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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Mail order brides, take 2      Home login  
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 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 51
Mail order brides, take 2Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
^^^ the need for any woman to have to sell herself in exchange for a decent life is the exploitation.


Problem: man wants to get married and probably have kids. (Why? because society tells him it is the thing to do)
2) Man does not not want to hassle to searching and dating
3) Ergo, mail order bride save a lot of trouble.


So he’s a lazy conformist who can’t think for himself, has no social skills, and thinks purchasing a woman to raise a family with is a good idea.

I guess that’s the kind of man who would think getting married and having children is a troubling problem to be overcome.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 52
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/5/2015 3:10:51 PM

^^^ the need for any woman to have to sell herself in exchange for a decent life is the exploitation.


If a guy who happens to be broke and has nothing going for him, ends up living with a woman who is financially well off and she supports him, is the guy being exploited?
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 53
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History
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/5/2015 3:57:58 PM
"Male order brides" have been common throughout US history. Even today a woman can go to Alaska and there is an extra man around for every 10 women, so many women go to Alaska to find their man just for the opportunity. Since the women initiate, they are exploiting those ruggedly handsome Alaskan frontiersmen, while the ones that stay behind sit in their rocking chairs gossiping.

Same was true in the 1800's when photos were a big deal to produce and mail; men corresponded with randomly volunteering lists of women back east putting themselves on the lists, and the couple agreed to marry from a distance, when the male could care for her and have a family due to his business, bar, mining activities, etc., out west, as there was difficulty in locating a willing mate.

The stigma of a socially inept male is a stereotype females in the out-group use for competitive advantage. If one fails to locate a mate next door, one will look further until they find one - whether it be a woman traveling to Alaska or a man traveling to India. The final test is the success rate of the marriage and happiness, not anecdotal stories intended to dissuade and stigmatize.

Many Americans participate in arranged marriages. Mostly they are immigrants. But later generation Americans tend to assimilate ideas, especially when they have history and continuity of those same traditions built into their own countries' mentality, and it would be discriminatory to allow it for new immigrants and not for longer time residents.

It's not like a woman never married men for their ability to provide a house and home in this country - Get real. The foreign brides are no different from the women going to Alaska, in one sense. Most of those foreign brides seek out to be put on those "lists". They have their needs and men will learn it isn't a fairy tale, it is a lifestyle they chose and need to embrace or fail doing, like any other marriage. Women are not slaves to be purchased any more than any other matchmaking service where they agree to be put on lists; marriage is a legal contract. When a woman finds her prince charming next door, and marries him, it doesn't always turn out to be perfect either.

Where there is money there is crime, as in everything. Law enforcement needs to be as vigilant protecting immigrants as much as later generation individuals in the land of equality and freedom to do as we please as long as it doesn't impinge on the rights of others. That doesn't change the intentions of the majority of the people in the segment who want to get married and simply can't find someone or do not want to settle for someone they won't get along with after trying and coming up blank. Go North, Go to Alaska, Girls! What about China? There are what, two extra men for every 10 women... something has to give sooner or later... where there is a will there will be a way!
Cheers
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 54
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Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/5/2015 6:02:13 PM
When both parties know what the dynamics are then there is no exploitation as such.

Why would a broke guy be able to attract a woman who is well off in the first place especially as he has nothing going for him. Not going to happen in reality. Women generally do not feel the need to buy a man and it is not the same as vice versa.

The often older, not so hot, man may feel that having children by the mail order bride will make for a stable family life and it may happen but in my experience it is rare. Mostly the younger woman once she has residency and can get work etc will leave the older man and get the benefits that the government hands out.

 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 55
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/5/2015 7:09:02 PM

Why would a broke guy be able to attract a woman who is well off in the first place especially as he has nothing going for him. Not going to happen in reality.


Try telling that to Britney Spears when she met Kevin Federline. Poor Kevin was exploited by Spears. Someone pass me a tissue to wipe the tears.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 56
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/5/2015 11:07:16 PM
I just did a search for Groom sites.

Found one in India.

Fuzzed out photos.
Age, height, religion and caste are the first four criteria.
Then mother tongue, profession and location.

3.2 million matches and counting.

Arranged marriages 21 century style.
 baconflavoredbacon
Joined: 9/12/2015
Msg: 57
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/8/2015 5:42:10 AM
I've been doing everything wrong in my search!

I'll reset my settings so I only communicate with hotties in Alaska.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 58
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History
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/8/2015 6:48:18 AM

Why would a broke guy be able to attract a woman who is well off in the first place especially as he has nothing going for him. Not going to happen in reality.

It does happen in reality. A guy will hear about past situations when gals on POF complain about who they DON'T want to meet. Now, it doesn't happen very often statistically... but then again, self-arranged marries from overseas don't happen very often either statistically either. But let's not pretend that in reality there's never a guy who isn't financially successful and is involved with a gal who is financially just fine. If anything, they say the woman (who has the financial support) is exploited. So on mail-order brides, if anything, it's the guy (who has the financial support) who's exploited, if people are going to point fingers.

But his main point was -- how is it exploitation? It's not, as you say, if both parties know what they're getting themselves into, etc. I think one's exploited when the other person is lying and using them for money/support/etc in what turns out to have been a faux-relationship. That's the fear of mail-order relationships->marriage. To say the less fortunate, poorer person is being exploited is cray-cray. :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 59
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/8/2015 8:23:31 AM
Was Anna Nicole Smith exploited when, at age 26, she married oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall, who was 89 years old and in poor health and practically had one foot in the grave already-since for a lot pf people, the definition of being exploited is poor woman marrying old, rich or relatively richer man? Of course, at the time, she claimed it was true love and had nothing to do with his wealth. Yeah, right.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 60
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Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:12:40 AM

I've been doing everything wrong in my search!

I'll reset my settings so I only communicate with hotties in Alaska.

First date idea of course in Fairbanks, at the annual bacon festival. It commemorates when bacon saved the city from burning down in the great 1906 fire. The general store had one ton of bacon on hand for all those Alaskan bacon-eating beaux. But to save the town and livelihood of all, it was generously donated to fuel boilers to get the pressure up in the "pumping station". The increased water pressure enabled the Fairbanks fire to be extinguished.

The festival is on Memorial Day Saturday. You can make bacon, too ... about 50 will compete for the bacon creativity challenge for $2500 in prizes, or just go to the bacon tasting event with great beers available ($40) and judge them or ... add a concert for another $20, and even more ... round it out with a comedy night for another $70. Don't miss the handsome local firefighters who will compete in endurance and strength competition!

Fairbanks, Alaska's Golden Heart
where online dating is for sissies :-)
you can send the forum a postcard!
and you can realize your bacon-filled dreams
Cheers
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 61
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History
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:28:36 AM

sealady111
I just did a search for Groom sites.

Found one in India.

Fuzzed out photos.
Age, height, religion and caste are the first four criteria.
Then mother tongue, profession and location.

3.2 million matches and counting.

Arranged marriages 21 century style.


About 3 years ago I was at a POF event, a mixer held at a night club. I was approached by a young woman who told me that she ran a “match making service”. Seems she charged $10,000 for her services, and she hinted strongly that she would split that with me if I wound up marrying one of her clients.

There are things going on all around you that you will NOT be able to find via an online search.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 62
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/8/2015 12:00:52 PM
If I was going to marry for money, it would need to be more than $5,000
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 63
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/8/2015 4:37:40 PM
I'm going to wait for Amazon to open its mail order bride service. That way you can read the customer reviews before making a choice and, if you are a prime subscriber, have them delivered to your door in two (2) days guaranteed. Got to love that ;-)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 64
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/9/2015 3:46:50 PM
Norwegianguy456- This is also @ maleman................
I was wrong not to point out, that in an arranged marriage, unless both parties actually love each other, then both parties ARE being used/exploited.
The one is paying for a spouse (see, gender neutral, happy?), how CAN the motive be love, real love is free?!
The payer is LITERALLY paying for falsehood, the other person isn't there for love, they are there to be supported, so the payer gets the illusion of what they want, while the reality is the other person would be GONE if they weren't being supported.
The one being paid FOR gets to be supported, financially, but sacrifices their family and their freedom in the process.
It's a lose/lose proposition.
If either maleman or IG is all THAT in favor of it, hey go for it, that would probably mean a thread at a later date asking "where, oh where, did I go wrong?"
Gee, that's a puzzle.
I'm perfectly sane, which I why I will stay happily single until I find someone who wants to be with me for NO other reason than that they want to be with me.
I hope that clarify's things.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 65
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/9/2015 5:20:51 PM

If either maleman or IG is all THAT in favor of it, hey go for it, that would probably mean a thread at a later date asking "where, oh where, did I go wrong?"


How did going the traditional route of marrying someone local work out for you?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 66
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/9/2015 6:19:07 PM
maleman999- You just HAD to go there didn't you?
You DO realize that I COULD ask the exact same question of YOU, right?
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 67
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/9/2015 6:51:27 PM

How did going the traditional route of marrying someone local work out for you?


It worked very well for me, thank you.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 68
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/10/2015 12:31:25 AM
^^^ Worked well for me too.

Just need to find one for the next 23 years.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 69
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Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/10/2015 1:40:28 AM
The arranged marriages in India and so on are often successful. They use birth charts for compatibility and the couple don't go in to it all starry eyed and blinded by lust or the being in love which doesn't last.

I cannot fathom a man often older and on his second time around who essentially buys the younger woman in marriage knowing that she is complying with his urges and wishes just for her own material advantage. He then becomes a father at grandfather age. He would have to be of a cool temperament and totally unromantic. It is not that we don't all know about these mail order situations and the pitfalls.


 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 70
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/10/2015 10:19:41 AM


The arranged marriages in India and so on are often successful. They use birth charts for compatibility and the couple don't go in to it all starry eyed and blinded by lust or the being in love which doesn't last.


Sounds fvcking boring as hell, but functional I suppose.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 71
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/10/2015 10:22:52 AM
I had an Indian coworker who was in an arranged marriage. Young pretty woman in her twenties. They only lasted a year, she was miserable. Then again they were here in the U.S.
 Looking_4_her_still
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 72
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/23/2015 4:36:03 PM
Some famous people did so. Keep in mind there are deep cultural barriers which may make successful relationship impossible. If they are seeking american man that indicates she exhausted local possibilities. That bad luck in life can bring out the worst in people. If you marry one, she stands to gain citizenship and could walk out immediately. Citisenship makes them an "anchor" with which she can sponsor her loved ones to enter US. There is some good but mostly bad.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 73
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/23/2015 7:38:12 PM
Looking 4 her still- What you say here only strengthens my previous point. I agree with you, especially the last line of your post.
All you have to do is look within these very forums to see what BOTH sexes complain about.
Cheating, lying, players, flakes, etc.
I don't understand how someone can think that going to another country to find someone is going to better their chances of finding someone that is in a relationship for the RIGHT reasons.
As if someone in Russia, China, where ever, is going to be MORE likely to be in it for REAL love???
I might need to rethink my exploitation stance for SOME people, but I STILL can't get past the desperation factor.
Things are hard enough for ALL of us, right here, in the US.
Now, you add in someone adjusting to a new language, leaving their family, starting over, a new culture and you want to TRY to tell me that is going to improve their chances of a successful relationship. (?!)
Let's look at what I said, above, about the negatives of finding someone:
Cheating, lying, players, flakes, the list goes on and ON.
Now, let's look at the positive things:
Love, companionship, compatibility, etc.
The ONE thing that differentiates foreign matches from ALL the things listed above-
The desire for a visa, to get them INTO the US.
When you filter out all the bs excuses, it really does come down to the ONLY difference, the one above.
SO, if you are going to be used, played, whatever, you DON'T need to go outside the country for that.
If you are going to find REAL love, companionship, etc., you don't need to go out of the country for that either.
Adults are free to do what they want to do, so do what you will, but if I am going to be played for a sucker, I can do that RIGHT here, in the US and if I want to find TRUE love, well, the same thing goes.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 74
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/23/2015 8:10:54 PM
Bamagrl68.
I do agree with you with most things.
A man doesn't have a better chance to find a woman here in the US any better then to meet someone good then going out to find someone one outside of the US.
Saying that every woman outside of the US is out for a visa is same as saying that every woman in the US is out for his money.
If we go with this logic then no matter what a man does he ends up on the losing end of it. Unless of course he is only looking for some sex and that's it. Only then can he walk away without losing all he has. Thinking like this women should not be upset when men are only looking for sex.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 75
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History
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/23/2015 8:24:39 PM
almost as quick is the older guy who went to Thailand, married and had the girl half his age, pregnant all within three weeks. Needless to say the marriage is a failure and she is looking for a way out now that he is older, fatter and has lost his house, his job and his investment money due to bad decision making.
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