contract. This is her "retirement package." Lots of guys living in cars after getting kicked out of the house they paid for by a judge. Guys cant get a divorce anymore.

This sort of divorce contract may be out of reach if the 60-ish guy is still a toddler parent from a previous relationship. After kids older than 18, it is much much easier for women to clip that sucker with a divorce contract retirement package.

Of course every woman knows about this option, genetically hard wired to leach off nice guys when the heyday passes. That old fasioned narrative boy meets girl, fall in love, happy travels, those days disolved decades ago. Now ( 2015 ) its all about money. Which is fitting as we are a consumer culture and money makes it happen. And 60-ish guys raising children diminish prospects of retirement.

Might be best to stay friends with 70-ish or 80-ish biological daddy if you got one.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 164
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 8:08:51 AM
^^^

Good gosh. What on earth are you going on about?

Bitter table of one please. And should probably keep this "nice" guys reservation open for perpetuity.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 165
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History
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 8:23:22 AM

Looking_4_her_still
At singles events like dances, one can observe women in their 40s and 50s swarm 60-ish men who they think may offer such benefits. There is heavy competition among those women who apply lots of makeup to look attractive. The guy realizes all of this, of course.


Hosch_bau
Say what? I've never experienced that or seen anything remotely close to it. But that's probably because I can't dance worth a toot. :/

Then you should definitely learn to dance. You don’t have to be good at it, just willing to try.

While I can’t speak about women in their 40’s, I can for women over 50. I am a member of several meetup groups for over 50’s. And at the dances, the women outnumber the men by a very strong margin (3 or 4 to one), and a man who can and will dance is VERY popular.

And no, I don’t think it has anything to do with looking for a provider. The women I meet through Meetup are all well off and don’t need any man for his money. Women like to socialize more than men, they want to go out dancing, and have a male companion for dinner and movies. Men just want sex, and then catch the game on TV. You would think we came from different species!
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 166
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 9:23:49 AM

While I can’t speak about women in their 40’s, I can for women over 50. I am a member of several meetup groups for over 50’s. And at the dances, the women outnumber the men by a very strong margin (3 or 4 to one), and a man who can and will dance is VERY popular.


As a woman closing in on 50 and by far the youngest in my social circle I can tell you that it is far different in my area. Yes, women outnumber men anywhere that we go but we aren't looking to dance. Dinner, live shows, art walks, nature walks, kayaking and the like are what we are looking to do. I don't know the last time any of us expressed an interest in dancing. At least not the sort you are referring to.


And no, I don’t think it has anything to do with looking for a provider. The women I meet through Meetup are all well off and don’t need any man for his money.


I am poor but my girlfriends are all as you describe and I agree none of us are looking for a "provider".


Men just want sex, and then catch the game on TV.


I'll take the sex and catch a game (or nap) option please! Perhaps this is my whole issue. I am too "man like".
 SunKist_Gal
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 167
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 9:25:10 AM
Yes, Henry women like a man who can dance.
When I go to the local dances, it's to dance and have fun not to find a "husband" or provider


Men just want sex, and then catch the game on TV. You would think we came from different species!

Some...some...I will never qualify "all" women or men think alike on anything.
I have found men do not fit into the same box......same as us women.
 VMinRVA95
Joined: 9/13/2014
Msg: 168
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 9:30:17 AM
"The women I meet through Meetup are all well off and don’t need any man for his money."
And this because these women have already plundered another man and living off his hard work?

"Men just want sex"
Yes but intelligent conversation goes a long way as well. I am fortunate enough to have met women who can hold a good conversation. What I have seen with these ageing out Hypergamists ... not so much. Sex with them? I would be doing them the favor.

"Catching the game on TV"
When is the Steeler game on today? Dulp! Gotta go ...

Honestly, if some ageing out Hyperg thinks she is the Queen of Sheeba then let other men grovel before her. But if I met a quality single mom with kids and she was not the self-centered and self-absorbed "must only time for me" types here, I would love to have her and hers in my life. The rest of you - run far, run fast!
 Looking_4_her_still
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 169
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 9:31:22 AM


Good gosh. What on earth are you going on about?

Bitter table of one please. And should probably keep this "nice" guys reservation open for perpetuity.


Not me,,, I gave up foodyism and reservations. Keep'n the money. I have plenty of lady friends from the gym to play with, just leave the eating too foodies.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 170
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 12:53:53 PM

Not me,,, I gave up foodyism and reservations. Keep'n the money. I have plenty of lady friends from the gym to play with, just leave the eating too foodies.


Let me let you in on a little secret. No one believes you. You lead with money on your profile and that business about looking *cough* forty.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 171
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/15/2015 1:47:45 PM
Sweetheart, your friends are kind.
You look your age.

What I'm wondering is, why are you looking to meet women if all of them are after your money, your stuff, your health insurance and your retirement?

One cannot assume that just because of age, 60 something men with young kids are automatically good fathers and have great character.
That's ridiculous.

I know of no women like you describe, especially the church ones.
Either you are paranoid or you need to explore beyond your little twilight zone town.
 Looking_4_her_still
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 172
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/16/2015 5:36:15 PM


your friends are kind. You look your age.
What I'm wondering is, why are you looking to meet women if all of them are after your money, your stuff, your health insurance and your retirement?
One cannot assume that just because of age, 60 something men with young kids are automatically good fathers and have great character.
That's ridiculous.
I know of no women like you describe, especially the church ones.
Either you are paranoid or you need to explore beyond your little twilight zone town.


Thanks. another reason to like my "Kind" friends even more.
60-ish dads have the fortitude to raise a child even when its acceptable for him to give up for adoption. In the human sense, not on-line dating world, kids prefer their real parents. I certainly respect any older parent. I would have no qualms dating a lady in her 60s raising toddlers.
As it turns out over 30 percent of senior women are moms instead of grandmoms due to so many women unable to provide for their kids as moms. I know a few from church.
Things are screwed up bad divorces etc, and cannot retire, at least not the conventional way. One lady told me she will retire when she is dead. That is between her and the government. Not my fight.

As one lady on here commented, she takes care of her own grandkids not another's kids, I'm inclined to be the same.
Oh yeah, health insurance comes up alot. Its between them and the government. Not my fight but I write about it.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 173
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/16/2015 7:23:42 PM
Interesting. You say it's because women can't provide for their children? They have fathers, no?

The most recent study I found from the Census Bureau in 2012 says 10% of grandparents are living with grandchildren.
3% of homes contain grandchildren under 18 and their grandparents.
More than 60% of these households are maintained by a grandparent and about 1/3 had no parent present.
About 1.5% of grandparents in the U.S. are raising their grandchildren.

That's nowhere near 30%.

http://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2014/cb14-194.html
 sassypinupgirl
Joined: 11/13/2015
Msg: 174
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/18/2015 1:38:46 PM
My ex is one of those guys. He's 57 with a 2-year-old and wonders why he can't get a date. The child's mother is 22 and divorced him almost immediately after giving birth. He's an idiot.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 175
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 11/18/2015 2:51:45 PM

A 60-ish guy is raising toddlers means he is a devoted parent, and will certainly be a devoted partner.


Then why isn’t he being a “devoted partner” to the toddler’s mother?


60-ish dads have the fortitude to raise a child even when its acceptable for him to give up for adoption.


What? It’s not “acceptable.” And….the mother just might have something to say about the old man putting her child up for adoption.

A sperm count doesn’t = fortitude.


I would have no qualms dating a lady in her 60s raising toddlers.


Um. Yeah.
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