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 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 52
Online dating women have the upper handPage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Me. Dpwesu....

I sincerely apologize if my words came across as flippant or in any way minimizing yours or others' difficulties in dating.

I truly see myself as just average and have never based my self worth or others on what the outside looks like.

And I'll let you in on a secret....five years ago? I didn't look like that woman in the picture you see now.
When my life ended with that of my husband's.....I had to redefine who I was. I didn't want to for a long
time but one day I decided it was time to live again. And little by little changes to my looks and personality occurred.
I wouldn't say better or worse but I am definitely different than I use to be.


Life is short....be who you want to be and love that person and others will gravitate towards you.

Sounds simplistic but the most beautiful things in this World usually are.


Wishing you much happiness. :)
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 53
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/20/2015 7:41:07 AM


I DID make the time.....they didn't.


I hear ya.

I no longer call in sick to take a lass to breakfast in the morning...
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 54
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/20/2015 11:48:47 PM

that's all fine and well......but the thing of it is....judging by your photos....you meet what I call the "desired societal standard" all- American blonde and cute gal...those of us out here who aren't......don't stand a chance no matter how sweet, charming, educated, professional or hard working we are.

I have dark brown hair, green eyes, heavier set, a 3 time college graduate (thank you), still attend school, work in a business my family owns, put in 12-16 hour days, don't take off the government dole, don't have multiple kids from multiple men......etc.

I can be sweet, and charming all day long.....and guys aren't going to go for someone like myself.

Yet I get asked all the time "a good person like you....why are you still single?" What I'd like to say....is men do not go for women like myself because it is true.

it is what it is, and I can't change that.


well dpsweu, yes KJ is conventionally gorgeous. I, however, am FAR from the stereotypical 'desired societal standard" all American blonde (in fact when I was growing up I always felt like the redheaded stepchild; as all my siblings and relatives were blonde and blueeyed and i was the sole none blonde in all my family reunions...

I am a year shy of 50, short and curvy redhead not tall and skinny blond, work ridiculous hours, travel frequently for work, have three adult kids live with me (though two are in the military and all are over 21) and have really weird sleeping hours and maintain a huge house on an acre; which takes a lot of work.

My looks are not even remotely conventionally pretty; i'm very unique looking; and I have extremely eclectic taste in interests (how many sci fi junkies who are in multiple fantasy football leagues who like boating and fishing AND own over 1000 books and a scary # of shoes are out there?.. According to internet rules?

I'm literally undateable according to accepted online "rules" .

And yet I also get literally hundreds of emails pretty consistently; so trust me when I say if that is true of me being this weird, older curvy and unconventional looking frequently jetlagged almost 50 year old woman with WAY too many shoes and a strong coffee addiction? There is absolutely nothing about you that will keep you from being not only attractive; but extremely attractive; to men who like who you are. Whatever you are? Rock it. You are interesting, well spoken, smart, independent, have your act together and a lot of guys love them some curves; (and brunettes are beautiful) so find things that you feel beautiful in, hold your h ead up high and let someone find the special person that is you. Men DO go for women like you. You just have to let them in, and not be so busy assuming you are invisible that you miss someone approaching you; that you think are being friendly because you can't believe he is interested. You not only can change it? ONLY you can change it; it starts with you being comfortable with yourself as you are, get healthy, find clothes that you feel wonderful in, find people who are interesting to you so you don't think about yourself and how they think of you. And know there are a lot of preferences out there, and many will prefer someone EXACTLY like you. Because you are a catch dangit; you just have to believe it :)
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 55
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 1:37:07 AM

Women seem to have the upper hand because there are enough desperate men out there who are either scared of being alone or are still thinking exclusively with their****. Thankfully I'm not one of them anymore. This slave has left the plantation and is not coming back.


You were desperate enough to use women for a piece of ass? Charming.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 56
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 5:29:48 AM

I want to come with you to Alderaan. There's nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.


- Luke Skywalker
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 57
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History
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 7:04:43 AM
Oh dear.

Okay, this took me a VERY long time to recognize, but I can tell I'm not as late as some people are to have worked it out:

IF YOU THINK THERE IS A "HAND" TO BE GAINED OR LOST, IT MEANS YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO SEE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS AS ADVERSARIAL BATTLES, AND NOT AS HAVING TO DO WITH FOLLOWING THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE.

In other words, as soon as you worry who has the upper hand, real relationships based on mutual desire, trust, and human compatibility will be beyond your reach.

By the way... much better Star Wars quote to associate with this subject:

Yoda: "Do! Or do not! There is no Try!"
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 58
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 10:03:41 AM

Men and their desire for women sometimes means their decision making processes are impaired.

I work with a lot of pharmaceutical scientists... I'll mention to them that they should work on a drug for this problem.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 59
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 12:06:39 PM
If women have the upper hand, I hope they remember to use deodorant.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 60
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 5:12:49 PM

1: Single men over 40 who are handsome, charming, employed and solvent have it the best.
2: Young, pretty women are second.
3: Older women next.
4: Then young men
5: Anyone fat or with lousy photos
6. MGTOW or people who whine or have their profile full of negativity


Young pretty women are above middle aged/established men. Hands down. They have the pick of the litter and have the liberty of being as choosy as they want to be and actually have success with their dating.

I would also put young men over older women. The trend seems to be that women in their 30s/40s complain that they can't find men their age that are willing to date them.

6. MGTOW is such a nonissue because any demographic of men can fall in line with MGTOW. In general, they are anti-marriage, not anti-dating as a whole. I'm not sure where you get the "whining" thing from, but I don't really read men's profiles. If you're talking about the men that do it on the forums, that really has no bearing on anything. These forums are obsessed with the Just World Fallacy that assumes that just because someone has a bad attitude that they will be unsuccessful with dating. It's like they completely ignore how toxic people (up to and including serial killers) can still pair bond.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 61
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 5:51:53 PM
I think we have that already NJ my dear ~ it's called alcohol ( wink ) straightens us right out :)
 HereComesYourSun
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 62
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 6:32:12 PM
Agreed.
The fact that you think there's an upper or lower hand to be had by one or the other is where your problem lies.
The day you let this false idea go, is the day you'll start behaving like a man one of us might actually like to meet.

The constant whining, I'm a victim, women suck stance is getting you no where. Rightfully so.
What only you can answer is this- do you just come here to vent these defeated ideas
or
are you like this everyday of your life?
If it's the second one, you'll get no place fast thinking there's a competition going on that you're engaged in and that you're doomed to lose but are sure as hell going to try to put someone in their place before you go out.

No woman, old, young, fat, skinny likes a whining, combative man who thinks he constantly has to fight with us to get the
imaginary upper hand. The strife you'll add to a relationship with this going on in your head is destructive.
There. That's your advise.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 63
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 8:11:43 PM
^^^^^^
Wrong

The sun is not very bright.

Women have the upper hand with OLD and there is one fact that always proves it. - Initial contact.- With OLD men make the initial contact about 85% of the time. That means the men have to be proactive and the women can just make choices. If it was an even game the initial contact between the sexes would be closer to 50/50. If women were that discontent with OLD they would ignore their messages, do a search, make the first move, and message the men they like. But...this rarely happens. Maybe they are afraid of rejection and know deep down inside they would not want to trade places with the men in that type of situation...Think about it.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 64
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 9:53:18 PM

Young pretty women are above middle aged/established men. Hands down. They have the pick of the litter and have the liberty of being as choosy as they want to be and actually have success with their dating.



No they don't. Here's reality. The young attractive guys are into fvcking. Not relationships. So you are a young girl and super hot. Eventually you will get fvcked by one of these young guys that is hot, but next week he is into someone else. There are exceptions to the rule. Of course, but they are not a lot.

So, in the next tier are the fvcking ass wipes that throw money at women and they the want to fvck them. Eventually women realize the equation, and that they do not have to put out for these idiots to keep paying for everything.

Then there are the nice guys, they are idiots as well, but instead of money, they have time. They become the second girlfriend. These are the guys that talk about how the poor girl has not gotten over this bad guy that did this or that to her. But will not sleep with the nice guy.

Then there are guys that are not hot looking, but have attitude. When a woman, girl whatever starts any of the above crap, they sent her home. They do not pay for the woman's crap. They are not the therapist for the woman's crap. They want to be a partner. Period.

We are not the hottest guys, but we can get a ton of women. Plenty of gorgeous women. And we are not hot looking, or young, or super rich. We have attitude. Thus we are picky. And when we will date, and we will fvck, and we will have a good time, and we will break some people's hearts. But we are looking for that one. When we find her, we will keep her. We will fight for her. We will love her unconditionally. We will die for her. Big time. But we are even more picky than women. And a lot of women go after our type.
 mike11092
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 65
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 10:06:32 PM

I might get 10-12 emails in a week after I added new and photos of myself. But that number would gradually decrease. I think getting more emails can be a double edged sword. Yes people will have more options to date someone that they probably wouldn't have seen in their normal routine. However some people can raise their expectation level and develop the "grass is greener" attitude.


Changing my pics has that result. I'm not sure if it's because I look "new" or what...

But, roughly 3-5 messages/day is par for the course here in the midwest.

And messages are a terrible way to quantify "success".

I haven't sent a message on here since my return, but I did meet a nice girl the other day at the bar because of the POF app on my phone.

Just happened to be there with my brother, pulled out my phone, saw her profile and then went over and talked to her about it.

No messages.

Got her number and we have a date Wednesday.

Part of the problem is that so many men seem to think that women have something you NEED. This is a fabrication from societal pressure and the false sense that your existence is justified, somehow, by a woman. Whereas, women often justify their existence by their independence. Stop being sheep. Be proud to be a functioning single man. And if you're not a functioning single man, get right.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 66
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 10:12:41 PM
*Got her number and we have a date Wednesday.*


Nice! Enjoy. I have a date Wednesday, too. My profile is empty and inactive, but I was fooling around on Meet Me, clicking yes on a bunch of pictures, and it turned out all the men then viewed my picture, even though I'm supposed to be an inactive profile. One gentleman wrote and turns out he's born in the same city as me and lives nearby, so he scheduled a date with me for tomorrow. Then I cancelled because I have to work from home tomorrow. I was going to get back to him but I'm so damn tired and not really in a dating mode, I kept putting it off. But he nudged me again a couple of times, I apologized for dragging my feet and we rescheduled. I'm glad he's being persistent, I definitely need to get out and do something other than work. He seems to be a nice gentleman, respectful and with a calm relaxed attitude, it's also putting me at ease. I hope we both have a nice time.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 67
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 11:01:46 PM

So you are a young girl and super hot. Eventually you will get fvcked by one of these young guys that is hot, but next week he is into someone else. There are exceptions to the rule. Of course, but they are not a lot.

Unless he's willing to rape her, his ability to **** her hinges on her willingness to give him access to her vagina. Maybe one or two men will get lucky, but once she's "tired of playing games," the vetting process will be pretty extensive. So, him being hot will not override her desire to not be pumped and dumped.



So, in the next tier are the fvcking ass wipes that throw money at women and they the want to fvck them.
Then there are the nice guys, they are idiots as well, but instead of money, they have time.

These men both fall under the same category of trying to sell of their resources for affection. Women are more likely to use these men because they are trying to negotiate their attraction, which you simply can't do. A woman is either hot for you or she isn't. Appealing to reason is going to get you starfish duty-sex once a month from a woman what is probably going to dump you in 6 months or less.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 68
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 11:23:27 PM
dpwesu

You can dye your hair blonde as many do including probably KJ521. You can lose a little weight if that is a problem. Just saying.. I see many women who are not the "blonde blue eyed, slim busty" stereotype married and with kids.

If you do work such long hours and do all you say you do, when would you have the time or energy to date? I think men are intimidated by successful women who may be more educated and intelligent than they and prefer to feel superior on some level to a woman.
 mike11092
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 69
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 11:23:35 PM

He seems to be a nice gentleman, respectful and with a calm relaxed attitude, it's also putting me at ease. I hope we both have a nice time.


Good! I hope it works out for you, too!


We are not the hottest guys, but we can get a ton of women.


I've some opinions on this line (though I agree with your overall post).

The problem in regards to attractiveness is the audience. For example; I find myself highly unattractive, but I've come to realize that I think like a man (odd, right?). I'm not trying to appeal to a heterosexual man. So, while I take pride in my appearance, I can only do so much. Women, on the other hand, tell me that my attitude and my looks are what make me attractive. I mean, I was told that I looked great with long hair and a bit of stubble (I feel like I looked like a bum), but I don't belong to the demographic I want to attract, so my opinion on looks is invalid.

I, like you, don't care how hot a woman may or may not be. I will approach. If she rejects me, so be it, my world goes on.

My point is: I think I stand out from the crowd because a) I have a casual mindset with anything dating related. Not because I don't take relationships seriously, but because it's only a date. Maybe...down the road...but first we have to figure out if that's a road worth traveling. B) I pay attention. Maybe because of the Army, but I have an incredible attention to detail thing going on. A question about pumpkin spice latte can evolve into a date on the fly.

Sure, I want to find "the one". My very own unicorn to hug her, and pet her, and love her, and...uh...not call her George.

But there's no rush. She'll find me when she finds me.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 70
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 11:24:09 PM
I got stood up this weekend.
Third 'date' stood up.
Ahh well. His loss. I had even packed the condoms in the hope of breaking the drought.

Communication earlier this week, he contacted me all good and keen but he is out of town back on Wednesday.
I phoned him later in the week and left a message to make arrangements. - No reply.
2 days later, just before we were supposed to meet I sent a text stating I had made other plans.
Just came back from the other plans (sailing of course) still no reply.

Those pesky aliens and their abductions.

So NO. I do not believe that women have the upper hand.
Certainly not this one.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 71
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 11:40:07 PM
^^^That's totally rude. How hard is it to apologize and cancel?
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 72
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/21/2015 11:40:53 PM
You just have to be approachable, respectful and kind. If you treat people the way you want to be treated there is no "upper hand". I think I stopped thinking that way about relationships when I was about 30. If one person needs more control it is not going to work. I don't play like that.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 73
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/22/2015 12:21:50 AM

You just have to be approachable, respectful and kind. If you treat people the way you want to be treated there is no "upper hand". I think I stopped thinking that way about relationships when I was about 30. If one person needs more control it is not going to work. I don't play like that.


well said, agree 1,000%. the only people who lose are the people who mistake it for a war and their "quarry" (the hopeful date) as one of the enemy...
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 74
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/22/2015 1:22:54 AM
I would appreciate honesty and an even hand.
No upper hand.
Do what you say you are going to do.
Do not do what you say you will not do.
Surely that is simple.


I disagree moonbeam, at the moment I think the people who lose are the people who do what they say they are going to do and believe what they are told.

If the quarry are the enemy, why do we want them healthy and alive and wanting to be with us when we 'catch' them.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 75
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/22/2015 1:38:10 AM

I disagree moonbeam, at the moment I think the people who lose are the people who do what they say they are going to do and believe what they are told.


What, exactly, did you lose when some tosser stood you up? Please don't give these people any more significance in your life than they deserve. (You deserve a lot better.)
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