Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Online dating women have the upper hand      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 126
Online dating women have the upper handPage 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I don't think one gender has an upper hand over the other gender over all. The following is pretty interesting: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-male-to-female-ratio-on-the-big-five-dating-websites-Match-com-eHarmony-PlentyofFish-Zoosk-and-

As for women having an upper hand when they're young and having an hour glass shaped body, this supposes that every young woman out there has those qualities. It simply isn't true any more than every young guy out there has Adonis looks and an athlete's body. I didn't start dating until I was 48 and had the failed marriage, two kids and no longer a svelt young woman's body but had no trouble with online dating and interest shown by guys of all kinds of differing ages.

As for the somewhat disparaging remarks about women having had one or two marriages/relationships and kids and ending up bitter as opposed to what?? - men being older having had those same one or two marriages/relationships and kids, and some don't end up bitter as well? I've seen and heard the same bitterness and self-pity from both sexes after years of no longer being with the subject of their bitterness. It's a personality trait, not a gender trait for crying out loud.

FYI, all guys don't suck it up because they are trained to suck it up and look confident - maybe in front of other men - but you'd have to be a woman to know that some of them can be as full of bitterness as some women when they get on a roll about how they perceive they were done wrong. Lord knows there have been no shortage of bitter men in the forums, just as there have been no shortage of bitter women. It has nothing to do with online dating attracting bitter people either - you'll find them wherever you go, just as you'll find super people of both genders in both places. It always surprises me that people think that there are two worlds - online and offline. The same people inhabit both places - you just don't have as easy access to as many offline in the same manner.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 127
view profile
History
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/7/2015 4:24:02 PM
It all hinges on the numbers. Which sex is in the minority in a given location is who will possess the upper hand. Looks will tip the scales, but only if the good looking person in question, is willing to cave on some on their choices. Your best bet is to have an alternate game plan, and be ready to implement that at any given time. Forewarned is forearmed. (My life motto)
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 128
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/7/2015 5:07:53 PM
Sean Connery hits women and thinks it is OK.
Yet another person I have admired, fallen.
WOW.
I thought he had been married to the same woman forever.
And had been a good husband.

He should be in jail along with the rest of the violent creeps of the world.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 129
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/7/2015 6:37:05 PM
people seem to have this weird belief that if someone is attractive and young, either gender, they will magically have this nirvanna like utopian life with duckies and bunnies and people falling all over them to do their smallest wish...


the fact is, there is not a person on the planet who does not struggle with someone. If someone's beautiful; then they aren't taken seriously; they are abused to keep them in line, they are invalidated intellectually and sometimes emotionally, they are completely invisible in substance by many people and idealized while being utterly unknown... a trophy to be owned and shown off, not a person to be cherished and appreciated.

or they are assumed to be too pretty and ignored by many who actually would be decent, because they are assumed to be out of their league.

And they are treated horribly by many people who are jealous and resentful, not understanding what it's actually like for them.

I remember a Christmas party where a woman who was an international flight attendant was there, first holiday without her daughter; divorced from her pilot husband... and she was grieving. Men were all over her but not because of HER, so she was constantly trying to fend them off, and women hated her sight unseen because she was so beautiful. She actually ended up following me around, touching my hair and telling me how pretty I was and saying how much she appreciated me because I think I was the only woman (at least woman stranger) who had an actually kind word to say. She asked for mmy phone number and asked to get together for Christmas... She was lonely and hurting, and had no one to go to; because no one gave her a chance. It kind of broke my heart for her.

It was really sad. Mind you some people there gave me crap because they assumed she was hitting on me. but she wasn't. Not at all. She was connecting to a human being who showed her kindness instead of hating her sight unseen, or hitting on the body she was in without having a clue or ANY regard for who she was under the skin and hair and face.

I just read a thing today on a study they just did; and supposedly people who give up facebook for a week this time of year are significantly happier than people who read it daily. They said people post false happy things; so people assume everyone is happy and having the normal rockwell experience, and not a lot are being "real". So people are envious of a false reality; and compare their own reality; and come up short.. not getting that most people behind the facebook post have their own issues and pains too.

Anytime anyone assumes anyone else is "luckier", they will always lose. Because people will never see what they have; only what they lack; while falsely imagining perfection for the other person. It creates pain, anger and misery; for absolutely no reason whatsoever.


Tis the season to be grateful. No one has the upper hand. Everyone does the best they can.... with their own sets of issues.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 130
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/7/2015 7:29:22 PM
I was always amazed at the beautiful youngsters in my small town who had no clue how to parley what God gave them. then again, I suspect those who did, ran off to NYC or LA to do what they could. Or maybe the ladies knew deep down, they had time to try out every stud in town before their biological clocks said they better search seriously. Perhaps the invention of birth control gives some freedom to think that way--though yes, some did get "Caught out".

I chased after the girls way out of my league back in the day, and they were fine to say no but yes to the hot guy (Still, do young girls generally look past the superficial? likely something they share with their male peers), so I don't find that pretty women are left wanting for the decent guy. just the attractive one. we all want the fine lay. we're programmed to not dilute the gene pool. we not all well-programmed to think with the big head and pick the best partner for the next 18 years when we're feeling a tingle in our groin. and when we feel that tingle, why not pick the best "Scratcher" we can?

I did meet some attractive women who were respected for their brains--by playing down their attractiveness (no tight pants, necklines low enough to see in between their breasts, etc) so people could focus on their brains or their personality. its a harder way to go thru life. Earning respect isn't as easy as raising an erection. even guys have to work at getting respected by others. and yes, with these particular women, they did indeed still get clods who only had one purpose in life. So, these women just shook those clods off, sometimes with help of the other guys who respected them. we can't get everyone to think what we want to think, but we can sure give them an example to consider. how we see ourselves, is how strangers first consider us. we know ourselves better than they do, so its their first clue how to approach us--by the way we advertise they should. what we think is our best feature, tends to be what we show off to the world.

one of those ladies in particular, was hot for a guy I was working with and gave me her phone number to pass on to him. he was married, so he didn't take it but admitted if he wasn't, he would have. So yes, there are times attractive girls get shot down. usually for a real good reason tho. a month prior, that same woman had been approached by a guy other women wanted, and she confessed to me, she was turned off by him just b/c he couldn't keep his interest in her a secret. she knew she could have him, there was no challenge. still, just b/c one stud turned her down, didn't mean she couldn't find other good looking men for sex...or go home to her fiancée.

as usual, the one who wants the least, can get the best deal. Just like in a business meeting or a sales pitch. what bites some people in the ass is, they don't look for the right thing. for example, they want a relationship but they don't know what a good one looks like, so they get the superficial. a person who's a material success b/c they are so insecure. or someone who's confident b/c they are a narcissist.

it is true, everyone's life has some darkness. I used to go to a rich kids' school, and whenever they whined about the problems their daddy's money brought them, i'd suggest they stop flaunting it or living off it, since poor people didn't have those problems. Funny how quick that stopped the whining...usually with a look that said, "what are you, nuts?"

a foot in the door, is a foot in the door. some people who've grown up with it, don't realize its potential and they waste it, for sure. Like millionaires who don't price shop. but I've known others who knew what it did (for example, they may have lost weight and redid their look), and didn't waste it on drunks at a party. but frankly...some people are just idiots, regardless of their looks or wealth. they make poor choices. but the choices offered to some look better than the choices offered to others :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 131
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/10/2015 4:50:47 PM
I suspect when we are younger, and either less mature or more likely to think we have a whole life ahead of us, we tend towards the superficial. we might want "eye candy" b/c of how it makes us look to others, or how cool it makes us feel about ourselves. The price we pay in drama, we might think of as just part of life. As we get older, however, we might realize that drama doesn't have to be part of our lives. As a lad, I remembered going to parties and wondering why the old folk just sat there and watched us run around. now I know why.

When all you want from a partner is a warm body...there's a lot out there to choose from. If you don't have your life together, and you want someone to help out...what you choose is the person who makes you feel comfortable about not having your life together. or worse, they hide it as much as you do, in the hopes of finding partner better than us.

again...there's a lot out there to choose from. they aren't the dregs of society, they are the average people, filling up the "average" space under the bell curve. and its shaped like a bell b/c there's a lot of average people, that's how they create the average.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 132
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/10/2015 7:57:42 PM

I don't think one gender has an upper hand over the other gender over all. The following is pretty interesting: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-male-to-female-ratio-on-the-big-five-dating-websites-Match-com-eHarmony-PlentyofFish-Zoosk-and- ...


The ratio can vary based on age, geography etc.. But for people under 40 on POF, men can outnumber women by 2 or 3 to 1 ratio in some areas. The ratio ( in generally ) gradually evens out over 40.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 133
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/10/2015 11:43:30 PM
Any of us like myself who are widowed and not divorced?
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 134
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/11/2015 10:11:23 AM
I agree with some of the previous posters that just because a woman is older and has "baggage" no longer has the "upper hand" (whatever that means). When I was in my late teens/early 20s and dated, I had much, much fewer dates and guys interested in me. Granted, that was long before online dating, but I remember being without a date for months at a time, and I shake my head when some people regurgitate that myth that "a beautiful woman doesn't have to go online, she get's hit on all day every day everywhere". Just not true. It didn't happen to me back then and it's not happening like that today (probably because I'm old and ugly and worthless with baggage now, lol). Sure, sometimes I get an occasional dude hitting on me or paying for my coffee while I stand in line at Starbucks, but those are exceptions, not a daily occurrence.

I think many think that getting one's inbox blown up by hundreds of messges equals "success" or having "the upper hand". Everytime I re-opened my account here or other places, there is the inevitable flood of messages (fresh meat effect). It's only flattering for the first minute, and then it's overwhelming and frustrating. Now, I get an average of maybe 20 messages per day, and half of those are from men I've already been talking to. This is manageable and feels better than having a ton of crappy messages from shady characters.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 135
view profile
History
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/11/2015 12:17:06 PM

Any of us like myself who are widowed and not divorced?


Huh? Yeah, there's plenty of us.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 136
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/11/2015 12:52:40 PM
The ladies "sharp" enough to initiate contact clearly have the upper hand and are probably THE ones who keep the site going. Go to a Fishmeet and TALK to folks not afraid to actually come out from behind their various electronic devices. A good many Forum men have had much better luck/more talks/meets because women were not "afraid" to see something they liked and take a chance.

And the OLD Fashioned ladies? What irony. "Can't be contacting men. That's THEIR job to do the hunting and pursuing..." But yet ... [at least SOME of] you want equal pay for doing the same job and equal rights.

OLD fashioned does not work well with OLD. This is 2015.

Unless of course, you are perfectly fine with what is coming into your mailbox?????? And some are without a doubt.

IF you send someone an email, the world won't come to an end regardless of any response or no response.

Lastly, for any lady silly enough to claim men don't like receiving emails?

When was the last time you saw ANY man in the Forums with more than a single digit IQ make such a claim?
 sapphiresky242
Joined: 11/17/2015
Msg: 137
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/11/2015 2:51:10 PM
I agree with everything Slaffa had to say above.

And what Slaffa said had nothing to do with "employment" . What I understood from his statement was - if we women want to be equal in all aspects of our lives, why not take the initiative and make the first move in contacting men.

He's right, it shouldn't be a man's job to pursue and a woman's job to sit back and wait to be pursued....if you want it, go get it. Both genders. It's 2015, soon to be 2016 so leave the 1950s mentality behind as its old.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/11/2015 2:53:19 PM

How does dating compare with doing the "same job for same pay"? I mean, I think those "old-fashioned ladies" are shooting themselves in the foot by that type of thinking, but how does dating compare to employment in an "equal rights" kind of way?


C'mon, you haven't been watching the debates? It's the new hot button issue, proposed 28th Amendment. Equal Dating Rights. Once ratified, no woman on POF will be allowed to receive emails unless an equal number of emails has been sent. Same for men, less of an issue of course.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 139
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/11/2015 6:21:21 PM
some ladies, when interested in a fellow, make their version of an approach...they make themselves available (ie I used to wonder why a lady kept hanging around my place of work talking to me, until I figured she must want me to ask her out). Reveal unconscious "indicators of interest". However, in this day of sexual harassment and men being called creepy, it would be nice if some ladies made their interests, well, clearer.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 140
view profile
History
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/11/2015 11:33:59 PM
I always thought that whenever people talk about who should approach who first, being old fashioned or not, who should pay for first dates, etc, and part of the conversation ends up being about equality in some sense...that's it not really as much about equality as it is other things.

It's a part of a bigger mindset in general, and/or a mish mash of undesirable 'game' that some were used to being able to play and others always felt was fishy.

For example, concerning doing any approaching or expecting the other person to approach. It's really often about something else deeper that still isn't recognized very much. And that is the assumption that someone would want to approach you in the first place when they have no reason to...or rather, assuming that your visual appearance is enough reason. And then after the approach, the assumption that the approacher has already decided that they really like you and wants to be with you, so the approachee doesn't have to do any get-to-know work. Or, it's a spoiled laziness hiding behind "want a man with the balls to approach me", when in actuality most of the men that approach such a woman isn't doing so because he has the balls to do so in a good way, and most of the men who didn't approach might be the ones that you really want but are ineptly weeding them out - They're not not-approaching because they're scared or don't have the confidence, but because they sense, even if subconsciously, that you think about it all a certain way that just isn't appropriate.

Or for another example, when the who-pays issue was argued about before in here, the worst defense of the man-paying expectation was that she would compensate him in other ways or would get the next date. The reason that this defense is so bad is that it again is assuming that the man already wants that second date in the first place, or has already decided that he wants to interact with you to such an extent that you will be able to compensate him in some other way. So instead of it only being about equality, it's again about a way of thinking which skips right over the importance of both people getting to know each other - it is to forget the whole purpose of that first or even second and third date.

Those are just a couple of demonstrations, but that should get a person on the right track of what I mean.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 141
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 1:22:27 AM
What if an old-fashioned woman seeks an old-fashioned man? There isn't anything wrong with that, if it works for the couple.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 142
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 7:25:46 AM
^^^
They'd be married within a year?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 143
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 8:31:41 AM
then they can finally have sex for the first time.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 144
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 8:37:39 AM
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 145
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 9:14:06 AM
"What if an old-fashioned woman seeks an old-fashioned man?"

Define old fashioned.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 146
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 9:15:20 AM
That's not what the Trammps said.


Satisfaction came in a chain reaction
(Burnin')
I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct
The heat was on, rising to the top
Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say

(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down y'all
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
 Sweetness_and_Light
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 147
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 9:25:59 AM

would be nice if some ladies made their interests, well, clearer.


gto, date me please?
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 148
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 11:27:42 AM
^ Haha! Maybe finally something will happen around here.

Burn baby burn
When am I gonna get my turn
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 149
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 8:13:32 PM
Sorry ladies, eunuchs can't get erections...
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 150
view profile
History
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 11:10:51 PM
I have googled the Sean Connery thing and apparently he has hit his wives. He is now off my list of desirable older men and that leaves very few!!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Online dating women have the upper hand