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 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 326
3rd date really?Page 14 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

But many of them are just people who are not hung up on old fashioned ideas of morality, they don’t care what other people think, they know life is short and you have to go after what you want. Those are my kind of people. Those women are a “match” with me, so we are very likely to get along.


it has a lot less to do with being hung up on what people think and a WHOLE lot more on being exposed to a ton of people in the cities where you know what stds are floating around, as you know many people with them personally who happened to date a ton of active meetup or online daters.

So when i was single, in my case it was not holding out for marriage; but no way in heck would it be first date hookup; it was not putting myself at risk in an EXTREMELY active sexual community (Minnesotans are wild apparently) where even with precautions, there are tons of things floating around and a whole lot of people I knew (both genders) were getting things... from people who ALWAYS gave it up on a first meet. (I know the online usernames and the in town meetup people that a person should avoid like the plague because of multiple women running into them and leaving with gifts that they did NOT want to receive.

For reference in Henry speak, I have had probably upwards of (in almost nine years) probably close to well, maybe a little shy of eight hundred first meets (mind you the first three years i was on i was only up for friends platonic, , so these they KNEW were not going to be sex dates as i was just trying to reinitiate back into the land of dating and life was too chaotic to date romantically; it was not until my fourth year i was at least open to a relationship). And I have never had sex with someone on a first meet whether i was on for platonic or open to a relationship. Had relationships which ranged from a month to a little over six months in that period of time, all of them having developed in spite of not having sex with them from a first meet. Of the people I met, some of them never had slept with any of them on a first meet, some of them ALWAYS slept with any of them on a first meet. And those who always slept with women on a first meet? met a LOT of women. I have also never gone home with a stranger from a bar either. Ever. I know people of the way I'm built people assume I do all the time; but never done it. Never will.

So to do Henry's math, if a woman only one time in 10 sleeps with a guy on a first meet; but he sleeps with EVERY woman on the first meet; she is basically sleeping with every single person he has ever slept with; and of those some of those also don't sleep with someone on a first meet and many of them do so you are sleeping with everyond THEY slept with ona first meet.

So you may have a 10% less chance of developing a relationship (which was not true in my case); but you have an 80% better chance of not picking up an std from someone you may or may not ever plan to lay eyes on again.. And you also have way less chance of GIVING someone something; because if you meet a lot of people and sleep with all of them? It is a matter of time before you will be the sharer. no matter how many precautions you take.

(plus sex with someone you know well is way hotter than a random stranger you never laid eyes on less than two hours before' because you know them, you have learned what they like; and you can explore the hell out of things with each other you would not be as likely to do with a random stranger)

my opinion but hey? i'm just one of the masses...

So guys who appreciate that are my kind of people.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 328
3rd date really?
Posted: 6/20/2016 6:02:04 PM
I thought I would update this thread I started.

The guy whom I started the thread about and I remained friends. He lives out in the country and I live in town. He doesn't know many people here bc when we first met in Nov. he had just moved here from CA. Sometimes when he came to town, once every couple of weeks, he would text and ask if he could stop by. We chatted and visited and he would go on this way. Last week, he asked me why I wasn't attracted to him, and said he was still really attracted to me. I told him I stopped thinking of him in that way, and only thought of him as a friend.

I've been thinking about what he asked me, and remembered he was a good kisser. Today he texted and asked if he could stop by. We talked again, and he told me he's met a lot of women though POF and OKc and he still feels the most attracted to me. He asked if we could try again, and take things as slow as I wanted. So, he's planning another date for Saturday night.

I've now known him for months, so it's not like I feel like he's a stranger, like I did when he first tried to get me to go to bed with him.

So I guess sometimes things can turn around when you stick to what you want. I guess the jury is now out to see if now that we are friends, we can be more.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 329
3rd date really?
Posted: 6/20/2016 9:13:19 PM
I hope you find something meaningful with this guy.

I think many women are ok with 3 date sex as long as they feel a connection with the guy.

That means a vetting process if you will and I don't blame them for asking some intense questions. Along with some laughter as well.

What do you do? How long since your divorce?

Do you live alone? Where do your children live?

I think a woman has just as much responsibility as a man for creating a connection.

If she needs more then 4 dates, then I don't have a connection with her and I won't waste my time trying to WOW her.

YMMV
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 330
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3rd date really?
Posted: 6/20/2016 10:31:58 PM
@ohenryx: I am confused about your math. First you say 1 of 10 sleeps with you on the first date out of 250 meets. That would be 25. But then you break it down to 10 and 240. Did you mean 1 of 25?

@moonbeamlover: As for STDs... You cannot put a likelihood on the overall probability unless you know the individual likelihood. If nobody has an STD, you can have orgies and nothing happens. If say ONE has an STD, the sequence matters. A woman may sleep with that guy first and pass it on. Or she may get it last and her other lovers are ok. Also, an STD is not guaranteed to be passed on, especially if they only did it once. And many STDs like Chlamydia and Gonorrhea (sp?) can be cured within a week or so. After that they won't be passed on. It would be an interesting calculation (with some simplifications perhaps) to figure out how many people get infected if one guy has something. I doubt it's 80%.

I found no correlation in my experience between first date sex (or waiting for however long) and the duration or intensity of the relationship. Pizza doesn't get better if you wait. It just gets cold and you get hungrier if you don't eat it right away. So if you're hungry enough, eat her while she's hot... :)
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 331
3rd date really?
Posted: 6/21/2016 12:38:47 AM
I seriously doubt this is going to work, since both his pof and his okc profiles state he's looking for a fwb.

OkC has all those damn questions you can answer. I went on there to see if he changed any of his answers. I sort of don't trust these profiles will come down or be hidden or whatever. I've had a lot of conversations with this guy by now, too. I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone who is looking for sex on the side.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 332
3rd date really?
Posted: 6/21/2016 7:30:38 AM
Well, one thing is for sure - it's never going to happen until you are ready. It makes no difference what the average is. That's just the way this works.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 333
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3rd date really?
Posted: 6/21/2016 9:19:08 AM

wolftxusa66
@ohenryx: I am confused about your math. First you say 1 of 10 sleeps with you on the first date out of 250 meets. That would be 25. But then you break it down to 10 and 240. Did you mean 1 of 25?


Yeah, you’re right, that math was totally screwy. And to think I was once a math major! (smile) Chalk that up to the original post being made in December. Everyone is inebriated the entire month of December, yes?

Yes, the numbers would be more like 1 in 25. Which is really, really bad compared to the national average of 1 in 3. Oh, well.


scorpioinOregon
I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone who is looking for sex on the side.


Communication is the key. Talk to him. Ask him. He just might be tired of the rat race, and willing to wait patiently for you to come around. You will NEVER know if you don’t ask him.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 334
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3rd date really?
Posted: 6/21/2016 9:26:10 AM
No problem. :)

I think I may have met you in a downtown parking garage elevator at 8:45 today... At least that guy looked like you, but I couldn't mail you due to your settings.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 335
3rd date really?
Posted: 6/22/2016 11:18:18 PM
We went out and it felt really awkward for both of us.
I guess once you're friends with a person, trying to think of them as more than a friend isn't as easy. It really felt like I was with one of my brothers or something. We hugged at the end of the evening instead of a good night kiss. I texted him in the morning ( we text more than talk on the phone. today's way, I guess, lol) and told him we make better friends than anything else and why ruin a friendship and he agreed.

Back to the fishpond, I guess!
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 336
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3rd date really?
Posted: 6/23/2016 10:57:42 AM
One more reason not to wait forever. The 3rd date is just a guideline, you don't HAVE to wait that long.

Honestly, how many of such friends do you have? If it doesn't work out romantically, chances are you won't see each other after that. If I hear the 'ruin a friendship' excuse, I think 'whatever' and move on. Not here to make friends, I'm looking for a partner. The worst part is that many women seem to believe it.
 IgottaName
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 337
3rd date really?
Posted: 6/23/2016 7:48:15 PM

I've read the forums enough to know that guys don't want to spend money on dates if they don't think it's leading towards the bedroom. I'd rather go dutch treat if that's the case.


Sexist, demeaning generalization aside, going dutch or deciding ahead of time who's paying is a good idea, whether or not sex is involved.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 338
3rd date really?
Posted: 6/23/2016 9:53:05 PM
I actually don't mind getting to know someone for several dates if the profiles are down...

Only 2 gals were OK with that and sex never happened.

Go figure...
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 339
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3rd date really?
Posted: 6/24/2016 3:51:44 AM
I am for the 3rd date sex thing if I am attracted to the guy and I would be to have three dates with him.
However it would have to be protected sex or not at all. It would also depend on the length and the type of date so four dates would not necessarily be too long to wait. If you really liked a person you would wait until they were comfortable, surely. The dates dont have to be exxy either nor footed by the just the guy....
 boatbob2q
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 343
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3rd date really?
Posted: 9/21/2016 12:53:23 PM
My Late wife and I made love on the second date,We were BOTH head over heels in love,We got married,had 3 wonderful daughters,and were married 46 years,8 months andd 8 days,til she passed away. Doesnt matter (to me) 1st date 10th date,do when you and him/her decide to.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 344
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3rd date really?
Posted: 9/21/2016 1:06:23 PM

wolftxusa66
No problem. :)

I think I may have met you in a downtown parking garage elevator at 8:45 today... At least that guy looked like you, but I couldn't mail you due to your settings.


Sorry for the late reply, I just noticed this post. I do work downtown, and park in the Regency Garage, and 8:45 would be about the time I am arriving.

I have no mail restrictions on my profile here, but we are 15 years apart, so that probably stopped you from emailing.

I haven't been around here much lately. I used to spend a lot of time here during lull's in my work day, but I've been a lot busier at work. And I don't remember the last time I got a date from this site, must have been at least 6 or 8 months. Tinder has been quite good to me, and Ok*Cupid as well.
 KiaMaia
Joined: 8/13/2016
Msg: 345
3rd date really?
Posted: 9/21/2016 8:31:50 PM
Skipping to the last page to see where this thread ended up.

I'm SO glad there weren't any rules put in place while I was married and not paying attention to what was going on with people that were actually HAVING sex.

At my age, why worry about when it might be considered "appropriate" to do something I want to do? If I the moment warrants, and both parties are willing and able? Of course, I discuss things openly before ever meeting up with prospective dates, but I have no hangups about physical pleasure. Spontaneity is half the fun, and communication makes it all work.

That said, I'm very selective about those that I actually meet up with. Honesty, sincerity, kindness - I have to find genuine evidence of these things before I'll even meet them.
 winfieldbrian
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 346
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3rd date really?
Posted: 9/28/2016 7:59:31 PM

Men liking sex need to find women liking sex.


Too bad most women on this site think sex is something they used to do when they were younger but have no need to do it now, and the men that date them just have to put up with it.

If I wanted a relationship with no sex I just could have stayed married and not lost tens of thousands in the divorce.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 347
3rd date really?
Posted: 9/29/2016 4:06:53 PM

Too bad most women on this site think sex is something they used to do when they were younger but have no need to do it now, and the men that date them just have to put up with it.


You know, there are days and days I just let things go on by. Leave it alone. But today isn't one of them.

Several years ago, dated a man 8 years younger than myself, for 19 months. We saw each other, maybe twice a month. One Saturday night he says, "Is that all you ever think of, is sex?" I damn near had a cow! Think my eyeballs, rolled back in my head.When I could see straight again, I blurted, "Are you nuts? You are complaining because I want sex, when I see you, 2-3 times a month?"

In the last 10 years or so, the men I have come across who have little, to no desire for sex, far and away exceed those who do desire sex. And those who talk a good game? Most often it's just that, talk.


..........the men that date them just have to put up with it.

Oh really? She has a gun to your head?

Show me a man who will CONTINUE to DATE a woman, who does NOT match him sexually.
Anywhere from none.............. to everyday.
Go ahead, show me!

I S T I F B S!
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 348
3rd date really?
Posted: 9/29/2016 4:53:11 PM


Too bad most women on this site think sex is something they used to do when they were younger but have no need to do it now, and the men that date them just have to put up with it.


You must meet very different women than I do, all I have dated have been very interested in sex.
Ladyinred may be much closer to the truth.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 349
3rd date really?
Posted: 9/29/2016 5:58:20 PM
They are not tired of sex
Just don't want to have sex with you :) Not something you have to mine to discover
right
all women a certain age stop being interested in sex LOL
I could stop your heart :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 350
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3rd date really?
Posted: 9/29/2016 11:30:01 PM
ouija is right,

women who say they are tired of sex are not just into you. They may be a bit jaded because of boring sex for years when married but get a hot new lover on the scene, and her juices will be flowing, you can bet.
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