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 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 76
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What does a backrub mean to you?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Not sure if it is the deliverer/ the delivery or both.

Me thinks both. That shipforbrain gag fest was like having my eyes glued open and having to watch Halle Berry get it from Billy Bob in Monters Ball again.

Good grief, I dont think anyone that saw that wanted sex for a year except possibly Billy Bob..

We arent uptight about sex, nor lacking of humour.
You/your post was just disgusting as hell.
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 77
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 2:00:58 PM
As I said - Maybe I just have a more mature male friends base.

Some of the responses here show obvious immature, ignorance.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 78
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 5:28:49 PM
I've got male friends but they ain't touching my body.
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 79
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 6:02:11 PM
That is your choice Ms NJgirl116. But I do believe this was about a back rub, not a massage. In that case my answer would be no.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 80
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 6:32:12 PM
Pep is bang on, and I dislike I am being called a Prude because I saw no humor.. just make the hair stand up on my arms garbage. Older Men who think they are studs. Right.
 apple-of-your-eye
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 81
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 7:13:19 PM
What does the offer of a back rub mean to me?

As a few others have expressed, it depends on whom, where and when this pitch for potential oil-basted skin-to- skin junction is initiated. LOL

If a 1st date/meeting asks me if I want a back, or otherwise, massage, and I haven't mentioned being in pain - I assume he wants us to get naked and do the horizontal tango. Sorry, that would be a no go for me.

If I’m complaining about back/neck tension/pain and he (1st date) offers, in a non-creepy way, to give me a public place, clothes on massage – I'd be appreciative of his concern.
 apple-of-your-eye
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 82
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 7:45:28 PM
Ooops! My bad. Didn't see the "male friend" part of the question.

Um, No. I wouldn't welcome a male friend's proposal for a massage (er... back rub). Unless, as mentioned before, I requested it in the first place because of sever pain.

If they asked if I wanted a massage/back rub, just out of the blue I would definitely wonder what their intentions were.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 7:47:33 PM

What does a backrub mean to you?

In dating? At Least a handjob is coming my way. At least a handjob. In a boring LTR? In about 10 minutes she'll be rolled over in her coffee-stained nightgown like grumbling bear.

As I said - Maybe I just have a more mature male friends base.

I know it's not a full-fledged massage... but it is massaging your back. And it IS a form of affection, unless uncommon exception applies. Virtually all straight, single (and some non-single) guy friends would like to do naughty things to his "female friend" who he's close enough to give back rubs to. Check out: The Ladder Theory (laddertheory.com).

I think it's the mature people who Understand that concept, but sure, also people who aim to be 'mature' & partake are the ones who don't-ask-don't-tell about it and convince others (and/or themselves) it's not a reflection of anything if need be.

See the Pulp Fiction reference to giving a foot massage.
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 84
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 8:15:52 PM
There was not only no humour, there was absolutely no eroticism. I mean, IG sometimes pushes the envelope ( or at least he did in the past) but the reason people complained waa that post only nauseated.

Shipforbrains if thats your idea of being sexual, no wonder you aren`t having much luck!`


Instant turnoff
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 85
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 8:43:24 PM
As I said - Maybe I just have a more mature male friends base.
-----------
That is one possible explanation (using your implied meaning of mature), but don't think it's the most likely explanation.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 86
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 8:46:31 PM

In dating?

No, not really. This started by asking about a situation between friends the way I interpreted it.


I think it's the mature people who Understand that concept, but sure, also people who aim to be 'mature' & partake are the ones who don't-ask-don't-tell about it and convince others (and/or themselves) it's not a reflection of anything if need be.

Sheesh. Now people that can restrain their urges, are gentlemen, and flirt a little, and are just plain fun, and learned to respect boundaries and value friendship, are being subjected to the thought police because their friend happens to be a hot girl.

Sounds more like shaming or fear mongering argument to say women ought not have straight men friends because no men can't be trusted, after all friendship itself is a form of intimacy. Tells me more about how much they trust themselves. Next thing we'll be hearing is that we can't hug a woman friend good-bye because that's too intimate too. What a world we live in :-(

It's supposed to be a felony here in Florida to give someone a massage if you aren't a professional (unlicensed masseuse). So we are talking strictly therapeutic back-rubs lol
Cheers
 apple-of-your-eye
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 87
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 9:02:50 PM
My Dear Pluto,
You are dramatizing.
_______________________
"Sheesh. Now people that can restrain their urges, are gentlemen, and flirt a little, and are just plain fun, and learned to respect boundaries and value friendship, "are being subjected to the thought police" because their "friend happens to be a hot girl".

Sounds more like shaming or fear mongeringargument to say women ought not have straight men friends "because no men can't be trusted", after all friendship itself is a form of intimacy. Tells me more about how much they trust themselves. Next thing we'll be hearing is that we can't hug a woman friend good-bye because that's too intimate too. What a world we live in :-( "
_______________________
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 88
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 10:12:45 PM

My Dear Pluto, You are dramatizing.


I consider it an accurate assessment, and accept you have a different perspective, milady.

I believe that this is easily reconciled. in part, by looking at the changes in attitudes occurring with the changes in latitudes (and culture) between your British Columbia and warmer Florida and Australia. The line between social acceptance of certain behaviors and taboo isn't determined by any single culture, so I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to assume that to what they are accustomed is a rule for cyberdom, much less declare that everyone has their same devious inner thoughts on the top of their brains.

Another example is the Latin American, and especially Mexican usage of terms of endearment, nicknames, and piropos in speech as acceptable flirting with people you don't even know. I'd put some examples here that are widespread on the street but the thread is on shaky ground at the moment and I don't want to go there because when told to someone in an Anglo culture not exposed to this, they can seriously offend due to their intimate nature using rhymes and puns.
Cheers
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 89
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 11:08:11 PM
to norwegianguy456 - it is not always a form of affection. You do need to rid yourself; of that nonsense.

to 9Pluto - friendship, in the norm, is not a form of intimacy.

Where do you guys get this garbage?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 90
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/24/2015 11:46:44 PM

Um, No. I wouldn't welcome a male friend's proposal for a massage (er... back rub). Unless, as mentioned before, I requested it in the first place because of sever pain.

If they asked if I wanted a massage/back rub, just out of the blue I would definitely wonder what their intentions were.

Very true. Especially if he made you help him move "Yeah, thanks Bob! Sally's gone, here, massage my back to get the kinks out." The exceptions are where it'd come into play and understandable. If it didn't have non-platonic implications -- like, say, helping someone pick something out of their eye -- one would let some guy who just walked up to the bar to sit down near ya give her a back rub.

Sheesh. Now people that can restrain their urges, are gentlemen, and flirt a little, and are just plain fun, and learned to respect boundaries and value friendship

9Pluto, here's the thing. Upon action X taken with someone, where taking that action has to call for warning of restraining urges and it plays in the role of respecting boundaries in doing so -- it's not something you'd like your significant other doing to an attractive person of the opp-sex. It immediately brings up the question -- well, why are you doing it in the first place? It's obviously not a platonic action if one has to restrain urges in doing so, when comparing to not doing so (like chatting). If it's Truly 100% platonic, there's no warning or lookout to respect sexual boundaries. That's not going to be a thought (like, say, helping pick something out of her eye).

But yes, it falls in line with flirting some (but not hitting on) -- having fun with the notion of it, no expectations -- engaging in that realm. It Can be. But delving into it and enjoying it isn't purely platonic. The concept/issue with it all isn't whether it's Disrespectful -- or even wildly weird or something. It's whether it's platonic as a whole or not. Many guys & girls who are "just friends" don't have totally platonic feelings and will do things that aren't purely platonic (builds sexual tension, but not enough to go break the dam).

to norwegianguy456 - it is not always a form of affection. You do need to rid yourself; of that nonsense.

So would you see it as the norm for two (straight) dudes giving each other back massages? If so, that POV would be one out in left field. A guy sits down at the bar, chats with another guy because they mutually know, say, the bartender. One of the guys says "Hey, can you give me a back rub? I could sure use one." Replace that guy being a cute female. Do the answers vary? Mature people wouldn't think so, right? ;)
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 91
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 1:48:08 AM

As I said - Maybe I just have a more mature male friends base.

Some of the responses here show obvious immature, ignorance.


No, the responses show common sense and a firm connection to reality.
A lot of male/female friendships exist where the man is attracted to the woman or the woman is attracted to the man.
If you took off your clothes and started touching your male friends, would they push you away and say: "Sorry, I'm saving myself for Mandy Moore."?
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 92
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 4:09:15 AM
to norwegianguy456 - it is not always a form of affection. You do need to rid yourself; of that nonsense.

to 9Pluto - friendship, in the norm, is not a form of intimacy.

Where do you guys get this garbage?
------------------
They get it from not being hopelessly naive. But, perhaps a little logic might help out here. Of all your so called mature male friends who are not gay, how many of them give back rubs to other guys? You know why they don't? If not, think about it for a while and the answer should percolate up. If, like a handshake, a backrub carries no sexual undertones, why would guys who think nothing about shaking hands think there's something weird about giving each other backrubs?


Here's another tidbit to ponder. If your so called mature guy friends find you attractive and they like to hang around with you, how is their interest in you different from someone they would want to date? I'm not sure about you, but generally, the women I find attractive and like to hang out with are the women I'd consider my potential dates.


It's more like the term "mature guys" here means "nice guy," in the sense that they are just ingratiating themselves until you kick yourself for not having noticed them sooner. Offer to get naked with them and see how many decline. If you are right, then you should have no concern that any of them would take you up on the offer, so carrying out that experiment would be risk free.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 93
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 4:24:47 AM



I've had female acqaintances who suspected I had an interest (b/c they were hot) but who seemed to trust me in flirting and grab-assin' and other situations b/c they knew I knew my place and wasn't going to bust a real move. At least, that was my read on things, since some had mentioned in conversation that my type wasn't their type or that they were taken or some other such announcement. And i'll confess, I have a bad habit of taking women at their word :)

I think, tho, that invading one's personal space is a grey area. for some, "nothing" is meant, and for others, "Something" is meant.


I have kyphosis which is a slight curve in my upper back whenever I sit down you can tell when I stand up for prolonged periods of time I get back spasms, I have to go to physical therapy to try and alleviate the pain. I also have multiple muscle knots in my neck down to the middle of my back 6 in total.

So I gladly take offers of back rubs, massages and joint mobilization from anyone except with the last one I'll only accept that from someone who knows what they're doing. My female friends know about my back problems so they have no issues at all giving me a massage. I have a female friend who studied physical therapy so she manipulates my back all the time.

As a matter of fact girls that I'm dating in the early stages think I'm trying to be flirty and always think that them massaging me think that it will lead to sex, so they're surprised when they put their hands on my back and can feel the tightness and my knots.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 94
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:36:55 AM
Talking about sex, is like talking about money. A general humorous comment about me being poor or rich can be amusing. But a comment mentioning just how I should be spending my money on you...is personal. Just like a general sex comment may be funny, but how I should be having sex with you....is harassment if i'm not interested in having sex with you.

I have and had female friends who weren't bad looking. if they made an offer, sure, I would likely take them up on it. Just like if someone said, "hey, wanna beer?" and i wasn't driving or otherwise inconvenienced, sure, I would likely say yes. But my friends weren't stunning, so I could "keep it in my pants" when I was around them. I'm sure i'm not the only person who has friends of the opposite gender in the same role.

I think the backrub question is answered based on an individual's experiences. For example, one person might come from a family with very little intimacy and personal contact, and see a backrub in a certain light. it may not mean they are wrong to think that, its simply where they are coming from.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 95
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:59:05 AM
Sorry to hear that Mr. Blackwood. I know several people who also suffer from chronic back pain from a variety of medical conditions. I know how debilitating it can be at times. I would gladly offer a back massage to a friend....male or female.....to help alleviate their pain.

Now....with regards to a more casual request....I believe nature of the relationship and established boundaries of both said friend and those of that if you are in a romantic relationship with someone else should be considered.

For instance....when I was married....I would have not given or received a casual back massage from a male friend regardless of the platonic nature of the friendship. This was born out of respect for my husband and our mutually established boundaries.

Now that I am single....before asking or complying with said request....it would just be a matter of evaluating whether a back rub IS just back rub.....or not! :)
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 96
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:17:22 AM

friendship, in the norm, is not a form of intimacy.
Where do you guys get this garbage?


Not from the the friend button on fb, where do you get yours lindsay_g? The definition of a friend is in the bally-wick of philosophers.

My notion of friendship comes from within. But it isn't hard to see it is substantially the same as Aristotle's analysis of the nature of friends/friendship based on sharing virtues, sharing pleasures and share utility, at least the first two of which are forms of intimacy, and the last was the weakest friendship in his writings.

In modern thought, friends are people with the following characteristics:
1.1) mutual caring
1.2) intimacy
1.3) shared activities

My reference: Section 1, Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Entry for Friendship )
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/friendship/#1.2

1.2 Intimacy

The relationship of friendship differs from other interpersonal relationships, even those characterized by mutual caring, such as relationships among colleagues: friendships are, intuitively, “deeper,” more intimate relationships. The question facing any philosophical account is how that characteristic intimacy of friendship is to be understood.
Cheers
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 97
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:23:36 AM

Now that I am single....before asking or complying with said request....it would just be a matter of evaluating whether a back rub IS just back rub.....or not! :)


I believe men, deep inside their thick scull, still believes that maybe, just maybe, there will be a chance with said massage giver.
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 98
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:26:34 AM
to norwegianguy456 - we are speaking of a male and female, not 2 guys so your response shows pure stupidity. But then it is a typical guy response. Stay on topic not your distorted view.

To Coma_White - The topic is a back rub.

To both of you - please stay with the topic, not your typical guy distortions. IT IS NOT ABOUT A MASSAGE, IT IS NOT ABOUT REMOVING CLOTHS. both of your responses show clear immaturity and ignorance.
 ShipForBrains
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 99
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:43:44 AM
The scene is starting to come into focus now that some of the smokers have left the room and the air is clearing up. Ah yes, I’m starting to see it.

Plenty of Fish is a singles bar with five tables listed as such…
• I’m looking for casual dating / no commitment.
• I want to date but nothing serious.
• I want a relationship.
• I am putting in serious effort to find someone.
• I am serious and I want to find someone to marry.

Some folks are patiently seated at their table waiting for…well, what they’re waiting for. Others are walking around and intermingling with the different tables waiting for a seat to open up so they can sit down. They may not find that table to be hospitable towards them and may only linger for a while until they figure out that nobody at that table wants them sitting there. Some might be wandering the bar aimlessly and sit down at whichever table invites them to do so.

When people get discouraged by the confusion and all the intermingling going on at the tables they may decide to take a short break and belly up to the bar. The bar is the loneliest place because it is occupied by a group of people that will not give up their seat. They have become disgusted at all the tom foolery going on at the tables or have become too thin skinned to jump back into the action. The bar is also littered with married people with twisted ideas of what the rest of us should settle for.

All I know is that over there in the “friends” corner they are giving out free back rubs. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves and nobody is getting out of hand. They just go off and get a room if they can’t control themselves at the table.

Drinks are on me! Sex on the beach right? Oh you tease.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 100
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:45:48 AM

But what you can take away from this is that an awful lot of men think there is more to it than just a 'back' rub.....so take note, especially when around guys you don't know so well.


Ding, ding, ding, ding.

We have a winner.

Also there was an article I think it was Psychology Today, explaining how both men and women react to flirting.
A woman may approach a man simply because she needs directions to her freaking appointment and the man takes it as being a flirt. The article explained that we are hard wired that way. So men take more chances and are over optimistic. This does produce a pay off, thus bolder men have much higher chances to reproduce than shy men. And from the women's point of view, she vetos and spends part of her time protecting her limited number of eggs.
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