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 pureheart3456
Joined: 12/13/2014
Msg: 51
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guyPage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Hi OP, like you, I prefer dating younger men, though I don't consider myself a cougar. I hate that term, it implies that I'm chasing them, and I'm not. I never approach or message them first, they do. I also date men my age or slightly older, but I agree with you again, there are very few out there in that age category that interest me.


This is my situation here. I've NEVER EVER chased them. So I guess I should not have used the term cougar. I misunderstood the meaning of it I guess. They have always chased me and usually I wont give them the time of day if they are under 30 but this guy has 2 kids, a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old. We've both talked about what we want and we are both looking for something long term. Its hard to explain into words but we have a connection thats hard to find with just anyone.




You think you should quit dating a guy because your adult daughter thinks it’s gross. Maybe your daughter thinks it’s “gross” that you call yourself a “cougar.” :/


Actually my daughter is the one that nicknamed me a cougar kind of joking around several years ago. This is the first time I've actually dated someone so much younger that me too.


If you were to meet the guy's mother at some point, at least the two of you would have a lot in common, since you would both be in the same age range. But she might not be thrilled with the age difference with her son, so hold off any meeting until you know how she would feel about it-which is going to be hard to do with turkey day and Christmas on the horizon.


I havent met his mother yet because we have only been dating about a month or 2 and I only see him once or twice a week plus he lives out of town ( about an hour from me). I am suppose to be meeting his mother and kids this weekend. He is working about 45 minutes away from where I live right now tho. He has asked his mother if it would be weird to her that we are just a couple of years apart and she said that it didnt matter to her and that what matters is how we feel about each other and that we are happy.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 52
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 12:11:37 AM
MEOW.. mew mew.

I am not being catty. Woman that think they can go out with men 25 years younger than them and it is not OBVIOUS are delusional.
I am not being CATTY. I am being real. If I went out with a man 25 years old people would think I was his MOMMY.
Absolutely.
NOW... If you older woman cougars want to think you are so young and beautiful that people are not rolling their eyes or positively thinking you are robbing a cradle then... WAKE UP. You are dreaming. It is obvious. Age gaps like that are one too many years for you to think that you look like an adorable couple. You look like you are with your son. People can tell. There isn't enough botox to hide an age difference like that. GOD!

... and cougars are the ones that are CATS!!
 55catmando
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 53
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 6:02:38 AM
"....usually I wont give them the time of day if they are under 30 but this guy has 2 kids, a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old. We've both talked about what we want and we are both looking for something long term. Its hard to explain into words but we have a connection thats hard to find with just anyone. "

Wow, this guy sounds like a winner who has his shyt together. How is the "connection" with HIS children, babies, and his baby mama? SMH
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 54
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 6:58:18 AM

MEOW.. mew mew.

I am not being catty. Woman that think they can go out with men 25 years younger than them and it is not OBVIOUS are delusional.
I am not being CATTY. I am being real. If I went out with a man 25 years old people would think I was his MOMMY.
Absolutely.
NOW... If you older woman cougars want to think you are so young and beautiful that people are not rolling their eyes or positively thinking you are robbing a cradle then... WAKE UP. You are dreaming. It is obvious. Age gaps like that are one too many years for you to think that you look like an adorable couple. You look like you are with your son. People can tell. There isn't enough botox to hide an age difference like that. GOD!

... and cougars are the ones that are CATS!!


Sounds like jealous rant to me. I'm 45 and never had botox, and I have no wrinkles, and OP might just look very young. Who knows, and who cares? Why are women constantly "put in their place" about being old and over the hill, and how dare they buck the system? Especially from other women? I don't get it. Let's throw in some insults for good measure and capitalized words, because that makes everything so much more credible, right?

The fact is there are lots of women above 40 or 50 who look nothing what society thinks "old women" are supposed to look like. They are out there, but nobody walks around with their age printed on their shirts. I work as a nurse and see countless people everyday, and I see their charts and ages, and many, many times there are people who look much younger than their age - and also some that look much older. There is no black and white.

And even if the age difference was obvious (like it is often when the guy is older, but of course, that's A OK), who cares? It's their life, and if they are happy, more power to them. Do you feel the same about gay couples? OVerweight couples? Handicapped people? Get over it.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 56
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 8:07:20 AM

this guy has 2 kids, a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old. We've both talked about what we want and we are both looking for something long term. Its hard to explain into words but we have a connection thats hard to find with just anyone.


lf both of you want something long term, My question is:

- What attracted you to him in order to begin this relationship.? In other words what does he bring to the table?

- Who is going to provide the location to live for the 4 of you together.

Now, Assuming you are moving to HIS house?- Who is going to take care of HIS very young kids the week that is his turn?

- How will the expenses of the house be shared? ( they are 3 human beings... and there's only one of you)

You openly talked and made it clear about what you BOTH want and expect out of this relationship..right?

Will YOUR children have the option to continue living in your house, without having the inconvenience of moving in with 3 new people that they might not feel too comfortable with yet?

I believe As mothers, WE have a responsibility to teach our children that they are important and valued regardless of our decisions in our personal life...they should always feel that they are our number one priority and whatever we obtain belongs to them as well.

They will hopefully be understanding to the fact that you are still young and have the right to find happiness again in your personal life, BUT give them the option of continuing to live in THEIR (your) house...They are adults but still young, I think You need to move out of your/ and your kids house with your new family.

It is impossible to know what will happen in the future with that man, but your kids will always be your kids...therefore, think about their best interest before you do something you might regret years down the line.

I wish you good luck and clarity in your thoughts.

:bye:


 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 57
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 8:10:58 AM
yes. I feel the same way about gay people. If I see a man kissing a man it is obvious that he is gay.
Obviously.
I wasn't putting anyone in place. Just stating a truth . If there is 25 years between a man and a woman or vice versa. IT IS OBVIOUS.

I am sorry. You may have less wrinkles and have all good genes and be nearly next to perfect... but if you are 45 and you date a man 25 years old. People are going to recognize an AGE DIFFERENCE.

There is no botox around it. No kind of plastic surgery that can change that. No kind of happy power to them that is going to make them LOOK LIKE THEY ARE THE SAME AGE.

It is perfectly simple. A completely simple context to understand yet some women are so overly concerned with their aging that they are DELUSIONAL about this. It is so so important for everyone to know that they are so desired by younger men and that they are so fresh and young looking and beautious. So consumed by themselves that in every other post there it has to be mentioned how young things are chasing them and or how many times they've got something young, dumb and full of cum. It's kind of nauseating.

Well maybe you ARE so unbelievable gorgeous that young men beat themselves and trip over themselves to get to you... but you still WILL look much much OLDER than a much much younger man. Now that is just plain and simple black and white.

It's called reality. This is not an INSULT to anyone. It's just next to impossible to be in your 50's and still look like you are 25. I don't care what kind of fancy mirrors you have or how much money you pay a plastic surgeon or what kind of make up you have on. You are gonna look like his Ma Ma.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 58
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 8:41:51 AM

I have never introduced anybody I date to my kids. I also have a 27 year old guy friend (with benefits) that I've known for over two years. It's nothing serious, we go months without seeing each other and then have spurts of where we are together every weekend. He knows all about my kids, he asks about them, but I would never think of having them meet him.


When you two get together for the benefits part, does it always have to be at his place, or at a time when your kids are not at home? This sounds too much like sneaking around like high school kids wanting to make out, without their parents finding out. Is this a hush-hush, secret relationship where he's never introduced to your friends or anybody else you know. in case they disapprove of the age difference? I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I have to hide who I'm dating or if I'm the one being hidden, and limit where we go to minimize being seen by someone either one of us know.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 59
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 9:11:24 AM
^^^^So I guess asking you to be my BoyToy is outta the question?

Well...alright....you can be my Sugardaddy then. ;) ;)
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 60
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 9:14:13 AM
Gina. I was not being specific to Karma. She is personally not my type but it is not hard to see why she gets attention from a lot of young men.
Back in the day here when we had mods the respondents were supposed to address the OP and not cross chat and hack at each other.The forums had more decorum.

I've looked at Karma's pictures and bio and I used to see profiles like that all of the time on Myspace. These type of profile get a lot of attention. Good on her.

I don't go grazing on peoples profiles that respond here. It maybe pertinent to look at an original posters profile but if another forum member responds their profile should not be brought to topic. It's unnecessary.

If you can not contest or debate a topic here with out going to that persons profile and dragging them down with assumed garbage that is a reflection on your own character or lack there of.

Some people here need a reality check obviously but I don't need to take the job in fact I think people that have their head that far up their arse are pretty much hopeless and correcting them would be like shoveling shit against the tide.
 55catmando
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 61
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 9:29:08 AM
A young guy can have sex with a lot of women, a lot of women both young and old. Realistically, the vast majority of young guns going after those that are 15 + years older are just doing it for the sex and bragging rights. So don't go thinking you're all hot and cute and sexy. You're a blip on their radar right now. I have to agree with Penny on this, go ahead and bang the hell out of these guys and have fun but if you think its anything more than sex, you need a little help.

As for the OP, I just can't figure out why you think this guy is some sort of prize. With a one year old and a two year old...you are going to be Mama and Grandma all at once.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 62
Daughter has a problem with me dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 9:43:00 AM
some people are so caught up in their date and all the feel-good chemicals being released in their brain, they don't notice if other people are looking or not. Other people can't help but be aware of their surroundings and curious about the world going around them.

I have a 58 yr old female friend who dammit, still looks a decade younger, which puts her at my age (maybe I look old for my age, being bald, I honestly couldn't tell).. When we go out, we don't get looks, but then again ,there's no romantic intimacy, so there's no body language going on between us. maybe people think we're in a dead marriage :)

Sometimes you can see a dramtic age difference, sometimes its cloudy, and the remainder of the times, people are too focused on their cellphone. Waitstaff will always make interesting mistakes, like the times my female friend pays the restaurant bill but they hand me the change.

I will agree, once the glow of sex turns into, "let's make this a more permanent situation", one has to consider the variables more.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 63
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 9:48:10 AM

When you two get together for the benefits part, does it always have to be at his place, or at a time when your kids are not at home? This sounds too much like sneaking around like high school kids wanting to make out, without their parents finding out. Is this a hush-hush, secret relationship where he's never introduced to your friends or anybody else you know. in case they disapprove of the age difference? I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I have to hide who I'm dating or if I'm the one being hidden, and limit where we go to minimize being seen by someone either one of us know.


My kids are home every weekend - their dad only takes them when it's good for him, which is never. This year, he's had them maybe 4 times, and that's a lot more than in the past. So no, my house nearly never happens, it's his place. He has been to my place once, more than a year ago, during the day when the kids were in school. We don't always have sex either - shocker!! We go out for lunch or dinner, movies, or just hang and talk. My friends know of him, I have met his best friend and his family knows of me as well. I like it just that way.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 64
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 9:59:53 AM
What I'm really trying to say is this - who cares if the woman looks older than the guy ? Is that the most important thing in a relationship? Why is it OK for the guy to look older, but not for the woman? What about interracial couples? Is it "wrong" or "weird" because they don't look the same? Or what about a handsome guy with a less attractive woman or vice versa? A taller woman with a shorter man? Seriously, people will always find a reason to get their panties in a bunch about other people's business. Ever since I stopped giving a darn about what other people might think of me, my life has gotten a heck of a lot easier.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 65
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 10:03:27 AM

But if it were me, I'd be weighing the importance of my relationship with my child vs. the importance of dating somebody of whom my child does not approve.

I don't see the issue as cut and dried.


From browneyesboo,


^^^^I'm kind of with Mr. Chromis on this one.

My relationship with my children is VERY important to me.

My kids were raised right, it is my life to live, but I don't go
out of my way to cause people I love worry, distress, or embarrassment.

I also trust their opinions.


Very well said. I agree with both Mr Chromis and Ms. Boo.

My children don't tell me what to do, but they certainly have their opinions one way or the other. I find life is generally a lot happier for me/less, to no drama, when my children are at ease.

For example. My BF's ex-wife, married the man she was having an affair with, and her children did not like him. She stated, "It's all about me now. I'm going to marry whoever I choose, and you will just have to get over it." I tend to think she may not be as happy as she thought she should be. Her choice, continues to be a great source of drama between herself and her children.

Why? IMHO, anytime someone has the attitude, "It's my way or take a hike", they usually end up alone and can not for the life of them, figure out why everyone else has gone for a hike.

Op, you are an adult, you can do as you choose, but be prepared to enjoy or suffer/live with, the outcome of your choices.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 66
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 10:05:19 AM

...this guy has 2 kids, a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old. We've both talked about what we want and we are both looking for something long term.


This explains a lot. Chances are, he started out looking for someone around his age, who wouldn't mind helping him raise his kids, who are at a very time consuming and energy draining age. Most women are not interested in raising kids that are not their own-especially if they're at an age when they're thinking of having their own kids. So he probably expanded his search to include women who are finished raising kids, but who wouldn't mind having a second go at it with his kids.

This opens up a whole other can of worms. OP: How do his kids fit in the grand scheme of things? Are you willing to raise them if the relationship goes further? Maybe that's one of the issues the daughter has-raising kids that are not the mother's own, and how that affects the family dynamics. And how is the relationship between the guy and kids' mother? If she's the guardian parent, is he paying child support? That would be a big chunk of money paying out for a long time. This would be way too messy for my liking. Do you want to be a stepmother to a baby and toddler when you have grown kids?
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 67
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 11:27:00 AM

But if it were me, I'd be weighing the importance of my relationship with my child vs. the importance of dating somebody of whom my child does not approve.


I too believe this comment has merit.

To a certain extent, dating/relationship situations where there is a fairly evident discrepancy in ages is going to raise a few eyebrows here and there.
If you feel that dating younger is truly what works best for you, you may well have to live with some raised eyebrows, even vocalized distaste from those close to you.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 68
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 11:55:39 AM

I'm always amazed when people here refer to ADULTS in their 20s as if they were little children.


Newsflash!!!! This just in!


It's the year 2015.

Comparing how we were when we were 18 to how today's 18 year's old is not really, comparable.

To do so, exposes the reality that some do not live in.

OT.
As with any grown adult, you can do whatever the phuck you wanna do. But, with that, as an adult, you do have to understand that others can, and will have an opinion of your actions. And as an adult, it's up to you to decide what opinion's you value.

I raised my daughter long enough to know, that I should listen to her.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 69
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 1:15:05 PM

This opens up a whole other can of worms. OP: How do his kids fit in the grand scheme of things? Are you willing to raise them if the relationship goes further? Maybe that's one of the issues the daughter has-raising kids that are not the mother's own, and how that affects the family dynamics. And how is the relationship between the guy and kids' mother? If she's the guardian parent, is he paying child support? That would be a big chunk of money paying out for a long time. This would be way too messy for my liking. Do you want to be a stepmother to a baby and toddler when you have grown kids?


Also if it does go further how are you willing to start from scratch at age 45 raising babies at ages 1 and 2? It's something to think about. It reminds me of a guy I know who is dating a woman twice his age and is annoyed and upset because he wants to move further, get married and have kids. She doesn't want kids because at this point she's pushing 50 and has already raised two adults, at this point she just wants to settle down, relax and enjoy her upcoming retirement in 10 years. He seems to be bullheaded and doesn't get why she doesn't like the prospect of having children. People seemingly don't give a shit about the potential long term ramifications and then get up in arms when their significant other uses common sense.

Oh you mean, the woman who is 49 years old and has two kids in their 20s doesn't want to get pregnant, carry a child for 9 months and give birth at age 50? What!? The shock of it all.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 70
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 1:16:01 PM
Comparing how we were when we were 18 to how today's 18 year's old is not really, comparable.

---

??? Huh? I know PLENTY of people in their 20s that are married and have kids, and I'm talking present time. I know PLENTY of 20 year olds with careers, their own place, and responsibilities. But when it comes to dating older people suddenly they are little children again who are immature. Of course, this does not so much apply to young women dating older men, but OMG (!) when a young man dates someone older, it's a DISASTER - he is sooooo immature, and sooooo desperate for a mother figure, and OMG she looks older than him. But he is "mature" enough to date women his age?? Huh? Doesn't make any sense to me.

Here is the reality that some don't want to see: times are changing. People are dating who they want to date - in the "olden days" interracial dating was a huge no-no, gays had to hookup in dark corners and lead double lives for the most part, etc. The last social hurdle seems to be the reverse age gap - society has conditioned many that it is totally OK for older men to want younger women, but older women are attacked and ridiculed if they date younger men. Why do people have such a strong reaction to that?
 55catmando
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 71
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 1:22:25 PM
^^^ what the hell, you just dumped on a guy in another thread commenting that he was 58 yet had in his profile he would date up to 55. So he can't date younger? Only you can justify banging 20-somethings, no one else can ? Just you? Dumb.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 72
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 1:22:58 PM

My children don't tell me what to do, but they certainly have their opinions one way or the other. I find life is generally a lot happier for me/less, to no drama, when my children are at ease.


Amen.

Happy child [<-------------->] Happy parent.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 73
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 1:23:27 PM

??? Huh? I know PLENTY of people in their 20s that are married and have kids, and I'm talking present time. I know PLENTY of 20 year olds with careers, their own place, and responsibilities. But when it comes to dating older people suddenly they are little children again who are immature. Of course, this does not so much apply to young women dating older men, but OMG (!) when a young man dates someone older, it's a DISASTER - he is sooooo immature, and sooooo desperate for a mother figure, and OMG she looks older than him. But he is "mature" enough to date women his age?? Huh? Doesn't make any sense to me.

Here is the reality that some don't want to see: times are changing. People are dating who they want to date - in the "olden days" interracial dating was a huge no-no, gays had to hookup in dark corners and lead double lives for the most part, etc. The last social hurdle seems to be the reverse age gap - society has conditioned many that it is totally OK for older men to want younger women, but older women are attacked and ridiculed if they date younger men. Why do people have such a strong reaction to that?


I think it's starting to change now honestly, people are starting to notice that older women are getting the short end of stick, right now there seems to be a backlash at Hollywood for constantly casting younger women with men who are old enough to be their dads and grandfathers, while ignoring actresses in their late 30s, 40s and 50s who can conceivably play the same roles. That'll eventually evolve from Hollywoood to us plebians.

At the same time I can see why people would have an issue with age regarding both sexes, My mom is 52 years old, I have no desire to date a woman my Mom's age, too much of an age gap and too much of a generational difference, what do we have in common? I'm just starting to hit my stride and I want to get married and raise a family. Doing that with a woman in her 50s will be hard to do. I rather be in the same boat with a woman my age then be with someone who's established in their 50s and just too old for this shit.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 74
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Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 1:29:40 PM

right now there seems to be a backlash at Hollywood for constantly casting younger women with men who are old enough to be their dads and grandfathers, while ignoring actresses in their late 30s, 40s and 50s who can conceivably play the same roles.


You mean there was a backlash, starting, say, 40 years ago?
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 75
Daughter has a problem with mne dating a younger guy
Posted: 11/13/2015 1:32:57 PM
^^^ what the hell, you just dumped on a guy in another thread commenting that he was 58 yet had in his profile he would date up to 55. So he can't date younger? Only you can justify banging 20-somethings, no one else can ? Just you? Dumb.


---


I didn't "dump" on this guy, I just noticed that - yet again - it is totally accepted for guys to exclude women that are the same age or older, but I get chastised for supposedly only dating younger men, which is not even true. I date older, same age AND younger. I don't care who anybody dates, but I want the same to apply for me - people only have a problem when women go younger, but nobody even mentioned that this guy should give at least women the same age a chance. Double standard, and it's always fun to bash me.
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