Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: maulingPage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

strawberry_jello & others.

Mauling was too strong -- as no violence was involved what so ever.

Friskly might be a little too delicate as these men seemed very hungry for male/female togetherness.

I had no prior warning-- the men were as different as day and night. One was obese but tidy and ultra, ultra religious, the next was a modest, quiet & conservative accountant, and you get the idea

Thanks for all the feedback and ideas to ponder.


Thank you for coming back & sharing this... Might I suggest that Either Fondled or Groped, might be the proper Term..
Which one chosen, would depend on the amount of force used..

It bugs me that we're losing words from our Vocabulary because some Ignoramus feels offended by their use. Where those people should be offended by their own Ignorance... We shouldn't let the Dumbest of us set our Vocabulary...
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 9:16:16 PM
Semantics, shmandicks. Too much emphasis on the words.
Too little on the women subjected to this brutish behavior.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 53
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 9:20:59 PM
I think the worst part of all of this...is it changes you...I am no longer who I once was..I used to be a laugh a minute and now I have to be careful or someone will take it wrong...even if there is a lot of physical attraction I feel restrictive, and act like an old prune rather than being playful or flirty.

as an example...I had I love to cuddle in my profile ...because I love to cuddle...I had one boyfriend who refused..he wrapped himself up in a sheet so you couldn't touch him...totally killed things for me...was determined if I got involved with someone new that they would want to cuddle as well..then I got all these messages and it ends up "Cuddle" is code for sex!!! Well fiddy de dee and shame on me for having something I like to do in my profile --Later on when I told my ex, he made he made fun of me for a bit and called me "Love to Cuddle" and would pat my head and say, "she is so pretty!" (Which in case you don't know is a put down for being pretty and dumb!)

But some of the other lessons I have learned is....if you make a new profile wait a few days/weeks to put up a picture there are tons of guys who hit on all the new girls (seems these guys like vulnerable women right out of relationships--find a woman who was married for twenty years and it means you probably can go bareback and not have to worry about her giving you anything > < the thing is afterward --when I ask why did you do that when I just asked you not to--it's like they wake up or something and say that most women go on about how amazing their****is and they thought it would impress me...to which (depending on how pissed off I am that they sent it) I explain that all women tell all men that...what did you think a woman was going to say? Quite a few will apologize --but most really believe they are so special

A friend of mine is a transgender and said when they did that to her, she would send one back and say ...mine is bigger...I have often thought of borrowing the pic to return the favor and let them see how nasty it is to receive something you don't want to see as a pic!
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 54
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 9:47:52 PM
Glad a few men understand, but disturbing a few do not. Op you aren't crazy, and are not being prissy, as implied.

They pull out the prude shaming card(some women fall for that, insist they aren't a denigrated sexual image/defend their sexual identity/qualify themselves to the absurd public by playing affable, a stranger gets to assess and degrade my sexuality at a glance or rebuff, hells bells) calling you the S, B, C, feminazi or whatever name to express their disapproval for anything but "women's bodies are public", to be commented upon, there to delight or critique, or grope.
I used to have men pet my hair while "complimenting" it, like that is ok, a stranger doing that. I was afraid of making a scene, even leaving, then there would be jeers. Once I got up at night on a train where I was being stared at and creep followed me glaring, like I dissed him.

If you insist upon keeping it to yourself/private, after billboards, magazines, media, porn, and the common lexicon that anything of sexual nature is positive(when it is not), invites you to transgress that territory, as "normal", and being discreet a "hang up" that biased strangers get to comment upon in armchair fashion, well you are the P word.

You do not know these men, so them springing behavior upon you is not ok.

Do not feel guilty shoving them off you, yes shove them. We are told it us not nice to push back, but any clod deserves to be dismissed and walked away from. None of my exes did that. We progressed comfortably, no surprises, after mutual interest was known. The one time I was in a situation that turned abusive, he had made inappropriate " jokes" early on. Pay heed.

I practically had to shove sonebody off me twice this last year, one was a hug that was creepy as hell, like he was squeezing the stuffing out of me. I gasped but he had a viselike grip, just to feel my chest, gross, no we were not dating. Another time we were not dating, just coffee with some guy who struck up a conversation.. Slimy kiss on neck as I turned away, weird that I cringed and felt bad in both cases like I was hurting their feelings . Only now do I see it for the sliminess it was. That is not how to initiate affection, nor respectful at all. One should verify interest before that crap, and finding out interest does not mean forcing a confrontation where she must push you off.

I now think someone should use clear language to express interest and listen to the reply, vs the non verbal assessment, because apparently people misread non verbal cues.

I think it is better to say "no thanks" verbally than a scene where the rejection is pushing you off, or worse, the recipient of advances feels afraid to be prudish or rejecting and is silent when repulsed, and unsure how to respond without guilt or scene making, or blames themselves for "being nice".

I say push them away. Some rely on that decorum to leverage nasty behavior.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 9:54:38 PM

Semantics, shmandicks. Too much emphasis on the words.
Too little on the women subjected to this brutish behavior.


Do you just want to pick a fight? Not all Brutish Behavior is equal to other Brutish Behavior.....

2 Cars tapping bumpers in a parking Lot is not equal to a 87 Car Pileup on the Interstate........

My Son would say, when we corrected his Homework....
"It doesn't matter, His Teacher would understand what he meant to say".....

When all You have to go on, is the Written Word, choosing the proper words is important, to convey the image you're trying to portray.....
Someone spitting on You can be an Assault, but it's not the same level as being bludgeoned by a Pick Axe handle, either...

ETA: It's like some here are saying since Your opinion doesn't match Mine You're not allowed to have that opinion.... Just another form of shaming, to shut down others opinions....
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 8:58:03 AM
"mauling
noun [S or U] UK /ˈmɔː.lɪŋ/ US /ˈmɑː-/
› ​severe ​criticism of someone or something:
Her ​latest ​novel got a ​real mauling in the ​review that I ​read.
(Definition of mauling from the Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary & Thesaurus © Cambridge University Press)


"Do you just want to pick a fight? "

Talk about the kettle calling the pot names!

Might want to contact the various dictionary companies and tell them they are ignorant.

FYI men who like to use any technique so they can to cop a feel. You might want to get therapy.

The guy who uses hugging as an excuse to squish women breasts etc.

As I was getting out of the funeral vehicle after my late husbands burial to walk into the hall to greet mourners. an uncle of my late husband that I had seen once, reached forward into the opening of the car door as if to steady me. Instead, he reached for my breast and started to fondle. I pushed him out of the way in shock. Talk about taking full advantage of the grieving widow.

Years ago, I worked as parish secretary. It was public knowledge that one of the church elders would grab at breasts of any women he found alone in a room. I made it very clear to the priest that if he ever left me alone with this man, I would knock the old guy to the ground if he tried his favourite pastime on me. I don't know if his behaviour was early onset Alzheimer's. I don't know if women didn't tell his wife because they were embarrassed or if they didn't want to hurt her.

There are some men (and women) who spend a lifetime getting their jollies "mauling" others when they have a window of opportunity, while acting like upstanding people the rest of the time.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 57
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:40:11 AM

Posted by Silverhawk_tkn:
"...I think I've been in a shell when it comes to respect for women...
I had to get slapped a few times to get with it when my dates asked me for a "back rub".......
I was still respectful and did just that not knowing they wanted sex.
This seems to be the exact opposite..."

We are on the same page for this discussion topic!
There have been occasions in my life where a woman has said, "Are you finally going to kiss me or what?!" LOL.
Both genders must indeed walk a very fine line between mutual consent and overreaching. Communication is key!



As shared earlier in this thread, my belief remains that men who seem "unattracted" may actually be VERY attracted yet seek a cue / green light to progress forward. This is likely prevalent among guys who hold corporate jobs who have been mandated to complete annual or even bi-annual Sexual Harassment workshops as part of their employment.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 58
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 11:34:59 AM
I don't think I have ever been mauled by a senior or otherwise gentleman.

Although, I have been groped by a 94 yr old man. His dementia was a little worse that day and he thought I was his late wife, Silvia.

But frottage?
That I have experienced several times in my life...once on a NYC subway....another time in an overcrowded elevator....and another at a concert. :/
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 3:12:42 PM
Both genders must indeed walk a very fine line between mutual consent and overreaching. Communication is key! "

How are you supposed to communicate with a stranger? How are you suppose to communicate before a meet and greet? Tell him if he touches you in an appropriate way you will knee him? I am getting frustrated with people who think the onus is on the women to control the future of a man's behaviour.

WTF? What the hell is wrong with a women expecting people to not abuse her physically. How hard is it for a man to communicate verbally his desires before he gropes?????????????
 Siestabeachlover
Joined: 10/6/2013
Msg: 60
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 3:57:45 PM
Wow! such a big deal over a guy coping a free feel. Just tell him you will let him know if and when that is okay. We are all adults here already.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 61
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 4:15:16 PM
"We are all adults here already."

So, at my late husbands funeral, I should have been an adult and told the **stard uncle I didn't want him to cop a feel.

I guess some have no self esteem, so they just don't get it. (What the hell are those with that attitude smoking?)

Some people do not understand the concept of respect. Comments here show that.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 62
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 4:48:05 PM
thanks siesta,

people think that every touch is molesting these days. sad.

just tell him , no and stop or later.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 63
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 6:05:05 PM
BBEisBack, you’ve posted at least a half dozen times about your indignation over the use of the word “mauling,” and NOTHING on topic.


I guess some have no self esteem, so they just don't get it. (What the hell are those with that attitude smoking?)

Some people do not understand the concept of respect. Comments here show that.


Absolutely, I agree.

Maybe unattractive women and other types lacking self esteem and self respect, welcome sleazy gropes and mauling from equally disgusting slimeballs. I can’t think of any other reason to allow oneself to be disrespected and think nothing of it.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 6:19:43 PM
Oh My, maybe they can send me to Reeducation Camp enough times so I can parrot the proper response....

"You poor Dear, that must have been a Traumatic Experience for You"....

Is that the acceptable response?

Maybe You can find a Forum made up of only Like Minded People, & Y'all can spend your time....
Preaching to the Choir.........
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 6:34:26 PM
Well, BBE, aside from the choice of words used, what exactly is your response? I wanna hear it before you get sent off to that camp.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 7:20:17 PM

Strawberry Jello:
Well, BBE, aside from the choice of words used, what exactly is your response? I wanna hear it before you get sent off to that camp.


I guess You missed most of My Responses & Questions in this thread... Maybe one part tripped something in Your head & You couldn't see the Rest... That happens all the time in different forums & on different subjects...
The below is all part of posts by me in this Thread, starting with my First...


None of us were there & everyone is going to interpret, mauling, touching, & grabbing from their own viewpoint....
These Men could be real Cads, or just normal Guys, & you could be a Cold Fish, too....



To Me, if You've been Mauled, that's to a level, that a Police Report should be Made.......



If a Woman grabbed my dangley parts, I call that Fondling...
If She caused Pain while Fondling Me, I describe that as Groping..
snip....
To Me a Mauling is like a Full on Bear Attack, if Bear, backhanded hit me, without breaking the skin, I wouldn't describe that as a Mauling.

If You're using the Term Mauled/Mauling, for Dramatic Affect, over time You degrade the Term.



I'm not trying to make light of the situation or make excuses for these men's actions.....

I'm just saying, save the Term Mauled, for those who have been Truly Mauled....


Another lady seemed to say what I was saying, too

Browneyesboo:
Mauling sounds like something a bear would do.



Thank you for coming back & sharing this... Might I suggest that Either Fondled or Groped, might be the proper Term..
Which one chosen, would depend on the amount of force used..


Not all Brutish Behavior is equal to other Brutish Behavior.....
.....snip.....
When all You have to go on, is the Written Word, choosing the proper words is important, to convey the image you're trying to portray.....


Actions can be Bad, but not all Bad Actions are Equally Bad.....
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 7:31:11 PM
Yeah, thanks for your comprehensive review. Thanks for trying to put me down. I did see those posts when you made them. In the end, it was all overshadowed by your insistence that "mauled" was used incorrectly. Never mind that I initially agreed to drop that word. Never mind that others posted dictionary definitions proving you are incorrect, and mauled was used correctly.

Your focus on the word, and you stating "not all Bad Actions are Equally Bad....." shows me that you are attempting to diminish our experiences.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 7:52:51 PM

Your focus on the word, and you stating "not all Bad Actions are Equally Bad....." shows me that you are attempting to diminish our experiences.


You're right, I was wrong..... Your being Groped or even Mauled is just as Bad as the Lady over there that was Murdered by her Date.....

Hallelujah, I've Seen the Light.......
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 8:09:58 PM
^^^^

Some people's brains just don't function. Maybe because they are part of the problem highlighted in this thread????

What do you expect sane people to think? If you have such a huge issue with how people use the word maul, but don't care how many women get mauled by strangers????????

WTF?
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 70
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 8:51:48 PM
I really don't understand guys coming on posts like this and making it seem like nothing overly bad has happened ...sure we aren't wearing any physical bruises but what about the emotional ones? What about the impact that it has on us every time we go to meet the next person? We want to be considered in a good light but the whole time you are sitting there scared to death that at any moment the nice guy is going to turn into a monster...so rather than getting to be yourself --there is this nervous anxiety making you look down or seem nervous like you might be hiding something...you think that is fair to live with...all cause we didn't get killed?

Some people need to seriously get over themselves or go get laid or go get a life vs word pick a post to death...

Each person is going to react differently to the same situation--for those saying it is no big deal...what gives you the right to judge someone else? Again making the person (victim) resuffer the trauma from the experiences that you are poo pooing away as nothing major...how freaking rude
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:00:43 PM

Some people's brains just don't function. Maybe because they are part of the problem highlighted in this thread????

What do you expect sane people to think? If you have such a huge issue with how people use the word maul, but don't care how many women get mauled by strangers????????

WTF?


The primary Definition of mauled didn't apply so You had to go to the other Definitions to make it apply......
Yet the Original Poster had come back & posted this...... In answer to some of our questions....

professora:
strawberry_jello & others.
Mauling was too strong -- as no violence was involved what so ever.
Friskly might be a little too delicate as these men seemed very hungry for male/female togetherness.


To which I Replied......

BBE:
Thank you for coming back & sharing this... Might I suggest that Either Fondled or Groped, might be the proper Term..
Which one chosen, would depend on the amount of force used..


I guess for some of Y'all, on some subjects.... There should be...
No Questions, No Discussion, No Debate.....

Some people are simply incapable of Discussing thing in a Abstract/General Manner.....
They personalize any of these types of topics......

I've been the Victim of a Violent Attack in My Past.... I can still discuss the Subject in a Abstract Form, without personalizing it......

^^^^ PSG, How many times have Both men & Women replied to some Poster, to not carry their hurts from a past Relationship, forward into their next one?


Some people need to seriously get over themselves or go get laid or go get a life vs word pick a post to death...


Some people need to Heal themselves from their past, before going forward into a new relationship....

I have a Woman Friend, that I have held her hair out of the way, when She was Commode Hugging Drunk, that has never seen me Drunk like that...

Every so often, She will go off on a tangent, when I have a drink or 2 at Home....

I then have to Remind Her, that I'm not her Ex who would get Sh!t Faced Drunk & beat the Crap out of Her.... If I've had a drink, I prefer to make Love, not War....
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:19:35 PM
I know when I'm being touched or manipulated in a way that is unacceptable to me, I do not need someone else to decide that for me. LOL Now some years ago I didn't know how to handle that sort of thing, I had been through a lot of molesting/rape/inappropriate touching as a child and I was confused and damaged and totally unaware of what was right or wrong. So I ended up in a lot of bad situations. My parents never taught me anything about my body or myself for that matter, I had no tools, no self-esteem, no info, I was just swinging in the wind. I now know when to tell someone to back off and to stay away from someone like that, rather than to think I have it coming or that I should fix them. I don't make big claims to my rights, etc., if you do things that are wrong for me, we are done. It's not my job to fix others, or to even think they are wrong for that matter, but I'm well aware of when they are wrong for me.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:24:31 PM
"I've been the Victim of a Violent Attack in My Past.... I can still discuss the Subject in a Abstract Form, without personalizing it...."

Barf!

How does it feel to have your post be treated like it was nothing???

"The primary Definition of mauled didn't apply so You had to go to the other Definitions to make it apply......"

The only one the definition doesn't apply to is you.

Multiple dictionaries disagree with you, but you pay that no mind.
How can you think your definition is more correct than multiple dictionaries? WTF?

You berated Op to the point she had to bow to your point to view on the word maul. I don't bow.

If the dictionaries proved me wrong, I would apologize. Considering that, can you argue with the dictionaries?, or are you capable of seeing the error of your ways.

What the hell? Who would argue to protect people who grab/touch/maul people? WTF?
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 74
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:46:25 PM

"I've been the Victim of a Violent Attack in My Past.... I can still discuss the Subject in a Abstract Form, without personalizing it...."


At a chunky 6'3" I am quite positive that you feel threaten quite often...now don't ya big guy????

But when someone is 10" taller and over 100 lbs heavier than you--sorta changes that dynamic a bit...you realize you have better odds of getting away or at least having the ability to displace or push off someone

It's not about healing it is about recognizing it is happening and not have guys like you who want to minimize the effect it has...it is about understanding that because it is a foreign concept to you...that you would never do something like that doesn't mean that other men AREN'T doing it.

This isn't where you are even making out with a guy and having to trap his hands or remove his hands...these are full assaults where men are taking advantage of the situation to get their thrills...they are doing it on purpose for the power it gives them and the kick of seeing how far they can get before the woman can get away...they aren't even looking for a relationship with anyone but more to see who they can deceive into meeting and then basically attacking them....women need to know this is going on so they can prepare for it and then you want to come on here and say, it's not big deal if someone twice your size (and I AM A BIG GIRL) does whatever they want cause you have no way to stop it and it is happening in public in the daytime.

Thanks for making the women who have encounters something you obviously have NO KNOWLEDGE of ...feel like it was nothing...please go back and hold the drunk's head some more cause really posting on forums about her was a new low...I am sure she appreciates you mocking her on here.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 75
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/8/2015 9:50:42 PM
The word 'maul' as a verb can range from 'handle roughly' to those bear claws digging through flesh.
The word 'molest' as a verb can range from 'bother' or 'annoy' to sexual assault up to rape (when it reaches rape, it's... well, rape).

Is there any wonder we're having problems communicating when the same word we use varies by degrees of intensity for different individuals?
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling