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 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 126
What does a backrub mean to you?Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Why are people trying to “debate” what a backrub means to them, anyway?


What I find far more interesting than any of this is pondering why a man would create a profile of a hot woman and proceed to debate relatively mundane subjects under that guise?


To laugh his azz off at all the clueless men who engage “her”….?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 127
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:14:32 PM

Coma, There are many forms of attraction so please don't force a false dichotomy.

The above ^^^ declaration sounds doubly fallacious to me, in that my interpretation of it is that you suggest ALL men are attracted to ALL female friends.

If you can still make your point with SOME men being attracted to SOME female friends, or even ALL men attracted to SOME (!), I'll be able to follow the logic.

The argument fails also as due to bait and switch, another fallacy. The original question was if the back rub giver would give the rub if they were not attracted to the back rub recipient. Now you are arguing that the back rub recipient should accept the back rub giver is attracted to them. He is or he isn't, can't have it both ways. An argument with a moving target is only an argument for argument's sake.



No, I didn't suggest that at all. In fact, I even wrote that men could be in friendships where the woman is attracted to him but he doesn't feel the same way. You misunderstood what I said. My point is that she doesn't know if her friends are attracted to her unless she gives them a chance to act on it. She claimed that she has many great male friends that she flirts with from time to time. Anyone living anywhere close to reality will realize that most of them are probably attracted to her and would sleep with her if they were alone in a cabin and she asked. There is no "moving target". I simply made it clear that she doesn't know if her male friends are attracted to her or not, so how can she know if it's appropriate to be accepting back rubs?
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 128
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:43:08 PM
Who the hell rubs anybody's back or anything else unless you're either in bed together or getting a professional massage? Imaginary problems here, for chrissakes.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 129
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:46:48 PM
actually, some of us do. Well, I did back when I used to meet new people thru work and school and elsewhere. If you aren't, then you are in fact avoiding the issues raised. according to the variety of responses, that might be a good thing :)

I've had some female acqaintances accept one b/c whatever situation we were together in, was apparently boring enough to be broken up with some good massage. Others may have done it b/c they simply wanted to feel good. some did it b/c they actually didn't mind me touching their bodies anywhere. and everywhere. I don't assume that if a woman wants a backrub or scratch from me, that she wants anything more than that. More attractive men, however, may find their mileage varies.

and of course, I knew women who wouldn't want to be touched in any way. some are sensual, some are only a little, and others not much at all.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 130
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:52:35 PM

Who the hell rubs anybody's back or anything else unless you're either in bed together or getting a professional massage? Imaginary problems here, for chrissakes.


I can only think of one of two scenarios. A man or woman might do it to someone they like as flirting, or ask for one as a way of flirting. I can see someone rubbing their friend's shoulders if they're having an anxiety attack or something serious like that.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 131
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:58:16 PM

Who the hell rubs anybody's back or anything else unless you're either in bed together or getting a professional massage? Imaginary problems here, for chrissakes.



^^^ Tactile people like me.

vvvvvv I do it all the time!!!
Touch random people.
And have random people touch me.

I crave touch.

Am about to go shopping.
Will count how many strangers I touch.
Expect it will be about 20.

Giving receiving change, thank you touch on the shoulder for helping me with something etc.
All sorts of people from babies to geriatrics.
If I include dogs the number could be more.

Yes I ask before touching a child or a dog.

On a recent shopping trip I held and entertained children whilst their parents were doing other things.
Happens all the time. With people I have never met.
The parents often give me a hug of thanks.


Some of us are tactile.

Not everything = sex.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 132
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 7:58:34 PM
I may be a little dense, I don't deny it. But if I said to any of my guy friends "would you rub my back please" they would take it as an invitation to go to bed, and if they said it to me, I'd take it the same way. I don't mix the sexual and non-sexual parts of my life. I don't go in the streets with my tits and ass hanging out. I don't let random people touch me. But with someone I like and am dating - different story. The worlds do not collide, in Seinfeld terminology. I don't see why they need to.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 133
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:10:50 PM
I can only imagine how people would feel about ENDING a first MEET given some of the answers here. For many, probably a text while walking to their respective cars. Couldn't dare risk a handshake, a hug or heaven forbid, a peck on the cheek.

ASSuming that men OR women will ALWAYS have some ulterior motive for any type of body contact shows a poor attitude at the very least and probably a "picker" that needs an overhaul.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 134
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:12:49 PM

Couldn't dare risk a handshake, a hug or heaven forbid, a peck on the cheek.


I'm a hugger.
I can hug you to congratulate you,
I can hug you to cheer you up.
I can hug the woman (a complete stranger) who pulled out in front of us, this spring as we returned from "The blessing of the bikes. Brakes locked up, slid sideways. Came within less than a foot of smashing into the back of her vehicle. Chased her down, I jumped off the bike and suddenly realized she was just as freaked as we were. She needed a hug.
I have been hugged by family-friends-2 husbands/BF''s-co workers.

But no, don't rub my neck, shoulders or back. Just don't.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 135
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:26:42 PM

Who the hell rubs anybody's back or anything else unless you're either in bed together or getting a professional massage? Imaginary problems here, for chrissakes.



About 15 years ago, the Keyboard Player of the Band I was in, asked Me to help Him with a Gig he had with a different Band... The location was a pain to get Your equipment in & out of.. So I rode to the Gig with Him & helped the Band set up their equipment. I got free drinks all night & a small payment for this.

After We got the equipment set up, I had tweaked my shoulder, & was in some pain. I was rubbing up against a corner trying to work the knot in My muscle out, but couldn't get pressure on the right spot. A couple came in the back entrance where I was, & the guy could see I was in some pain. He asked what was wrong. I explained what had happened & he offered to try & help. He gave me a shoulder rub & worked the knot out of the muscle there. In 30 seconds, He fixed what was going to be a miserable 4 hour show & 1.5 hours ride home...

Sometimes a muscle rub, is just a muscle rub, & nothing sexual at all....... If you've ever got a cramp or knot in a muscle, where you can't reach, the only thing that helps is some external pressure on it....
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 136
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:30:18 PM

I'm a hugger.
I can hug you to congratulate you,
I can hug you to cheer you up.
I can hug the woman (a complete stranger) who pulled out in front of us, this spring as we returned from "The blessing of the bikes. Brakes locked up, slid sideways. Came within less than a foot of smashing into the back of her vehicle. Chased her down, I jumped off the bike and suddenly realized she was just as freaked as we were. She needed a hug.
I have been hugged by family-friends-2 husbands/BF''s-co workers.

But no, don't rub my neck, shoulders or back. Just don't.

I second this.
When I first met someone, I usually give them a hug and kiss on the cheek. But you can't dig your fingers into my back, sorry.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 137
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:38:44 PM

Sometimes a muscle rub, is just a muscle rub, & nothing sexual at all....... If you've ever got a cramp or knot in a muscle, where you can't reach, the only thing that helps is some external pressure on it....

Oh I know, it feels so good. On my birthday I always take a day off and go to the spa for a professional massage. I love it!
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 138
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/25/2015 10:09:49 PM
I really need a back and leg rub today. I have this situation, every day due to my activities:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/06/how-massage-heals-sore-muscles/?_r=0

For those that want to review other non-libidinous rub/massage benefits, here's an ACS feature on it. As mentioned there are many benefits and all those listed have nothing to do with getting down and dirty:
http://pubs.acs.org/subscribe/archive/tcaw/11/i06/html/06health.html

Anyone who does a lot of physical activity or is depressed or under stress can benefit greatly. The article mentions even Chimps do a variant. ..spend most of the day grooming and scratching each other, and if animals are deprived of their touch they show signs of depression, withdrawal quickly, hormonal deficiency. Chimps receive from both genders and its a daily activity. Touch is healthy both giving and receiving (hat tipped toward Sealady)
http://www.conservenature.org/learn_about_wildlife/chimpanzees/chimp_grooming.htm

Thanks Coma, On the further point about accepting a back-rub, OT. I'd say to keep it simple and enjoy. Trust the basis of a friendship. One is not offering a buffet of hanky-panky, the subject is a back-rub, so:

probably attracted to her and would sleep with her if they were alone in a cabin and she asked.

testing what one's friend 'would' merits the answer, "If" and a laugh.

I simply made it clear that she doesn't know if her male friends are attracted to her or not, so how can she know if it's appropriate to be accepting back rubs?

OK, I'm sorry I singled out your post of all, which does seem unfair, given what you has written before. I agree with your views, so it was surprising when I read this comment. Now I understand it was OT on the completely different question (whether to accept a backrub when you are unclear about the giver's intentions) and the dangers should someone misjudge the character of a friend in a compromising or awkward situation. I appreciate the clarification :)

Good thread gtomustang!

Apple, that's along the lines of what I as thinking!

NJgirl, It can get complicated :) You see this one?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLo3kbggWZs
Cheers
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 139
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/26/2015 8:05:48 AM
It's not great to assume anything, don't assume that all men want to get into bed with you when they politely offer to help you with something and don't assume all women want to give you an old fashion, sometimes a massage is a massage, a back rub is a back rub, a drink is a drink, an invitation to watch Netflix is an invitation to watch Netflix at my house, sure there could be sex involved but it takes two people to have sex. Whether you're comfortable with that or not, it's up to you but not everything has an ulterior motive.
 ShipForBrains
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 140
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/26/2015 8:25:21 AM
^^^ You went and done it now Blackwood. Now everyone is going to start arguing about what "watching Netflix" means to them. This should be a good one. I always have some really high hopes when I hear the word "Netflix" come out of her mouth. I think it's a code word for "bring condoms and a tooth brush". I'm sure not all men think that way...or do they?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 141
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/26/2015 9:45:53 AM

"watching Netflix"


Watching is one thing. You can say watching HBO, the real new phenomenon is Netflix binging. Where people watch a whole season of a show in one sitting.
 KingofSnuggles
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 142
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/26/2015 3:35:10 PM
a backrub is a backrub......If it's misconstrued not my fault. The mood, connection you have/don't have with the other person and expectations are all factors that could lead to sex or lead to.......a mere back rub.


I get massages regularly from a woman I'm not thinking about having sex with at the time......
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 143
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/26/2015 5:15:24 PM
LMAO,

I waited to see what will be posted. Aside from 9pluto, and maybe a few others, most of you have your heads up your A$$es. But that does not surprise me. Now lets see what further ignorant responses we will get here. I am sure I will get a good laugh just as I have from the beginning.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 144
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/26/2015 7:01:54 PM
^^^^^ Some of us aren't taking this subject as seriously as you are. That could be the reason for the so-called ignorant responses.

Men and women do think differently sometimes. Evolution and biology may have a factor in that.

As the saying goes "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus".
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 145
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/26/2015 7:19:24 PM
LOL, it is just in fun. The idea of this game was to get banned from the forums. Well looks like that is not going to happen. No more moderators, no more rules, free for all now.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 146
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/27/2015 1:30:13 AM

to norwegianguy456 - we are speaking of a male and female, not 2 guys so your response shows pure stupidity. But then it is a typical guy response. Stay on topic not your distorted view.

Wow... Not good for credibility. Yes, we are speaking of a male & female -- but more than just that, and that's the key. The question is if said actions of male upon female, by default, are Purely platonic indications. So a mature person's going to do a litmus test when it seeing if any actions one partakes in another truly is, by default, Purely platonic or not. A common one being -- would two completely heterosexual guys who just met do it to one another with no thought or suspicion of anything more than Purely platonic thoughts/intentions? Saying that's stupid for the reason you just gave just unwarrants your rationality.

I could see it if she goes to a spa and has a masseur do it, who she doesn't really know-but not some guy she met on a date.

Well, she could. It can be an innocent low-end version of non-platonic expression. To some it's big, to others it's not a big deal -- but to any non-fool, yes, it's still not a platonic expression, sans some outside circumstances. I replace what you said with "but not some guy who was ordering a drink at the bar after a bit a of group chit-chat, while she was on a date with someone else." That's a litmus test as to whether it's truly purely platonic by default or not.

I really need a back and leg rub today.

Would you want a guy you had a great conversation at the bar with give you the back & leg rub? :) Or out on a 2nd date with a gal, you two talk it up in group conversation with strangers passing by, etc... many other couples, some not. A good looking guy garners her attention, they chit-chat (along with you some). You go to the bathroom. You come out, and he's giving her a back & leg rub. You find out she asked him if he could do that to her, and he said heck yeah. He doesn't try any sly "stinky pinky" move or anything like that, so no trust broken. Totally cool? Or if that doesn't happen, how about him asking to give you a back & leg rub right there?

I understand the concept of non-platonic exchanges with emotion/words/actions between a guy & a girl but still staying as friends and a trust that it's not going to get all weird by one to the other. My argument is -- yes, that can be. But that doesn't mean the friendship is purely platonic from beginning to end by both parties. You make a case about how it doesn't have to be, but you can develop trust in the fact that they can handle that without it being weird.
 ShipForBrains
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 147
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/27/2015 6:53:59 AM
Don't worry Lindsay, nobody is going to ban you. You might have some pretty strict ideas that aren't quite inline with the expectations of the forums but the fact is...your much to pretty to hold that against you. The moderator is probably a man.

I get your game...You didn't find the right man on here for you to marry so instead of just deleting your profile you want to go out with a bang. Well just keep up with all that talk about morals, respect and hope and you might just get your way. Mission accomplished!

You do know that Italian men have the worst reputation do you not. Are your brothers Italian? See, there you go.
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 148
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/27/2015 7:36:36 AM
ShipForBrains - thanks for the compliments yet there are no moderators any more. They have been gone for about 6 months now. I say that based on reading many of the topics in the forums that would have easily get people banned. Not only banned but their profiles deleted. And any functionality for reporting has been disabled in that what used to happen, no longer does.

Most people here, especially those that have been around for some time never knew what the system really did.

The game was not about finding a man, The game was to TEST this site to see what has changed and what has not since it is now sold to the Match Group. The finding a man was secondary and a nice to have, not a necessity.

Actually, American men have the worst reputation.
 ShipForBrains
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 149
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What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/27/2015 8:26:50 AM
The match group is very dubious in their ways. It would make sense for them to acquire POF because the data suggests that the majority of people that use match are also on POF. Money is their motivation and if they can promote each other then it's a win win. They would not want to delete the shenanigans on POF because it causes people, mostly woman who are tired of POF, to join match. You have to pay for match or your messages are not read. Why do you think there are links to match and many others on POF? Could it be that one company owns them all?

If there is a moderator it would be this post that get's deleted. Don't want the truth to come out. Was there ever a link to this forum on POF? Could it be that this forum is now independent but still linked in code? Maybe the new match people will eventually get around to this forum and shut it down.

I agree...Italian/American men are the worst.
 Lindsay_G
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 150
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/27/2015 8:53:36 AM
First, ANY American Men regardless of culture.

As for the remainder, I already know all this. It is just a sit back and wait to see what happens. And many women complained about Match. The quality of men are really not that much better than here. It is just a more controlled environment. So less rude, obnoxious comments made. Match will delete you if you go that route w/o warning.

As for moderators, you need not worry about anything. You are not going any where.
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