Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Thoughts on attractive men      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 201
Thoughts on attractive menPage 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
BeautyBabie- Just curious.............
How do you react when you ARE attracted to someone, physically, but they turn out to be a jerk?
There is a LOT to be said for instant attraction, based on physical appearance, but if you are as you say you are, doesn't it narrow down your choices, even MORE, when you allow for the jerk factor?
Being real, I ALSO find myself attracted to men, only to find out they have NO substance.
If asked to choose, I would choose substance over attractiveness.
How likely is it, that we could EVER find BOTH???
Not calling you out, just REALLY wanting your thoughts.
OLD isn't easy, I'm always open to learn.
Honestly, right now, I'm thinking about a conversation, one is good looking, but dumb as a stone.
The other is not good looking, but has something to say, what DO you pick??
If that guy were out there that had BOTH, would we still be here?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 202
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/3/2015 7:13:47 PM

Honestly, right now, I'm thinking about a conversation, one is good looking, but dumb as a stone.
The other is not good looking, but has something to say, what DO you pick??


May I answer?

I see degrees of attractiveness. One woman is conventionally a beauty, the other is not. The latter is deep, intelligent, quirky, funny and to hold her just feels "right". It all adds up to make her irresistibly attractive and the choice is easy.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 203
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/3/2015 7:26:57 PM

BeautyBabie- Just curious.............
How do you react when you ARE attracted to someone, physically, but they turn out to be a jerk?
There is a LOT to be said for instant attraction, based on physical appearance, but if you are as you say you are, doesn't it narrow down your choices, even MORE, when you allow for the jerk factor?
Being real, I ALSO find myself attracted to men, only to find out they have NO substance.
If asked to choose, I would choose substance over attractiveness.
How likely is it, that we could EVER find BOTH???
Not calling you out, just REALLY wanting your thoughts.
OLD isn't easy, I'm always open to learn.
Honestly, right now, I'm thinking about a conversation, one is good looking, but dumb as a stone.
The other is not good looking, but has something to say, what DO you pick??
If that guy were out there that had BOTH, would we still be here?


I don't allow the jerk factor though. If I'm attracted to someone and I find out they're a jerk or not a good person or have important negative traits I don't continue speaking to them. Which is one reason why I'm still single. As for your question on who I'd pick in that scenario, I'd personally pick none and keep looking. If you had said the second guy is alright looking or passable then I'd probably pursue it but "not good looking" idk, it depends because there are levels to everything. I am still of the belief that you CAN find both. Many people have, so why shouldn't we be able to?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 204
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/3/2015 7:35:25 PM
chromis1- It is, isn't it? ^^^^

Nothing ventured, nothing gained............

Should a day go by,
that I am wondering?
Where would I go?
Shall I go where there is, no venture,
or go where nere' ventured before?
To all that reject a gift:
Is it still a gift?
It is.
But, how shall I see?
I look,
I see beneath
and in there,
wonder, no more.
-bama
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 205
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/3/2015 7:47:20 PM
BeautyBabie- If they are there, they are often taken.
I don't go there, to the taken ones, I mean. (not saying you do)
I would give ANYTHING, just to form a bond that goes beyond the physical.
Sure, it might be ideal, to find both.
But one over the other, I'm going with substance, EVERY time.
BOTH exist?
I'm 47 and I have YET to find that combination.
Maybe............... :)
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 206
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/3/2015 9:00:17 PM
I'm not sure where I stand in the intellectual / physical looks / genuinely nice department. I suppose that would depend on an evaluation. The evaluation would likely be based on subjective experience divided by exposure to me.

Of course that experience would be affected by variables too numerous to possibly quantify. Even a soft science would be useless in this case.

If I wanted to be sarcastic, I could tell you that getting frustrated by the process of evaluation (which is based on your personal standard) isn't serving you . Negative thinking rarely does.

Ultimately though, life is progress, and arriving or hoping for whatever you desire to meet your expectations at 25 isn't a realistic expectation.

So how do we get what we desire? Dare I say what we absolutely need from a relationship.... Despite the odds being out of favor? Despite failure, despite heartbreak, despite differences, despite every mentionable and foreseeable obstacle?

Well, I'd say keep the expectations low, your mind open, and your patience virtuous.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 207
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/3/2015 9:05:08 PM
Welcome to the thread, attractive man Tangofish! Good to see you after a break.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 208
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/3/2015 9:17:44 PM
Haha, you're too kind.

Yes it's good to see you too, and as always... a tragety you're so far away njgirl.

I've been enduring my special hell - it's been spectacular in frequency and intensity. Though I'm happy to report that reconnaissance has picked up the possibility of a faint light ahead.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 209
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/4/2015 6:07:56 AM
I was using myself as the example, but the equation would be x number of men as the sum total experience, divided by exposure to the man being evaluated, with diminished returns over time.

Having low expectations in people on the whole is a good thing I think. You can't go on a date with high expectations for example, because you're just setting yourself up to be upset when the probability is incompatibility. Also, its human nature to put the best face forward in the beginning, and if you take that face for value of character before stressors test the relationship... Well, once again you've set yourself up.

Low expectations are real expectations. And there are few things more beautiful than a pleasant surprise... The rule is - plan for success, prepare for failure.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 210
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/4/2015 12:46:07 PM

bamagrl68
How do you react when you ARE attracted to someone, physically, but they turn out to be a jerk?
There is a LOT to be said for instant attraction, based on physical appearance, but if you are as you say you are, doesn't it narrow down your choices, even MORE, when you allow for the jerk factor?
Being real, I ALSO find myself attracted to men, only to find out they have NO substance.
If asked to choose, I would choose substance over attractiveness.
How likely is it, that we could EVER find BOTH???


There are many facets, it is not just two as you are stating:

1) Attractiveness, physical appearance
2) Substance, ie, “not a jerk”

In my opinion, “substance” is not equivalent to, nor even closely associated with, “not a jerk”. I have known people of substance, people with intelligence, and wit, who treat their SO rather badly (being a jerk).

Physical appearance can be taken to mean “looks like Richard Gere in American Gigolo” (we had a woman here in the forums looking for that exact thing, this week). To others, it might mean he has hair and teeth and no warts.

And then there is the matter of the fire within. I have been with women whom I found very attractive, women who were really nice, to me, and everyone in their lives. But they had no fire, and the relationship was doomed from the beginning.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 211
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 11/4/2015 6:35:18 PM

And then there is the matter of the fire within...

Ah, yes. The fire within. That singular definitive and prerequisite. That quest for fire, and the disregarding of appearance only.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 212
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/13/2016 9:12:15 AM
Attractive is a little subjective, but height in a man is attractive, and it's often studied and easily quantified.

"Research has indicated that men over the average height of 5ft 10 are more than twice as likely to cheat than their shorter counterparts."

It's easy to google this, just look for "tall men more likely to cheat."

It makes perfect sense to me.

When a women wants a hook up, she is most likely to pick an attractive man (who is taller) and not care as much about personality or character.

Short men get the short end of the hookup/dating stick, so they don't have a lot of options to either cheat or get a new long term relationship. So they hold onto women they perceive as being hard for them to replace, they are happy to be in a loving relationship.

Of course, these are probabilities and cannot be applied to every man and every women. So YMMV.
 GuitarJoey
Joined: 8/19/2015
Msg: 213
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/13/2016 10:50:32 AM
Sorry you've met some jerks, but we're not all like that. The problem really lies on role models. Some of us had really great role models, and some of us had fathers who treated their mothers like dirt. You're going to become a product of that environment, whichever environment it is.

You can't lump all guys together, you just have to become better at grilling them on their relationship with their parents and their parents' relationship with each other. It's not foolproof, but it should be a decent barometer.
 Long_Shot_Kick_D_Bucket
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 214
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/13/2016 8:03:15 PM
The definition of insanity....doing the same thing over and over expecting different results!! I would hate to see what not attractive is to the op! I'm sure the op has given the all too familiar "you're a nice guy, but" many times. However the case....it could be many things other than looks that the op thinks she is attracted to, but later finds not so! Sadly we tend all too often to put looks on a high pedestal and make more concessions for the attractive over the "average"<. Just look at the homeless experiments to where an attractive person is in need of help and everyone come rushing to their aid, while the homeless or unattractive go unnoticed.

Second, I think one of the other posters pegged it to where some treat those we seek in a relationship as a competition or some sort of trophy based primarily on looks. I've heard it a few times from women and men getting together asking the other "why are you with him/ her; you can do better!" All the while deep down they knows they are great person, but social pressures are dictating them to find what has been deemed socially attractive. Love should not be treated as a competition, but sadly for some it is. Those people are immature and lack moral courage. The question I usually ask myself is why do we tend to not see a good thing in front of us and move passed it to something we know isn't right for us, but looks good??
 blueandgold5325
Joined: 1/8/2016
Msg: 215
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/14/2016 1:31:03 PM
Beauty babie you are just still young. A lost confused soul. See majority of younger women until age of 44.5 are still in the shallow mode. Looks still mean a lot and drama too. I can tell just from your looks that you're shallow. That's the issue with women in this day and age. We guys do date average okish women. Looks aren't all that big to us.

Maybe it's just American women that are like this?
 Dili_gent
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 216
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 12:30:06 AM
Clearly an intelligent, hot man wouldn't have to be online. The women have already formed a line to meet him in real life.


P.S. "No woman would want an ugly dude"? You are obviously clueless to the process. And more likely than not, would shun or berate any constructive advice given here.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 217
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 1:07:13 AM
Taller men are more like to get promotions, carry more authority in general and are more sought after. According to statistics even earn more money in the same job as a shorter man. The taller man has more opportunities to cheat
and a woman is more likely to want to breed with a taller man to get taller sons etc.

Shorter men will try harder to please a woman and may well put up with all sorts of bad behaviour to keep a woman who he perceives as hotter than he. He may work out and gain some muscle to compensate and nearly always the guy behind the wheel of the hot rod and attention getting cars are shorter than average.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 218
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:03:40 AM

LetitiaLeGrande
Taller men are more like to get promotions, carry more authority in general and are more sought after. According to statistics even earn more money in the same job as a shorter man.


http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/05/the-financial-perks-of-being-tall/393518/



In Western countries, a jump from the 25th percentile of height to the 75th—about four or five inches—is associated with an increase in salary between 9 and 15 percent. Another analysis suggests that an extra inch is worth almost $800 a year in elevated earnings.

It would appear that the difference is real, but is not huge. Being smarter, better educated, getting along well with people can make even more of a difference than height.


LetitiaLeGrande
nearly always the guy behind the wheel of the hot rod and attention getting cars are shorter than average.


When I was in my 20’s, I drove some very fast, attention getting cars. And I hung out with a crowd of street racers and car enthusiasts. I never once noticed a preponderance of shorter men. There were short, and tall, thin, and fat. Low income, low education, high income, high education. It was a real smorgasbord of humanity.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 219
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:08:36 AM
Bring on the attractive men, I say! Woo-hoo!
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 220
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:15:07 AM

LetitiaLeGrande
nearly always the guy behind the wheel of the hot rod and attention getting cars are shorter than average.


Where do you get this stuff???
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 221
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:28:44 AM
This is all such utter nonsense. There's no correlation between physical attractiveness and character, intelligence and kindness.

I don't know who comes up with this stuff.

I went on dates with guys who were average looking, rude, and not that smart.

Now I'm married to somebody who I think is a 10 in all 4 categories. That's my opinion. Nobody else has to agree (although intelligence is somewhat measurable).

Just find a combination of traits that works for you.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 222
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:37:48 AM
Nevermind
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 223
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:49:27 AM

Now I'm married to somebody who I think is a 10 in all 4 categories. That's my opinion.


And that's awesome. :) It's what a lot of people want but can be so elusive to obtain.

Thinking aloud here ... online dating success story ... Match now owns the site ... Match wants to promote ... you have a story to sell. Ahem. Let me know if you need an agent to broker the deal.
 michelinman2
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 224
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:56:19 AM

Where do you get this stuff???


Thank you for my morning laugh.

I think some people read those Mars/Venus books or Dating for Dummy's or get some info on the internet or from their friend that just broke up with the 15th loser they've dated in a row because they can't pick their nose let alone pick a date. Also, for many jumping to conclusions is the only exercise they get during the day.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 225
view profile
History
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 1/19/2016 10:05:46 AM

Also, for many jumping to conclusions is the only exercise they get during the day.


Yeah. In the case at hand, she could probably qualify to compete in Brazil this summer.

Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Thoughts on attractive men