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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guyPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
If you were to meet the guy's mother at some point, at least the two of you would have a lot in common, since you would both be in the same age range. But she might not be thrilled with the age difference with her son, so hold off any meeting until you know how she would feel about it-which is going to be hard to do with turkey day and Christmas on the horizon.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 27
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 3:25:39 PM
Another problem here, your men are getting closer and closer to your daughters' age, and trust me, it sucks when your mother's boyfriend/lover/husband is your age, everyone thinks he's with you. I can't tell you the number of times I said, he's not with me, to people. He was not anyone I would have been with, and it broke my mother's heart (although being being the queen of denial, her face never once broke) that people assumed he was with me. It sickened me, it hurt her.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 28
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 3:37:16 PM

I am 45 and I consider myself a cougar and have always dated guys younger than me. The guy that Ive been dating is 27 and we get along really well and is really easy going. Problem is my daughter keeps saying its gross


You think you should quit dating a guy because your adult daughter thinks it’s gross. Maybe your daughter thinks it’s “gross” that you call yourself a “cougar.” :/

She keeps saying it? Like this, “It’s gross…it’s gross….it’s gross….”

Sorry, this doesn’t sound real to me. what possible advice can anyone give you that’s legit? Date him or don’t.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 29
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 4:49:27 PM
I get where your daughter is coming from but after all it is your life. How would you feel about your 20 year old dating a man of 38 by the way??? I know that it is more acceptable in society for the man to be older but after all who we date is our business. You may need to be aware that these younger guys may in fact be after your younger daughter and it would not be the first time that has happened. I think 18 years younger than you is a big gap, it is a whole generation and of course it wont last but it is your life.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 30
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 5:08:48 PM
Well...I'm not gonna tell you that you are wrong. Not my business.

But you can't make anyone accept your choices in a mate. What you can do with your adult daughter is listen to her concerns, validate her feelings, yet, explain to her that at the end of the day.....it is still your choice but you respect her opinion.

Hopefully, if the day comes that she chooses a mate you do not approve of.....she will have learned the importance of listening, validation, and respect while making her choices. :)


Good luck!
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 31
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 6:29:46 PM
Hi OP, like you, I prefer dating younger men, though I don't consider myself a cougar. I hate that term, it implies that I'm chasing them, and I'm not. I never approach or message them first, they do. I also date men my age or slightly older, but I agree with you again, there are very few out there in that age category that interest me.

Regarding your kids' attitudes - I have never introduced anybody I date to my kids. I also have a 27 year old guy friend (with benefits) that I've known for over two years. It's nothing serious, we go months without seeing each other and then have spurts of where we are together every weekend. He knows all about my kids, he asks about them, but I would never think of having them meet him. Until I'm in a very serious, very committed relationship, I just won't go there. My kids are younger than your (8 and 15), but even if they were older I would not involve them in my dating life. I think your kids are influenced by society that it is "gross" when an older women is dating a younger man, because they mostly see it the other way around. If he is a good guy and treats you well, why should the age different be an issue? I would tell my kids that it is hard enough to find somebody you like and get along with, and age (as long as it's legal) should not be another factor of making this search more difficult. I would say they are old enough, they need to get over it.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 32
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 6:49:04 PM
I like the term cougar, they are beautiful, lithe, graceful animals. I think it is a fitting term for the older but fitter woman. At what age would we stop calling a woman a cougar?? Probably early fifties.... IMO.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 33
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 7:19:58 PM
"Then after 50, I like the term cougar, they are beautiful, lithe, graceful animals. I think it is a fitting term for the older but fitter woman. At what age would we stop calling a woman a cougar?? Probably early fifties IMO"

Then she becomes a mountain lion.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 34
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 7:30:23 PM
I guess it's okay if you just stay in the bedroom because if you go out with him people will think you are his Mommy.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 35
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 8:28:15 PM
I guess it's okay if you just stay in the bedroom because if you go out with him people will think you are his Mommy.

----


What's with catty remarks like that??
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 36
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 8:37:22 PM
Karma - you, the OP, and other threads like this need to stop. The older women, younger guy thing has gone critical.

Look at what you guys have done to Eric S. A man who posts positive feedback to some the most hopeless souls. Even he couldn't post anything positive about this and had to opt for light sarcasm.

And I can't handle it anymore either, you're destroying my partialism toward older women. One more thread like this, and I'm going to have to fornicate with a bunch of 18 year old girls to restore balance to the universe.
 seafarer242
Joined: 11/3/2015
Msg: 37
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 8:47:27 PM
I don't mind dating younger. The last woman I dated just turned 31 last August, we were together two years and it ended amicably, we still chat on the phone. I had two dates last month and both were early 30s. I'm seeing one of them this weekend. I met one on a different site and the other through a friend.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 38
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 9:16:13 PM
TrvstinKarma- From Penny-What kind of stupidity is this for you all to graze over my profile like a bunch of COWS? Now please FUGG OFF!!! You've all made assumptions about me and you are all A$$HATS. (this, she said in another thread)
Look at her posting history, it's rather telling.
She had us all pegged as 'itches at one point.
Argumentative and negative, with almost EVERY post. I'm not sure she can help it.
If Kj has a polar opposite here, it's miss penny.
Catty, indeed, and then talking out of the other side of her mouth and getting upset if anyone DARES question her.
I'm thinking some counseling in anger management could do a WORLD of good.
SOOOOO hostile.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 39
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/11/2015 11:29:43 PM
If it is affecting any of the following relationships then I guess what it all comes down to is whose relationship is most important to you ... Hers, his or your relationship with your self? How much damage can each sustain and how much erosion are you willing to take on each one?

 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 40
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 12:46:51 AM

But if it were me, I'd be weighing the importance of my relationship with my child vs. the importance of dating somebody of whom my child does not approve.


What if the Child doesn't Approve of Mommy & Daddy getting a Divorce, should they stay together, to appease the Kids?
What if only one of the parents wants to split?
 hearton64
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 41
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 2:27:11 AM
Umm...it's really none of her business who you date.

She's needs to get over herself be happy for you and focus
on her own adult life and choices.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 42
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 7:01:03 AM

PennyAnte
I guess it's okay if you just stay in the bedroom because if you go out with him people will think you are his Mommy.


TrvstInKarma
What's with catty remarks like that??

I will agree, the remark was “catty”. But it does have validity.

Occasionally, when out and about, I see a man in my age bracket with a much younger woman. I automatically think something along the lines of,


I wonder how much that cost him?

I could probably afford that.

And damn, wouldn’t that be fun?!?!

Not as a regular thing, but just once?

Hmmm….

Then I snap back to reality, and remember that everyone who saw us together would be thinking exactly the same thing.

Now, when I see a woman twice the age of her date, I remember when I was young, and did the same thing, and my thoughts run along the lines of:


Ahhh, not bad.

I’ll bet he’s enjoying that!

I wonder if she’s just good looking, or if she’s really really good in bed, does EVERYTHING he could ever dream of just to keep him happy and coming back for more.

I’m sure Karma realizes what other people are thinking, and obviously she is okay with it.

I don’t think I would be, which is why I’m not doing it (paying to date much younger women).
 55catmando
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 43
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 7:04:25 AM
I often shake my head when parents can't figure out why their teenagers or young adult children have issues with college, university or finding and keeping a job or finding and keeping a boyfriend/girlfriend or drink too much or get invoked with drugs or they just flounder in a world of poor choices. These kids didn't have very good role models. Mom and Dad going through a bunch of marriages, hookups, revolving door dating, kids shuffled around between homes seeing Mom and Dad with multiple partners. So the view to adulthood is skewed for these young people. I'm not saying put your life on hold until your kids are grown, gone and have a life of their own, just THINK about what you're doing and how it effects the whole. I've seen far too many families breakup for years and years because a child or a parent made a poor choice. And to a 20 year old, her mother dating a guy in her age range is embarrassing, humiliating and just wrong, in her eyes. So do you want to feed your lust or feed the need for your daughter to be parented for a little while longer.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 44
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 7:15:47 AM
I'm always amazed when people here refer to ADULTS in their 20s as if they were little children. When I was 18, I moved out from my parents house, to a different city, worked full-time. I got married when I was 22, bought my first house at 27. To me, anybody in their 20s is a fully grown ADULT, who is allowed to vote, work, give consent, go to war, shoot a weapon - so they need to be able to decide who they get involved with and get over who their mother dates.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 45
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 7:35:28 AM


Then I snap back to reality, and remember that everyone who saw us together would be thinking exactly the same thing.

Now, when I see a woman twice the age of her date, I remember when I was young, and did the same thing, and my thoughts run along the lines of:


Interesting observation Ohenry.

Personally I wouldn't give a damn what they think. However, where I live there has been several times where I have gone to get a hair cut, and there's a little kid, about 3 years old with a man with white hair, that looks like he is in his late 50s. So I think, grandpa is taking the kid to get a hair cut. Then a woman shows up, more than half his age and kisses him on the lips. Then the kids calls mammy, and the woman tells the boy to stay with daddy.

So my whole perception was totally wrong. I see this A LOT now. I also have a couple of female friends that are atheletes and are super hot. They used to lie about their age, but that always got them in trouble. Eventually the guy would find out, and whenever some of the guy's dirty laundry came out, they cried foul since they have lied about their age. So at least one of my friends stopped lying about her age and is finally in a long term with a guy about 15 years younger than her. They make a cute couple. So I am happy for them.

I think that whatever you choose to do, you have to then live with the consequences that come along of those actions. And own them.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 46
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 8:23:18 AM
The age is not the problem. Kids won't warm up to the new date for two years.
 55catmando
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 47
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 8:37:19 AM
Yes, people in their 20s are adults and can do all kinds of adult things. One of the adult things this 20 year old girl is doing is stating her mind that she thinks her mother dating someone in his 20s is yucky and being an adult, she has the right to her opinion. What would the OP do if her 20 year old daughter decided to date someone in his 40s or 50s? Or if your 16 year old daughter wanted to take her 28 year old boyfriend to the school dance?

Young guys, for the most part, will bang what ever is put in front of them. I guess if you just want fun or a fling or an interlude, go for it. But if you're looking for long term, I doubt it will happen. Let the 20 somethings finish growing up, start a family, start their careers, start their life. They're like puppies; fun to play with but they grow up.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 48
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 3:53:12 PM

I like the term cougar, they are beautiful, lithe, graceful animals. I think it is a fitting term for the older but fitter woman.


It’s a derogatory term, IMO, only slightly less so than MILF. To self identify as a “cougar” is tacky, IMO, especially to adult children (who are probably inwardly rolling their eyes and thinking Mom’s got a screw loose).

Maybe the daughter thinks it’s “gross” for Mom to compete with her for guys her age.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 49
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 6:36:04 PM
A mountain lioness perhaps..... then when in our late fifties and into sixties, "cradle robbers", or the "toyboy" I guess. lol!!
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 50
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/12/2015 7:03:06 PM

I am 45 The guy that Ive been dating is 27. Problem is my daughter keeps saying its gross SHE is almost 21.........Am I wrong for dating a guy so much younger than me?


Be careful if you bring him or them at your house.
The post below will answer your question if you read it carefully.!!
A forum poster true story that some women with small kids or younger kids ( especially girls) should pay attention and learn.



When I was 25, I had an “affair” with an older woman. I couldn’t actually tell you her age. Back in those days, you didn’t ask a lady her age. Probably 45 to 55, but I could be off by quite a bit.

I was part of a social club a little like the present Meetup groups. We were having a large party, probably 70 or 80 people attending. I had spent most of the evening chasing after one of the best looking women at the event, unsuccessfully. Towards the end of the evening, after I had given up the chase, this older lady came up to me and offered her sympathy for my failed efforts. One thing led to another, and we had a hot and heavy affair for several months.

During this time, I met her daughter, who was about my age, give or take a few years. After she (the mother) dumped me, I dated her daughter for a few months. Which, naturally, made the mother quite angry. I rather suspect that the daughter did it (dated me) just to get at her mother, but I didn’t care, I was enjoying the ride.





_______________________


I have never introduced anybody I date to my kids. I also have a 27 year old guy friend (with benefits) that I've known for over two years. It's nothing serious, we go months without seeing each other and then have spurts of where we are together every weekend. He knows all about my kids, he asks about them, but I would never think of having them meet him. Until I'm in a very serious, very committed relationship, I just won't go there. My kids are younger than your (8 and 15), but even if they were older I would not involve them in my dating life.


+ 10
Smart and respectful mother!!
Congratulations.
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