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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling      Home login  
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 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 26
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: maulingPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I guess I have a problem with the Term Mauled, as some are using it.....

To me, Mauled is way up there on the level of Violence...

Touched- Grabbed- Fondled- Groped.....

Scratched-Clawed-Mauled........

To Me, if You've been Mauled, that's to a level, that a Police Report should be Made.......
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 27
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 3:54:30 PM
The man I was referring to grabbed at me, pinched my breast to the point it hurt. That to me is mauling, especially when he did it again after being told off. Call the police...........................God help the police if they get called every time a man (or woman) grabs/mauls someone whether it be a stranger on a bus/train or a first meet and greet or date.

Maybe some of the men are having trouble with the word mauled because they have never had it happened to them. Maybe they should ask their daughters if they have ever been mauled.
Physical mauling is just another type of bullying.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 28
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:03:15 PM
lol...yes, I can see where the word "maul" would indicate some violence if taken in the true sense of the definition, but I've often seen it used to describe less than the true meaning, much in the same way as some women expecting to have a coffee or a burger bought for them on a first date are accused of being gold diggers, when I wouldn't consider the price of a coffee/burger to be worthy of that descriptor. Both are exaggerated expressions used, I suppose, to get the point across.

Edit: One would have to wonder if a man would consider the word maul an appropriate word to use if he was describing a woman pinching his dangly bits to the point it hurt or just inappropriate and uninvited "touching".
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 29
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:28:05 PM

Edit: One would have to wonder if a man would consider the word maul an appropriate word to use if he was describing a woman pinching his dangly bits to the point it hurt or just inappropriate and uninvited "touching".


If a Woman grabbed my dangley parts, I call that Fondling...
If She caused Pain while Fondling Me, I describe that as Groping..


lol...yes, I can see where the word "maul" would indicate some violence if taken in the true sense of the definition, but I've often seen it used to describe less than the true meaning,.......Both are exaggerated expressions used, I suppose, to get the point across.


To Me a Mauling is like a Full on Bear Attack, if Bear, backhanded hit me, without breaking the skin, I wouldn't describe that as a Mauling.

If You're using the Term Mauled/Mauling, for Dramatic Affect, over time You degrade the Term.

If someone Poked me with a fingertip, I won't say they Hit me....
If someone open handed slapped me, I won't say they Punched me....

Every time someone uses an Over the Top Expression to describe something, it Degrades the True meaning of the Words..... It's like the Boy Who Cried Wolf......
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 30
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:44:22 PM
Ok then. I've been Touched- Grabbed- Fondled- Groped.....not mauled. Even out in the open in parking lots.

Regardless, it was unexpected, uninvited, unpleasant, unattractive, unwanted.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 31
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:44:40 PM
While I happen to agree with you BBE re exaggerated terminology to get a point across and the degradation of the term, the fact is that what is being described is totally inappropriate and degrading behaviour exhibited by more than a few men towards women. Whether a man's dangly bits or a woman's breasts are touched when uninvited, no matter the age, and particularly to the point where it causes pain on top of it, it's inexcusable and inappropriate, which is really the point of the thread. I would imagine that the number of women experiencing the problem far outweighs the number of men who experience it.

I've never had it happen when getting to know someone on first dates, but if I did, you could probably accurately accuse me of mauling the man.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 32
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:53:03 PM

Regardless, it was unexpected, uninvited, unpleasant, unattractive, unwanted.



the fact is that what is being described is totally inappropriate and degrading behaviour exhibited by more than a few men towards women


Precisely!!

How guys think that this will lead to a relationship and/or sex is simply beyond my comprehension. Yet look at all the stories of this happening............crazy.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 33
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:56:27 PM
retirements villages are rampant with stds . It must be they think as they cant get pregnant they don't have to use protection. Or they have the condition from the old days of sex, drugs and rock and roll lol!! As there are often more women than men the guys just have their choices and spread it all around.....
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 34
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 5:01:29 PM
silverhawk

It is a form of abuse and a sense of power than men like these exhibit. They are not looking for a healthy relationship. Why do men rape strangers, some of them old women as well as those they know? It is all about control and power. I don't know a woman who has not been groped, fondled, mauled at some time in her life. Even sexual assault is not so uncommon. It is a sad indictment on the male of the species. No woman "asks for it" because of the way she dresses or presents herself....
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 35
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 5:26:42 PM

Ok then. I've been Touched- Grabbed- Fondled- Groped.....not mauled. Even out in the open in parking lots.

Regardless, it was unexpected, uninvited, unpleasant, unattractive, unwanted.


I'm not trying to make light of the situation or make excuses for these men's actions.....

I'm just saying, save the Term Mauled, for those who have been Truly Mauled....

When He was in his early Teens, my Son & his friends would play the 'Dead Arm' game, where they would punch each other in the Arm, to see who could hit harder.... Yes, it was a stupid young Male Hitting Game.....

But I wouldn't call it a Fist Fight, either......

We were driving in my pick up one day & he tried playing that Game with me. He punched me in the arm & it didn't even sting. I gave him a short sharp Jab back & his arm went Dead.

He never wanted to play that game with me again....
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 36
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 5:41:11 PM
Most common thing I've witnessed and experienced again and again, whenever ANYONE is mystified as to why they keep ending up with someone who they THOUGHT was "nice" and who wasn't, isn't actually that they have a "picker problem."

The most common thing is, that there's something about the "not nice" people, that they are convinced they need as a basic positive element for a good relationship, and they don't realize that that particular element is directly linked to another negative element that they can't stand.

I refer to it with a coin simile. If you want the heads part of the coin, you have to take on the tails side of it as well.

If you keep finding that you can't abide the "tails" coins, it means that one of your "heads" is actually defective. Not that your coin selection process is flawed.

Classic example, is wanting someone who is highly communicative, and then being upset because they don't say ONLY the positive happy stuff to you.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 37
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 6:03:01 PM
After a couple of messages you can usually tell if they think you'll jump in the sack at a first meet. Any mention of sex or "cuddling" in the first few messages tells me all I need to know. Nothing more pathetic than a senior acting like a grade school boy obsessed with sex.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 38
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 6:14:45 PM
"maul
môl/Submit
verb
gerund or present participle: mauling
(of an animal) wound (a person or animal) by scratching and tearing.
"the herdsmen were mauled by lions"
synonyms: savage, attack, tear to pieces, lacerate, claw, scratch
"he had been mauled by a lion"
treat (someone or something) roughly.
synonyms: molest, feel, fondle, manhandle; informal grope, paw
"the customers are not allowed to maul our dancers"

" Nothing more pathetic than a senior acting like a grade school boy obsessed with sex."

This behaviour is seen in some grade school boys. Some people don't outgrow being extremely socially awkward.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 39
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:46:11 PM
Igor, I don't "keep ending up with this problem." It has happened a few times. Other times it's other problems.

And sometimes they manage to keep the mask on till you meet.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 40
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 4:45:26 AM

Igor, I don't "keep ending up with this problem." It has happened a few times. Other times it's other problems.

And sometimes they manage to keep the mask on till you meet.


Not on the point I was trying to make.

This is about mechanisms working as designed. If you build a machine to help you perform some task you want or need to do, and your design has flaws which mean that the machine does something else instead, then redesigning the machine is a good idea.

How people go about selecting who to give a try to in the hunt for mates or companions, involves them creating conceptual mechanisms. Lists of 'red flags' is an obvious example.

All I'm saying is, that if your selection mechanism often gives you false positives, then you might want to examine and update your selection concepts.

But I understand and avow that no matter what you do, people who are intent on using deception to get passed your 'red flags' or whatever criteria, will still have to be dealt with in some secondary way. That's why we DATE in public places for a while before going to private ones. To allow us to get a better idea of whether the person is who and what we hope they are, before we risk full involvement.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 41
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 11:40:59 AM
Mauling sounds like something a bear would do.
 flirtingwithdisaster55
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 42
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 11:44:31 AM
I don't really like anyone touching me until I get to know them. I'm not talking about shaking hands upon meeting or any other innocent touching. The last guy I met told me I had great boobs and then asked me if he could touch them. WTF?
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 43
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 11:48:57 AM

That's why we DATE in public places for a while before going to private ones.


The times I was maul (yes the term is appropriate) was mostly in the afternoon--in front of other people

I think most of the men commenting have no concept what other men have done--it's so foreign an idea to actually physically touch someone you are meeting for the first or second time.

When a man insists on walking you to your car (he is 6'6") after meeting for tea at Applebee's at 4: 30 pm (where he never once looked me in the eyes but whined the whole time about his life) and then opens your car door and once you are inside launches himself onto you...thrusting his tongue down your throat while his hands have free roam of you cause you are pinned in the seat..wrestling the keys back and shoving him off he makes the statement that "If you don't like that you will hate this!" and starts licking me!..to where I had to start my car put it in reverse and almost run over him to get away...only to find him behind me in traffic and following me home--to which I did three right turns to confirm that's what he was doing and then once I lost him in traffic he was calling blowing up my phone asking me what my last name was so he could look me up. I didn't report him cause I was at the time to scared -you think about getting away not of involving the police. On looking back he had said some things sexual but I had told him I didn't think that was appropriate and he stopped. I was also parked at the front of the restaurant and there were people walking by us to go in. --I think it one was more a hell mary pass where he knew he wasn't going to get a second chance so why not type of thing.

Second one was an airline pilot who I had met before for a lunch at a public park, he was such a gentleman but kept his sunglasses on the whole time which it was outside and I didn't have an issue with..I got home and he had written all this erotic poetry to me and so I never responded back and then he called me and apologized to me and said he just liked to write erotic poetry and I had inspired him and he had no plans to be anything less than a gentleman if we met again. So it took him a while to convince me and six weeks later where we were in contact often and he was always a gentleman--we went back to the same park for lunch. It was a beautiful day and school was out and kids where swimming just a few yards from us...he had brought everything and fixed everything...shrimp, chicken, salad, wine smuggled in water bottles..etc.. So I relaxed and started to enjoy his conversation and was leaning back on my elbows and just sorta laid down looking at the clouds and he jumps on top of me and started deep throating me while humping me and almost immediately I felt his cum on my shirt ..I was so embarrassed that anyone would do something like that with kids right there! It was like a slow motion nightmare and I am not sure to this day he hadn't spiked the wine with something cause I felt like I couldn't move or respond and I hadn't even finished half of it.

So a week later this guy messages me and I tell him Im finished with online dating but was staying on POF for the forums...he said he was a gentleman and as we progressed he called and I explained how the last two guys I had met had acted...so he asked me to give him one more chance to "redeem" mankind...we went to dinner and I offered to pay my part and he was like no, you can buy us ice cream..so we went right down the street to a strip mall with an ice cream shop, tons of families all around and sat on a bench and ate our ice cream...he walks me to my car and gave me a sweet kiss but right when he started to move away he shoved his hand down my top and pinched my nipple and said that was a tease for our next time together (again with kids right there)...I immediately started crying and drove away...he was blowing up my phone apologizing and even a year later when I saw him again at a POF function he was still trying to apologize, saying he didn't know what came over him.

See in discussing what the other men had done I was in a way feeding his sexual interest on what he could get by with me. That's why I said individuals show you what they think/feel about you...you have to be smart enough to stop thinking about how/why you like them and see what their interest is in you.

Once I stopped meeting anyone who said something sexual or lead with omg you are hot or sexy then I haven't had an issue with a man not being a gentleman...
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 44
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 2:20:04 PM
IMO the word “mauled” was used by the OP because that is how SHE felt and is not up for debate simply because it hasn’t been approved of by someone else, or someone knew someone who “really” was mauled so OP has no right to use the word. She HAS the right.

PassionateSunnyGal, so sorry for your experiences. After being stalked and followed by a psycho myself I learned to lead him right to the police station, and if that ever happened to me again, or if I suspected it was happening, I’d do the same thing again. How terrifying to be followed and then he knows where you live.


That's why we DATE in public places for a while before going to private ones. To allow us to get a better idea of whether the person is who and what we hope they are, before we risk full involvement.


And some guys have no trouble waiting out that timeframe and appearing the way he believes a woman wants him to be until she IS willing to risk involvement; until she thinks she’s fallen for him; until he’s convinced her he’s fallen for her.

Some would believe women “risk involvement” with a psycho simply by walking out her front door.

What if he follows her home without her knowledge; is that her being too risky?

I know some men will pooh-pooh women’s very real fears because they lack empathy and/or hate women and/or just don’t care.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 45
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 3:29:27 PM
The only thing I've seen seniors maul is the free sample platter at Bristol Farms..man, those old guys LOVE those cheese cubes and corn chips. When they get REAL old they seem to turn their attention from women to guacamole and chili samples. Maybe because they dont have to chase them down.

Anyway, sure, you can be "mauled" or at least touched inappropriately, even right out in public. Back in my early 30's I went on one date with a guy and we were in my ca after dinner discussing if we were going to go see a movie. Big mistake. He ended up stuffing his tongue into my mouth, then taking my hand and putting it on his leg as if it was MY idea to feel him up.

The date ended there.

And I didn't even get a free potato chip sample.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 46
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 6:17:43 PM
passionatesunnygal

Oh yes "the old devil made me do it", excuse. It is incredible that grown men would behave in that way and in public!!!.
I met a guy, tall, handsome and intelligent for a morning coffee and he hardly looked at me, certainly not in the eyes, showed no interest in me or my life but wanted to go parking in a back street in his small cramped car......We had been together an hour, and although it was lunch time didnt suggest a meal nor a coffee. Just because I said I didnt want anything serious he thought he could treat me like a cheap slut. He soon found out differently when I refused to get into his car.

There was one guy way back, not from a dating site, when we were young, who got pissed off when I wouldn't make out in a public park and pushed my head under a tap and ran it. He then pushed me up against a wall in full view of others and came all over my dress. I had to go home on a bus with soaking wet clothing and hair. After that I didnt date for ages and men wonder why women are cautious and cynical??

We dont know if we have been a "bad picker" until the men start to manifest just who they are.
That is a typical male comment.

As you say if they talk sex at the get go, just pass on by.....

 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 47
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 6:39:48 PM
Whoa...that was a series of about a half-dozen really tragic and very unfortunate stories. :-(
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 48
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 8:08:47 PM
I understand the need for screening before meeting. I've been there, done that.

Still it seems like we are being blamed for poor judgement when it happens despite careful screening. If only it were as simple as just refusing men who say inappropriate things.

There are men who wait till you meet to let loose. There are gradations if flirting and innuendo. Men want to find out if you are interested in sex. It's not easy to draw a line in the middle of this. Every comment in every conversation is not simple black and white.

Don't tolerate sexual comments. Don't maintain a list of reg flags. Don't do this. Always do that.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 49
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 8:35:22 PM

I went on one date with a guy and we were in my ca after dinner discussing if we were going to go see a movie. Big mistake. He ended up stuffing his tongue into my mouth, then taking my hand and putting it on his leg as if it was MY idea to feel him up.



pushed my head under a tap and ran it. He then pushed me up against a wall in full view of others and came all over my dress.



..........holy cow...........

The stories keep coming............truly saddening.

Sheesh......I think I've been in a shell when it comes to respect for women.......I had to get slapped a few times to get with it when my dates asked me for a "back rub".......I was still respectful and did just that not knowing they wanted sex. This seems to be the exact opposite........

Regardless.........this is sad to read and disturbing to see that this seems to be commonplace. I'm beginning to see why female self-esteem issues are more forefront these days. Experiences like this certainly contribute to the issue.

Terrible stuff here!!
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 50
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 8:35:47 PM
strawberry_jello & others.

Mauling was too strong -- as no violence was involved what so ever.

Friskly might be a little too delicate as these men seemed very hungry for male/female togetherness.

I had no prior warning-- the men were as different as day and night. One was obese but tidy and ultra, ultra religious, the next was a modest, quiet & conservative accountant, and you get the idea

Thanks for all the feedback and ideas to ponder.
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