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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling      Home login  
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 csillagjanos
Joined: 10/18/2015
Msg: 126
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: maulingPage 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
""""I was "mauled" on a first date. No sense in reporting it because it would have been a he said/ said situation. He knew not to call again. :)""""

So sad. But if you set up hidden cameras and you videotape the grabbing and the mauling, then the man can be sent behind bars for a good five to ten years.

That's the approach I'd take.

Everybody would be happier if everyone did this.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 127
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/26/2015 11:47:25 AM
Check the mileage on your picker. It might be time for a picker tune-up. There are millions of people who go on dates/first meets where the women are not mauled. What are they doing right that you aren't doing?
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 128
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/26/2015 8:12:18 PM

So sad. But if you set up hidden cameras and you videotape the grabbing and the mauling, then the man can be sent behind bars for a good five to ten years.

That's the approach I'd take.

Everybody would be happier if everyone did this.

Really? You would be happier if you were Candid Camera on every date?
 csillagjanos
Joined: 10/18/2015
Msg: 129
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/26/2015 11:44:23 PM
"""""Really? You would be happier if you were Candid Camera on every date?"""""

I stand by this. With the right editor and right producer, TV would become entertaining again.

Especially when the cops come and arrest the unsuspecting male participant of the date. You're going to have to see the expression on his face!!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 130
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 1:06:39 AM
"sometimes these d00ds don`t come with signs and signals at the onset."

You can do all the "pre screening" you want online, seeing if they seem to share the same values, if they understand in no certain terms what YOU are looking for..in other words, they can "look great on paper"..and quite a few I picked certainly did..and then it ends up degrading into some weird situation where they become hostile with you for turning down an offer to have sex right after dinner...in no way, shape or form do I blame myself..at all..for the ridiculous situations that transpired on dates I went on from online. Absolutely not. I made it completely clear what I was looking for, and I was not looking for sex on the first date..In no uncertain terms was that discussed and (supposedly) agreed upon before we even met. Not very romantic, but I am practical and give the guy an out if he feels I would be a waste of his time.

I actually dont care WHAT men are looking for..but if it's a man who has agreed to a date with me, then he needs to know what is, and is not, going to happen.

They still agree to meet-we have dinner, and here comes the push for sex.

Wah wahhhhhhhhhh.

It's all smoke and mirrors. Fake, phoney bullshit lies and being jerked around with. You, as a woman, are trying your best to make a good, solid, sound decision about someone. To the very best of your abilities under the circumstances of essentially having blinders on (which is a big part of OLD)...you trust the other party is being forthcoming (What else can you base your decision on..but a foundation of mutual trust)..then you find your trust and good judgement has been wasted on essentially an impostor, a fraud. No wonder people go around wondering "what is wrong with me?"

NOTHING is wrong with you. You dont need therapy or a "picker readjustment" (which is a sad, old, tired, outdated and inaccurate, blaming tactic)..you just need to pull the plug..as fast as you can..on chronically toxic situations like the demented charades of online dating.

Yeah, millions of people are going on dates and not getting "mauled"...I HIGHLY doubt this is a million ONLINE dates.

And I mean that for men AND women, ANYONE who misrepresents themselves online.
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 131
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 1:53:14 AM

They still agree to meet-we have dinner, and here comes the push for sex.

Wah wahhhhhhhhhh.

It's all smoke and mirrors. Fake, phoney bullshit lies and being jerked around with.


It must really suck to live in LA.

I'm beginning to believe that if a pof'er doesn't post in the forums he/she is bogus.

I can't imagine what a guy is thinking to be so over the top with the sex talk on a first meet. Heck one time I tried just a quick kiss at parting...you know just a peck on the lips....woman moved faster than the speed of light, damn near threw my back out to stop from falling face first in the parking lot. But I digress....;)

I guess online dating has it's issues.
 o0BrownEyedGirl0o
Joined: 11/12/2014
Msg: 132
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 2:54:15 AM
The only guy I met from here that I would not ever date the second time did something really weird. On the way to our cars (in a parking lot where a supermarket is the anchor tenant and in the broad daylight of afternoon) he wheeled around and grabbed me and smashed his face onto mine and squeezed me so hard that I thought a rib was going to crack. I had a wtf moment and still not sure why he did it. Maybe trying to see if my bubes were real?

I'm a handshake sort of girl on first meet but I have been hugged too. I don't even think hugging is such a good idea, but I don't know.

Dating is so weird nowadays.....

And I am a bona fide senior. I'd have to say I felt mauled by that guy.
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 133
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 11:37:12 AM
I've never been mauled, groped or grabbed on a date. I've never had the "I paid for dinner now you put out". I've never had anyone intimate over the main course that dessert was back at his place in his bed. Its just not happened in 6 years of dating. I don't know where you find these people and I think your selection skills are off and maybe a few of you exaggerate as well.

I expect to have the sex topic come up sometime after a few dates and I don't care which one of us brings it up, I want to be assured that I will have some sort of romantic/intimate/sexual relationship before I commit any more than 3 or 4 dates on a person.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 134
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 12:55:18 PM

It must really suck to live in LA.


The traffic is definitely a hassle.


I guess online dating has it's issues.


Thanks to the folks who misuse and abuse it.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 135
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 1:53:25 PM

There are millions of people who go on dates/first meets where the women are not mauled. What are they doing right that you aren't doing?


Why don’t you tell us since you’re privy to these “millions of people” doing things “right?”

IOW, the women getting mauled are doing something wrong and are responsible for bad male behavior.

I’d love to know what you think women should be doing “right” to prevent being mauled by a man.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 136
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 2:34:04 PM
I recall one fine date where the guy started getting hostile with me during dinner. Apparently I wasnt looking at him often enough and he snapped "what is more interesting about the people over there?" when I had glanced over at another couple as I was talking.

We went to get some coffee after that, which he offered to pay for (he didn't have to) and I remember when he picked up my cup to throw it out he glanced in it and saw I hadn't drunken it entirely up and he made this sneering face as he tossed it into the trash. I felt the date was about wrapped up at that point, so as we walked back to the car he started asking me how many miles away I lived, and I didn't steer into the "why dont you come on over?" realm. We got to the end of the block where we were parked and I thanked him and leaned over to give him a hug goodbye.

"Wow!" he exclaimed with a sarcastic tone. "You mean I'm not so hideous that you actually touched me?"

Can you imagine? I went home...confused and feeling bad, for some reason. I was still really new to the dating realm after almost twelve years out of it, and I wrote him a quick follow up email. I didn't have to do this, of course. He replied back telling me that he had hoped something would have happened (sexual).

So, that was the summer of 2010, and by August I had packed it in with the online dates.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 137
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 3:53:36 PM

Msg. 133: You can do all the "pre screening" you want online, seeing if they seem to share the same values, if they understand in no certain terms what YOU are looking for..in other words, they can "look great on paper"..and quite a few I picked certainly did..and then it ends up degrading into some weird situation where they become hostile with you for turning down an offer to have sex right after dinner...in no way, shape or form do I blame myself..at all..for the ridiculous situations that transpired on dates I went on from online. Absolutely not. I made it completely clear what I was looking for, and I was not looking for sex on the first date..In no uncertain terms was that discussed and (supposedly) agreed upon before we even met. Not very romantic, but I am practical and give the guy an out if he feels I would be a waste of his time.

I actually dont care WHAT men are looking for..but if it's a man who has agreed to a date with me, then he needs to know what is, and is not, going to happen.

They still agree to meet-we have dinner, and here comes the push for sex.

Wah wahhhhhhhhhh.

Because of the culture in the area where I live, I can always assume men will treat me well. In many ways, I’m lucky to live here. LA sounds like a terrible place for dating.

I’ve been trying to imagine what it must be like for men to experience a conversation like the one described above. If I were in those men’s shoes, I’d feel you weren’t excited, happy, or even content to be meeting me. I’d think you were expecting the worst of me, and perhaps that would color my treatment of you.

Having said that, it’s likely you started having such discussions because men in your past treated you poorly, which shaped your view of dating, especially online dating.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m blaming anyone for what another person does, but I can’t help but notice that others are influenced by our behaviors and even our subconscious thoughts that seep into our expressions, body language, and movement.

And it doesn’t stop there. It is often carried into the next opportunity and the next. … How does someone in that situation find hope?

Msg. 134: Heck one time I tried just a quick kiss at parting...you know just a peck on the lips....woman moved faster than the speed of light, damn near threw my back out to stop from falling face first in the parking lot.

Some women don’t know a good thing when they see it?

(Or she had evidence you were the type to throw your back out while … never mind.)
:)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 138
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 4:17:18 PM
"Some women don’t know a good thing when they see it?"

Apparently not, Ms. Kay. Some are dumber than a box of rocks! Lol!
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 139
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 4:25:15 PM
prairiefire60, maybe out in the prairie men are different. I dunno.

I've been asked for sex after meeting 1 hour. I've been asked if he could come over to watch a movie for our first date. I was asked to come over to his place to cuddle for a first date, cuz you know, it's so cold out. I was told "I'm tired of 5 steak dinners before we have sex, so from now on, I'm going to skip all that." I've been told more than once "If I don't enjoy the sex, we're not going to have a relationship." I've been quizzed about my sexual history and my sexual preferences. Not after a few dates, mostly on the phone before I've even met them. Of course, then I DON'T meet them. One guy told me I would be REQUIRED to do a whole list of sexual things, including some things I really wouldn't want to do with anybody. Annnd, yes, I've been surprise kissed, unexpectedly tongued, touched inappropriately, groped, and mauled. Oh, and I don't want to leave out, lied to.

On the other hand, I've met many men who were completely pleasant, polite, and respectful.

You might be thinking why did I put up with the poor behavior. My response is, I DIDN'T PUT UP WITH IT. If a man is saying inappropriate things, I'll let him go on for a bit. Just so I know for sure that's what he said or meant, that's where he was going with it. I have never had one try to backtrack. They all seem to feel entitled to say disrespectful things. As if being on a dating site means there are no boundaries. As for the surprise moves, or groping, or mauling, that is stopped immediately, in a clear and convincing fashion.

Why anyone would think there is something wrong with ME, because some azzhole does things like this, I'm astounded. Oh, no, not so much. Because after all, when a neighborhood boy tried to molest me at age 5, my father was angry with ME. Cuz, you know, I should have known better, I should have known what to do....., not that he ever warned me or taught me what to do. And never mind that he let the boy take me away. Yeah, there's a strong recurring theme in our society blaming women, and girls, when a man or boy behaves badly.

I AIN"T HAVING IT. NO, no, not me. NOT MY FAULT. No way, no how.

I treat men I message and meet with respect. I arrive on time, appropriately dressed, avoid touchy subjects, smile, laugh, share the bill.... No excuse for men to treat me the way some have. NO EXCUSE.

Hasn't happened to you? That's nice, no, that's lovely. I would like to live in your world. But I don't. I live in a world where many men behave in totally outrageous ways.

NONE of these men ever wanted to talk to me or see me again. Even if I was pleasant in my rebuff. Once I said "No, I'm sorry, I'm not that fast." Totally trying not insulting to him, (why, I don't know) despite a sex request after meeting one hour before. And I paid for what I ordered. So really, I have to conclude, they all thought I was good enough to screw, but not good enough to actually, you know, DATE, or apologize to or ever try to talk to again.

Where do I find these men? Here, on POF, on the OK site, on other free or pay sites.

I've dated 3 men in 3 years that I met in real life. NONE of them talked to me the way the men from OLD have. Certainly none of them "went for it" too soon or unwanted. My conclusion is that OLD does something to the male brain.

Still, I believe there might be a man out there who will like me and want me enough to behave like an adult, treat me with respect, and not act like a stupid, horny teenager. I'm still trying to find him.




I've never been mauled, groped or grabbed on a date. I've never had the "I paid for dinner now you put out". I've never had anyone intimate over the main course that dessert was back at his place in his bed. Its just not happened in 6 years of dating. I don't know where you find these people and I think your selection skills are off and maybe a few of you exaggerate as well.

I expect to have the sex topic come up sometime after a few dates and I don't care which one of us brings it up, I want to be assured that I will have some sort of romantic/intimate/sexual relationship before I commit any more than 3 or 4 dates on a person.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 140
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 5:09:11 PM
"it’s likely you started having such discussions because men in your past treated you poorly, which shaped your view of dating, especially online dating."

I've never had any "discussions" with anyone before we meet. I keep things light, friendly and humorous. But I do let them know I am not looking for a one night stand/sex on the first date, and that I am looking for a long term relationship.

Once that's out on the table, and it APPEARS everything else seems, at least initially, kosher-we meet up for a date and I do not bring the subjects up again..I wouldn't think I'd have to..right? :P

As far as my "past treatment"..we are not all whipped dogs. I married at 25, we were together for nine years until it was time to move on, had another 2.5 year relationship, then, my last boyfriend and I were together for a total of 9 years..we had a wonderful time together..he was supportive, darned funny, worked in animation along with me so we had plenty to gab about every day, but ultimately we wanted two different things. We are still friends, as I am with all of my exes, even back to someone I dated when I was 18. We still meet up for dinner once in a while. I've had some wonderful people in my life. They may not have been destined to be "soul mates" but I believe we have many soul mates in life that come at different times.

So yeah-it's not all some "past filled with horrors and abuse"..what happened was I stepped into a social cesspool with online dating, and found the quality of people..their *character and trustworthiness* to be severally flawed. I have also always said that I am sure the women are just as screwed up, but I dont date women so the men can tell their horror stories.

My observations are more actually based on knowing how one SHOULD be treated, which is why OLD is such a turn off.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 141
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 6:54:34 PM
^^ See I think it is cause the local men know who is new (at one time it would even say that you were new) so the ones to try and take advantage look for someone new to do this to.

Now if someone tries this after experience with the ones in the past we have thought out scenarios of how to prevent this type of humiliation.

The worse thing for me is I found my whole personality has changed, I have had guys say they didn't think I was interested in them cause I was afraid they would misread the interest to being sexual in nature.

Now I am even more self-conscious-and feel Im damn if I do and damned if I don't...so now Im just going to be me and if someone takes something the wrong way then that's on them-
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 142
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 7:37:37 PM
On a first meet I would usually be seated some distance away or opposite him in a public eating place. If you get into a confined space such as a car or in a park or parking lot alone with him for instance, then you are taking risks.

I did have one guy grab my hand very hard when I made the mistake of suggesting a movie for the first meet but that is all that has ever happened to me. If you have an alcohol free date then less chance of inappropriate behaviour I would say.

As no one has ever bought me a meal on a first meet either then the chances of a man feeling entitled to some kind of physical touching is much less I would say.

I also agree about men and the way they talk online. T hey would not have the nerve to do it face to face with all the explicit sex talk. I am talking about men who are supposed to be mature family men as well. I wonder how they would feel if some joker was talking to their daughters the way some of them speak to women online.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 143
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 8:19:46 PM
Hmmm..I wonder if it has to do with finding "new" people, or just..this is how they are..they want things to move from 0 to 90 and in order to do that they hustle you along, discarding any indications that they understand (and agree!) that the first date isn't going to end in sex.

But, here is another thing to consider: They may be meeting a lot of women who DO want to move it into the fast lane. I can't assume all women are like me, and would like to at least establish some sense of familiarity and trust first. There are ladies who fast track it, or *can be talked into fast tracking it*..and because fast experiences have shown these types of guys that they CAN and WILL get lucky if they keep trying, we ALL qualify as a potential first night lay. This is also why women putting "don't contact me if all you want is sex" in their profiles doesn't make any difference. The playahs know SOME of these women can be manipulated into putting their guard down, so...all women are a potential target for their behavior.
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 144
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 8:28:32 PM
"Manipulated"? When was the last time someone manipulated you into dropping your panties?

People are people and I don't think it much matters where you live in the US or Canada, we all have the same basic upbringing, outside influences. We also have the same capability to set our own boundaries and state them.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 145
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 9:12:48 PM

Hmmm..I wonder if it has to do with finding "new" people, or just..this is how they are..they want things to move from 0 to 90 and in order to do that they hustle you along, discarding any indications that they understand (and agree!) that the first date isn't going to end in sex.


When I lived in Knoxville I had a ton of guys do the talk to me all week and then on Friday night say they just found me so sexy and hot and demanded I come over about midnight to see them cause they didn't think they could wait another day to meet me. I never went and I added to my profile for first meet-"Late at night in a dark alley downtown -- bring your wallet and gold". Point being a man would never agree to meet me there so they shouldn't expect me to meet them late at night somewhere.

I had many say stupid things like they were looking for a woman who acted on her passion, or if I didn't trust myself enough then I wouldn't be the girl for them...etc...but the bottom line is all of this was like a carrot on a stick...they knew that a large portion of southern women define themselves by the man in their life so they try to get you to jump thru hoops not out of any real interest in you but for the ego trip of it all. I wasn't going to gain anything by going and most important I wasn't going to lose anything by not going...don't let them in your head no matter how sweet and nice they first appear to be when chatting online...they can be a perfect gentleman -share just amazing stories, be mr. personality but they have their own end goal in mind come Friday night.

Best was this British guy who had progressed to talking on the phone, he was telling me how well off he was, and how well respected and wanted me to come over and spend the night Saturday night so we could go to church on Sunday. When I refused he told me he had another girl that would do it and I wished him luck, so a few days later he messaged me -he had literately had to get a restraining order against her, so he invited me over again and I was sorry I only meet in public places and he said ok Im going to this other woman's hourse I guess it is you loss and her gain--again I wished him luck, three days later he told me she was nuts as well. So I started laughing and he said "what's so funny"...I said you expecting a nice girl to meet you and sleep with you the first night you meet...of course they are nuts...they are agreeing to it! They don't care about you-they just want a relationship and you are just the man it happens to-stop pimping yourself out that way and invest the time and energy into it and you might end up with a quality person...

(disclaimer-I find nothing wrong with two adults having sex at any point they decide they want to ---it is the use of manipulation (by the woman to get a relationship by offering sex or the man offering a relationship to get sex)
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 146
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 9:21:13 PM
PrarieFire60..the same old troll. *yawn*

Passionate:

"A woman who acts on her passion!" hahaha now there's a good take on it!

Oh, I've met my share of manipulators..one of which told me how desirable he was because his last two girlfriends were so eager to sleep with him despite his having herpes that they ended up contracting it! I mean hey! There's a sales pitch for ya!

After an evening of stories like this and a pathetic attempt at a guilt trip because I didn't want his disease, I said "You're a manipulator."

He smiled and laughed. "I sure am!" he said, proud as punch.

Lovely.
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 147
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 9:37:03 PM
Geez, sorry I didn't know I had to join a fan club and say "yes ma'am". I'm sorry my 90% positive experiences don't jive with your years and years of failures and negative experiences and tales of woe.

Did the man with herpes manipulate you into bed? Did he manipulate you into dropping your pa ties for his player line of bullshyt? I doubt it, you seem strong. So it was a non issue with an idiot.

Do any of you actually have good stories about dating? Nice easy dates, had fun, he was a gentleman but you just didn't connect? I look back on it all and have to think hard before Crazy Michael pops up in my memory bank or the guy that stared at my tits all night...neither of them brought up sex or groped, grabbed or "mauled".

The Professora has been here since 2008, she's been around the block a time or two. No offence meant Professora..
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 148
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 9:46:40 PM
ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*whoa...oh wait. Was someone saying something?*

Sorry.

 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 149
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 9:55:51 PM
That's okay, I find you just as boring. A little pathetic too.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 150
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/27/2015 10:13:56 PM
Piano Petal-the one thing that women will do is sleep with the guy too soon "to get him to like me"...I dont see alot of this here, but there will be questions from women lamenting that they moved really fast with a guy in order to "keep" them and then are crushed when the guy backs off and/or vanishes. I think in some cases this decision was made with some pressure (not always) but I think emotions can get tangled up with some people...not wanting to lose someone, wanting to make them happy, and those who totally take advantage of this..absolutely. Not to mention the truly pathological cases of narcissism...both men and women alike.
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