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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Divorced, but not really?      Home login  
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 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 101
Divorced, but not really?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Fat people are not fat: the have more meat in the bones.
Addicts are not addicts: they did not start by choice.
Smoker are not addicts: it's legal.
Drinkers, alcoholics are not addicts: it's legal.
Liars are not lying: they are explaining for our benefit.
Cheater are not cheating: they just don't want to hurt our feelings.
The OP is not married: it's just a piece of paper and an OATH!
It's not my fault: I was born this way.

OK, that last one is Lady Gaga...

Please, have compassion!
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 102
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 4:26:52 AM
Put your hands up where we can see 'em dude...
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 103
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 7:32:28 AM
I don't think you can say the OP is married when he has a legal agreement with a time on it for the divorce to become final. It is more like the divorce is in process, just a slow one.

The word married implies more than a piece of paper. Some people here are arguing over a fine point of terminology rather than the flesh and blood reality.

Cycling, if you met a woman who had never been legally married, but lived with someone for 20 years then split last week- by your reasoning she could put single on her profile as that would technically be true. And you'd be happy with that and not feel misled because she TOLD THe truth?

You have divorced on your profile. That tells me nothing other than you left your wife and have apiece of paper to prove it. I don't know if you left her lying in a coma in a hospital completely unaware you left her, for example. Or if you cheated and she threw you out. The only thing I get from your status of divorced is that you couldn't stick to a marriage- reasons to be examined and judged.


Whatever. And I don't know why you felt it appropriate or germane to the argument to drag in red herrings of alcoholism and drug addiction etc. Just all round offensive.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 104
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 11:39:16 AM
If it's "too complicated," or you say, "let me explain" WE DON'T WANNA KNOW. WE DON'T CARE. GET DIVORCE. GET IT DONE!

Cheat with them = cheat on them.

I have compassion for people fleeing they war torn country: children dragged illegally to other countries: droughts: famine.

These MARRIED people LYING and cheating: nope! People divorced a bunch of times that always have "to explain:" nope. Addicts with "reasons:" nope.
 goldenbear60
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 105
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 12:19:44 PM
So by your "logic" the OP, who has a full court document that can't be changed and is, we can agree, separated. So while he waits out his 3 year term he can't date because that would make him a cheater?? Is that right ?? And nice a cheater, always a cheater?? Is that right?

I know exactly why you are divorced...and still single.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 106
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 12:21:51 PM
Scented Lubriderm?
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 107
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History
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 12:43:11 PM
Cycling,

The OP asked a question and he got a number of responses. You, along with some others believe that listing his status as 'divorced' when he is technically separated is wrong. That is your opinion and of course and you are entitled to this opinion. What I find odd about your participation in this thread is your rigid, callous response to the OP and Coffeetogo. Both of them shared the complicated and difficult life circumstances they and their (former) spouses are struggling with and yet, your response is wrapped in contempt, harshness and distain. Why not simply say "despite your circumstances, I stay firm in my resolve that the OP's position is wrong. " No, you mock, belittle and try to shame them.

So I wondered, why would someone act like this? I thought perhaps you were younger than you looked, so I checked out your profile. Nope you are a middle aged man. However, your profile was revealing.

One of the gems, that keep getting dropped in the forums is the expression "you treat people the way you were treated". I wonder Cycling, what happened to you that your life script swirls with unrelenting standards, punitive impulses to 'imperfection'? Do you ever feel exhausted with the strain of always being right? I hope you find the self compassion let up on yourself....perhaps then you could be more generous of spirit, more empathetic and perhaps a little more kind.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 108
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 12:48:34 PM
^^^


brilliantly put flaneur. Agree 1000%
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 109
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 1:01:53 PM
"But there's a reason...": don't care
"But I can explain...": don't care
"But you see...": don't care
"I was married in Japan...": don't care
"It doesn't really count...": don't care
"Was my childhood sweetheart...": don't care
"Really, when you think about it...": don't care
"You have to let me explain...": don't care
"It's really not my fault...": REALLY don't care!

I'm gonna go listen to Adele... that, I care!
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 110
view profile
History
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 1:15:57 PM
Cycling,

I wanted to share with you a poem that is dear to my heart....enjoy!


IF - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Source: A Choice of Kipling's Verse (1943)
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 111
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 2:21:42 PM

So by your "logic" the OP, who has a full court document that can't be changed and is, we can agree, separated. So while he waits out his 3 year term he can't date because that would make him a cheater?? Is that right ?? And nice a cheater, always a cheater?? Is that right?


Anything can be changed or amended, however, I don't think the OP is concerned about whether or not we thinking he is 'cheating'.

I think he is more concerned with putting 'separated' on his profile and automatically getting skipped over by women because of the perception that men with 'separated' on their profile are often married men who haven't told their wives they are sleeping around with other women.

In his case, it is true - he is separated, not divorced. However, if he has divorced on his profile, then he has to explain that he is actually separated and... etc.etc. I think he's doing the best he can under the complicated circumstances... short of waiting until his divorce is actually finalized.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 112
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 2:34:38 PM
"But (s)he changed...": don't care
"I was married in Vegas...": don't care
"I was really drunk...": don't care
"I got pregnant...": don't care
"It was my first love...": don't care
"It was my first time...": don't care
"I was young...": don't care
"(S)He lied...": like you are trying to do now? REALLY don't care!

Where's my Adele?
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 113
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 2:40:30 PM
Man. You'd be loads of fun to go see Les Mis with.

"He stole a loaf of bread! Lock him up!"
 goldenbear60
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 114
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 2:42:24 PM
^^^ 2ufo, my comments you quoted were in response to post #105 Cycling. The man who sees the world in black and white. Cycling has all the rules, regulations, moral judgments and lists. Like I said...I know why he's divorced, and single.

I don't have a single issue with the OP, not one. I don't care what he puts on his profile and I hope he finds joy and love and I hope he finds it tomorrow. He's open and honest with his "situation". What more could you ask for.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 115
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 3:03:25 PM

"But there's a reason...": don't care
"But I can explain...": don't care
"But you see...": don't care
"I was married in Japan...": don't care
"It doesn't really count...": don't care
"Was my childhood sweetheart...": don't care
"Really, when you think about it...": don't care
"You have to let me explain...": don't care
"It's really not my fault...": REALLY don't care!

I'm gonna go listen to Adele... that, I care!


LOL!
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 116
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 3:11:01 PM


I think he is more concerned with putting 'separated' on his profile and automatically getting skipped over by women because of the perception that men with 'separated' on their profile are often married men who haven't told their wives they are sleeping around with other women.


Some people don't want somebody else's unfinished business. His concern of being passed over should never supersede somebody's right to know something about their true marital status if a connection is made. If the OP is honest about his situation, it's because it's their duty to be honest; and that should be the norm and not the exception.

So, yeah, excuse are tiresome, especially if you have somebody trying to manipulate you to accept them for a relationship, and one based on lies. It's a train smash waiting to happen.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 117
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 3:28:16 PM
"I'm in the process...": don't care
"I'll do it soon...": don't care
"I can't find him(her)...": don't care
"But (s)he left me...": don't care
"(S)He filled...": don't care
"(S)He left me for another...": don't care
"Was a co-worker...": don't care
"(S)He's older...": don't care
"(S)He's younger...": don't care
"I am staying for the children...": REALLY don't care

Adele is great! The bonus songs are awesome!
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 118
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 3:54:01 PM
The children and the finances/medical insurance seem to be the biggest reasons for people's failure or unwillingness to divorce. I understand such situations. However, if I were still on the market for dating, I wouldn't take exception, and no explanation would convince me. I never have and never will.

My son enjoys Adele's music, BTW.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 119
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 4:26:43 PM
"I have no where to go...": don't care
"I don't have money...": don't care
"I need health insurance...": don't care
"The children don't want us to divorce...": don't care
"The children are having a difficult time...": don't care
"The children...": don't care
"What do you want me to do...?": don't care
"But, what can I do...?": don't care
"So, what are you saying...?": I am saying I don't care!

When does Walking Dead start? Is that at 10?

And to the fans who have emailed me laughing at the whole thing, thanks?! "How people try to lie": I think it's funny too!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 120
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 5:19:40 PM
Cycling babbling on and on.....don't care
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 121
view profile
History
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 7:07:32 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^ Ditto.
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 122
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 7:39:39 PM
I think Cycling is having an episode of some sort.... really worried we should be calling someone....
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 123
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 8:16:30 PM
I recall him complaining, complaining, complaining about having ZERO dates and now it totally makes sense.
Another thing is he almost certainly rides with Shimano or SRAM components...which explains his behavior.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 124
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 8:31:07 PM

.............rides with Shimano ...

LOL, Oh thank goodness, there is a riding partner. Here I was thinking he was all alone, or......?....? should I say single?
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 125
Divorced, but not really?
Posted: 11/22/2015 8:37:45 PM


Another thing is he almost certainly rides with Shimano


Don't those Magna bicycles from Target cause constipation?
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Divorced, but not really?