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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Cant do this on POF....      Home login  
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 o0BrownEyedGirl0o
Joined: 11/12/2014
Msg: 101
Cant do this on POF....Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I am not positive (because I never asked how you can tell if a profile is hidden but I think it is if there are no local pictures of area singles at the top when you visit their profile page) but the OP may have come to his senses and decided to not to go off half-clocked and has just hidden his profile instead.

The wash of feel good chemicals he has gotten from the rush of initial attracton and first date sex clouded his judgement and prevented him from looking ahead at the ramifications of revealing he has a profile on POF. She can, at any time, follow him here and watch his every move and read his not so secret thoughts. He be busted.

As Chromis said, it looks as though we are watching an imminent train wreck but only because many of us have been down this road before and can see the signs. OP cannot and though we may wish things to turn out great, we relationship weary ones think that may not happen. Who knows? We don't.

Too much intimacy too soon is nearly always a recipe for disaster and often times shows that the 'relationship' is coming from a fantasy in the actor's heads and not reality so much. I think OP fancies himself a knight in shining armor and she is very receptive to being saved from a lifetime of meeting 'bad' men. Hey, this could work out, contrary to our thinking it might not.

It is only because we get to loving people here when they reveal to us their innermost thoughts, insecurities and vulnerabilities that leads to posts like the one from Chris P. We don't want to see our 'friends' ground up and spit out in the meat grinder of 'Love at First Sight'.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 102
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 6:35:25 AM

She catches herself and says..."I guess I dont know....I was always afraid to piss off the men I was with....it always ended badly"
I told her...."I'm not those men...and we will work on this"


An offer to help with behavior modification does not seem like the right way to start a new relationship-at least IMO.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 10/13/2015
Msg: 103
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 6:44:10 AM
Nothing is perfect. Life is waaaay too short to be unhappy.

OP congrats. I think you did what many people wish they could do.

Met someone attractive, local & on the same page.

Oh, what a terrible thing say the naysayers!

My 2 cents, hide ur profile & stay 4 the forums & PLEASE w/ her permission, get a pic up of u & ur sweetie!
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 104
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 7:43:37 AM
o0BrownEyedGirl0o,
You can tell if a profile is hidden if you do a general search on the dating side and the person doesn't show up.
The only way you can find him/her is to do a name search.
The row of pics at the top of pages is always there; hidden profiles won't be in that random list either.

I agree with o0BrownEyedGirl0o, Chromis, Peppermint, and others.
2 rebounders with unresolved issues, at this intensity is most likely destined for an end explosion after the rose colored glasses and newness wears off.
There is so much evidence of dysfunction on both sides, as neither has done the work to be stable.
I always look for the positive and am not a jaded person, but am also realistic.

I wish Paladin the best and hope it works out for him.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 105
view profile
History
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 7:51:51 AM
Trauma bonding and intensity are often mistaken for intimacy.

Endorphines are often mistaken for compatibility.

Time will tell.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 10/13/2015
Msg: 106
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 7:59:29 AM

My gosh why are some of you so negative--because his way of doing things isn't your way doesn't mean it wont work for him...maybe he doesn't need every I dotted and T crossed on someone to recognize someone of value and is willing to take that chance...and here yall sit just ****ing and bellyaching about him being a train wreck...he found someone he really likes and wants to proceed forward AT HIS SPEED -not yours!


IMO OP is at least giving her a chance & she is giving him a chance. In the forums over the years I've seen so much of the opposite...people faking & flaking, being too picky, or offered FB or FWB only, etc.

IF it doesn't work out at least they tried!
The fact that they are local to each other doesn't hurt either...much easier to see someone who is local, & the more time spent 2gether, the more easy it is to bond.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 107
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 7:59:59 AM

Time will tell.



As with EVERY evolving relationship in this great big world of ours.


Every single one of em.
 o0BrownEyedGirl0o
Joined: 11/12/2014
Msg: 108
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 8:11:53 AM
Ok, Tater, he is not in general search but is in username but on my screens, the hidden profiles (yours and his) have NO random photos at all.

Some of the commenters are missing the point I think. We ALL wish him well but the more 'relationship savvy' amongst us think that if this doesn't work out it may well be due to all we have mentioned in the 'going too fast' vein. One would never want to look back and wonder if things had turned out different had they been a bit more restrained in the beginning. But this is for sure a case of 'YMMV'.

Reading the forums, for me, is as much getting/giving advice, support and opinions as it is learning from the situations others find themselves in. If the same situation happens to me at some point, will I have the restraint to go slower or will I be overcome by lust and loneliness and the promise of 'love'?
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 109
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 8:35:12 AM
Palladin has changed his profile in the last couple of days. His approach is "HELP WANTED", advertising for a wife and listing the perks for the lucky candidate.
What an interesting thread.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 10/13/2015
Msg: 110
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 8:37:15 AM

Time will tell.
**********************
As with EVERY evolving relationship in this great big world of ours.


Every single one of em.
************************************************************************
But this is for sure a case of 'YMMV'.


So true.

For me, I am very acutely aware of this.

Your mileage may vary but if u never put gas in the tank & start the car...
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 111
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 9:27:18 AM
I would be very angry, hurt, and humiliated if I found out the guy I just met, and trusted to have private, personal conversations was spreading it all over a dating site forum.

Seriously lacking appropriate boundaries.
 saltydog02
Joined: 10/11/2015
Msg: 112
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 9:33:37 AM
^^^ Yes, normally that is a female trait. Especially on here. We normally get all the details about the men they dated complete with little didbits about warts on his face, bad teeth, body odour , etc. Many are seriously lacking boundaries and class.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 113
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 9:42:28 AM
"Many are seriously lacking boundaries and class."


I dunno....I wouldn't say "lacking" with regard to boundaries. Everyone just seems to have different boundaries.

And it would appear to me that Mr. Paladin has found someone with similar boundaries and his words....matching Kmart baggage.

What could possibly go wrong? :)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 114
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 9:55:04 AM

What could possibly go wrong? :)


It seems people in today's world are asking for the list of "what could possibly go right?" less and less.


Now, why would that be?



Oh yeah.


I remember now.


Disregard my question.


Back to my weekly Sunday morning headache.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 115
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 10:08:46 AM
"It seems people in today's world are asking for the list of "what could possibly go right?" less and less."



I am confused Walts.....but this seems like a good thing to me. It would imply less negative people to me but.....

What do I know? I am cleared headed this morning, although, that doesn't mean I process information any better! ;)


Hope your headache is shorted lived and overcome by the beauty of the day!
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 116
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 10:09:28 AM
[Quote]
Palladin wrote
I dont care if this lasts a couple weeks...a couple months...a year...a decade...or until I'm in my grave....I'm simply going to enjoy and cherish every moment along the way.....something I havent done for a very long time....


Been reading this thread and enjoying your experince 2nd hand.
I will join many of the others in saying GO FOR IT!!!!! Have had a couple similiar experinces and the end is always painful but very much worth it. Heres hoping yours lasts to the grave.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 117
view profile
History
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 10:18:55 AM

Palladin has changed his profile in the last couple of days. His approach is "HELP WANTED", advertising for a wife and listing the perks for the lucky candidate.
What an interesting thread.


Mr. Paladin stopped by Profile Reviews a week or so ago, and the new version he's apparently just posted is dramatically different than what we saw before.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 118
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 10:30:40 AM
paladin2015- (post#83) Woo Hoo!
I'm SO happy, for both of you. :)
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 119
view profile
History
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 10:39:03 AM
Hopefully the old saying is true: If one gas station closes another one opens.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 120
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 10:58:17 AM
I wonder if she required the high octane or settled for regular?
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 10/13/2015
Msg: 121
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 11:02:09 AM
OP I think positive attracts positive & negative attracts negative.

I find it quite refreshing that u have opted for a positive attitude.

I also like ur attitude of no expectation but enjoying ur new relationship for what it is regardless of how long (& not spinning that u expect it to be short lived!) it lasts!

I hope ur positivity serves as an example to those who are not so bitter or jaded as to not be able to function in a relationship.

A friend recently sent me a saying:

A great spouse loves you exactly as you are.

An extraordinary spouse helps you grow; inspires you to be, do & give your very best.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 122
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 11:04:39 AM
^^^
Would you find the Kama Sutra inspirational?
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 10/13/2015
Msg: 123
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 11:07:40 AM
Clooney I think inspiration should never be dismissed & I do try to keep an open mind ;0P
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 124
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 12:36:03 PM
Uhm...wow....for those of you happy for me....thank you and I wish you all the the luck in the future as well...

For those who wish to piss on my parade...seriously.....what you are doing is called transferance.....you are trying to lay your own life and experience template over mine and trying predict my future based on YOUR past experiences....

Seriously...grow up.


Palladin has changed his profile in the last couple of days. His approach is "HELP WANTED", advertising for a wife and listing the perks for the lucky candidate.
What an interesting thread.


Yeah and I posted it as my profile after making that up on a forum thread here where I joked that I might as well just put an ad in the paper instead of being on POF as I would probably have better luck.....NO ONE READS MY PROFILE ANYWAY.....LOL....no matter how well crafted my first message was....and if you read my profile and find it serious...your sence of humor is broke....a couple of the ladies here on the forums found it really cute and original...

Again with the term "approach".....as in a carefully planned attempt to get close....no it was mostly a joke....

Sunshine.....did you miss the part where she has read this thread already?

Crook...sorry....my teen age daughter decided to come over last night and Ann felt it was too soon to meet her and inapropriate to have my daughter see her father sleeping with a woman he's only known a week and I agreed........so she didnt come over...and my daughter got steak and eggs for breakfast out of the deal...

We are gonna wait a few weeks or maybe even months for a meet...we dont even know where this is going yet....my ex had a habit of bring every new man into my daughters life as though he was "the one"...and I refuse to do that to my daughter....if or when she meets Ann...it will be because we will be in a stable relationship by that time....not cuz I want to show off my new squeeeze to my child....

All this needy crap.....stow it....you dont even know me at all.....yet you are trying to psycho-analize my life accross the internet based on some forum posts....yeah she has had a screwed up past...so have I....but that doesnt mean that has to translate into a screwed up future....and yeah...I'm trying to help her gain back some of her self confidence and re -assert her control over her own life....it's not my job it fix her life...it's hers....and I told her straight up...if she wants to be with me...she needs to clean the garbage out of her life FIRST....I dont have KISA syndrome (knight in shining armor)...she needs to fix her own life...it's her life and that's her job fix it.....but I can offer her support,advice, and encouragement...

I swear some of you are acting like we are out picking patterns for our wedding china already....LOL....we are just taking this one day at a time....we are consenting adults having fun....both from long term marraiges that ended badly...we arent teenagers in puppy love...we are both well aware of what this is....a chance at a fresh start and nothing more...

Some of you are also acting like this is the first woman who has even talked to me since I split with the ex....far from it...I have met, hung around with, and slept with a few women in the last 5 years....nothing has ever felt right....nothing has clicked...and I wasnt going to "settle" for someone I wasnt completley compatible with simply because I was lonely or horny....that would be the defintion of "needy" or "clinging"......and I could usually tell within a couple weeks if those feelings were there or not.......I could probably still be with a couple of those women if I was willing to settle or fake it for sex.......but I wouldnt be in love with them....and that wouldnt be fair to them....would it.

Dont you want to be with someone who loves you?

I want to be a womans "total package"...and I want her to be mine....so far...as in SO FAR....I will say it again for the slow...SO FAR......we fit like a hand in a glove....and we both think its kinda wierd....but we are both willing to give it a shot and see where this goes...

I've been looking for the last love of my life.....not a FWB, or a business style relationship....yes that means I'm looking for a potential life long mate....there are plenty of people on POF openly seeking marraige on their profiles.....I dont see why this is even an issue for some of you....at least they're being up front about what they are looking for....

When you have " wants to date but nothing serious"...that is exactly who will find you......no one serious....

Whether Ann turns out to be "the one" or not...I wont look back with sadness if it doesnt work out...I will be thankful I got to spend some time with a beautiful, funny, smart ,sexy woman...how is that be a bad thing anyway?

And I wonder how many of you have rejected good decent people who came into your lives because they could not pass through your filter of past experiences or future expectations or had one too many bag in the baggage check in line.

I'm not willing to let my past dictate my future....and I'm not willing to her her past scare me off of a potential future with her....cuz she is awesome....

I'm curious how many of you were swept off you feet...and that relationship ended badly....and now actively avoid being swept off your feet out of self protection by your ego aka ID or subconscious......the subconscious mind does funny things to people and influences their consious actions...I have witnessed a couple women self destruct rather than be treated well...because they couldnt handle being treated well....they didnt know how to react....so they pulled the pin and went boom...end of being treated well.....sad when you think about it...

You may not be able to change your past....but you can sure as hell change your future....when I told Ann that...it was like a light bulb went off over her head.....she got it....she had just assumed all men were piggish brutes.....as that is the only type of man she has ever met or been with....she just assumed that is the way life was....and would always be...

She has never met anyone like me before........I havent raised my voice once...gotten pissed at her...or even said anything nasty or degrading to her......and it's freaking her out...she doesnt know how to react....at least she is sharing her feelings and I have have been reassuring her...there are still good men out there....you just havent found one until now....

We are at least gonna see where this goes....one day at a time...with no EXPECTATIONS (how many damn times do I have to say that anyway....LOL)

Yes I hid my profile.....doesnt matter...it's not like I was getting any replies anyway....and yes I'm am going to delete...but stop reading a bunch of crap into the fact I havent yet....I will get around to it...it's not the most important thing going on right now....and I want her to SEE me do it....not just take my word for it...

Hell I'm even trying to help my ex out in her current relationship...we talked for an hour on the phone last night after she dropped my daughter off....the man she is with now was cheated on after 20 yrs of marriage....she is a cheater....and she doesnt get why he gets upset when she gets a text from a male friend or associate and he gets upset about it......she thinks it's innocent....and I told her he isnt going to see it that way.....he's already been lied to about the same thing...and every adult male in her life is a potential lover to him....she is also not used to being treated nice...the last couple guys she was with were abusive ***holes...like she was trying to punish herself out of guilt of what happened with us....

Yes I still love my ex....always will...because she is my second great love of my life and the mother of my children....but that love is more like a brother now.....I want to see her happy...I want to see her with a good man....I want to see her respected and loved......she deserves it...and I want my daughter to see what good love is...I dont want to see my daughter repeat her mothers mistakes later....

I could have never said that 5 years ago....or even 2 years ago....but I have grown alot since our break up...and I can say it now...

And BTW I never thought this thread would generate this much responce....some of you "get it" and some of you cant figure it out at all...

So everyone just chill a bit....stop trying to predict my future or criticise my current actions.....no one ever built a statue to a critic.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 125
Cant do this on POF....
Posted: 10/25/2015 12:46:54 PM
I tell ya, if you put as much effort into this gal as you did that post, I'm sure wedding bells will be ringing soon enough :)

Please take this asylum tongue n' cheek, where the tag line is you can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave.

While statues are not made of critics, success rarely is achieved without criticism.

- Malcolm X
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