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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 126
men and wanting nothing seriousPage 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

geekgrrl:
If he doesn't know my name, my favorite color, the color of my eyes or what my interests are the he's a slut.


Are you talking about someone you actually met in person and went on dates with, or a cyber image on a dating site? Every stranger starts off not knowing those things, and not knowing if what you put in a profile is true and accurate. Does that mean every guy you never met in real life and dated is a slut? You sound like a real fun person to date-NOT.
 StumbledN
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 127
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 9:25:09 AM

Just wondering how successful men are with getting contacts when they state they want nothing serious.
Does it always signify that they want casual sex and no commitment of any kind.


Unless you're a mind reader so you can actually know what the person meant when they checked the box, I think answers to the POF multiple choice questions are of no use whatsoever and are best ignored. So *no*, there's no way to know if it means anything at all. POF could help lessen misunderstandings if they would at least add "None of the above" as one of the choices for every question. In fact, I explain my thoughts on required answers in my "About me" section.

As far as receiving contacts, I don't think POF's answer for "Intent" is making any difference in my case. My thinking is that, I don't use any of POF's official email restrictions because the most effective screening feature, imho, has been the Private Photo option. By "effective", I mean I don't receive as many contacts as others here, but I end up hearing from people who actually *read* profiles rather than just look at pictures. Which is what I do too, so at least we start out with that in common. So people can read what *I " say about intent rather than misinterpreting POF's words.

My contacts have said things like "Interesting" and "Your profile is stoopid!" and everything in between. But it has sparked some interesting email exchanges in other parts of the world that, in a couple of cases, have continued for years. Sparks Local(ish) meet and greets as well. Maybe I've just been lucky but I don't recall any of the *nightmare* dating experiences I keep hearing about around here.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 10/8/2015
Msg: 128
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 9:56:11 AM

Message #130 :
I'm at least a decade older, and the urgency is not the same as it might be for 30's and 40's. I think we care more about other qualities, and whether that person is going to be long term trouble for us, or a solid friend/lover or partner.


I was 27 when I met the woman who became my second wife. As I said, I didn’t have any problems waiting, even though I was horny as hell most of the time. I have no regrets waiting 3 months since it gave me a chance to get to know the person and we were able to connect on a deeper level.
 2whiteangoras
Joined: 8/6/2014
Msg: 129
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men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:14:09 AM

I am going to ask this one more time, since no one has bothered to answer it yet. Are YOU as a woman going to stick around for 2-3 months if you aren't getting what YOU want in the relationship??? If he doesn't take you on a date, are you going to stick around? If he doesn't call you, are you going to stick around??

I guess you didn't read one of my posts? I said I actually waited 2 years. How's that for the shoe being on the other foot?
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 130
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:14:42 AM

I have no regrets waiting 3 months since it gave me a chance to get to know the person and we were able to connect on a deeper level.


That's all well and fine but it only lasted 7 years, so it was probably starting to fall apart after 5. Not picking on you but the point I'm trying to make is that waiting or not waiting has no bearing on success. One way is not better than the other. The "right" way is what works for you and even then it may or may not work in the short term or the long term.

And this b.s. about colour of eyes, favorite colour, favorite song, if I like or getting caught in the rain is all overblown fluffy stuff for girls. Women know what they want and disregard the fluff and go for substance. What the hell does knowing my eye colour have to do with whether he respects me or not. This seems like wanting someone to jump through silly hoops in order to be part of your life. And slut shaming??? Shame on you.

As for the self help books, posts, blogs, etc., they are one person's opinion and IMO not all that relevant. Books/blogs/articles are a dime a dozen, mostly wrong and just a money grab and fill far too much space in a book store.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 131
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:17:42 AM
If they could only see my heart...
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 10/8/2015
Msg: 132
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:34:52 AM

Message #136:
I have no regrets waiting 3 months since it gave me a chance to get to know the person and we were able to connect on a deeper level.



Message #138:
That's all well and fine but it only lasted 7 years...


I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 4 months now, and the last thing in our minds is how long will it last. I don’t know anyone who enters a relationship thinking they will break up in the future and move on.
 SunKist_Gal
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 133
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:44:26 AM

If they could only see my heart..

Yep....Call me silly or school girlish all you want...I like "fluff"....I like it when my partner remembers things I do or say.
Shows he's interested and paying attention to me.
I know I am like that....nothing wrong with feeling special or making another feel good about themselves...
As long as it's genuine.
 ThePig0fTheOpera
Joined: 10/23/2015
Msg: 134
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:46:02 AM


I guess you didn't read one of my posts? I said I actually waited 2 years. How's that for the shoe being on the other foot?


You even quoted my post, and still didn't answer what I asked.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 135
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:49:32 AM

As for the self help books, posts, blogs, etc., they are one person's opinion and IMO not all that relevant. Books/blogs/articles are a dime a dozen...


I totally agree. What's just as bad is the armchair quarterbacking going on where people play expert psychiatrist. If someone doesn't behave to their liking, they start spewing off names of psychiatric disorders that they are convinced the other person has. One method of thinking that is very much frowned upon and swept under the rug is using common sense. Nobody would make money selling books or being a life/dating coach if people used common sense. There wouldn't be much use for a dating forum if it wasn't for people with little or no common sense, who whine and cry about constantly going from bad relationship to bad relationship, and other issues that could be solved with a dose of common sense. Too bad common sense doesn't come in pill form.
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 136
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 10:56:45 AM
^^^ You're absolutely right Laugh. That is why I stated "The "right" way is what works for you ..." As to how long it will last...it's like anything in that it lastsfor a reason or a season or forever.

I don't go on a date or two and start planning the wedding. But I do know by the end of date one or two whether I want to kiss you or have sex with you. So why put a time frame on it? We're adults, we can decide.

One of my friends dated a guy who stated he would not have sex until the 10th date. That seemed weird to me. But that was his stipulation. Two things - they did every damn thing EXCEPT traditional sex and they did marry. The thing is, he had this stipulation but they had oral sex and more...just not traditional sex until the 10th date. I thought this was weird. I'm sure favorite song and favorite colour did not come up between the dinner, wine and blowjob.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 137
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 11:02:05 AM
^^^
Do you think the blowjob was a reward for the wine and dinner or vice versa?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 138
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men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 12:33:26 PM

prairiefire60
One of my friends dated a guy who stated he would not have sex until the 10th date. That seemed weird to me. But that was his stipulation. Two things - they did every damn thing EXCEPT traditional sex and they did marry. The thing is, he had this stipulation but they had oral sex and more...just not traditional sex until the 10th date. I thought this was weird. I'm sure favorite song and favorite colour did not come up between the dinner, wine and blowjob.

Back about 35 years ago, I dated a woman who did not like intercourse. She loved sex, but did not enjoy intercourse, and wanted nothing to do with it. Possibly the best 3 months of my life, I wish I could find her again!
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 139
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 12:47:49 PM
^^^ Ohenryx, that is very funny. I'm glad I triggered a good memory.


Everyone here thinks they're perfect dating/relationship material, giving opinions and advice and what not. Sorry to burst the bubble guys :)


We ALL think we are armchair Dr. Phil's handing out advice like treats on Halloween. Some of this stuff, actually most of this stuff, is not rocket science but common sense. Too bad common sense is sorely lacking in many. Plus, its a good way to waste time on a lazy day at work.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 140
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men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/30/2015 8:28:06 PM
Ohenryx

really? You enjoyed a woman who didn't want intercourse? S he had some traumatic hang up with that as it is not natural. I am assuming you meant she was good at oral etc. I don't get that it was the best three months of your life. Given that comment you do sound kind of suited. Mutual hang ups??

As for finding her again, it is 35 years on.....enough said......
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 141
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 2:04:12 AM

If a man or a woman doesn't feel ready for sex, they should not be pressured into it .
But it should not be used as a manipulation or a bargaining chip in a relationship either.

I agree. I don't think it's a complicated issue, either. Two people either figure out what works for both, or they don't stay together. Manipulation from either side never works long term.
 Meagan06825
Joined: 10/8/2015
Msg: 142
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 8:16:57 AM

Manipulation from either side never works long term.


Neither waiting for sex or having sex right away is wrong, but rather a personal preference and people on the same page, hopefully will gravitate to each other.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 143
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 8:48:26 AM
I personally would prefer a zero G experience myself.

YMMV
 2whiteangoras
Joined: 8/6/2014
Msg: 144
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men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 10:23:18 AM

thepig0ftheopera Are YOU as a woman going to stick around for 2-3 months if you aren't getting what YOU want in the relationship??? If he doesn't take you on a date, are you going to stick around? If he doesn't call you, are you going to stick around??

1. Like I stated, I have waited as long as 2 years. Now we are just best friends.
2. I don't require a man to take me on a date if he doesn't want to. I want to get to know him and there are other ways of getting to know someone than going on a 'date' or having sex right away. So, yes, depending on the circumstances, I would wait longer.
3. No calls? Nope. That one I won't stick around. That just tells me that he really isn't interested.

Does that answer your questions? Of course this is only my opinion pertaining to me.
 2whiteangoras
Joined: 8/6/2014
Msg: 145
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men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 10:27:06 AM

Posted by letitialegrande: really? You enjoyed a woman who didn't want intercourse? S he had some traumatic hang up with that as it is not natural.

Perhaps intercourse was too painful for her. There are other reasons for a woman to not want intercourse than just something traumatic.
 ThePig0fTheOpera
Joined: 10/23/2015
Msg: 146
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 10:51:28 AM

1. Like I stated, I have waited as long as 2 years. Now we are just best friends.


Ok, you obviously waited because you wanted to, correct?


No calls? Nope. That one I won't stick around. That just tells me that he really isn't interested.


Ok, and here we have an example of you not getting what you want, and not sticking around.

So, why are you even making an effort to contradict what I'm saying?
 2whiteangoras
Joined: 8/6/2014
Msg: 147
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men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 11:05:12 AM

So, why are you even making an effort to contradict what I'm saying?

Not sticking around was only on ONE of your questions not all of them. You will get differing answers from different women. You will never get the perfect answer that YOU are looking for.

I answered your questions according to my particular situation. Not yours or any one else's opinion, just mine. How can answering your question be contradicting you? You have your point of view and I have mine. It's that simple.
 ThePig0fTheOpera
Joined: 10/23/2015
Msg: 148
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 11:47:47 AM
Wow, you certainly have a gift for complicating things.

BOTTOM LINE - if you aren't getting what you want, you won't stick around. Period. You have admitted it. I'm not sure what more there is to add to this.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 149
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 11:56:46 AM
Anybody know how to get cheesecake out of the remote control buttons?
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 150
men and wanting nothing serious
Posted: 10/31/2015 12:00:50 PM
Take it apart and wash.
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