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 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 149
Online dating women have the upper handPage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Sorry ladies, eunuchs can't get erections...
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 150
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/12/2015 11:10:51 PM
I have googled the Sean Connery thing and apparently he has hit his wives. He is now off my list of desirable older men and that leaves very few!!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 151
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/13/2015 10:53:51 AM

PianoPetal
Edit for below: So if a man has manners, he has no testicles? lol
Just what are you trying to say?


ShowboatSupreme
Sorry ladies, eunuchs can't get erections...


The question wasn’t directed at me, but allow me to chime in anyway.

PianoPetal was throwing out her definition of the term “old fashioned man”. And it sounded like a man with would never make a pass at a woman, who would never make a lewd comment, who would never ask for sex. A man who would wait patiently, forever if necessary, for a woman to indicate that it was acceptable to initiate sex.

If you do find a man who is willing to let you set the timetable, to wait as long as you deem it necessary and proper for him to wait, then he is probably not going to be very interested in sex, if at all.

Life is about give-and-take, ladies. If you want a man who is actually interested in sex, then you’re going to have to accept that he is a MAN. Negotiate a little bit, compromise a little bit, recognize that your perfect man does not exist. I mean, look at this description:

PianoPetal
Different story if you are a man with manners, who cares about his family, can dress without looking like a mess, takes care of himself, recognizes proper nutrition, cultivates good friendships/relationships, dependable, trustworthy, etc. Nice if they can appreciate a minimalist type of lifestyle too

Now where in hell are you going to find such a perfect man? (Outside of a Jane Austen novel, I mean.)

How about this instead?


Bathes regular, wears clean clothes, no bad breath, supports himself, and waits until you actually meet before he asks if you are “dtf?”

 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 152
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/13/2015 2:34:25 PM
aww, S&L, but you live too far away. and you were even nice to say "please". But, hey, that's how my first gf got me :)

An old fashioned fellow who waits forever, might be from the Victorian Age. I just thought an "old fashioned" was a fellow who wasn't crude (and labeling it merely "blunt") and thought maybe there should be a trip to first and second base before trying to race for home plate. Someone who took their time, in other words, to enjoy the stops along the way.

(assuming, obviously, the lady's "Stops along the way" were interesting and worth stopping at. Perhaps a brainless bimbo doesn't offer much along the way to enjoy and savor)

Maybe i'm wrong, but i'm thinking of the older rom-com movies, where a fellow seduces her mind, first. flirting, back-and-worth word play, kind of building up the anticipation that somethings going to happen. enjoying what a person has to offer besides an organ betwixt their thighs. "earning the person" instead of getting a lay.

of course, it could explain why others do better in dating than I do--ladies might not be looking for that in a fellow at all, judging from the complaints posted here and there. I thought I was goofing up b/c I wasn't getting drunk with these ladies, that seems to be the popular ingredient for some these first dates.
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 153
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/13/2015 5:42:17 PM
OP yes your profile starts horrible. Delete first section about not knowing, the drooling crap etc... Move your section from the bottom to the top for starters:

"My quest: I’m searching for a long term relationship, to take a step forward at a time. Honesty, silly, funny and a sense of humor are a plus. A person's individuality is very central to me, for there is always something new to be learned; I believe that everyone has something unique to offer. I would also like to say, I’m so lucky to be part of NYC and NJ area where attractive, hard working and successful people are a dime a dozen."

Humor is good but to a point. When your constantly belittling the process of online dating you run the risk of loosing a women's interest. As to the upper hand. The site is design to give women a little more control of men and contacts. But honestly, there are far more women than men on the site. So men have it easy if they have spent the time to write something worth reading. I can see why Castle viewpoint would resignate with many. But OP work on your profile, and stop being so insecure or angry about Fit People. It takes all kinds in the world of Online Dating.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 154
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/13/2015 5:45:18 PM
Only as has been proven if we have photos of a young woman looking stunning in a bikini.

AND/OR

state or imply that we are looking for a hookup.


Then, the inboxes fill up very quickly.
Otherwise.
No.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 155
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/13/2015 9:09:38 PM
^^^ Does a man like that need to be able to form sentences or is grunting OK?
 mike11092
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 156
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/13/2015 9:56:50 PM

... with the bathing regularly


...I still shake my head at this.

I can't believe them womyn expect us menfolk to shower weekly. <----he said sarcastically. Or is it facetiously?...ah, bollocks. Well, I can tell you he said it with a UK accent.


I mean, I shower daily, so at least I don't have that working against me...
 lazurm
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 157
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 9:49:58 AM
Gee, this has never occurred to me. I guess I don't approach any relationship that way, even in business. My attitude is quite open, even excited about the experience: the learning, the adventure, the surprises yet to come, the fascination, the novel like qualities of it all and so much more.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 158
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 1:23:23 PM

castlehillsmile
^^^ Does a man like that need to be able to form sentences or is grunting OK?

In my experience, a man like that (“chiseled features of Christopher Reeve”) never has to say a word. Nor even grunt, all he has to do is look at the woman he wants and she melts.

By the way, any one seen / talked to Diana? Is she planning to return or just giving up on this madhouse?
 Sweetness_and_Light
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 159
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 5:07:29 PM
Diana should have been back by now, I have not seen any odd 'ghost posts' in the forum list (which does not mean much, they might have fixed that) like I did when BA was trying to get back in. Spot should have been back too and I think maybe only a day or so left for Crook.

I can't remember the name of the AU dating site to see if she is still there, she did say she was going to let it run out.

This sucks.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 160
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 6:32:49 PM

I don't think one gender has an upper hand over the other gender over all.


Really?

I just came across this in a 55 year old woman's profile in my area (Southern California):

"P.S. If you want to "Meet Me" or "favorite me" say so by leaving me a message. :)

Seriously, between the "meet me's, favorite's and mutual meets...its in the 800s. I'm not going to be the hunter. That's a man's job and I insist on being the woman. :)
No message, no response. :)"

Any guys here in the "800s"?
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 161
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 6:39:56 PM
^ Any guys here who wouldn't have completely impersonal sex with a woman, given the opportunity? See, it kind of balances out because 790 of those men haven't thought beyond banging her. Hardly makes a woman feel that she's at an advantage.
 LadyInWonderland
Joined: 11/27/2015
Msg: 162
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 7:19:21 PM
Do you believe the Southern California woman has 800 current responses? If so, why?
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 163
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 7:27:08 PM
Nah, I don't really believe it. The only time I believed such a message was when I saw the profile of a very hot, sexy girl in her twenties in a corset and with her hand pretty much on her right breast, who said "I have 2700 messages, give me a chance to respond." Now that was funny! I totally believed her. Girls like that DO get that amount of messages.
 LadyInWonderland
Joined: 11/27/2015
Msg: 164
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 7:36:04 PM
I'm amazed. A recently departed (temporarily?) woman said she'd dated nearly 800 men in four years. I don't know if they were all from POF but there's a Wow factor there. I will not have dated a quarter of that number in a lifetime, even if I added a hundred guys!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 165
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 7:45:10 PM
So she had 800 guys she either dumped or who dumped her? That's hard on the nerves, no thanks.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 166
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/21/2015 9:01:23 PM
The original post by FullMoonGuy talked about a woman who had received 800 “meet me’s, favorite;s and mutual meets”. That is not actual dates, nor even initial meetings, nor phone calls, not even real messages. It is purely bull hockey, men who clicked “Yes” or “Maybe” under her picture on the totally worthless “Meet Me” feature here on this stupid dating site.

LadyInWonderland asked about:

I'm amazed. A recently departed (temporarily?) woman said she'd dated nearly 800 men in four years. I don't know if they were all from POF but there's a Wow factor there.


This is, of course, in reference to Diana, last userid here was castlehillsmile. And she never said she had “dated 800 men”. She talked about having 800 initial meetings, which is far, far different from real dates. I have had somewhere north of 250 initial meetings in the last 6 years, but I have only dated about 10 women. And that is with a rather liberal meaning for the word “dated”. If you want to talk about women that I have seen more than just 2 or 3 times, that number goes down to about 5.

People, please pay attention and get your facts straight. Please.
 LadyInWonderland
Joined: 11/27/2015
Msg: 167
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/22/2015 1:45:34 PM
edited
 LadyInWonderland
Joined: 11/27/2015
Msg: 168
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/22/2015 3:36:11 PM
Any newbies reading: It might help you to type offline especially if copy/pasting. KA-BANG KA-BANG KA-BANG I had to re-key my post. Editing online may result in bb converting to html/css and corrupting display. Well, here we go again. I'm always willing to learn and I'm optimistic and persistent.

And then you have to log in and your copy disappears. But at least it provides amusement for the regulars in the cliques.

One more time...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ohenryx, I feel you really went off on me here. Did you miss my original question?


Do you believe the Southern California woman has 800 current responses? If so, why?


I already have my own opinions on the "quality" of various kinds of responses. So far, I don't see an answer (unless it just appeared) about HOW FullMoonGuy ascertained the response number. Did California woman tell him? Did he see a number somewhere? That's what my question asks.


LadyInWonderland asked about:

I'm amazed. A recently departed (temporarily?) woman said she'd dated nearly 800 men in four years. I don't know if they were all from POF but there's a Wow factor there.

This is, of course, in reference to Diana, last userid here was castlehillsmile.


No, not Diana. I did not write anything about Diana who I believe to be sealady/castlehillsmile and who lives in Australia.


And she never said she had “dated 800 men”.


I didn't say that either, not my question. The question mark referred to the deletion of moonbeamlover's account. The POF woman *I* referenced with 800 hundred meets was "moonbeamlover" whose posts I enjoyed very much. She mentioned you in that "800" post. Remember?

As far as I know 800 first meets is moonbeamlover's accurate count and I don't dispute it. I cited it only as an example that the California woman's 800 reply number might be true. I thought the California data was a bit fuzzy and I was seeking a clarification.

OK. I now see looking at the MBL original post which I've stuck below, 800 first meets in NINE years not FOUR years. Oops, sorry. The fourth year is when moonbeamlover switched to romantic. Eight hundred is still a lot. We differ on what a planned first meeting is called. I call it a date, you can call it what you want. I see moonbeamlover referenced "Henry speak" but I'm going to stick to plain English for a while.


moonbeamlover:
https://forums.plentyoffish.com/16472811datingPostpage14.aspx
3rd date really?
Posted: 12/13/2015 1051 AM
moonbeamlover [user_id=104154050]
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 338 ==>

[...] For reference in Henry speak, I have had probably upwards of (in almost nine years) probably close to well, maybe a little shy of eight hundred first meets (mind you the first three years i was on i was only up for friends platonic, , so these they KNEW were not going to be sex dates as i was just trying to reinitiate back into the land of dating and life was too chaotic to date romantically; it was not until my fourth year i was at least open to a relationship).

And I have never had sex with someone on a first meet whether i was on for platonic or open to a relationship. Had relationships which ranged from a month to a little over six months in that period of time, all of them having developed in spite of not having sex with them from a first meet. Of the people I met, some of them never had slept with any of them on a first meet, some of them ALWAYS slept with any of them on a first meet. And those who always slept with women on a first meet? met a LOT of women. I have also never gone home with a stranger from a bar either. Ever. I know people of the way I'm built people assume I do all the time; but never done it. Never will.[...]


More moonbeamlover below if you have forgotten her:
A reminder, she was last seen with a red stilletto shoe at her face then she disappeared.
------------------------------------------------------------

moonbeamlover:
https://forums.plentyoffish.com/16472212datingPostpage3.aspx
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 11/20/2015 1147 PM
moonbeamlover [user_id=104154050]
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 58 ==>
...
I am a year shy of 50, short and curvy redhead not tall and skinny blond, work ridiculous hours, travel frequently for work, have three adult kids live with me (though two are in the military and all are over 21) and have really weird sleeping hours and maintain a huge house on an acre; which takes a lot of work.
[...]
And yet I also get literally hundreds of emails pretty consistently; so trust me when I say if that is true of me being this weird, older curvy and unconventional looking frequently jetlagged almost 50 year old woman with WAY too many shoes and a strong coffee addiction? There is absolutely nothing about you that will keep you from being not only attractive; but extremely attractive; to men who like who you are. Whatever you are? Rock it.
[...]
:)
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 169
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/22/2015 5:36:05 PM

Do you believe the Southern California woman has 800 current responses? If so, why?


I already have my own opinions on the "quality" of various kinds of responses. So far, I don't see an answer (unless it just appeared) about HOW FullMoonGuy ascertained the response number. Did California woman tell him? Did he see a number somewhere? That's what my question ask


Well, regardless of whether Henry "went off" on you, here is my original POST #174:




I don't think one gender has an upper hand over the other gender over all.


Really?

I just came across this in a 55 year old woman's profile in my area (Southern California):

"P.S. If you want to "Meet Me" or "favorite me" say so by leaving me a message. :)

Seriously, between the "meet me's, favorite's and mutual meets...its in the 800s. I'm not going to be the hunter. That's a man's job and I insist on being the woman. :)
No message, no response. :)"

Any guys here in the "800s"?s.


See the quotation marks just before the PS, and after the no message, no response?
Those were the exact words in the woman's profile, in her About Me section.
Where does it say 800 "responses"?
SHE said in her profile 800 "meet me's, favorite's and mutual meets."
And then I asked if there were any guys here in the 800s of that stuff.(or anything for that matter).
Because few men, if any, get that kind of attention from women online, regardless of the validity or usefulness of the feature.
Carry on.
 LadyInWonderland
Joined: 11/27/2015
Msg: 170
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/22/2015 10:49:58 PM

See the quotation marks just before the PS, and after the no message, no response?
Those were the exact words in the woman's profile, in her About Me section.


Ohhhhh, the little quotation marks.... it was in her profile. Makes sense now. Thanks! for getting back to me.
How long do those--what would you call them, notices--last? Do they expire after 30 days or do the notices sit there accumulating? I'm always curious.

I guess I'd just let her be the prey but seems to me even though there are a pile of guys, the true competition might not be that great. Just guessing from the profiles I've seen.

Is she new? Do you think the high interest dies down after a month or so? I'm wondering about all this and I marvel at all the opportunities and options some of the women have. Good for them! But some of the men's profiles chase women away. Do you look at them?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 171
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Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/23/2015 9:50:32 AM
Well, if I did “go off on you”, I apologize for that.

But I do believe it is VERY important to differentiate things. To be very exact and specific as to what we’re discussing.

FullMoonGuy quoted from a woman’s profile, about “meet me’s, favorite’s, and mutual meets”. All of those are completely and totally worthless. I have no idea how many of those that I might have received over the last 6 years, because I completely ignore them.

And thanks for pointing me to moonbeamlover’s reply to my post, I had never seen or read that reply. Her viewpoint is quite different than mine, which simply means that we are NOT a match. Doesn’t mean either of us is right, or either of us is wrong, we are just “not a match”.

And no, I’m afraid I really don’t remember her. Her quote about being 49 and still getting “hundreds of emails pretty consistently” does not strike me as being very likely. I think the only woman in her age bracket who would get that many emails consistently would be Karma. And if you look at Karma’s pictures, then you know why I would say that.

I have been around for nearly 6 years, I have talked to many, many women (publicly in the forums, and more privately through messages). I think I have a pretty good feel for this. Location matters, a lot. Age matters. Appearance matters.

On Edit: “hundreds of emails pretty consistently” -- this does not mention a time factor, which is a critical part of the equation. If she gets hundreds of emails over the course of a year, than could simply mean 4 per week, and I would buy that. Hundreds per day, or hundreds per week – no, not buying it. Even if she lives in a highly populated area, at age 49 she would have to look as good as Karma, and put up similar pictures.

On Second Edit:

LadyInWonderland
Is she new? Do you think the high interest dies down after a month or so? I'm wondering about all this and I marvel at all the opportunities and options some of the women have. Good for them!

Once again, 800 “meet me’s” is a meaningless number. If she received 800 actual messages over a fairly short period of time, that would have meaning. And as we’re talking about the anonymous lady whose profile was quoted by FullMoonGuy, we have no real idea of what she looked like. I have known a few women in their mid-fifties who have a lot of options. But the percentage is below 10%. Well below.


 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 172
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/23/2015 10:56:12 AM

How long do those--what would you call them, notices--last?


Favorites last indefinitely, unless someone removes them, either the favoritor or the favorite.
The meet me's, I don't know, I have none. :(


Is she new?


She might be, not sure, don't recall seeing her profile before.


Do you think the high interest dies down after a month or so?



But some of the men's profiles chase women away. Do you look at them?


No, I don't look at men's profiles myself.
I just see the main thumbnail photos here on the forums and on the POF events link for my state (CA)

But that's a good point about "chasing" women away.
If you want to see something really scary, click on the California forum under USA forums, then click on the red link for California Singles Events, then click on the first event listed for Jan 30 (216 people attending so far), and look at the men's photos there, and tell me if you agree with me that a large percentage of those men would make great extras in a prison movie. So many of them look like they are about to shank a guy in the yard. And these are the main photos on their profile.


I'm wondering about all this and I marvel at all the opportunities and options some of the women have. Good for them!


This is the heart of the whole comment about women having the upper hand in OLD.
On another thread in the Ask a Girl forum, male poster made this comment:


A lot of men think women have the advantage with online dating, to some extent, that is true.

However, you get to choose who you will contact, how you will contact, under what circumstances and what you will say. To me that's a huge advantage, rather then sitting there waiting for someone to contact you or having to wade through a hundred emails that are vanilla, uninteresting, from people you aren't interested in. Getting a hundred emails a day from people you are not interested in is just that.

Go to the profile review forum and you will see women come in wondering why they are no longer getting their fair share of lame, uninteresting emails from guys they aren't interested in two weeks after they signed up.


Well, women are free to do all those same things as the men, if they so choose.
AND, on top of that, they get on average 20 times more first messages than men (according to the results of the "Cupid on Trial" experiment done in 2012).
So, how would they not have the upper hand?
Lots of messages coming in overall (yes, I know, not EVERY woman), and at the same time, freedom to initiate contact any time with anyone they choose.
Sounds like a pretty good setup to me.
 buxombad
Joined: 12/20/2015
Msg: 173
Online dating women have the upper hand
Posted: 12/23/2015 11:05:19 AM

I have had somewhere north of 250 initial meetings in the last 6 years, but I have only dated about 10 women. And that is with a rather liberal meaning for the word “dated”. If you want to talk about women that I have seen more than just 2 or 3 times, that number goes down to about 5.


that is said Henry. You have a positive attitude despite this it seems. Perhaps you are looking for the wrong women for you.
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