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 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 26
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting thisPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Your profile currently has 12 total interests (shown in blue font) so you're fine there.
Some folks will list 50 or more...which looks silly and makes the reader scroll too much.
When it comes to online profiles, err on the side of brevity when editing. Good luck.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 27
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 2:10:06 AM
Sorry but you have a photo of yourself when you are 15!
Really?
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 28
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:49:33 AM
I don't exactly have a lot of photos of myself, let alone ones taken by other people. I figured it was better than nothing. I guess I was wrong
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 29
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:09:16 AM
Hi Brandon,

Do not take suggestions and critique personally.
We review objectively based on your writing, as obviously we do not know you.
It's all we have to go on; same for the women you expect to read about you.

Nintendo pic--a woman is your bae, not an inanimate object.

Interest list is always 3 columns, so anything divisible by 3 makes for a pleasing look.

Never take out the gaming, as it's a big part of your life.
Whether your prospects are gamers or those who don't mind that you are, makes no difference.
Not good to hide who you are as it comes out soon anyway.
Ditto for the rats. Wonderful pets.
A woman came here for review and also had rat pics; people told her to ditch them too :/

Your "about me" is still way too long.
Hit the highlights; this is a 15 sec ad, not a full bio.
Most will see the volume and not read anything and then your purpose is moot.
Howdy - since you made it this far you've officially passed the first test. If you can make it the rest of the way - then good on you, you have a much higher attention span than I. :P
Nobody is here to be tested.
You expect her to read everything but say you couldn't do it? SMH.

There's too much rambling, internal dialogue.


Now onto myself. I'm a pretty uncomplicated guy, I'd say - and I've made pretty big steps toward my life goals this year so I figure, why not take a few more and give dating a shot? I'm hoping to meet someone nice and subsequently make life even better by having someone to share it with. Or at the very least meet cool new friends - you never can get enough of that. I guess I'm really just looking for interesting people to meet in general. If those interactions lead to anything, whether it be a relationship or friendship - then I've pretty much accomplished what I set out to do.
Huge paragraph taking up prime real estate, yet says absolutely nothing.
This isn't an English assignment that requires intro, body, conclusion.
Get to the point faster.
I would fear that, in person, you will drone on and on about nothing.
First impressions do matter.

Most things come out gradually in conversation as we learn about each other and it's not hiding something because you save it for later.
That's the glory of meeting somebody new and exploring each other.


A few more things you may be interested in knowing about me. I've never dated anyone before. Never took much interest in it in highschool, and I see no reason in hiding that fact. I'm totally comfortable with it, since it's always been a personal choice of mine - and I hope you can at least keep an open mind about that part of me, because I'm pretty awesome :B I'm also a huge feminist, a result of my upbringing - so if that's a dealbreaker too, and I can't imagine why it would be, then I guess again, you probably won't like me very much. But yeah, all and all I'm a friendly, fun, outgoing person to be around once I'm comfortable around somebody - and quiet and reserved when I'm not. [Doesn't take long for me to warm up to people though] My friends and family seem to think I'm funny and enjoyable to be around - and since I'm not a narcissist I can't really comment on that, but I might as well take their word for it. xP
Not important to point out that you've never dated.
Doesn't mean you're hiding it; means you have a filter.
Don't say you're a feminist here as most won't understand without explaining.
Wait for real life conversation.
This is also a paragraph that is too wordy and says very little.
Don't say what others think of you (passive way of saying your positive traits) , like you took a poll. Would your friends/family report the negative, anyway?


But yeah, I love exercise - especially when it involves the outdoors.
Great!
Now this is something to finally elaborate on, yet you don't!


I also have pet rats, which I'm hyper vigilant in looking after. Looking after my pets has shown me what I want to do with my life. I'm going to become a vet, or at least be in the field of animal medicine in some capacity - and I'm committed to achieving this goal. Currently I'm finishing all the courses I missed in highschool so I can start my prerequisite courses at TRU and eventually move onto veterinary school. I LOVE taking care of animals and I want to do it for a living.
Great!!
Hyper vigilant is not a word to use, nor is obsessed.


I'm a "netflix and chill" kinda guy.. although in the literal sense, without the sexual undertone.
What sexual undertone? Delete that.

Make smaller paragraphs as it's easier to read, esp on a phone.
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 30
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 8:14:01 AM
This may come off as argumentive so I hope you don't take it the wrong way, I just like to discuss people's opinions and challenge them a little bit if I disagree with aspects of them. Only way I can change my thinking in the potential event that I'm wrong, right? I think you're taking a lot of what I say too literally and misunderstanding a lot of the stuff in my bio. The SNES being my "bae" is just a joke, and so is the first "test".

Being a feminist is pretty self explanatory too, and Netflix and chill is usually a phrase used by guys to invite their significant others over for sex. It's more of a joke people I knew used in highschool /w internet memes, usually starting off with something like bae: netflix and chill? my parents aren't home" then following it up with something ridiculous and stupid.

And I also disagree that I'm rambling. The second paragraph you cited just explains what I'm doing on the site. And to be frank - there's only so much I'm willing to cut without feeling like I'm not being myself. I'm articulate - and I'd like to convey that in my bio to 'some' extent. From where I'm standing, if someone can't take the very minimal amount of time to read through my condensed bio then we 'probably' wouldn't work out anyways - because there'd be a lot more of that in our later interactions. I mean what if someone's on the site who's like me, descriptive and comfortable being open about herself - and passes over my profile because I seem too simple? That's what makes me reluctant, I want my personality to shine through

Not taking it personally - just explaining my reasoning for writing those things.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 8:36:27 AM
She's right. Trim it some more.
See how concise that is?
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 32
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 9:28:20 AM

I think you're taking a lot of what I say too literally and misunderstanding a lot of the stuff in my bio. The SNES being my "bae" is just a joke, and so is the first "test".
I fully understand your point.

My point is that the woman reading your writing is taking things the same way as we do, and it's seriously hurting you. When you see independent reviewers making the same comments over and over, it is not a bandwagon mentality.
It means there are places for improvement.

I'm not suggesting you change yourself, just want you to change the presentation in this medium where subtleties such as facial expression and cues, voice inflection, and body language are not possible.
Much can be misinterpreted, unlike real life.
You can't be objective about your writing and see what could be misinterpreted because you have your intent in your head, which isn't always as obvious as you may think.



And I also disagree that I'm rambling. The second paragraph you cited just explains what I'm doing on the site. And to be frank - there's only so much I'm willing to cut without feeling like I'm not being myself. I'm articulate - and I'd like to convey that in my bio to 'some' extent. From where I'm standing, if someone can't take the very minimal amount of time to read through my condensed bio then we 'probably' wouldn't work out anyways - because there'd be a lot more of that in our later interactions. I mean what if someone's on the site who's like me, descriptive and comfortable being open about herself - and passes over my profile because I seem too simple? That's what makes me reluctant, I want my personality to shine through
It's all suggestions and advice based on what info most people want to read.
Take what's helpful and toss out the rest.
People with much shorter and more informative "about me" manage to portray personality brilliantly.
It's not the word count; it's making each word count.

It's results that are the final test of whether your profile is reaching your intended audience.
Is it working and are you getting dates?
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 33
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 9:39:41 AM

I'm not suggesting you change yourself, just want you to change the presentation in this medium where subtleties such as facial expression and cues, voice inflection, and body language are not possible.
Much can be misinterpreted, unlike real life.


I will absolutely concede on that. I suppose it couldn't hurt to condense things more and let people get to know me naturally.


Is it working and are you getting dates?


Another fair point. While I'm not sure it's been long enough, or that I've messaged enough people to call my efforts wholly unsuccessful - but there isn't much to lose by streamlining my bio a bit more.

My only worry is conveying my personality and humour in the bio after shortening it. I don't want to seem boring or simple.
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 34
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 9:43:35 AM
Not to say there's anything wrong with boring, simple people - it would be counter productive to come across as one, given what I'm looking for. Besides, most of the women I've messaged have had long, descriptive bio's too that were written eerily similarly to mine.

EDIT: Better? I modified a few things and trimmed some other things. I really hope this is in acceptable bounds because I'm really not sure I can trim anything else without taking away from giving a good impression of who I am.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 10:06:18 AM
Better?

A little, still too long, still needs some new photos, still needs to say something about the type of person you are looking to date and more about dating. The only noticeable change is your headline.

In my experience women find 3 things attractive in a man:
Confidence
Passion
Being Romantic

Your profile does now come across as confident now, and with a certain amount of passion, but romance doesn't get a look in.


From reading your posts it really doesn't sound like you want to change your profile, most suggestions people have made gave been thrown back in the reviewers face. So, remember, it's your profile if you like it keep it exactly as it it. Just remember the one rule, go with what works, if it is working great, if not change it up.
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 36
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 10:22:49 AM
Well there's only so much I can remove before it fails to represent who I am. And as I said, most of the women that have seemed interesting to me have had long bio's too - so I'm curious if that was even the issue I was having to begin with.

But yeah, I don't want to give off the impression that I'm not considering anyone's advice. It may sound like I'm throwing advice back in your guys' faces but as I said before, in order for me to fully understand and analyze said advice I need to challenge it for further elaboration so I can decide if it's the right move for me.

But let's explore what you just said about conveying the romantic side of me. I'm not really sure how to do that - given my lack of experience in romantic situations. I'm actually not quite sure what I'd even be like in a romantic relationship, to be honest. As for what I want in a woman, that's also tricky... I'm really not sure. I had it figured that if a woman is potentially compatible with me, she'll probably already know it by reading my bio and seeing that we have similar personalities and interests - and vice versa.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 37
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 11:35:44 AM
Here is what your profile would look like without all the unnecessary fluff and blather:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Howdy -I'm a pretty uncomplicated guy - and I've made pretty big steps toward my life goals this year so I figure, why not take a few more? I'm hoping to meet someone nice and subsequently make life even better by having someone to share it with.

Also in the process of getting back into a healthy and active lifestyle. I work out probably 4 times a week at the very least. I'd say I'll probably reach my fitness goals within the year at this rate, which is exciting! But yeah, I love exercise - especially when it involves the outdoors.

I also have pet rats - and I love them. I know lots of people would probably say "eww gross" but in all honesty, rats are like kittens that never grow up. They're amazing! Looking after my pets has shown me what I want to do with my life. Currently I'm finishing all the courses I missed in high school so I can start my prerequisite courses at TRU and eventually move onto veterinary school. I LOVE taking care of animals and I want to do it for a living.

I also game, I've been gaming since I was 4 - so if you want someone to sit down with and play Mario Kart for 3 hours, first off - you're a keeper, and second, I'm your guy. Also love movies, preferably comedies, but I love pretty much all genres. I'm a "netflix and chill" kinda guy. I'm not much of an anime watcher per-say but I like a couple of them like One Piece and Full metal Alchemist too. But yeah, Breaking Bad and Parks and Rec are my bread and butter.

I LOVE to read too. There's seriously really no better feeling than kicking back after a long day and relaxing with my duvet in the middle of freezing cold winter with a good book. Big into stuff like Harry Potter, A Song of Ice and Fire and the Witcher Saga by Andrezj Sapkowski. What have you read lately?

I'm pretty much open to all kinds of music, but my preference is orchestrated performances. I'm sort of a photographer too. Right now I'm using my Samsung phone's camera to take most of my shots but it does it's job well in the right lighting. I also write, although it's mainly between myself and a close close friend of mine and we've been writing stories together for over 7 years. I've always thought about doing something with that skill, and some day I might write a book just for fun.

I'm not really sure who I'm looking for - but if you think you and I would click and have a lot to talk about, say Hi!

First Date
I suppose something simple, like a cafe or a walk in the park, or both? I always find either one to be a great environment for getting to know people, due to how quiet and relaxing they are.
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 38
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 11:41:27 AM
I suppose that's not too bad. Ideally I'd want to convey my humour and personality more but if it's going to get people to back out of my profile then I guess it's better to save that part for the actual conversations
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 39
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 11:45:07 AM
A few problems I have is that you recommended cutting out my specification that I'm not 'necessarily' just looking for a relationship - because I'm not. Good people are hard to come by these days - even if it's just in a friendship capacity. I generally just wanna meet people and see where it goes. :p Also you removed the stuff about me liking EDM music. Other than that, I'm okay with your version
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 40
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 12:20:10 PM
The goal of an online dating profile is to generate sufficient interest for a first meet.
The purpose of the brief yet essential first meet is to determine if you both wish to share a longer first "real" date.
By no means is a POF profile meant to be a comprehensive and exhaustive description.
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 41
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 12:47:04 PM
Sounds accurate. How does my profile look now? I used Forums Only's draft and made a few alterations
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 42
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 12:57:16 PM
This profile is a vast improvement over the original. Bravo!
My prediction is you will see more interactions with this newest version.
Keep tuning it as you go along to see what works and what doesn't.

 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 43
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 1:01:56 PM
A million times better.
It's no longer exhausting to read :)

There's something about that "shameful" pic that doesn't look good.
Other pics are nice, fit together, and are artsy in a good way, so I suggest eliminating what doesn't flatter you.


Also in the process of getting back into a healthy and active lifestyle.
Delete "also" as nothing proceeds it anymore.

I like the photography/writing paragraph.

Now that you have the write up carved down, you can think about ways to inject personality.
Consider the whole profile fluid and change as you get ideas.
Just don't overwhelm with too much.

Rotate/add/delete pics to see what gets the most notice.
They're the window to your profile, and in this case, getting peepers is a good thing ;).

I sincerely wish you the best.
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 44
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 1:31:51 PM
Yup... should have figured if I was ashamed after taking it, it probably wouldn't be good for my profile.

Thanks for the advice guys. I thought I had everything down before I posted this thread but clearly I needed another perspective, and I'm glad you were there to give it to me. Cheers!
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 45
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 3:33:03 PM
I appreciate you taking the edited version and making it a bit more 'yours'! Why not add EDM in the Interests field? I suspect someone who is also into it will 'get it'. Then you can add a favourite Comedian and another favourite show/movie/musician to make it evenly line up in the columns of 3.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 4:36:36 PM
at 21 you are already overweight. There is a lot of competition on here for females and you need to have full length current shots and hopefully fitter. Photos are paramount and what you are judged on. Just a bit of exercise and at your age it should be easy to shed the extra kilos.

You don't have a car and still a student which spells, no money.... I would wait until you are qualified and working if you really want to attract a suitable partner.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 47
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 4:54:49 PM
Please be yourself Brandon, and advertise yourself as you are NOW.

If you have pet rats or mice... then of course have a current photo of yourself with your pets and smiling.
If you like gaming. Certainly say that.
If you want to invite a woman to your house for sex on the first date then say so.

Please be upfront and honest.
And please SMILE!!!!!

Being a student with no money is normal for a student.
On campus is also a great way to meet other like minded students.

When I was a student I sub let my apartment, during holidays, to a fellow student who had pet mice.
He used to walk around campus and go to lectures with them on his shoulders.
His transport was a skateboard and he he had no trouble getting the ladies.
From memory he was studying some sort of engineering.

Being a vet student, your love of animals is a chick magnet.
Use it.

Good luck.

p.s. A thought. Do you live in a horsey area?
If so, volunteer to help at horse events.
Lots of rich, young women. Or young women with rich parents who can afford horses and who love vets and men who love animals.
Or any other animal event.


 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 48
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 5:21:00 PM
Letalia, I'm here for constructive advice - and what you just said is not constructive. People get overweight - and unless someone's a judgemental bozo something like that shouldn't matter, especially since I work out every single day and diet more now than most people my age do. Don't jump to conclusions about people when you don't know them - my bio already states that I'm into fitness.

And here's another fun fact. Cars are a waste of money - especially if you live in a small town like me, and I'm not going to piss away what little income I'm currently able to make just so I can drive around. I'd rather spend that money constructively, like.. I don't know, going to school?

If someone is judgemental enough to be bothered by the fact that I'm overweight and I don't make money [at 21, when no one does] then they're not the kind of people I'm looking to attract anyways.
 Mandon94
Joined: 10/4/2015
Msg: 49
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 5:25:03 PM
Thanks Sea - I actually do live in a horsey area, and I'm planning on doing some volunteer work to have stuff to put on my resume when the time comes to get a job at a practice - which I've heard many people do before they start vet school anyways. Not sure if I'd do it to meet women but if it happens I'll welcome it.

And of course I'll always be myself - I think that's like dating rule no 1 that everybody learns from an early age. I can't be anyone I'm not - I'm not a good enough actor to do that anyways. :P
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 50
Pretty self explanatory given where I'm posting this
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:16:44 PM
LetitiaLeGrande...that was unnecessarily harsh and not very nice.
This is the Profile Reviews forum, not where we critique lifestyles.
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