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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Home ownership a dealbreaker?      Home login  
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 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 176
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?Page 8 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

I'd love to own, but it's only luck it you make money. Houses are expenses, not investments.


Must Suck to live where the Housing market is so bad......
Even though the Housing Market Bubble Burst, in 2008, it's fully recovered here....
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 177
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 7:28:53 AM
Houses are investments only when used as income properties or flips.
They don't increase in value very quickly.
My home is worth double what I paid, but that took 23 years.
Then subtract what I invested in repairs, maintenance, improvements...

Nope, I don't judge owners vs renters.

I will always own because I like control over my living space and yard.
Love my gardens and not sharing my pool with strangers.
Hard to foster dogs as a renter...sometimes I have a lot.
I like the convenience of having my own basement, garage, driveway, laundry room.
House rentals are double what mortgages are around here.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 178
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 8:08:55 AM

They don't increase in value very quickly.
My home is worth double what I paid, but that took 23 years.


It's even slower here. About 60% appreciation over 25 years. Bad investment for those who otherwise have the discipline to save. I agree - intangibles are great. Add to that list the memories and security created for the kids. But I'd be ahead probably around 300k, or more, had I rented all these years.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 179
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 9:30:43 AM
I could care less about whether a potential mate rents or owns or has a fresh 30 year mortgage hanging over her head. It's HER money and as long as her choice in housing does not indicate someone extremely bad with their income management... Really does not matter though in the long run. I seriously do not see living 24/7 in the same house with a partner again. Living alone for the last 15 years will do that.

And appreciation can be nothing more than sheer luck of the draw and nothing more. My house - built in 41, [LOT] purchased in 93 is worth 4.5 times what I paid for it. A good thing for some folks and not so good for people on fixed incomes... because as sure as the seasons, every year the tax man...cometh.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 180
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 11:30:42 AM
I live in a newly constructed (2013) two story, 2100 sqft home with a nice sized yard with my two children. The home is paid for (not with a single dime from my ex husband either), but there are still many expenses that come with home ownership. Taxes being the highest, but also maintenance expenses for the yard and eventually for the home itself. If I didn't have kids, I doubt I would have bought a house. Maybe a nice condo, but for my kids, it's nice to have the space and a neighborhood with lots of other kids to play with, and close to good schools.

I don't care if my dates own or rent - there is nothing wrong with renting at all. Just don't like it when they have room mates - because I sure as heck won't bring guys over to my house while my kids are there. Maintaining a house is a lot of work, I feel weighted down by it at times. I'd rather go out and have fun instead of taking care of this house, and when my kids are older I will probably just rent it out and buy or rent and apartment.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 181
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 5:05:08 PM
Ya know, I was tempted to do the roommate thing to save even more, but decided against it.

I like walking around in my underwear.

Funny thing is, I've met some women that owned homes and rented out a couple of rooms to make more money towards the mortgage. Made sense.

So, maybe I'll do the roommate thing and claim the house is mine...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 182
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 5:32:27 PM
Maybe things have changed since I was thirty. I bought a house because I HATED having to ask permission for every small alteration I wanted to make, and having to panic every time I scratched the floor dragging my amps around.

Two bathrooms a minimum, even for a deeply loving couple. One should never have to shower or bathe next to a toilet in use.

One of the things that contributed to my marriage dying, was a difference in sensibilities over such things.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 183
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 5:48:49 PM
Does anyone around here care about anything that isn't directly related to finances or physical appearance when considering a life mate? This isn't an attack - I'm asking a sincere question.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 184
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 5:55:23 PM
I have lived in apartments for a number of years and now live in a house that I've had for quite a while. What I notice now when I visit someone who lives in an apartment building, is all of the external noises-hearing people talking-in the hallway or especially when on the balcony, banging noise from either the adjoining wall or the tenants above dropping something, music or TV volume that's cranked up in one the apartments, etc. All of those noises were present when I lived in an apartment, but I learned to tune it out. I'm glad to be in a place where I don't have to do that now, other than hearing the occasional car racing down the street.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 185
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 6:15:56 PM
Financial responsibility and physical appearance seem to come to the fore a lot here on OLD doesn't it? Something else besides that that I seek in a possible life mate is being able to talk and communicate well. Someone that made me feel.... at ease.... I guess that is what I am trying to say here.

But..... In order for me to get to the point of such "free and easy " good vibes that I seek, the lady would have to have her act together as far as finances go. And, I'd have to be attracted to her physically. And, she'd feel the same about me. At least to the point where we'd feel communicative enough to share ourselves. To me, they're all pieces in the jigsaw puzzle that is love.

So, would I say home ownership is a dealbreaker? Heck no, I own my home and if I met a lady who was a homeowner it'd be a plus I'd say. The way I look at it, every mortgage payment is building equity in something that you can in the end either sell or rent.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 186
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 6:39:39 PM
Having a married lover who pays for most things means you are in fact just the mistress at best and a prostitute really. Being the kept woman would not be for me. The power imbalance would be unhealthy.

I have often thought of getting a flatmate as I have spare rooms but my home would not be my own and once they have a key, they can let anyone in.

I don't like the idea of sharing a bathroom or even the living area. I am used to having my own space and things exactly where I want them. To listen to my own music, watch the t.v. programmes I want to watch and have people over whenever..... it is worth the financial outlay.

I have flatted with many different types of people when I was younger and had very few possessions and that was fine. But not now.




 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 187
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 7:08:47 PM
Whatsamatterbaby- "Does anyone...care about anything that isn't related to finances or physical appearance?"
I do.
I can't claim that I don't consider financial responsibility as VERY important, it is.
Money differences is one of the top indicators of a future split.
Physical attraction is also important, but that one doesn't even make my top 3.
Looks fade over time.
The number 1 thing I look for is OVERALL compatibility, that I can accept their flaws and they can accept mine, that the things we agree on out weigh the things we don't.
Equally important, and tied for first place, is character.
Are they loyal, kind, giving, understanding. How do they treat others? Do their actions mirror their words, rather than betray them?
I am SURE I am not the only one who care's about these latter two things, more than ANYTHING else.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 188
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/11/2015 11:12:42 PM
I spent today with my single female friend who has a boarder.
She is sick and padding around in her PJ's anf taking extra care that her male boarder never sees her in her underwear. or less.
She was wearing a bra under her PJ's so her would not see her boobues.
WHAT THE?

I much prefer living solo, just with the dogs.
In her circumstances I would rather be cimfy.
Probably walking around sans PJ's.
The dogs are also nude.

I much prefer home ownership and living alone. The dogs don't seem to mind at all.

A significant other with visiting rights would be nice.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 189
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 12:37:47 AM
Meh...

Had a seemingly charming first meet with a gal this evening.

She's currently separated (i.e. still married).

Some red flags.

She mentioned her mortgage payment that her soon to be ex was paying half of.

Mentioned his salary. All way too much information.

Even wanted to check out my spacious apartment! Go figure!

She couldn't believe how much RENT I paid for the man cave. Opened my fridge and said it didn't look like I went grocery shopping in awhile.

The ugliest moment?

She said....'I was dumped by an overweight guy on the 4th date because I didn't have sex with him'

So, why was she attracted to this overweight man??

I told her..'That's ok. I was dumped once by an unemployed widow'

We made out a tad but I was very repulsed by the hot momma that got dumped by an..overweight man.

I drove her back to her car.

I won't be asking out this gold digger for a second date.

Oh...wait. I'm not..framing this correctly!

She's not a gold digger, she's a female seeking...security!

I gotta read more of that Mars/Venus crap by John Gray.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 190
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 4:18:41 AM
showboatsupreme, I can imagine how off putting it must be to deal with these types of issues when dating. My partner and I have had a few enlightening conversations about our on-line dating experiences. He lives in San Francisco and when he was dating on-line, or going to generic (non-dating) meet-ups it would be a common occurrence that he would be asked:

do you live in SF ? (it's a very expensive city - so you would have money if you lived in the city)

do you rent or own?

do you have a mortgage?

Who asks a complete stranger at a Art Crawl meet-up if they paid off their mortgage???

I've had less of this type of reaction but my own version of it. When I first posted a profile on-line one of the sites asked to select an income range - I did, the highest selection. I got hundreds of responses - when I changed the selection the numbers dwindled.

Financial desperation isn't very romantic!
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 191
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 7:14:29 AM
^^^
+1



Does anyone around here care about anything that isn't directly related to finances or physical appearance when considering a life mate?


Exactly. Deducing compatibility over an asset/attraction value matrix seems like a blunt force approach to dating.

Don't you want to know if I snore or give a good foot massage too?

Hahahahaha

I dunno. The moment someone starts touting their appearance as a selling point, I stop buying.

I value life experience over extreme vanity.

YMMV
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 192
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 7:26:46 AM
How strange. No one ( male or female) has ever asked me if I own/rent right off the bat. I also don't volunteer the info - it would sound like boasting. Most people only need 6 feet anyhow :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 193
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 8:10:41 AM

Whatsamatterbaby
Does anyone around here care about anything that isn't directly related to finances or physical appearance when considering a life mate?

A very interesting question, I’m glad you brought that up. It has stimulated some interesting conversation, which we haven’t much of lately.

I pay attention to both of the points you mentioned (finances and physical appearance), but ONLY to the extent that the person meets a bare minimum threshold.

Does she have enough money to support her own chosen life style?

Does she look good enough that I want to get intimate with her?

A woman has to meet those minimum thresholds, or it’s a no go. But those are not very high bars to get over. The highest bar, and one that I very seldom find, is “Does she make me feel good about myself?” Before you even go there, let me anticipate – “It isn’t her job to make you feel good about yourself.” Well, yes, it is. Just as it is my job to make her feel good about herself.


bamagrl68
Equally important, and tied for first place, is character.

I never talk about “character”. Most of the people you meet have that word mixed up in their mind with their early religious training, the 10 commandments, etc.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 194
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 8:10:56 AM

ShowboatSupreme
Opened my fridge and said it didn't look like I went grocery shopping in awhile.

Women can’t seem to resist the refrigerator check. When I first started dating again, my pre-date ritual (when I was expecting / hoping that we would make it back to my place), included sweeping / mopping / vacuuming / clean sheets / etc. I soon learned to include a quick check and clean out of the refrigerator.

I really don’t mind the refrigerator check. I do take exception (mild exception) to checking my medicine cabinet and closets for feminine items. Only mild exception, mind you, because by that point I’m on the verge of getting lucky, and it would take a hell of a lot to derail me.

Okay, complete change of subject. Please bear in mind that I cannot start a new thread, so forgive me. I reached out through private message on the Meetup site and asked a woman out. We have talked and danced several times at Meetup events, most recently about a week ago.

Conversation, literal, cut and paste with name removed to protect the guilty.

me
Good evening, _____. How are you on this mild evening? Might you be interested in going out some time? I would like to spend a little one-on-one time with you, perhaps dinner and a movie, or dancing at Caps?


her reply
Henry,Thank you very much for the invitation. You have been out with a good friend of mine, so I do not think it would be a good idea for us to go out.
Thank you, _____

I was just curious what others thought of this. Doesn’t really matter, just curious. Sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school. And yes, I do mean high school, because people didn’t seem to play by these silly rules once we got to the college level.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 195
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 8:25:08 AM
Ahhh Henry. I got a good chuckle there. That is why you don't approach a group of women. You need to get the approval of all of them. You didn't pass muster with her friend. Game over.

I know for a fact that some women have dating posse's roaming the dating web sites.

They compare notes on the male profiles and the men they've dated. I imagine some men do this as well but none that I'm aware of.

One gal decided we weren't a match and thought I would be a good match for her friend.

She tells me her friend is a..homeowner.

I meet her friend. The friend tells me that I was described to her as a guy that owned a...Vette.

Long story short, we both agreed that our common gal friend was very materialistic.

I knew the friend and I wouldn't work out when she said...So, how come you and Angela didn't click?. The seeds of doubt were already planted.

I'll never let a first meet pass me off to her friend again.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 196
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 9:49:20 AM

Sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school. And yes, I do mean high school, because people didn’t seem to play by these silly rules once we got to the college level.


Not sure what you're getting at, Henry. Would you have preferred that she had worded her response differently?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 197
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 11:52:53 AM
Hmmm… I thought everyone would get that, my bad.

When I was in high school (Livingston High School, class of ’69) you could only date one girl out of a “set of friends”. If Jane, Paula, and Sally ran around together, hung out together, and you dated Jane then you were “forbidden fruit” to Paula and Sally. Even if it was only one date, and there were no ill feelings, you were strictly verboten. Untouchable.

Some of the guys behaved the same way. One guy would never ever under any circumstances date his friend’s ex. I never subscribed to that silliness, but many did.

By the time I got to college, all such silly games were long gone. The sorority girls would pass around dates like they were a bag of candy. Take one, pass the bag of candy along when you’re through with it. The same thing with non-sorority girls living in a dorm together.

The situation here is, I dated her friend, twice. We went out dancing, and had one movie date. Not much interest shown, move along. But now I am the “forbidden fruit”, must not touch. High school shenanigans.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 198
Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 12:00:00 PM
I wouldn’t be interested in dating a man a “good friend” of mine had dated. Once a friend dates a man he is off limits.

And. She stopped dating him for a reason, why would a woman want to pick up with a man where a friend left off? you just think her decision is childish because you didn’t get what you want, which ironically, is childish. :/
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 199
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 12:05:00 PM

But now I am the “forbidden fruit”, must not touch. High school shenanigans.


Oh, ok. I get it now. I went to an all-boys Catholic high school. As far as the all-girls Catholic high schools were concerned, nobody was off-limits.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 200
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Home ownership a dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/12/2015 12:08:54 PM
Whatsamatterbaby:
Does anyone around here care about anything that isn't directly related to finances or physical appearance when considering a life mate? This isn't an attack - I'm asking a sincere question.


Just a possibility on this, and related questions.

It's possible that it SEEMS as though finances are THE thing, only because they are what people who's relationships failed, end up complaining about.

Looks, is always going to be number one, obviously, although more people do find that their "standards of appearance" are wider than they may describe them as being, to others.

Maybe there's a sort of equation we could ferret out, about how "deal breakers" are really only 15% of what people POSITIVELY look for when mate hunting, even though they are 98% of what they complain about whenever the hunt doesn't go well.
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