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 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 51
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Thoughts on attractive menPage 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
While it's true that "gaslighting" works on some people, if the victim smartens up and the tables get turned the perpetrator can end up running to an army of shrinks crying foul like a baby. Now that's funny.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 52
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:10:28 AM

Formal education and intelligence are two very different things. Education isn't a bad idea nor a bad thing at all, but the two definitely don't naturally go hand-in-hand. If you're wanting someone who's educated, that's fine. But don't mistake that for intelligence. Call the one thing for what it is, and call the other thing for what it is. Often, formal education is not actually an "education", but instead more like a "training", which is still very different. Intelligence is something that you can find anywhere...and while someone might say that the chances of finding intelligence at a school or library is higher, I'd say that just isn't true. It would be to ignore the fact that there are an equal number of people of intelligence to be found anywhere else, and it would be to forget that places of education are not places of intelligence. However...a library, eerr, I'd agree. The chances might be a bit higher. Might be.

But while I'd say that it's a matter of knowing how to find and identify intelligence anywhere else, and someone else would then say that it's easier to do so around places of "education"...I'd repeat that no, it isn't. That's an unfortunate illusion. Places of education and not places of intelligence. A place of education may have a high number of intelligent people...but it wouldn't have a higher number of intelligent people than somewhere else.

And a thing with intelligence is that "it takes one to know one" to a great degree. If a person can't identify it, then they might not be theirself. So if a person goes around places of "education" because they think that it's easier to locate some intelligence, then that strongly suggests that they aren't able to identify it otherwise, in other places.

And then we have higher class restaurants and bars...an appreciation of attending such places, and/or the financial ability to do so, is a very different thing from intelligence. Very. Is about something else wholly different.


I agree with this 100%. Thank you for your input. You sound like a great person by the way :)
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 53
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Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:21:29 AM

p.s.
Having a photo of yourself on an adult dating site with a bed in the background is inviting a sex discussion.


...and in the case of the OP, having what looks like two photos of you, each with a different bed in the background out of five couldn't be a great idea either, especially with no smiles at all and all 5 photos being pouty-faced. Didn't want to get into a profile review, but Sealady is absolutely right.

We men make decisions based on certain cues in photos, and that is no secret. Some women take advantage, addicted to getting more attention (message count) as a measure of profile success. There is nothing that beats an honest warm and friendly smile to attract the "right" kind of messages.

But Feed my eyes can you sow them shut? as a headline? That's some really cool music, and might be an accurate depiction of the OP's feelings or musical tastes so I don't suggest changing anything and such, but it is about self-deprecation and hopelessness. I would interpret it as a plea for rescue from a broken life. This may resonate with other millennials and of course I may not get it! What is the appropriate question a guy would respond with? More lyrics from that like: Hey Shove my nose in shit and save me too... I really get you, let's commiserate!

What you use as bait ... say and show in profiles ... will have an influence over your ability to attract a normal functioning guy. There may be sludge metal fan great guys out there like the ones on the CD covers, but these things severely limit the number of normal fellows sending messages.
Cheers (!!!)
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 54
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Posted: 10/6/2015 9:45:33 AM

p.s.
Having a photo of yourself on an adult dating site with a bed in the background is inviting a sex discussion.


...and in the case of the OP, having what looks like two photos of you, each with a different bed in the background out of five couldn't be a great idea either, especially with no smiles at all and all 5 photos being pouty-faced. Didn't want to get into a profile review, but Sealady is absolutely right.

We men make decisions based on certain cues in photos, and that is no secret. Some women take advantage, addicted to getting more attention (message count) as a measure of profile success. There is nothing that beats an honest warm and friendly smile to attract the "right" kind of messages.

But Feed my eyes can you sew them shut? as a headline? That's some really cool music, and might be an accurate depiction of the OP's feelings or musical tastes so I don't suggest changing anything and such, but it is about self-deprecation and hopelessness. I would interpret it as a plea for rescue from a broken life. This may resonate with other millennials and of course I may not get it! What is the appropriate question a guy would respond with? More lyrics from that like: Hey Shove my nose in shit and save me too... I really get you, let's commiserate!

What you use as bait ... say and show in profiles ... will have an influence over your ability to attract a normal functioning guy. There may be sludge metal fan great guys out there like the ones on the CD covers, but these things severely limit the number of normal fellows sending messages.
Cheers (!!!)
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 55
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Posted: 10/6/2015 9:56:50 AM
At 25, all the good looking, well educated, smart, attractive men are being snapped up by equally educated attractive women. And I guarantee most of them are not doing it online.
You need to get out of your comfort zone, because it isn't working for you.

If you want to meet a better quality man then you need to be able to put yourself in a position to meet one. Having an advanced degree, interests in art, being a voracious reader, music etc and and the money to spend to be at the places these men go. Hanging at the local bars with your GF is a crap shoot at best. Try volunteering at a museum or art space.

And stop smoking!!!!!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 56
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 10:23:16 AM
Haha volunteering. I once volunteered as a literacy tutor. If my purpose for volunteering had been to meet men, I'd be sorely disappointed as all the other volunteers were women.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 57
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 12:37:23 PM

Haha volunteering. I once volunteered as a literacy tutor. If my purpose for volunteering had been to meet men, I'd be sorely disappointed as all the other volunteers were women.


^^ Agreed

I have no idea where the employed, literate, charming, single men seeking a relationship lurk.
Certainly not at the places I lurk.

An example. There is a man who at first glance should be fabulous.
Single, a sailor, age appropriate, employed etc

BUT
He is going through a divorce because of his indiscretions which were not that discrete, is continuing with hunting multiple liasions and he picks up a variety of 'weekend squeezes', so far all young Asian women, that I have seen. Very possibly paid for their time. Ugggh.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 58
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 1:17:19 PM

...and in the case of the OP, having what looks like two photos of you, each with a different bed in the background out of five couldn't be a great idea either, especially with no smiles at all and all 5 photos being pouty-faced. Didn't want to get into a profile review, but Sealady is absolutely right.

We men make decisions based on certain cues in photos, and that is no secret. Some women take advantage, addicted to getting more attention (message count) as a measure of profile success. There is nothing that beats an honest warm and friendly smile to attract the "right" kind of messages.

But Feed my eyes can you sew them shut? as a headline? That's some really cool music, and might be an accurate depiction of the OP's feelings or musical tastes so I don't suggest changing anything and such, but it is about self-deprecation and hopelessness. I would interpret it as a plea for rescue from a broken life. This may resonate with other millennials and of course I may not get it! What is the appropriate question a guy would respond with? More lyrics from that like: Hey Shove my nose in shit and save me too... I really get you, let's commiserate!

What you use as bait ... say and show in profiles ... will have an influence over your ability to attract a normal functioning guy. There may be sludge metal fan great guys out there like the ones on the CD covers, but these things severely limit the number of normal fellows sending messages.
Cheers (!!!)



I wasn't going to address this because it seemed pointless but since both of you have mentioned it, I'll just quickly explain why I chose the picture. I happen to hate pictures of myself because I don't like the way I look in pictures. A couple of people have even told me pictures don't do me justice. The one that has the bed behind it is one of the only pictures of myself I actually like and I can't really cut the bed out unfortunately. As for the smiling in picture, pretty sure I'm smiling in 2/5 of them.
As for my headline I love that song and that band. And yeah, if I attract someone who knows what that headline is and is interested in the same type of music then it would be a plus for me. I'm not looking for a musician. By the way I'm not even sure what sludge is, maybe you meant grunge which would be what AIC is.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 59
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 1:26:43 PM
Volunteering for an organization you believe in can shift your focus off you and obsessing over dating while helping others. You will see up close other people with greater challenges in life than finding a guy. You will feel fulfilled contributing to a worthwhile cause, and meet like minded people who are also helping others, who will enrich your life. Volunteering for the purpose of meeting eligible men is unbelievably selfish. I can’t imagine anything good resulting from such a self serving pursuit.

Serving others will get you out and about, involved with gratifying work. once you aren’t focused completely on yourself you will become much more appealing and hopefully, more grateful for what you do have.

You just haven’t met the right man yet. No need to harshly judge the wrong ones. You’ll appreciate Mr. Right more when you realize a happy romantic relationship is a gift and a privilege, not something owed to you.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 60
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 1:45:47 PM

Msg 59:
I have no idea where the employed, literate, charming, single men seeking a relationship lurk.
Certainly not at the places I lurk.


Sealady: You're at an age where if you meet someone around your age or older, the guy could be retired-especially if a guy took early retirement. Where would a retired guy fit into your pie chart of men regarding employment status? I have a friend who retired at age 48. He got a good paying job in a big factory when he finished high school at age 18. The company has a 30 and out policy, which means if someone works there for 30 years, they can retire with a full pension and full benefits for life. So he and everybody else who got hired at around the same time are now retired. In fact, it's very common in industry and government jobs to have a similar policy. He makes more money collecting a company pension than a lot of people make working full time at a menial paying job. He's in his mid-50's now, and takes odd jobs from time-to-time just for something to do, since he doesn't need the money. And in addition, he'll be getting an old age pension at age 65. So is he and people like him too unemployed for your liking?
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 61
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 1:59:09 PM
Thoughts on attractive men.......................they look really good while they are down there handling their business. Nothing like a beautiful face (and a shut mouth) to look at.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 62
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 2:35:34 PM
OP..... none of your photos has a smile.
Sorry but you look sad.
A very attractive sad woman who if she smiled would be stunning.





Maleman......

The few men in their 50's who I know are 'retired' on a work pension are living with their mum, have no property and expect to go on an old age pension when the time comes.

Maybe work pensions are different in different countries.

As long as a man can pay his own way, that is fine by me.

The great majority of 'retired' men I know in their 50's are on some form of benefits and are struggling financially. Certainly not in a position to pay their own way for dating.

....

My return to on line dating is up and running.
Blocked 2 men this morning and have a first meet tomorrow evening.

Not sure many would consider my first meet 'attractive' .... 5'8" and chunky (same as me), he seems nice, is employed, lives within 1 hour drive and we have some common interests.


............................

Many years ago I used to joke that my ideal man was so beautiful to look at I would hang him on the wall, like a painting and bring him down to play with.

 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 63
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Posted: 10/6/2015 3:20:47 PM

Volunteering for the purpose of meeting eligible men is unbelievably selfish. I can’t imagine anything good resulting from such a self serving pursuit.


Hi Sunshine, I usually like the way you think but this is one of the times I really disagree. It is never selfish to volunteer. Volunteering at something you enjoy even if the primary goal to meet people, is just great. If everyone in the country did it instead of going to bars to get drunk to meet people, I think that would be cool. Ha! and I was active in Rebuilding Together (actually Christmas in April then) with the hope of meeting like minded people, but enjoyed hammering my thumb and making people happy while I was at it. Nothing like helping others when you realize the world is a tough place out there for everyone and some people can use a little extra. No different than looking for a good match at church, which seems like a pretty acceptable reply for like minded people.

OP, yeah, back in my time they were sludge, the same stuff as grunge, just words to me and not labels so not a big deal though I ought to be more careful writing. Really cool sounding music since I like slides and guitars, every since I tried it once and decided I lacked that awesome talent. I just never liked the hopeless feel and drug link of the music so I haven't paid attention these days. Even though we see things differently I respect that you keep your individualism. There really isn't anything to explain. You asked why you were getting crappy messages and we told you that when a guy sees a girl in front of a bed he's not thinking of "that's her only image she likes", He's thinks, "girl + bed = ?". About the smile, yeah, my idea is a one that cracks from ear to ear and makes you wince to look at it. It is liberating, and when I see that I think "Now there's a girl who isn't afraid to step out and have fun", and with al the crap in the world she would be awesome to be around.

Since neither of us really want to talk about the profile, I'm just going to say you are right to give your profile your personality, but just be really careful not to think guys flipping through all these pictures and words have an easy time getting the real you and your emotions out of it. Online is a massive assault on the senses. Kind of like the brain dead mass media we all want to ditch for something better, if you get what I mean. When I'm in that kind of mood, I prefer this message, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADB7oozxPA4
Cheers
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 64
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Posted: 10/6/2015 4:08:25 PM
some women have low self esteem and masochistic tendencies. It depends on their experiences with men growing up etc. Any man who treated me like garbage would be gone no matter how he may look. So not all women are like that.
But to say that all super looking men are abusive is just nonsense. They may get away with more but they will grow old like everyone else and then there is karma.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 65
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Posted: 10/6/2015 4:13:43 PM
beautybabie

You are an attractive girl but you look miserable in your photos. The header is rather strange too. I would be writing something a bit more humourous and normal.

Online is not the place in general to look for an intelligent, good looking, honest, normal man. Why? because a man like that is out there in real life having success.
 MillaKitten92
Joined: 9/23/2015
Msg: 66
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:43:32 PM

Formal education and intelligence are two very different things.

Yeah it is but there tends to be something of a correlation between formal education and higher intelligence.
I do think the university idea is good, although some have tafe's attached and that is umm kind of not as high up on the
scale of education. I really do think that there is a correlation even if it isn't that strong (for some reason or other) that people that are around areas of intelligence would tend to be (on average) more intelligent. So university library's, general library's, maybe certain types of museums.

I didn't have enough time to find a peer reviewed academic article but I found this
https://brainsize.wordpress.com/2014/07/12/the-iqs-of-academic-elites/

This is relevant:
The correlation drops in high school and drops further in university, but that’s probably because as you move up the educational ladder, a lot of low IQ people drop out, so there’s less IQ variation for grades to correlate with.

With the higher class restaurants and stuff, that would probably be more about wealth/and/or success. So yeah, if you want someone rich or someone who spends alot on food etc (lol) then maybe that is the way to go.
 kidreason29
Joined: 9/25/2015
Msg: 67
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 6:30:25 PM
Getting through school is about a persons ability to focus. Some have a high quality of focus (able to grasp difficult concepts in a fast pace), some have a high quantity of focus (able to focus for long hours without constant distraction).

Some people are able to do both, neither or only one, consistently. This is what school mainly consist of. Given enough time I could grasp any concept (chemistry, phyiscs, math, etc). School/classes will always ask for a certain amount of focus, some students can't take math/physics/chemistry full time because they don't have the focus abilities(they cant put in the amount of hours required to get atleast a B+).

Some mathematicians (Isaac Newton), had a very acute sense of focus. Some mathematicians had a penetrating sense of intuition. Both correlated, but different.

Intelligence(in this sense I am talking strictly about intellect, not emotional intelligence) is a combination of measurements of, creativity(visualizing), focus, knowledge/memory, and intuition.

Someone with a bachelors in engineering, etc is most likely not a dummy. On the other hand you can't say the same for someone who has never went to college. OFC some people go to college for art, music, communications, non-stem courses, which are deemed 'non-hard-sciences'.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 68
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Posted: 10/6/2015 6:43:42 PM
Less desirable men complain about the same thing when it comes to attractive women: they're "stuck up" or even cruel in their disregard for others. The reality is, they've got lots of options, and so they focus on who piques their interest. So what?

This is Elliot Rodger material.
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 7:13:44 PM
MillaKitten92, kidreason29...yes. All correct enough. Hhmm...I'll rest my chin on my hand a moment and contemplate : )
 474bluemoon
Joined: 9/24/2015
Msg: 70
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 8:22:05 PM
Some people get hung up things like a Masters Degree or a PHD. Having a degree does not make you "smart", there is a gal yakking it up right now on Sex and Dating that says she has a Masters Degree and is a teacher...she's dumb as a stick and scared as hell. Some can discuss quantum physics but can barely manage day to day without assistance.

Find who intrigues you and makes your heart happy. I've met many successful, bright, charming and intelligent men and women that just finished high school. What makes them smart is that they kept learning. They learned from taking courses, reading, trial and error, asking questions; they never stopped leaning. Most of these folks are in businesses of some sort, all self employed and hire others. Success and knowledge does not always come from a university degree. Most of these people I know are also very community minded, they give of their time, they mentor, they donate to charity. They also have a zest for life, love trying new experiences whether it's a new gallery opening or zip lining through the jungle. Interesting people....without a degree. So don't dismiss those that don't have a few letters after their name as interesting and intelligent people come in many guises, This is stuff you learn when you're not 21 or 25 and have lived a little.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 71
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Posted: 10/6/2015 8:58:20 PM
njgril116

Really? I don't find that handsome guys are any more douches than less attractive guys. In fact the reverse. It is the bitter, little, marginalised man who has missed out that is much more likely to be nasty. Men who love their mothers and felt loved by them make much better partners, overall.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 72
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:18:25 PM

Formal education and intelligence are two very different things.



MillaKitten92 :
Yeah it is but there tends to be something of a correlation between formal education and higher intelligence.

The correlation drops in high school and drops further in university, but that’s probably because as you move up the educational ladder, a lot of low IQ people drop out, so there’s less IQ variation for grades to correlate with.


Getting a college degree can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, yet once you graduate, there is no guarantee of success. In my opinion, a degree does not make or define a person, or determine the level of their intelligence or success, financial and otherwise.

High School and College Dropouts:

-Steve Jobs:
There probably aren't too many people out there that aren't familiar with the story of Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple. Although he did graduate from Homestead High School in 1972, he ended up dropping out of Reed College, an education his parents could barely afford.

At the time of his death in 2011, Jobs' net worth was $11 billion. Not bad for a college dropout. Steve Wozniak, Jobs' brainy counterpart, is said to be worth about $100 million, and he never completed college either.


-Richard Branson :
Richard Branson's net worth is said to be roughly $4.9 billion. Founder of Virgin Atlantic Airways, Virgin Records, Virgin Mobile and other Virgin brands, Branson never completed high school, and dropped out at 16 years of age. Not only that, but he was dyslexic and had poor academic performance.

That didn't stop him from making a name for himself. Today, Branson is outspoken about the importance of education, and strongly believes that schools should be doing a better job of helping entrepreneurs and providing funding for them.


-Bill Gates :
The world’s richest man, Bill Gates, dropped out of Harvard University in 1975 to co-found Microsoft. While this techie might still look like 14-year-old pasty teen, Gates is estimated to be worth $76 billion. Since he stepped down as Microsoft chairman, the well-heeled nerd spends his days as the co-chair at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

-Mark Zuckerberg :
Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg famously dropped out of Harvard his sophomore year to focus on growing the social media site. Originally starting Facebook just for Harvard students, people around the country soon became obsessed with the site. And today, the site’s cult following has grown to over a billion users around the world.

-Dave Thomas :
The founder and chief executive owner of Wendy's started working in restaurants in Ft. Wayne, Indiana when he was 15. When his family decided to move, he stayed behind, dropped out of 10th grade and went to work full time. As a young chef, he worked closely with Col. Harland Sanders of KFC fame and learned enough to open Wendy's.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 73
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:39:27 PM
Letitia listen I just took some dating quiz online, right? One of the questions was as follows:

8. What kind of guys/girls do you go for?
- Hot but unkind
- Ugly but kind
 474bluemoon
Joined: 9/24/2015
Msg: 74
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:59:42 PM
That question alone makes me wonder if the rest of the survey was just as ridiculous. Where they? You should post the survey for a giggle.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 75
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Posted: 10/6/2015 10:30:03 PM
I think attractive people are on average, more intelligent, though it would be a scatter plot (a.k.a. individuals would be all over the map) All you have to do is compare a human to a Neanderthal see where natural selection has gotten us ;-) Probably the Neanderthals thought they were smarter than humans in other ways, and they probably were. Well, they're not here any more so guess that didn't work out. As already pointed out, there is a selection process going on as we breathe. The smartest and most attractive are being plucked away one by one. So I would suggest a $50 million grant be sponsored by the NIH for a longitudinal study on this (including a $10 million sponsorship by Australian taxpayers of course so we can shoulder the burden equitably). The initial hypothesis would be

1. +Attractive +Smart bonds best, and is selected first and held tightest.
2. +Attractive -Smart bonds held next tightly and is selected earlier than median
3. -Attractive + Smart bonds next best and is selected next
4. -Attractive - Smart is selected last

But the refined hypothesis would rate would rate and normalize, weighted towards attractive the way the world seems to work, a Smart&Attractive combined index. The residue that is left after multiple selections would suggest that if you want attractive from this emptying pool, the only attractives left have a very low smart portion of the index to compensate for their continued availability, and vice versa, the smart people left are not attractive, but the portion of the index due to attraction won't necessarily be butt ugly since attraction trumped smarts and people accept more dumb than more ugly when given the complement. This is weighted in accordance with the greater premium value society puts upon attraction than smarts. This theory reconciles the OP's observation and my belief that smarter people are generally more attractive.

That's enough philosophy for a night for me
I'm feeling dumb and ugly in a 2-D world!
Cheers!
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