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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Home ownership a dealbreaker?      Home login  
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 26
Home ownership a dealbreaker?Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Summarizes the end of my second marriage. I was married, I wanted to be married, I thought I was set for life.

$33,000 in unknown credit card debt that I discovered by accident. It would have been better if she had cheated on me.
Stealing from me is the unforgivable sin.

$33,000 in unknown credit card debt! How could I not know? I knew something wasn't right, but not the extent of it. How could I not know?

There are worse things to be unaware of....not sure I'd chuck a marriage of my length over finances....she only blew about 5k.....but she blew it while blowing her BF too....

Would be impossible to explain to strangers.

I dont get the concept of giving a crap about what strangers think about you...who cares...they are strangers!

Care what your freinds and family think.
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 27
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:35:11 PM

I agree we would want a man who as at least equal to us in our later years, financially. If I own a home I would expect the guy to have the same and to have money to travel and live comfortably as well, as I do. Otherwise I am happy alone. A man looking to sponge off a woman is no man at all in my opinion. We all know the older man who buys the younger beauty etc but the reverse doesn't work as well.
Joined: 10/11/2015
Msg: 28
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:50:05 PM
I would think both men and women want somewhat of an equal all way round. A man shouldn't have to support a woman either, no matter if she is younger, the same age or older. No one likes a sponge. Traditionally, it has been the man who did the supporting, without complaint. But times have changed. And really, a woman who sponges off a man is no woman in my opinion either.

I plan to sell my home shortly and rent for awhile. If someone sees that as a deal breaker , too damn bad.
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 29
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:34:08 PM
Home ownership here is the Australian dream.
Our greatest asset.

Benefits of owning your home.

You can do with it what you want.
Can have pets.
Put up pictures.
Knock down walls.
Paint it whatever colour you want.
Put in a new kitchen.
Keep it as neat or messy as you want.
No landlord inspections.
An appreciating asset. Most of the time.
Plant and work the garden.
Security. Much less likely to be evicted.
Can sell it and pocket the cash.
Once the mortgage is paid expenses are much less.
Minimum mortgage payments can reduce over time vs rent always increasing.
If you spill red wine on the carpet then there is only you to complain.
You can use the asset to borrow money for other things.
You are paying off your own asset not someone elses.
Forced saving.
If you have your mortgage payments in advance and something horrible happens like you loose your job (happened to me when I was married. Both of us lost our jobs. But we were more than 1 year in advance for our mortgage payments which gave us breathing space.)

I thought about renting 10 years ago with my divorce but the thought of not being able to hang pictures on the walls etc was just too restricting for me. And I doubt many landlords would like my 2 dogs.

Things may change in the future, especially if I decide to move and rent to test out an area.

I like the idea of equality.
No sponging in either direction unless naked in shower or bath.
Joined: 10/11/2015
Msg: 30
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:56:27 PM
I think all of us are well aware of the benefits of home ownership.

I'm sure the majority here have owned a home or two or three over the years..maybe more. I've lost money on two home sales in the past, back when mortgage rates were 18%. Markets change. Generally you make a little money. The U.S. was hit hard a few years ago, Canada faired better but it was tough for many. Divorce is a killer for many as well....two divorces or three divorces, wow. We all have a dream, the American Dream or Canadian Dream and sometimes life happens and things change.

I know a few that would rather rent and put their cash to work elsewhere. Some, after divorce and losing a home or two don't put such a high value on home ownership anymore as they realize other things are more important . It's not up to me to determine whether their list of priorities is valid or not. Do what ever works for you and makes you happy. I hate gardening, for example. I also hate mowing lawns and shovelling snow and I've done that for far too long so an apartment will be a nice change. Anyone want to buy a lawn mower? Some downsize or buy an RV for winters south. With semi retirement or full retirement on the horizon for many, needs change and wish lists change.
Joined: 2/12/2015
Msg: 31
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:59:45 PM
Absolutely! When one has - as in Toronto real estate - an easy 1 million invested in a centrally located house - I don't want a man who doesn't have that as well. It sets up a ton of problems. And in any event, why doesn't he have a house as well, especially if he has some sort of reasonable income?
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 32
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/18/2015 8:11:38 PM
I bought my pile of lumber in 1988. I made my "one time only" payment of $42,000 on it, with 10 acres, three large outbuildings. Sure, I do maintenance, but it doesn't kill me, because I can do it all myself. I have no issues with overlooking a few ills, because I know it will hold up. Much to the possible dismay of my neighbors, mine isn't pristine. Keeps the taxes low. (It REALLY does!) My bills are paid, I've some set aside for retirement, and I'm currently training for a new job. I'd like to meet a lady that is also thrifty, and doesn't carry a lot of debt. I know that it's entirely possible that I may meet another with property. If by chance we get to a point that joint occupancy is the question, then I hope that country living is her goal Because you may as well shoot me now, before I kill the neighbor. Looking out at three other houses isn't my idea of fine living conditions.
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 33
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 2:42:23 AM
I allow my renters to keep and raise their two dogs. It keeps them safe from vandals and intruders, for the most part, and it adds to the quality of their lives which will reflect positively through their care of my property. I also OK'd them for a couple of goats, for practical reasons. One of my tenants is legally blind and they are entitled to have a miniature horse, so why not? There's room and it's their right.

Personally, I don't want to rent. I know I won't get what I pay for. Freedom? No. I have more freedom being entirely responsible for my premises.
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 34
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 5:14:19 AM
Re the dogs and renting ....I can have dogs and horses. I don't have a dog at the moment due to working a lot of hours. But I do have a horse. You just have to do your research and look around. There are many pet friendly places to rent.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 5:21:02 AM

Msg 29
If I own a home I would expect the guy to have the same and to have money to travel and live comfortably as well, as I do.

So not only does a guy need to be a house owner, he must also need and want to be a globe trotter, and have enough left over to live "comfortably"-which translates to having lots of money left over. So if the guy happens to be compatible as a partner and have other similar interests to yours, that's just an added bonus. Does a first meet with someone include exchanging bank statements and expense reports and an appraisal of assets?
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 36
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 9:53:40 AM
I dont care if a man rents an apartment or owns a condo or house as long as its his place and he isnt living with Mom or sharing it with room mates or an exwife.
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 37
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 9:58:05 AM

I do not consider our ladies group well off. We are normal or average.

Here-in lies, a difference of opinion.
A difference of where one lives.
A difference of perception.
A difference of background.
A difference of financial standing.

What is thought to be "normal" to some, is in no way shape or form "normal", to others. What is "average" to one person is hardly "average" to another.

Whether or not a man owns his home, paid in full or with a mortgage, or rents a house or apt, it means diddly squat to me. As long as he is able to "take care of things" and not see me as his ticket to riches, (haha) I'm good.
I want a man who is GOOD to me, and GOOD to my family.
?Homeownership? Pffft!
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 38
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 11:30:44 AM

All of the single ladies own their own home or have it nearly paid off (by their own money earned from working) and said that they would not get involved with a man unless he owned his own home, had a good job and reasonable retirement savings.

Comments like "He doesn't even have his own home. Nope!!!"
Ages of the ladies ranged from 50 - 60.

So how exactly did all of these single ladies get their own home nearly paid off?
It takes a lot of years to pay off a 30 year mortgage (standard term here in US).
Did they all buy these houses when they were in their 20's or 30's?
Were any of them ever married?
If someone bought a house at the peak in 2006, and then were underwater (house worth less than mortgage)and therefore no equity, a couple of years later, were they financially IRresponsible, or just victims of an economic system they had no control over?

Find somebody who is better off than you are and you'll have less problems

Is that because rich people don't have any of the life problems non-rich people have?

From the the 1950's Superman tv series:

Lois Lane: "Money won't make you happy, Jimmy."
Jimmy Olsen: "Maybe not, Miss Lane. But it would sure make misery a lot more tolerable."
Joined: 7/29/2015
Msg: 39
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 12:35:27 PM
Home ownership is like freedom to me. Not having to write that monthly check allows me to use the money for other things. I was lucky enough to own several homes by the time i was 45. The rent from one would pay all the property taxes on the other and so no mortgage and no property tax. Eventually the rentals returned their respective purchase price. We then moved on to industrial and commercial property.

I was also lucky enough to have a wife who would stick by me in good times and bad. I never had to deal with lawyers and divorce courts. It never occurred to me to check out a perspective dates portfolio or her debt to asset ratio. Maybe because i was not expecting her to provide my livelihood . I must admit if some one did that to me (consider my assets or lack of) as a pre requisite for a date i would not be very interested in her.

I once wondered in response to a query, if I was as rich, handsome, virile, tall and everything else desired by you why would i be here talking to you? unless, of course, you see yourself in the same light, and then why are you talking to me.

There's flaws in all of us.
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 40
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 1:17:55 PM
"So how exactly did all of these single ladies get their own home nearly paid off?"

I'll tell you how. It's pretty simple.

I bought my home at 25. It was $162,000 at the time which was a STEAL for this area, it's now worth over $400,000.

I asked the homeowners to pay the closing cost for me too...hey, a little wheeling dealing doesnt hurt.

Refinanced twice, bringing the interest rate down, and shaving 5 years off the loan. So now my mortgage is actually $100 less a month and 5 years of payments-gone.

I'll be free and clear in less than 4 years.

Not much else to it.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 41
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 1:22:54 PM
idk, had it drilled into me that one must own a home. There are days I get overwhelmed with it - but then friends tell me horror stories fo their apartments, condos and stratas. It doesn't matter to me if he owns or rents. Not planning to live with someone but if I changed my tune we'd move into " our place" so I wouldn't be one of those " hey this is MY house" types.
Plus always have had fur babies so yards are good and most wouldnt rent here to someone with dogs. I agree about the location, you can't get a crack shack here for under $350,000
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 42
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 2:11:10 PM
Comments about the high costs of aged care are real.

There is a big difference in the quality of accomodation depending on cost. And the more expensive places can afford to pay the staff more, hence being able to attract the best.

Here we have a shortage of aged care workers and long term unemployed people are encouraged to become trained but not many are working in aged care because that is what they want to do.
The people at my mum's expensive ($450,000 bond and $1000 a week) specialist dementia care facility are fabulous.

If I need that level of care I certainly hope that I will have enough money left over to pay for it. Rather than be dependent on an aged pension or relatives and government funded care with the lowest paid staff.
Selling my home will hopefully pay for that. Just as selling my mum's home is paying for her.
Thank goodness she has that money.

My dad on the other hand, had a great time spending his share of my parent's financial split decades ago. He is dependent on the aged pension and me and loving his life in the Aussie outback. I try not to think about what will happen if/when he needs higher level care.
He says he would rather shoot himself or throw himself down a deserted opal mine hole than go into an old people's home.
Has said that all his life.
Perhaps he will. Perhaps he is right and that is better than keeping demented people existing.

If I ever get into a live together relationship again, we will either keep our own places with visiting rights or move into 'our place'.

So for me... yes. Home ownership and healthy finances for the future are essential for anything serious.
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 43
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 2:11:21 PM
Sorry. Post doubled up.
I will use this to say how I got my home.

Was a renter prior to and early in my marriage.
We purchased our first home, both at age 27, with us both earning roughly the same amount and entering the marriage with the same amount of money. We had nothing other than our cars and the small deposit from selling our boat and mortgage payments.

Bought and sold a number of houses over the years.
In the financial split I chose to buy a smaller, less expensive, house that what we enjoyed as a married couple and am still there.

He has bought and sold a couple of properties with his live in lady. I have never been to their place so cannot comment on what they have.

I have worked and paid for my share of the mortgage or solo mortgage all the way through.

Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 44
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 3:02:42 PM
Own vs. rent is tricky and turns on many factors. I've known homeowners with 2nd and 3rd mortgages who are upside down and deeply in debt elsewhere. I've known renters who could buy and sell me 10 times over.

If the issue is financial responsibility, it takes a lot more digging past the ownership issue to get to the real answer.
Joined: 10/11/2015
Msg: 45
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 3:10:10 PM
It was much easier in the olden days when we just found a guy/gal we liked and planned a life from nothing more than hope, dreams and a couple hundred bucks for groceries. Now we pre-screen and pre-qualify first and see if we like each other after we've checked the boxes for home ownership, pension plan, medical plan, alimony, child support, debit load, investment portfolio, credit score, criminal background check, FB postings, voter record and on and on.
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 46
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 3:38:18 PM
Things get more complicated when dating at an older age. Owning a home has always meant security to me, having grown up renting and moving constantly. When my ex and I split (I was in my 30's) I did think I would never be serious about someone unless they owned their own home.
Now I've grown up and know sometimes life has it's own way with you. Divorce, job loss, health issues, plain bad luck can mean good people don't have a lot. Now I would date someone only if they could take care of themselves financially, that's my only deal breaker.
I've also been considering selling my home (now mortage free). Lot of work and I now see that as an investment it was a poor choice. You never recoup your money.
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 47
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 4:02:54 PM

Owning a home has always meant security to me, having grown up renting and moving constantly.


I've also been considering selling my home (now mortage free). Lot of work and I now see that as an investment it was a poor choice. You never recoup your money.

And there's the quandary, in a nutshell.

For a child growing up, the security of a constant "home" is so important. So buying, maintaining, spending, it's what many parents choose as the stable route for our children. My kids will always have the memories of decades of "a simpler time" tied to their childhood home.

But, heck, I've crunched the numbers (it's all I basically do, really), and the appreciation of my home has fallen short of even a modest rate of inflation over the past 25 years. Factor in everything that was spent to maintain the home (with the only break being the tax benefit of writing off interest and taxes), and assuming the proper discipline to sock away what wouldn't have been spent renting ... renting would have put me further ahead. I realize that results may vary, because markets vary.

Eh, oh well. :) When I sell, I probably won't buy again.
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 48
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 4:47:44 PM

Perhaps he is right and that is better than keeping demented people existing.

There was a news story, here, about 6-7 years ago, An older Gentleman with Dementia & other serious health issues was in a local ER. When He was of Sound Mind, He had drawn up a End of Life order, including a DNR Order. The ER Doctors convinced His Daughter to override His wishes & allow them to do some painful & evasive procedures. The Bill for those 3 days, was $683,000.00 US dollars. Mainly done, because His Daughter couldn't let go & let Him die.

I know how hard it is. I spent the last 30 days of My Wife's Life, watching Her slowly Die. I did things, so I would be the one with those bad memories, instead of My SIL & Kids.

I'm scared I'll end up like My Mom, who spent Her last 2 Years, not knowing who or where She was. There was no quality of Life during those Years. Every now in then, She would have a clear moment. After My Dad died, a couple of Months later. My Sister was there & Mom had a clear Moment & asked about Dad. My Sister told her he was in 'Heaven' & Mom didn't need to worry about Him anymore. 2 days later She Passed.
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 49
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 4:56:24 PM
I probably would buy again, just smaller. I still reap a feeling of security owning my own home. (Children could grow up just as stable in an apartment as long as you weren't constantly moving.) Didn't want renters feeling badly.
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 50
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/19/2015 5:27:19 PM

The Bill for those 3 days, was $683,000.00 US dollars.

That can buy a significant house. Or lots and lots of other things.
I am certain the man would have preferred that money be spent on something other than keeping him alive, cut up and in pain for 3 days.

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