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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling      Home login  
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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 76
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: maulingPage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
passionatesunnygal

off topic but really do you need to have pictures of other people, including children plastered all over a dating site?
did they give permission for that???? You of all people should know not to expose other females to the cyberspace creeps.
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 77
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 9:40:10 AM

not all Bad Actions are Equally Bad....



The word equal doesn't come into it, this is where you are going off the rails BBE.

Bad is bad in the same way good is good. There is no hierarchy whereby someone's bad experience becomes good, or neutral just because someone else had a more disturbing, or horrifying, or more physically damaging experience.


When you start trying to quantify it, you are also invalidating someone's pain. And also diminishing the responsibility of the perpetrator.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 78
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 9:55:38 AM
It seems to me that if a guy reads his date's body language correctly he knows when to come on and when to back off. Of course there are some coarse men out there who do not give a whatever and just want to get a little or at least grab a little.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 79
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 10:21:45 AM
The superb AC/DC tune "Touch Too Much" comes to mind each time I see this thread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGftIcp2SC0

 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 80
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 10:52:43 AM


As shared earlier in this thread, my belief remains that men who seem "unattracted" may actually be VERY attracted yet seek a cue / green light to progress forward.


Raises my hand.

No green light means hands off to this camper.

And yeah, I've been asked what was keeping me so long from making a move so to speak.

Exactly what Eric said above. All the corporate brain washing.



I am getting frustrated with people who think the onus is on the women to control the future of a man's behaviour.


You can't win in this game.

Make an unsolicited move and I'm labelled Doctor Octopus, move slow and I'm not interested.

I'll continue waiting for the green light here.




Wow! such a big deal over a guy coping a free feel. Just tell him you will let him know if and when that is okay. We are all adults here already.


I like your attitude ma'am :)

IMHO, most men are respectful of your boundaries, but we're not mind readers.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 81
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 12:33:39 PM

passionatesunnygal

off topic but really do you need to have pictures of other people, including children plastered all over a dating site?
did they give permission for that???? You of all people should know not to expose other females to the cyberspace creeps


^^ this is exactly what is wrong with posts in the forums, someone makes an assumption that they are clueless about and thinks since it is their assumption it must be correct...so to address this above extremely wrong assumption -- There are no children at all in my profile pictures and all the individuals are over the age of 25-some are older than me--they are Gallery 133 artists (four of which pose nude all the time) It was from a gallery I founded and the events were all plastered on all social media to promote future events...so they not only have no issue with me posting the pictures they are quite proud that I have decided to use a picture with them in it. We had a whole wall of 30 naked women beautifully done that were all age, sizes, shapes and color...with the tag "We are all beautiful". It is the display of which I am the most proud, and the way it helped women to see themselves no matter where they were in life was so inspiring.

Some people just don't get it--even if I am standing buck ass naked in front of you---it doesn't give anyone the right to touch me!!!! No matter what a woman is wearing or flirting etc ever gives a man the right to violate her space especially in such a sinister manner.

Most of yall need to pull your head out of your butt before you start typing...if you don't know about something don't minimize it or think it is nothing cause for the person who has experienced it--it is SOMETHING.

I will also say that the larger majority of men would never dream of MAULING someone or even groping or etc ...again these men are those who know that is all they are going to get from that woman at that time and are looking to exploit it...and the suggestions on here that minimize it is the same type of rational they use...She owes me for dinner! She showed up she must want me I just need to convince her! She is female! blah blah blah...in their own head their assumptions are they are correct in what they are doing...they have rationalized the wrongness of it into being correct behavior and as long as individuals continue to say...it's not that bad, get over it --it was only a little touching then their rationale will continue and our daughters and granddaughters will continue to experience it.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 82
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 2:38:59 PM
Interesting take on this
""""" Feminism tells people that women are victims. We are victims of a rape culture, of being culturally conditioned to make choices that are less lucrative, and of men expressing sexual desire, among other things.

I don’t really care if other people need to identify as a victim because they have been wronged and it is empowering for them to call out their aggressors. Good for you for doing what you need to do. But not all women are the same. I don’t feel victimized when I don’t feel safe when I walk down the street at night any more than I would feel victimized because I have to wear a seatbelt when I’m in a car. Life isn’t safe, that doesn’t make me a victim.

Of course I have experienced inappropriate men, this experience is a universal, like waiters having endless stories about rude customers. On the streets of New York this weekend I was feeling happy to be wearing a dress in the first genuinely hot weather of the year I avoided eye contact with all the men I walked past because I’m never sure if making eye contact “means” something to them but it definitely results in more comments, some asked me to smile anyway or mumbled things to me I choose not to hear. The week before that I was drinking in a rural Minnesota bar and wearing a low cut top. The friend of the guy I was talking to (in the middle of a well populated bar) thought it was okay to reach over put his hands inside my shirt and grab my chest, mid-conversation, a propos of nothing. It doesn’t matter where you are and it doesn’t matter who you are, the world is not the way you wish it would be.

I’m including these examples here to say, yes, I can relate to what people are talking about though I haven’t thought about these events since they occurred. Because, how does it benefit me to feel victimized by it? To dwell on it? To actually victimize myself by spending my precious time and energy talking about it or playing Sisyphus and trying to prevent it from ever happening to anyone ever for the rest of human history? If I’m empowered to do whatever I want to do, I’d rather spend it brushing these guys off and moving on with my life. I can meet other guys in the same bar who are respectful. I don’t have to do the work of throwing the baby out with the bathwater when it’s pretty simple to just not befriend/date assholes.""

http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/05/i-am-a-woman-but-i-am-not-a-victim-can-feminists-please-stop-telling-me-im-a-victim/
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 83
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 3:07:17 PM
Re post 83:
Oh, I see. Don't discuss inappropriate behaviour because it has always existed and will continue to exist and if you do discuss it, you're acting like a feminist victim. Of course behaviours will continue, if you treat it as just "some" boys will be boys and treat women as though it's just a right of passage for women to have to contend with their entire lives. It has nothing to do with feminism, so stop throwing that term around as per usual. It has everything to do with human decency. If something isn't discussed, it's much like the mentality of allowing bullies in a school ground to be bullies because "kids are just being kids". Guess what, they're the same ones who, if allowed to believe they can get away with the attitude, grow up to be the same jackasses when they reach adulthood who figure they can act inappropriately with people, including inappropriately grabbing women. No one's asking you to act like a victim and bemoan the fact some drunk guy grabbed your boobs in a bar. For you to state that women here are playing a victim role is no different than if you were told you probably liked the attention you got. Which is probably as far from the truth as your feminist victim diatribe.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 84
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 3:35:42 PM
"Because, how does it benefit me to feel victimized by it? To dwell on it? To actually victimize myself by spending my precious time and energy talking about it or playing Sisyphus and trying to prevent it from ever happening to anyone ever for the rest of human history?"


I talk about events where I have victimized not for any self benefit but to teach awareness with hopes of prevention.

So that maybe.....one day.....when my 14 yr old daughter is all grown up and has a teenage daughter herself....she doesn't get a call from the police that her daughter was sexually assaulted by a teenage boy while on a school field trip and it is not treated as a "boys will be boys" situation.


Perhaps...a Sisyphus endeavor.....but imagine....what if it's not? :)
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 85
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 4:58:57 PM

not all Bad Actions are Equally Bad....



The word equal doesn't come into it, this is where you are going off the rails BBE.

Bad is bad in the same way good is good. There is no hierarchy whereby someone's bad experience becomes good, or neutral just because someone else had a more disturbing, or horrifying, or more physically damaging experience.


When you start trying to quantify it, you are also invalidating someone's pain. And also diminishing the responsibility of the perpetrator.


I'm sorry, but I have to disagree.... We as Humans have different levels of Sympathy for different people...

Is the Couple that loses a Child to a Miscarriage the same as....
The Couple that has a Child born with a Birth Defect & dies 2 weeks later?

Do I feel the same sympathy for the Parents of a 16 year old Child, that they let get Drunk, Drive, & Kill another Parents 16 year old Child, even if both Children are Dead? No... Just because both parents lost a Child doesn't make Both Deaths Equal...

I felt sympathy for My 85 year old mother, when My Father Died. Yet I understand, none of Us will get out of here alive...

I feel more sympathy for the 32 year old Woman, who watches her Spouse shot & killed in a street Robbery...

Your World maybe all Black or White, mine has shades of Gray & a Multitude of Colors...

ETA: Do I feel the same Sorrow for the Parents of the Men who Hijacked the Planes on 9/11, as I do for the people killed in the Twin Towers & their Families? No, in Fact I feel no sorrow for the Parents of the Hijackers at all.....
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 86
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 5:10:06 PM
I've heard tell that the scent of skunk cabbage drives older men wild. Forgive them for they know not what they do.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 87
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 5:15:31 PM
eric summit- Nu-uh, I'm thinking dirty deeds better applys. :)

Or, this............https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1CAACAJ_enUS645US645&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=the%20doors%20people%20are%20strange

:D :D :D
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 88
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 6:50:16 PM
BBE I don't think anyone asked you to have sympathy. What they did say was that you were arguing semanics over the word 'mauling' and whether you meant it or not, it very much looked as if you were trying to diminish the fact that a man grabbing the boob of a woman he has just met, or the other actions described, are assault.


To put it into perspective, its the equivilent of you walking into a gay bar, and a 6'9" man walking up to you and grabbing your crotch, just because. It is definitely mauling.

(Mauling: treat (someone or something) roughly.
synonyms: molest, feel, fondle, manhandle;

I don't know why you are arguing this point so much.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 89
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 7:40:47 PM

BBE I don't think anyone asked you to have sympathy. What they did say was that you were arguing semanics over the word 'mauling' and whether you meant it or not, it very much looked as if you were trying to diminish the fact that a man grabbing the boob of a woman he has just met, or the other actions described, are assault.


To put it into perspective, its the equivilent of you walking into a gay bar, and a 6'9" man walking up to you and grabbing your crotch, just because. It is definitely mauling.

No I would not call that a mauling. If it didn't cause pain, I would call that Fondled...
If it caused pain, I would call that Groped..
I would call it mauled if it Broke the skin of left Severe Bruises.


(Mauling: treat (someone or something) roughly.
synonyms: molest, feel, fondle, manhandle;

(maul,verb,
: to attack and injure (someone) in a way that cuts or tears skin : to attack (someone) and cause a bloody injury)

This is what I think of when I see the word Maul... & I'm not the only one..


browneyesboo:
Mauling sounds like something a bear would do.

I don't see any of Y'all attacking her for the same thought...

The OP, Profesora even came back & said the Word maul, She used, was to strong of a Word for what happened..

Mauling was too strong -- as no violence was involved what so ever.


I'm just the Current Convenient Target to Vent against... Go ahead, I don't take these discussions Personally...
Like most Forum Discussions, I try & talk about the Subject in a General/Abstract/Clinical Way.

If You're taking these things in a personal way, maybe You need to back away from the discussion & look inside to see why You are reacting in that manner.....
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 90
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 8:09:55 PM
Siestabeachlover-- you are correct. It was not a big deal--- especially at my age. There was no harm done. My innocence wasn't robbed :).

This post was written to learn what others think & out of frustration. I really liked the obese guy---but there were more issues than his groping as I look back. (He kept saying he was lonely--- with his social skills or lack of he may have a long lonely life).

And I am a nurse, so body parts and touching really are not such a big deal.

You have great point.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 91
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/9/2015 8:27:33 PM

This is what I think of when I see the word Maul... & I'm not the only one..

Good thing that it wasn't Darth Maul (from Star Wars).
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 92
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/10/2015 4:06:34 AM

Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling


Innappropriate touching regardless of age is is unacceptable.

I think most adults know this and behave in a way that's acceptable. If they don't, push their hand away or their person and disengage from reach. If it's a truly uncalled for touch or grab.....not that I would openly suggest it but it's unlikely that your giving him a eye opening slap across the face would land you in jail when you've been the victim of sexual battery...and that's exactly what it is when involving any intimate parts of the body, nothing less when it's done without permission.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 93
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/10/2015 5:55:55 AM
Giving me advice on how to deal with men gets on my nerves. I know what to do. I've been removing men's hands for about 50 years. Think about that, 50 YEARS.

 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 94
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/10/2015 6:04:56 AM
Since the man behaved like an animal the word maul is correct. We chose the words that best convey what we experienced. If any man, let alone a older coot doesn't know how to behave on a date then dating is the last thing he should be doing. Like eff I'm going to gently remove his hand and tell him his actions are unacceptable - I'm going to plow his face into next Tuesday. Again - why should women be passive?
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 95
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/10/2015 6:09:11 AM
BBE, seems to me you are the one seeing things in black and white. You think it's either mauling or not mauling. And none of our incidents rise to the level of mauling in your opinion. DESPITE the dictionary definition proving you wrong. We are NOT saying all of these incidents were at the same level of BAD.

So this is the world according to BBE, LOL.

We recognize there's bad, worse, pretty bad, really bad, criminally bad....

Some of us posted detailed accounts, some more generic reports. mine falls in the generic. Because I just CAN'T do a more detailed report. It would be VERY DIFFICULT for me. It would be time consuming in the extreme, having to remember, write and review and rewrite multiple times. It would be E X H A U S T I N G. I just CANNOT do it.

So how do you know that my experiences were of the "not so bad", not mauling type? You assume so because I didn't provide more detail?

Some of you saying "just remove his hand" haven't been paying attention, some of these incidents were way more than just a hand.
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 96
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/10/2015 6:11:02 AM

Giving me advice on how to deal with men gets on my nerves. I know what to do. I've been removing men's hands for about 50 years. Think about that, 50 YEARS.


It wasn't specifically directed at you, but if it makes you feel justified in criticizing the post because it gets on your nerves have at it you happy camper you :)
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 99
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/10/2015 10:06:06 AM


Giving me advice on how to deal with men gets on my nerves. I know what to do. I've been removing men's hands for about 50 years. Think about that, 50 YEARS.


Well, if it's any consolation, I've been removing cash from my jeans for many years now. Heck, I could have really spoiled myself instead!

There's no shortage of advice to men either.

Yes, dear

You look fine honey

Not meaning to discount lewd behavior, but if dating has really left such a bad taste in your mouth (no pun intended), why bother?

I think women get the short end of the stick in the beginning, men at the end...

Muwahahahahahha :)
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 100
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/10/2015 1:51:14 PM
Yes, because willingly spending money (on women, right?) is exactly like being forcibly sexually mauled by a pervert.

Ouija2025:
Since the man behaved like an animal the word maul is correct. We chose the words that best convey what we experienced. If any man, let alone a older coot doesn't know how to behave on a date then dating is the last thing he should be doing. Like eff I'm going to gently remove his hand and tell him his actions are unacceptable - I'm going to plow his face into next Tuesday. Again - why should women be passive?


Agree, completely.

I think there are as many reasons why women are passive as there are girls and women. Not being believed when speaking up; having our experiences and feelings minimized and/or mocked; being accused of provoking; shame; embarrassment; fear of pervert retribution; shocked into immobility; fear of being ostracized; labeled; judged; etc. into infinity.

Now the OP appears to be accepting the responsibility for her experiences after being chastised repeatedly. Happy now, BBE?
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