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 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 26
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Thoughts on attractive menPage 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Some just don't know where they stand in the looks department. They go through life trying to be the best person they can be, and hope that they find someone that is good for them. Now, some men can get stereotyped. Through no fault of their own, women will make assumptions based on what they see. I've overheard women's conversations about men.

"Oh, he's good looking. He's conceded."

I'll bet he hasn't even said hello to you. How would you know? I've heard that tall men are more desirable. My response to that is-Since when? Aside from being able to get stuff off high shelves, I see no great advantage in it. I don't even know where I stand in the attractive department. It would help if women would be more forward, and go after what they want. I kinda believe that the national divorce rate would go down if they would do their own picking.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 27
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 8:55:35 AM

in real life and on here a majority of men I find attractive are either really stupid or just full of themselves (or taken but that's not a fault) which in turn makes them unattractive. And I'm not even shooting for anything amazing really.. just men I find attractive which might be average-looking to others. And the ones who seem nice etc I am not attracted to at all


I'm a little confused, OP<

Are you saying that the men you see pics of on POF and in person out in the world, who you initially find attractive, turn out to be 'not attractive' when you get to 'know them' because they reveal themselves to be arrogant, stupid or uneducated?

And the ones you do initially find attractive, (who then become unattractive to you due to being stupid or full of themselves) are NOT EVEN 'anything amazing', just someone YOU find attractive and just 'so-so' to others.

And men who you deem 'nice' are not attractive to you all. No matter if they are traditionally handsome or just a so-called average looking guy (who you say you are looking for...)

I'm at a loss as to what kind of a guy might be suitable for you. He cannot be too attractive in a general sense, because chances are he will be dim and full of himself. And if he's a normally good-looking guy, in your eyes, and is also a decent human being, that's a turn-off as well.

Maybe one of those quirky looking guys who is really brainy, but because he is in the 'traditionally ugly' category is not prone to the arrogance of the good looking---but because he IS brainy, may be prone to the arrogance of the intellectually well-endowed.

What to do...

Sigh~
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 28
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 9:07:18 AM

It may be that they are around 25 and just immature. Men of that age are often just boys whereas girls are more mature. Not always. Good looking people may have an easier ride in life in some ways but get sooner or later get older and less attractive just like anyone else.


I don't like men my age. I usually go for older so it's not really an age issue.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 29
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 9:19:24 AM

I'm a little confused, OP<

Are you saying that the men you see pics of on POF and in person out in the world, who you initially find attractive, turn out to be 'not attractive' when you get to 'know them' because they reveal themselves to be arrogant, stupid or uneducated?

And the ones you do initially find attractive, (who then become unattractive to you due to being stupid or full of themselves) are NOT EVEN 'anything amazing', just someone YOU find attractive and just 'so-so' to others.

And men who you deem 'nice' are not attractive to you all. No matter if they are traditionally handsome or just a so-called average looking guy (who you say you are looking for...)

I'm at a loss as to what kind of a guy might be suitable for you. He cannot be too attractive in a general sense, because chances are he will be dim and full of himself. And if he's a normally good-looking guy, in your eyes, and is also a decent human being, that's a turn-off as well.


I had to read this twice because you asked a really good but complex question. I'm going to try and explain it as best as I can. From what I know, have learned is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However there are people out there who are seen as beautiful worldwide because they have all the right features etc such as actors/actresses (not every single one but most). And in everyday life there are those few people who a large amount would say are "attractive". That's NOT who I'm attracted to or go for or call my type. My type is someone who is usually average looking to others (not ugly but not anything special). And that is what surprises me that I can't really find a match. Because although I like their looks I can't connect with them on other levels, such as intellect or morality in some cases. The only person I connected with on every single level and who was and still is perfect in my eyes, is taken. Maybe it's my fault for not giving men a chance a lot of the time but they will always say something or do something which amazes me and makes me think "Wow are you serious? Bye bye" I don't know if they're joking or what but completely inappropriate and it's not even an age issue. Most of these men I'm talking about are in their 30's. It's frustrating.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 30
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 9:51:08 AM

. The only person I connected with on every single level and who was and still is perfect in my eyes, is taken.


Ahhh, there in lies the answer.

In my twenties, I had a friend who confided in me that although she was not 'with' a certain guy anymore, (and they were still more or less friends), HE was the yardstick by which she measured every other man that she met. And NONE measured up, big surprise.

I'm sure these guys had no idea WHO they were supposed to BE vis a vis HER and her dream of love, and probably were a bit mystified by why she would dump them when they seemed to be getting along just fine.


Maybe it's my fault for not giving men a chance a lot of the time but they will always say something or do something which amazes me and makes me think "Wow are you serious? Bye bye"


None of us are 'perfect' all the time. We all say stupid stuff now and then or just throw something out there to see 'where it lands'< Might be good to just ask them 'are you serious??' (in a teasing incredulous way!)---chances are they are NOT and just using witty (or not to you) banter to keep the convo going.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 31
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 10:05:26 AM

Ahhh, there in lies the answer.

In my twenties, I had a friend who confided in me that although she was not 'with' a certain guy anymore, (and they were still more or less friends), HE was the yardstick by which she measured every other man that she met. And NONE measured up, big surprise.

I'm sure these guys had no idea WHO they were supposed to BE vis a vis HER and her dream of love, and probably were a bit mystified by why she would dump them when they seemed to be getting along just fine.


I agree in the sense that I do compare a lot of guys to him (not on purpose) but I do it and no one ever measures up, they never will and I will live with that forever which is fine. But aside from that even if someone else does spark my interest, the issue remains. I guess all in all my dating pool is small and it'll take some time before I find the right one.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 32
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Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 3:13:30 PM
That's not fine at all actually. If the guy is taken then you have to move on eventually or just die alone, if you're content with living the rest of your life trying to obtain something you're not going to get (Because no man is your ex and your ex is not them) then you won't find any happiness with anyone and since you're actively dating I'm sensing that's not what you want, if it then this thread is pointless.

To steal a lyric from Alice in Chains since you like to quote their lyrics.

He who tries, will be wasted.

Every guy who tries to be with you will just be a waste of time on their part because they'll never reach your high standards.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 33
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 3:39:18 PM

That's not fine at all actually. If the guy is taken then you have to move on eventually or just die alone, if you're content with living the rest of your life trying to obtain something you're not going to get (Because no man is your ex and your ex is not them) then you won't find any happiness with anyone and since you're actively dating I'm sensing that's not what you want, if it then this thread is pointless.

To steal a lyric from Alice in Chains since you like to quote their lyrics.

He who tries, will be wasted.

Every guy who tries to be with you will just be a waste of time on their part because they'll never reach your high standards.


First he was never my ex. Second, it's not a waste of time because I'm not hanging on to anything. I know he's unavailable and we'll never be together. I've accepted the fact and I'm fine with it because I care about him and want him to be happy which he is. I do see this person in a very high regard and that won't change because he hasn't done anything to hurt me or to make me hate him so why would I? He means a lot to me, was there for me and we share history and that's something I will treasure forever. Nor you, nor my future husband can change that because he came before anyone else. Comparing him to others isn't the problem because I don't do it often and that's not why I don't like others. I've already stated what the issues are. It has nothing to do with him if it was about him why would I be on this site at all?
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 34
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 3:57:25 PM

I agree in the sense that I do compare a lot of guys to him (not on purpose) but I do it and no one ever measures up, they never will and I will live with that forever which is fine.


You just haven't met the right one yet. When you do, there will be no comparing as the new will have attributes unique to him that surplant either your subconcious or possibly concious comparing of the person in the last relationship.

In essence he will become a fond memory reflected on from time to time as the new relationship progresses on it's own merits. :)
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 35
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 4:00:05 PM
I know I won't find perfect again and I'm realistic enough to understand that and be ok with it. I'm not looking for perfect - by any means. Just someone I'll actually like and not have to force myself to like them or spend time with them.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 36
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Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 5:31:42 PM
Something a bit on the subtle side that you would be wise to at least give some thought to...

this fellow who you found to be so almost perfect, save that he was taken, might well have been as near perfect as he was, because he was taken.

Lots of people, in fact most people, actually change when they have their minds made up, and switch from being on the prowl, in the hunt, to directly living their lives with a mate. They appear to be more confident, because they are. They are confident that they don't have to worry whether they are impressing you or not, because they are only concerned with their mate. They appear to be more settled and stable, because they are no longer sorting through a variety of test behaviors in order to try to figure out which one works best with their target du jour.

This is why lots of people do chase married and otherwise committed people.

You might be sabotaging yourself, if you aren't aware of this, by rapidly discarding the guys who are anxious (because they AREN'T sure where things stand with anyone) and guys who are making dumb mistakes, because they are still guessing what to do to win favor.

As I said, something to ponder, and to watch for within yourself, and in the behavior of others.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 37
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/4/2015 5:53:14 PM
Actually he was kind of nervous in the beginning when we'd talk and still is at times. Not so much nervous but at a loss for words. But again I don't want to talk about him. Thanks for your input though, I can definitely respect what you're saying although it wasn't 100% the case this time.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 38
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 2:46:23 AM
I revel in the company of handsome, charming men.

Dear OP.
The past is the past.

I, and others on here are older than you so we have more past.
Yet many of us oldies still look forward to the future with joy and anticipation.


 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 39
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Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 5:13:14 AM
halftimedad

You said it all. Same with nice beautiful people and nice ugly people. Generalisations are just that, generalisations. A beautiful looking person soon becomes unattractive when their uglier side begins to show.

sealady
I am with you I also appreciate handsome charming and articulate men. Same as men appreciate pretty, charming and interesting women. However if that is all they have to offer, it all soon palls, right???

 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 40
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 6:41:17 AM
Yes some attractive people can be arrogant or "ugly" on the inside. Same thing can apply to some people with money or a high education level ( PhDs, Mastets etc ). But I wouldn't make broad generalizations.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 41
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:12:12 AM

I at one time dated what I would call an exceptionally attractive man.....

sure.....he was very nice to look at on the outside.....but very very ugly inside.....

He said to me 3 times he could replace me in a New York second.......when I heard it the 3rd time.....I invited him to go do so and never looked back.

It just goes to show that sure......a person can look really gorgeous on the outside....but once you get past that.....the inside can be pretty ugly.......sad but true......


I had to laugh when I read this, because I could have written this as well. That guy was unbelievably gorgeous, women would stop and stare at him when I was out with him in public. My friends and coworkers who thought he was a no-good user/loser based on the stuff he pulled on me shut up when they saw him, because they said that they now "got it" why I was so crazy about him - he was really movie star hot/handsome. He was a former model from NYC, so your "New York second" made me laugh.

But yes, he turned out to be not only ugly on the inside, but also disordered and evil. He hid it so well for more than two years. I only saw a glimpse of his real character here and there, when his facade cracked, but he was always quick to recover and spring right back into his "role" of the nice, humble, modest, charming, charismatic, loving man. He really is a liar, a cheater,arrogant, cold and calculating person, who uses people (men and women) for his own gain and discards them when he is done using them and/or they find out what he is really about. He knows he can mesmerize people with his incredible good looks and his mother worships him and tells him that he is Gods gift to women, constantly commenting on his FB that he is the most gorgeous man under the sun. That alone explains the origin of his entitlement issues , he really does think he is God and can do whatever he wants to based on his looks. That also explains his lack of ambition to further his education - he doesn't have to, he can always find someone to smooch of, at least for now. He has no real talents or even hobbies, except playing his games and fooling multiple women at a time. This gig seems to have worked well for him for now, we'll see what happens when his looks fade, as they already have to a certain extend, and he is aware of it and it upsets him deeply.

But I've also met other good looking men that were nice and normal, so I don't want to say that all of them are automatically full of themselves or arrogant.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 42
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 6:46:28 PM
^^^The thing about guys like who are in love with themselves this is that despite all their stunning good looks they are BORING to tears. They have no interest in YOU, no feelings for YOU - there is zero connection. They just want to be ADMIRED (yawn). They look at you but don't see you... you're talking in their ear but they don't hear you... I dated someone extremely good looking and extremely full of himself as I described in another thread... pretty soon I discovered that lounging alone in my bed was way more fun than hanging out with him.
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 7:32:32 PM
(original post)

Hey, I am not stupid, and I am not full of myself.

So there.
 MillaKitten92
Joined: 9/23/2015
Msg: 44
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:04:35 PM
It can be true yes. Also true that certain types of people would be more likely to try dating online. They probably have more trouble dating in person for some reason or other, depending on age and other factors even location. If you want someone intelligent go looking for them in places of 'intelligence', universities, libraries, umm higher class restaurants and bars. Then talk to the most attractive in those locations I suppose. There are usually students and tutors/lecturers lurking around and masters and phd students at unis so it's a pretty good area to meet. You could also join and interest group of some kind for your specific academic interest. Like mine has a specific psychology group and umm religious groups lol. If you want someone attractive, mainly, well I know from experience there are many good looking men around the beach areas ;) and they can swim too, double bonus!! (some hate water). Surfers and spear fishers usually are very attractive or at-least are in great shape anyway.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 45
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:36:24 PM
No, people are misunderstanding. I don't want anyone with high intelligence because God knows I'm no Einstein haha. Just friggen normal, someone who isn't only about sex and can hold a proper conversation.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 46
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 12:07:49 AM
Oh... you want him to be HOT and be able to form sentences and have a conversation about something other than sex?


(Forehead slap)
Sorry. Does not exist.


............
p.s.
Having a photo of yourself on an adult dating site with a bed in the background is inviting a sex discussion.
 kidreason29
Joined: 9/25/2015
Msg: 47
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 1:03:03 AM
define normal.
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 3:03:16 AM
I offer a clarification...

If you want someone intelligent go looking for them in places of 'intelligence', universities, libraries, umm higher class restaurants and bars... There are usually students and tutors/lecturers lurking around and masters and phd students at unis so it's a pretty good area to meet

Formal education and intelligence are two very different things. Education isn't a bad idea nor a bad thing at all, but the two definitely don't naturally go hand-in-hand. If you're wanting someone who's educated, that's fine. But don't mistake that for intelligence. Call the one thing for what it is, and call the other thing for what it is. Often, formal education is not actually an "education", but instead more like a "training", which is still very different. Intelligence is something that you can find anywhere...and while someone might say that the chances of finding intelligence at a school or library is higher, I'd say that just isn't true. It would be to ignore the fact that there are an equal number of people of intelligence to be found anywhere else, and it would be to forget that places of education are not places of intelligence. However...a library, eerr, I'd agree. The chances might be a bit higher. Might be.

But while I'd say that it's a matter of knowing how to find and identify intelligence anywhere else, and someone else would then say that it's easier to do so around places of "education"...I'd repeat that no, it isn't. That's an unfortunate illusion. Places of education and not places of intelligence. A place of education may have a high number of intelligent people...but it wouldn't have a higher number of intelligent people than somewhere else.

And a thing with intelligence is that "it takes one to know one" to a great degree. If a person can't identify it, then they might not be theirself. So if a person goes around places of "education" because they think that it's easier to locate some intelligence, then that strongly suggests that they aren't able to identify it otherwise, in other places.

And then we have higher class restaurants and bars...an appreciation of attending such places, and/or the financial ability to do so, is a very different thing from intelligence. Very. Is about something else wholly different.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 49
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 7:51:03 AM

I had to laugh when I read this, because I could have written this as well. That guy was unbelievably gorgeous, women would stop and stare at him when I was out with him in public. My friends and coworkers who thought he was a no-good user/loser based on the stuff he pulled on me shut up when they saw him, because they said that they now "got it" why I was so crazy about him - he was really movie star hot/handsome. He was a former model from NYC, so your "New York second" made me laugh.


This is so sad. Yes so true. I've known a couple of guys that were very attractive. They would be in a party hitting on a woman in front of the one that they brought to the party. They would drop said lady and screw the other one that night, only to have the other woman sleep with the guy again. They tend to be rather emotionally abusive. In a gathering this one guy, responded to me to some comment about a football game, by saying don't be such a fvcking idiot. I told him off. If he wanted to talk like that to the women that put up with that, fine, or some of the lame guys that hang out him hoping to rub off some of that good yu-yu with women, but he was not going to pull that with me. I really couldn't stand the SOB.

But my question is, why do women put up with it? Do they want the arm candy as well? Or is it the attitude?
I've also noticed in my case, the more dismissive I have been of women, the more women I got.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 50
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 8:23:43 AM
some women put up with it b/c its the same type of behavior they pulled on someone once. They don't like the hurt that results, but the behavior can't be bad if they did it once, too, right? Other women are insecure. Others aren't out for a relationship, they are out for the victory lap--look at the trophy I won! take that, haters! Others figure that if they can win over the unwinnable, even for a few seconds, then Daddy was wrong to always put them in second place.
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