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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?      Home login  
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 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 101
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Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

^^^ All of that is fine.

#8 is the killer.

.
Why is that the killer? Can't women spend their money on their man the way they accept, and expect, their man to spend money on them? Why is it so one directional? I know, I know, women don't share.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 102
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/8/2015 11:08:22 AM
^^^^^ My guess would be that some guys's egos can't handle it.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 103
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/8/2015 11:24:10 AM
^ I'm not sure why this is. I try to be objective, but I fall into not wanting to "share". I think it might have something to do with that men on average make more money than women do, for a variety of reasons. Typically, a man in similar circumstances to mine (no disabilities, within average range of intelligence, and hard working) will make at least twice as much money as me, even with less schooling, less experience, and a lower level of responsibility. Or maybe I'm just trying to justify being a selfish b*tch.

Mind you, I like to pay my own way - I've never wanted a man to "share" his earnings with me, either.

* My post was in response to the guy above the guy above me.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 104
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/8/2015 7:45:05 PM

My guess would be that some guys's egos can't handle it.


That might be a part of it. But I think some women look down on men that have a lower income or education level and/or social status.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 105
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Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 2:11:26 AM
Money matters,dont know why some people want to fight it so hard,anyone who has struggled knows how much it matters and how miserable life can be almost to the point of not being worth living when it is in short supply.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 106
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Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 11:21:37 AM

Strings6
Money matters,dont know why some people want to fight it so hard,anyone who has struggled knows how much it matters and how miserable life can be almost to the point of not being worth living when it is in short supply.


I agree with this, but … Once you have enough, then it starts to matter a whole lot less. “Enough” is a fluid thing, granted. The way I’m using the word, enough means you are comfortable living the life style you have chosen. You have no consumer debt, you pay any bills when they come in, if an appliance breaks down, you buy a new one without having to finance it.

I don’t have enough money to take vacations to the South Seas, but then, I have no real desire to do that anyway. So women who want to live that life style are just not a match for me in the first place.

This started with HereComesYOurSun, in msg 106, saying “8. I personally don't like being in the position of making more money than my guy.” Diana chimed in, saying that “#8 is the killer”. We have heard this before, from Diana and other successful women (successful in the career sense). They think that their success in life, career, jobs, income, etc scare away men.

I don’t think that’s true. I think that most men, at least those men past 40, want a woman who will not be a financial burden, and outside of that, absolutely don’t care about your income. Initially, they care about how “hot” you look. Later (if there is a later), they care about whether you make them feel good about themselves. They absolutely do not give a whit whether you are a corporate level VP, or just an executive secretary.

If you make enough money to support your life style, if you look good enough that I want to see you with your clothes off, and if you are willing and able to make me feel good about myself – True Love! Let’s elope!

Or at the very least go dancing.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 107
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 2:37:17 PM

I disagree. If you are splitting the bill, then you are saving some money as well. If he is paying, then it shouldn't matter how he is paying for it. Either way, you are paying nothing. A few times, a woman used a gift certificate when we went out. Didn't bother me.


I prefer dating men who give half a sh!t. If he or I needed to save the cost of half a dinner, I wouldn’t bother dating.

I split the bill with my friends. I don’t date friends.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 108
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 2:58:09 PM
That's because you don't date.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 109
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 3:08:46 PM
Henry I agree with you to a point.
Regular readers know that I 'date' or 'meet' quite a bit and always offer to pay my share.

How much money the man earns makes no difference to me as long as he can pay his own way and does not expect me to support him. Been there done that and still doing that with my dad.
Supporting one man is enough.

I have dated, and more than dated numerous men who earn less than me.

When I started to earn more than my husband things started to deteriorate.
Equal was fine or $1000 a year less was fine.

The real decline started when he did a career change and was a trainee earning $20,000 a year.
At that time I also started a new career that, as it turns out, suits me and my earnings topped $100,000 in the first year.

Initially he loved the extra money and how it enabled him to do as he pleased.
His new career never caught up to mine and it really bugged him.

I am speaking not only for me but for the multitude of independent women I know.
Yes if you are 'HOT' you will get initial attention but who wants to be Katy Perry's husband?

When men go to places and the woman on their arm is the centre of attention, whether it be the 'Red Carpet" or a conference they find it difficult. Lots of women have told me this.

Men splutter and say it does not matter then go and find themselves a younger, less accomplished woman or multiple women.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 110
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 3:22:56 PM
I have yet to ever see a coupon that said "Not to be used on a date".

Closest is some restaurants that won't accept coupons on Valentine's Day and some other holidays and special days.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 111
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 3:41:13 PM
^^^Castlehill's post reminds me of VKing posting once or twice, that she makes a six figure salary and having so much trouble meeting someone, and how all guys her age want someone younger than her. I would imagine she would only be interested in someone who is in the same ballpark financially as her. She said she has no interest in supporting any guy. That cuts down the number of candidates substantially. So in essence, she's a victim of her own success. Guys will date women who are poorer than them, but most women won't do the same.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 112
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Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 4:25:06 PM
maleman

I have to agree, the old "when you are not looking and when you least expect it someone will turn up," is another cliché not valid. I think we need to be putting some kind of vibe that we are receptive, even if we are not entirely aware of it.

Castlehillsmile is a victim of her own success in a way and if she were male she would be having her choices and probably a lot more success. However she is in the age bracket where pickings are scarce anyway, certainly for women. I am the same age so I know.

As for the coupon on a first date thing, it is tacky and men that don't get that, have no real sense of propriety or class. It indicates a cheapskate and most women are turned off by that. Sure if the relationship is established then fine, and she should be contributing financially as well but on a first meet?? No thanks.

 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 113
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 5:47:16 PM
The money thing may be an issue, however I am sure that for some people it is a comfort to blame that factor rather than confront the fact that their personality may be less than stellar, maybe abrasive, or they have other unattractive traits..No doubt some people can't resist lording it over others that their income outstrips the others. .every time a disagreement comes up."well you know I support more of this relationship ".
Braggarts, yes I am sure the one person has dated dozens of people who "think nothing of dropping 100 million $ on a property". Maybe you should up your game, insist on dating only multi billionaires, someone has to on Forbes Top 50 wealthiest individuals of the world list. Then you could complain that they think nothing of dropping 5 billion at the craps tables but still cut coupons..lol
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 114
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/9/2015 7:22:25 PM
I know so many women who made or make more money than their husbands. Probably not a 2 to 1 ratio or anything, but more.

When I first got married, we moved across the country for a job I was offered. My husband did not work much that first year. Other times he made more than I did, particularly when we were first having children. But for much of our marriage I tended to earn more than him. Neither one of us paid the slightest bit of attention to it.

I would have been as happy if he had wanted to stay home with the kids as if he had been working. And vice versa.


I don't know how men feel now.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 115
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 5:31:26 AM
Maleman...


Guys will date women who are poorer than them, but most women won't do the same.


I admire the way you use words. You could have easily and truthfully said 'Guys will date women who are poorer than them, but tend not to date women who are richer', but the way you wrote it makes it all the woman's fault for not dating poorer.

I don't think most women do a credit cheek on everyone they meet.
I think most women value intangible assets (such as honesty, integrity, kindness) than tangible assets such as money or a fancy car.

I think when most men complain about 'all she wanted was my money', they are actually misreading cues. Does he say 'she took one look at my car and ran' without mentioning that his car was full of old pizza boxes, cola cans, and oil rags? Does he say 'she took one look at me' without mentioning that he showed up to the meet in torn jeans and stained shirt? He blames the fact that she judged him by his lack of showing her any courtesy (such as cleaning out his car or being reasonably groomed) on the assumption that she saw him as 'poor' rather than 'messy'.

But, time and again, I've been prove naïve by many of my reactions to what I've seen posted.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 116
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Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 6:30:14 AM

but tend not to date women who are richer'


He said exactly what he meant to say. It's not that men don't want to date "women who are richer", but that women won't let them. It is the women's fault, to use your words. The men don't have much choice.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 117
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Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 12:36:29 PM

LetitiaLeGrande
As for the coupon on a first date thing, it is tacky and men that don't get that, have no real sense of propriety or class.

I suspect that I have more real class than you. I further suspect that I am smarter, better educated, and make more money.

Now how do you feel about what I just said, paragraph above?

Telling me that I “have no real sense of propriety or class” is a TREMENDOUS assumption on your part. Based on no evidence whatsoever. And on top of that, it is insulting, demeaning, and belittling. Do people with real class “insult, demean, and belittle”?

Enough said. We can agree to disagree about whether coupons are acceptable on a date. But please do not tell me what constitutes “class”.


castlehillsmile
The real decline started when he did a career change and was a trainee earning $20,000 a year.
At that time I also started a new career that, as it turns out, suits me and my earnings topped $100,000 in the first year.

Initially he loved the extra money and how it enabled him to do as he pleased.
His new career never caught up to mine and it really bugged him.

Hmmm…

I was married for 27 years. During all of that time, I was a programmer / analyst, working in upstream for a major oil company. My salary was good, and kept pace with inflation, but it never “took off”. My wife was a clerk in Benefits when we married. I started off making 2.5 times as much as her. Towards the end, she was making nearly double what I made. I was always proud of her success, never envied her success, not one iota. The only times we ever fought about money was when our son was in college, and we worked that out.


castlehillsmile
Men splutter and say it does not matter then go and find themselves a younger, less accomplished woman or multiple women.

I have known men like that. They are a very distinct minority, at least in my experience.

On Edit: Hmmm... I am now dealing with multiple women, and enjoying the hell out of it. But I swear it had nothing to do with my ex-wife's salary!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 118
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 12:42:00 PM
nth...


but tend not to date women who are richer'


He said exactly what he meant to say. It's not that men don't want to date "women who are richer", but that women won't let them. It is the women's fault, to use your words. The men don't have much choice.


I have no doubt he said exactly what he meant to say.

Neither his implication nor your assertion that it is the woman's fault/choice that men don't date women who have more money than them is valid in my experience. I don't think men do a credit check before checking out her photo and inviting her out.

But, as I've said, I have a tendency to be a bit naïve about social relations so YMMV.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 119
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Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 12:55:32 PM

I have a tendency to be a bit naïve about social relations


Then watch and learn.

When you said "tend not to date women who are richer", it implies that the man is making a choice not to date that woman. Based on many posts in this forum, it is clear that the women with more money don't date down, which is their choice, but you tried to spin it as if it was the man's choice.

"I don't think men do a credit check before checking out her photo and inviting her out."

No, they don't. It's been clearly stated many times, by men, that men typically don't care about money the way women do. Also, your comment is irrelevant to this discussion. I think you missed the point.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 120
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 2:02:09 PM

Based on many posts in this forum, it is clear that the women with more money don't date down, which is their choice, but you tried to spin it as if it was the man's choice.


And you are trying to spin it as if your statement of 'women with more money don't date down' was true. According to this forum only, men making more money only appears to be important to less than half of the females. Even HereComestheSun in MSG 106 points out other qualities before mentioning that she doesn't like to make more money than he. Even that isn't unequivocal. As Damselfish points out in MSG 126, men needs qualities other than vast sums of money.


Also, your comment is irrelevant to this discussion. I think you missed the point.


That particular comment was wondering how would a man know she is richer than him without doing a credit check.

He has no idea if she makes more money than he does.
So he looks at her picture, quickly skims her profile (if that) and decides she is dateable.
He sends out a 'let's meet' and (glory of glories!) she not only responds, she says yes.

He sees the newer-model car she drove.
He sees she's in a 'suit'.
Her fingernails are done, her hair is perfect.
HE DECIDES she is too high maintenance for him and, besides, there really wasn't a spark and she probably wouldn't enjoy the same things he does - those fingernails couldn't stand a day of camping or fishing.
I think Butterchicken was right in post 111 - maybe his ego couldn't take it.

Besides, it's never really a matter of how much money either of them make, it's more a matter of how much they KEEP.

As for 'class'... I was always taught not to look at the check or watch the man pay (that was when ladies went to 'freshen up' -- none of that putting on lipstick at the table either). My brother was taught to make sure his date didn't see the exchange of money; looking at the check in its folder then waiting for her to excuse herself for a few moments to slip the money into the folder.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 121
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 2:56:44 PM
Henry,
You are in a demographic where you are in high demand.
You even proudly say you are 'dating' multiple women at a time.

Women with money DO date 'down' (even though I detest that term)
I do not ask how much a man earns. Although I do think friends of mine who have married and not found out his financial situation are unwise.

I have dated men who live day to day and I have paid for everything because I enjoyed their company. Sadly for me the one I particularly liked and who I was very happy to support and both gave him money and loans (that were never repaid) considered me to be a bank and not much else at the end.

Some marriages that are long term where the women earn more than double of the man and it seems to work well other than he generally declines invitations to business functions including work Christmas parties. Not sure why.

I do however often turn up to first meets in an older car and if it is up to me choose a 'cheap and cheerful' place.
NEVER wear a suit.

As to going to 'freshen up' I try and remain at the table so I pay my half rather than have him think I expect him to pay.
Generally for first meets the places I choose are more the walk up to the cash register and pay so I ensure I have my purse out and money at the ready.




Based on many posts in this forum, it is clear that the women with more money don't date down, which is their choice, but you tried to spin it as if it was the man's choice.


^^^ In my experience it generally IS the man's choice.
To risk sounding like a broken record, 'intimidating' is a word that is often used about me and other accomplished women.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 122
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 3:56:16 PM
Oh God, the famous :" I hate to say it"

(but in reality I thoroughly relish it and delight in saying it..)..

that is why I say it so many times..I am so intimidating..

Similar to: "I'm sorry (but in reality I am not sorry at all, but rather delighted to say..) , but....
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 123
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 4:14:44 PM
^^^ Incorrect.

I wish I was not and I try very hard not to be.
Confident people do not other confident people intimidating.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 124
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 5:39:24 PM
This reminds me of back at university, when some students were bragging about how much they earned an hour at United Parcel Service (I think it was twice the average $5-6 per hour). Since I paid my own way, I asked what I thought was a more important question (without, you know, actually asking them how much they took home)--how many hours a week did they work? Turns out they couldn't do over 10, so...a little over $100 per week. I'll guess that the "per hour" was in their mind, a status brag, more important to them than what they ended up with in their pay envelope.

People i'm sure, still want to believe they are worth being paid a lot. I suspect what really rears up and shows its head, however is....the spending habit. I knew ladies who made more than I did, but spent it so hard, they were lucky to have $5 in their wallet and so I paid for things (or they were reluctant to go where they would have to, or would complain about a situation that I could have paid my way out of, or whatever the case).

someone earning $100,000 but investing $60,000 for early retirement and living a $40.000 lifestyle as a result....might not ruffle the feathers of a partner also living a $40,000 lifestyle (who maybe only earns $40,000 or they are living off the credit card, constantly robbing peter to pay paul with their business and leasing everything they own). both people might be able to look at each other, see they have the same car and same residence and whatnot. maybe the fact that they live at the same level, that they share it with each other and nothing is held back, is enough. or maybe the second person thinks about the status of that $100,000 job and wigs out over it.

maybe money differences are an issue b/c more money means more opportunity. or maybe it's just the status that wigs us out.

Castle, i'm sure you are in a situation of dating down, if you say so. But, I think there are plenty of cases where a woman of means sticks within her social circle. she dates who she meets on a daily level. now, should she go online...she might meet people of different social strata.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 125
Income factor when dating women. Is money really an issue?
Posted: 12/10/2015 6:29:40 PM

That's because you don't date.


What do you know about me? I don’t post my life story on here like some people do.

You’re always taking swipes at the women who don’t swoon all over you on these forums. Obviously those who do aren’t very perceptive, are very desperate, or both.

I’m not impressed in any way by snipey little men like you. You remind me of the obnoxious kid in school who yells things at girls and then hides behind a tree and would pee his pants if a girl actually walked up to him.


As for the coupon on a first date thing, it is tacky and men that don't get that, have no real sense of propriety or class. It indicates a cheapskate and most women are turned off by that. Sure if the relationship is established then fine, and she should be contributing financially as well but on a first meet?? No thanks.


Totally agree. What’s so wrong about making a good first impression on a woman? Every man I’ve ever been out with went out of his way to do so, and many others I’ve just met and never even dated! WTF

I would bet the coupon guys wouldn’t want his date showing up in scruffy sweatpants, Tshirt and slippers, with curlers in her hair. Oh no! SHE must make a good first impression, buy her own and his coffee, and prove her sexual worth to him as soon as possible, if not sooner, so he doesn’t have to waste a nano-second of his time on her. Sure.

These coupon guys are living in Lala Land. :/
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