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 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 76
being picky vs Lowering your standardsPage 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
If you cannot find someone to date within a month, two at the most, you are too picky and should lower your standards. Girls have a different problem. We want to marry the best men we can date. However, men date down, especially for sex, but they don't marry down. However, it is difficult for us to know the difference because no man is going to say, "You are good enough to date or for sex but you are not good enough to marry."
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 77
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being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 2/29/2016 2:14:45 PM

we all do it, we all have our standards when we come on this site.

When it's 2.5:1 or 3:1 ratio guys to girls, and you're not in the "Top 1%" bracket, yeah, if you're picky and want a date in the very near future, chances are, you'll have to lower your standards some.

at what point, how long being on here do you say to yourself "I'm not having any luck, perhaps it's time to lower my standards a bit more"?

When you're in a rut. It's good to question your standards. When looks go down (or up in weight loss changes) over time, our Expectations on mates don't quite catch up at the same speed. :) When we don't really think about it, we'll have the same expectations as we did 4 years ago, when over those 4 years we gained some weight and aren't as good looking as then -- or the opposite when losing weight & getting in shape. So we should step back and size ourselves up. It's best NOT to get friends' advice -- they'll be biased.

With that said, you have another factor: Sausage-fest online. So the average Jane will become a cuter gal online with many more guys. Her standards are going to be a bit inflated VS real-life. So if both those factors come into play -- you're going to have a low batting average, and be more apt to lower your standards. And MAYBE that IS a good thing to do, because your standards could have been too high. OR it may push oneself to get in good shape to be a higher standard themselves.
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 2/29/2016 4:19:27 PM

If you cannot find someone to date within a month, two at the most, you are too picky and should lower your standards. Girls have a different problem. We want to marry the best men we can date. However, men date down, especially for sex, but they don't marry down. However, it is difficult for us to know the difference because no man is going to say, "You are good enough to date or for sex but you are not good enough to marry."

Wait...um...say what? There is more than one thing here ^ that is sad.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 79
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 2/29/2016 4:34:25 PM
When it comes to getting sex, men have evolved to be very good at lying. That is because they are rewarded for lying and punished for telling the truth. If he is successful at lying, the girl may reward him with sex. However, if he is truthful and says, "You are acceptable for a roll in the hay but nothing more," she will punish him by denying sex. Punish may not be the right word; but, from a guy's viewpoint, the effect is the same.
 Llove2laughtoo
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 80
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 2/29/2016 5:15:49 PM

Msg: 82
When it comes to getting sex, men have evolved to be very good at lying. That is because they are rewarded for lying and punished for telling the truth. If he is successful at lying, the girl may reward him with sex. However, if he is truthful and says, "You are acceptable for a roll in the hay but nothing more," she will punish him by denying sex. Punish may not be the right word; but, from a guy's viewpoint, the effect is the same.


For two years I was involved in a live-in relationship with a woman, several years ago. She and her 2 children moved in with me. Unbeknownst to me, and to put it mildly, she lied during the entire relationship. Obviously she was good at covering her tracks. I only learned of her deceptions after we had split.

It would be wrong for me to paint every woman with the same brush and say that all women are liars and should not be trusted, when every person is a unique individual.
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 2/29/2016 6:21:14 PM

If you cannot find someone to date within a month, two at the most, you are too picky and should lower your standards. Girls have a different problem. We want to marry the best men we can date. However, men date down, especially for sex, but they don't marry down. However, it is difficult for us to know the difference because no man is going to say, "You are good enough to date or for sex but you are not good enough to marry."

The sadness of this ^ is topped with the sadness of this v .

When it comes to getting sex, men have evolved to be very good at lying. That is because they are rewarded for lying and punished for telling the truth. If he is successful at lying, the girl may reward him with sex. However, if he is truthful and says, "You are acceptable for a roll in the hay but nothing more," she will punish him by denying sex. Punish may not be the right word; but, from a guy's viewpoint, the effect is the same.

Are you able to see the things that are wrong here?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 82
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 2/29/2016 6:31:16 PM

because no man is going to say, "You are good enough to date or for sex but you are not good enough to marry."


Actually, a couple of women started threads a while back about that very subject, they had encountered men who said that very thing.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 83
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 2/29/2016 9:26:47 PM
Well I am surprised that any many would tell a woman she is good enough for sex for not for marriage. However, about women, someone said, "At 20 they sell it, at 30 they give it away, and at 40 they buy it." Honestly, at my age, I don't have the experience to know if there is any truth to that. However, if there is some truth to it then no doubt the women that posted that were fortyish of older.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 84
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/2/2016 12:53:52 PM

Well I am surprised that any many would tell a woman she is good enough for sex for not for marriage.


You cannot generalize men this way. Two things. We are not that smart. We are simple creatures.
In the beginning, and that is if you're fairly good looking, you date for sport. You look for how many women one can deflower. Sad but true. The average Joe, in the other hand, realizes that he sucks at the sport of hunting women, so when he lands a good one, he wants to keep her.

Then move forward with age. When men have a lot more experience. What we learn with our basic, reptilian mind controlled by our little head, is that the sex is a hell of a lot better with a long term partner. No more nights going home alone to be spent with your left hand. And when she is well, horny, she gets sex, he gets sex. And as the relationship evolves, it gets much more interesting and fun.

What happens is that at some point, both women and men get either bitten by the nesting bug, or ups it just happens. And everything changes again.

So when many men get to be of a particular age and are looking for someone, we tend to prefer those women that want a long term partner because we simply HATE the one night stand or the pump and dumb.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 85
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being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/2/2016 1:50:07 PM

When it comes to getting sex, men have evolved to be very good at lying. That is because they are rewarded for lying and punished for telling the truth.

I don't agree, really. Men aren't any better liars than women. Anyone being on the chasing end is going to learn to lie pretty well if they do it enough. So yes, guys more often being that way will learn to fib & lie, etc. Whether it's about sex, or whether it's about (a lot of time for gals) attention & appreciation.

It's more often lying to get a date (or to be a wanted date; see online profiles for all). To get sex (early), it doesn't take any more lying than vying for being liked if sex wasn't the aim right then. If they're going to have sex early, does he have to lie that he's going to sweep her off her feet in an LTR? On a first meet, to have a first meat? No. That can happen, sure. But that's by no means needed in most situations. Lying/fibbing about one's life to inflate their image for being liked isn't done To have sex quick. It's done in general by a lot of people. The only lying-to-get-sex would be ones where one would be lying that they're All About Them. And remember, beer goggles have effects where it's not lying in the present. The gal's 25lbs heavier and looks 5-10 years older, and he's not interested -- but after 6 beers he warms up to her, but then wasn't interested in continuing things after a night of 'passion' that she wanted. Was he Lying because he had interest with said beer goggles? No. Can we always tell if and how much a gal or guy was lying about their interest? No, not all the time -- but we like to make assumptions to soften the blow to our ego.

However, if he is truthful and says, "You are acceptable for a roll in the hay but nothing more,"

Yeah, but again, how often does that question come up? Not very. Such questions of "Okay, so we're going to be an item, right?" is rarely asked. And in the situation, sex or no sex, a guy OR girl will say they'd like to hang out again, and one party ends up having fizzled interest. IF they don't have sex and he had fizzled interest it's "Yeah, he just wanted sex! Since I didn't put out, he doesn't want to see me again!" If they Do have sex and he had fizzled interest it's "OMG, he just used me for sex!" He's a bad guy either way. A biased assumptive frame of mind, again, to help soften the blow to one's ego.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 86
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/2/2016 2:11:07 PM
Not sure about the lying thing..most men aren't so good at it, they get caught. It's my impression that women are better liars, they don't get caught at it as often. But the impression may be that men lie more, since many aren't so good at it, and are caught out..
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 87
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/2/2016 2:23:11 PM
^ I think they were talking about lying to get into a girl's panties. I sincerely doubt men who do that care if they get caught after the fact.
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/2/2016 7:16:03 PM
Inner_Gorilla:

You said this

You cannot generalize men this way

And then you said this

We are not that smart. We are simple creatures.
In the beginning, and that is if you're fairly good looking, you date for sport. You look for how many women one can deflower. Sad but true

No, not true. Speak for yourself.

...one of those funny things that always began the turning-me-off process for me was when a woman would say to me anything to the effect of "I'm tired of the bar scene" and "we've both played that game but want something more now don't we" -

- I'd think "Oh, really? So you used to do that? And how do you know that about me?"
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 89
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/2/2016 11:27:38 PM
Inner_Gorilla and norwegianguy456: I suppose if a girl is going to reject a guy if he is not seeking more than sex is an age thing. Perhaps older women (I can't say since I have not been that age yet) may be interested in having sex with no prospect of getting married. I'm not ready to get married yet; but, when I date a guy, marriage is still on the back of my mind.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 90
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being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/3/2016 5:39:41 AM

I'm not ready to get married yet; but, when I date a guy, marriage is still on the back of my mind.

Would you openly admit that in an opening conversation with someone attractive you just met at a bar? My guess is - probably not. Are you lying then, or is it an 'error' of omission - because considering marriage is definitely a factor in your relationship equation, right?

People don't open up their lives instantly when they first meet. Even after several drinks, they still have secrets. Are they lying? Or just refusing to admit truth? Does it even matter? Does the other person even care? For some people, after a few drinks, the 'caring' portion seems to dissolve - they have a scenario in mind that they've chosen to believe - so whatever story that's being told - be it completely false or full of 'omissions' - their tunnel vision is clear. Truth be damned. This is true of either gender.

If you don't believe me, hang out at a bar after about 11:30 pm when you are completely sober - it's freaking hilarious how people get single-minded when they are drunk, and their reactions when they find out 'their' guy or gal has more to them than only just what the drunk wants - is priceless.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 91
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/3/2016 9:38:30 AM

Well I am surprised that any many would tell a woman she is good enough for sex for not for marriage. However, about women, someone said, "At 20 they sell it, at 30 they give it away, and at 40 they buy it." Honestly, at my age, I don't have the experience to know if there is any truth to that. However, if there is some truth to it then no doubt the women that posted that were fortyish of older.


So not true for me and many other women my age that I know. In my 20s, I was insecure and desperate to be in a relationship. No standards at all. The guys I dated were not that attractive, and I wouldn't give them a second look today. They also just wanted to fvck back then, so that has never changed. I ended up getting married at 22 for the wrong reasons, thinking that if I didn't do it in my early 20s, my "options" would decrease later. Yes, I bought that BS that women get told from an early age.

I was married throughout my 30s, so I have no idea how that would have gone for me if I had still been single. I divorced in my early 40s and wow - so much more fun and so many more options than I had in my 20s. Is it because guys are generally better looking these days or is it because I raised my standards when it comes to looks, but I can honestly say that I can 'get" much, much better looking guys now than I did in my 20s. I got two proposals from very attractive guys, so no, they were not after just sex. I'm certainly not "buying it" (sex or relationships). Quite the opposite - I get asked out on dates much, much more than I ever did in my late teens/early 20s. With better looking guys to boot. And I'm not desperate to be in a relationship, no ticking clocks, no pressure to get married. It's extremely liberating and so much more fund to be single at my age.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 92
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/3/2016 10:02:40 AM
Kelley, you are one person, I doubt that you can speak for all late teens- early twenties women, any more than you can speak for women in their thirties, forties, or of whatever age..
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 93
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being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/3/2016 1:36:55 PM

I suppose if a girl is going to reject a guy if he is not seeking more than sex is an age thing. Perhaps older women (I can't say since I have not been that age yet) may be interested in having sex with no prospect of getting married. I'm not ready to get married yet; but, when I date a guy, marriage is still on the back of my mind.

I disagree. Many younger gals are more willing to drop the panties and fool around off the bat without a Relationship aimed in mind (let alone marriage). See Spring Break as just one example. Older women may not have their sights set on getting married again (although some do) -- but women of all ages, in general as the trend goes, has their sights on a Relationship of some sort if they like the guy, sure. No marriage in mind required to have the effect of not wanting a guy for just sex.

But many gals do prefer casual relationships with particular guys where an Actual Relationship is merely an option and they're just going with the flow. That frame of mind isn't a small minority with women. But in the end, if the guy goes out on a date or two and seemed interested but afterwards isn't -- he's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't in some girls' minds -- whether he had sex ("used for sex") or not ("just wanted sex and left 'cause he couldn't get it").
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 94
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/9/2016 8:46:30 PM

Kelley, you are one person, I doubt that you can speak for all late teens- early twenties women, any more than you can speak for women in their thirties, forties, or of whatever age..

Of course that is true. However, I certainly don't agree with the comments by TrvstInKarma. They are based on wishful thinking, a poor memory, or they are comments in an argument to make a point.

I have been in a couple of night clubs known not to closely inspect IDs using a borrowed or fake ID. If equally attractive for their age, the early twentieth girls are ten times more likely to be the first ones asked provided that they are not rejecting and other men notice and don't ask. Pity the older women at a table with her niece. Her niece is always the first on the dance floor, it is only after all the young attractive girls have been asked that she gets asked, if at all.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 95
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/9/2016 9:09:13 PM

I have been in a couple of night clubs known not to closely inspect IDs using a borrowed or fake ID. If equally attractive for their age, the early twentieth girls are ten times more likely to be the first ones asked provided that they are not rejecting and other men notice and don't ask. Pity the older women at a table with her niece. Her niece is always the first on the dance floor, it is only after all the young attractive girls have been asked that she gets asked, if at all.


Funny you bring up that example....I went out with some coworkers and one of them brought her two daughters in their 20s (who were skinny, btw). Guess what - of course, you won't want to believe it but - I got asked on the dance floor more often than and before the two younger women. So I don't know what ladies you see out, but I do not fade into the background either. I do not consider younger women my competition of some sort - everybody's taste/preference is different.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 96
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/9/2016 9:11:20 PM
Nice try to "put me in my place" though.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 97
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/9/2016 9:23:01 PM

Funny you bring up that example....I went out with some coworkers and one of them brought her two daughters in their 20s (who were skinny, btw). Guess what - of course, you won't want to believe it but - I got asked on the dance floor more often than and before the two younger women. So I don't know what ladies you see out, but I do not fade into the background either. I do not consider younger women my competition of some sort - everybody's taste/preference is different.


Yes, but you have an unusually attractive face.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 98
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/9/2016 9:31:29 PM
No woman can speak for other women. Preferences are so individual. Ladies here mentioned clubbing, well I clubbed heavily, alone, between 21 and 23, then I met my ex-husband. I suffered intensely because I was now taken and could not go out dancing every weekend anymore. Since then, I think I've been to a dance club a handful of times and did not enjoy it one bit. I think the last time was about 3 years ago, I went with two new girls from Girlfriend Social. Gosh, WHAT A BORE. So-called music blasting loudly, can't get through the crowd, overpriced drinks. I wore a thick wool mini dress, and while still at home I decided I was not walking out the house like that and put on jeans underneath the dress. Well if I had worn that little dress even without the jeans, I'd still have looked like a nun compared to the young girls at the club.

Meh, too old for the nonsense.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 99
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/10/2016 7:06:42 AM
Another variation of good enough for sex but not sure about anything serious thought process.

YMMV
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 100
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being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 3/10/2016 11:03:37 AM

No woman can speak for other women.

Very true. I told that to my maw when my uncle got into an argument with my aunt on vacation, and left her stranded in Arizona with no money. Maw, maybe your sister didn't report it because she doesn't mind such things and has a sense of adventure. You can't speak for other women, maw! ;) Okay, okay, all kidding aside....

Ladies here mentioned clubbing, well I clubbed heavily, alone, between 21 and 23, then I met my ex-husband. I suffered intensely because I was now taken and could not go out dancing every weekend anymore. Since then, I think I've been to a dance club a handful of times and did not enjoy it one bit.

So him preventing you from going out dancing on the weekends conditioned you to never enjoy it, even when single? Man -- that guy read the right handbook! :)

I think the last time was about 3 years ago, I went with two new girls from Girlfriend Social. Gosh, WHAT A BORE. So-called music blasting loudly, can't get through the crowd, overpriced drinks.

A club is not a club is not a club, though. There's everything from a bar that has dancing, to a boom-boom club, and everything in-between. Also, over time, the motif on many clubs change, but like people (ie women) -- they're not all the same. People will say the same thing about just general "bars" when those widely vary even more. We tend to have guilt-by-association on things too easily. A human fallacy.

There's places where there's dancing that'd be picture-perfect for a Viagra commercial, and others that are picture-perfect for an underage drinking commercial. But there's also many others that fit neither. :)
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