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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?      Home login  
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 SunKist_Gal
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 20
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
It works.....I have had mine hidden for the most part of this year. Mind you, anyone you have sent a message to, can still send a message or if anyone is on your "fave" list.....as far as I know.
My profile is relatively new.
I think the only difference is while hidden....it will not show in searches but if I know your username and do a search....it shows up!
Where it never use to be that way....

On topic...Not too far gone or incompatible but I like being alone too much and the longer I am...the more I don't want another in my life.
But you.....are far too young to give up on "love".....
Good Luck!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 21
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/24/2015 9:48:39 AM
Mine is hidden right now. I don't pay anything.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/24/2015 9:54:56 AM
OP: It would help if you were to invest 25 cents into buying a comb.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 23
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/24/2015 10:19:00 AM
Just an observation:

I've known "broken" people, who couldn't connect to the other people in their life. But when they described these people they couldn't connect to (family and hang out friends), those people seemed to be rather broken themselves. It made sense one couldn't connect to these broken people--those people weren't very considerate, weren't very compassionate, didn't have an orderly life to share with others, and seemed to only take an interest in people they could try to take something from. Like a drowning person climbing on top of their rescuer who got too close and got drowned themselves.

Ironically, the people who weren't broken, wouldn't take a risk on the broken people. wouldn't show them via example what it was like to be a supportive friend. So, the broken person was stuck with broken people. Except that the broken person might have actually wanted to change, while the broken people he or she hung out with kept being broken, b/c it "Worked" for them (they were enabled, used for their bodies, etc).

it does suck when the only food for your soul you find....treats you like a peanut allergy, or a gluten allergy.

I suspect the general solution to all this is to...find a way to love yourself. BE the person who loves you. Don't rely on others at this stage in life. Become your own life preserver. learn to like yourself, on the way to learning to love yourself. appreciate the things you can do, on the way to teaching yourself how to do the things you'd love to see yourself do in life and to others.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 24
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/24/2015 10:35:52 AM
You can not re-invent yourself for a relationship. If you try to fit the mold just to people please you will end up betraying who you really are. When it is over the only person you betray is yourself. Don't please people, please your own sensibilities and whomever or whatever you chose to call God.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 25
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Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/24/2015 1:25:11 PM
Yeah it's not all bad actually, I accidentally double dosed myself with medication and went a little sideways. Sorry about that lol
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 26
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Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:15:59 AM
^^^^^^
Your hour was well spent.
Other readers may find it helpful (including me)


One of the things I get out of forums is watching and learning how others handle different situations.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 27
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Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:18:52 AM
Something happened to me when I started a fast slide toward death, I didn't die but it was so very close that I was lucky to have doctors who took the chance. Anyway, I use to be driven by a drive to have a mate, to have sex, to be loved by a man, to have a vine covered cottage with a white picket fence. I did not realize that it wasn't me who wanted/needed this stuff, that it was innate, that I had no control over having these needs. It seemed normal, a must, and the fact that I was truly mentally a mess didn't stop me thinking I'd find the right guy and live happily ever after. This wasn't Disney induced, soap operas didn't make me want something abnormal, books didn't lead me to feel this way, it was inside me, a way that our brains/bodies propel us to procreate and it's easily knocked out of wack.

I only discovered this when becoming ill and my body falling to pieces and these desired died, that I was released from this merry-go-round and could take a look at myself with calm and honest realization. A lot of therapy during the latter part of my psycho-ness was a big help, as was years of psychology classes, but the real eye opening was when the needs left. It's not that I now lack desire or the feel of touch or sex or wouldn't give it a go with the right man, it's that I'm not driven by it as though it was all my life was meant to be. I'm sure lots of people were always like this, but I wasn't and it amazes me how little control I had most of my life. I can give a calm, honest advice to people, but it won't matter when they are driven by the mind & body's desires are controlling them. I'm sure this might not make sense to some, but my point is that sometimes, for some people, they are being driven crazy and making horrible choices and fighting for what they feel must be right for them, simply because species are driven by the success of the species to procreate and keep the species going.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 28
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/25/2015 10:32:10 AM
There is SO much wisdom in these forums.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 29
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Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/25/2015 7:10:56 PM

Ffs, it took me an hour to write my post!


I read all the replies of course, I read, I digest, and then I think.

And for some reason, for about 36 hours I felt amazingly neurotic. And in that time this thread was born. I convinced a guy to quit POF, and I had trouble sleeping.

So, uh, yeah, sorry about all that... let's just pretend this never happened.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 30
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/25/2015 10:12:27 PM
I feel like you need to commit to life vs thinking there is an out via escapism in substances or people. I did that after a suicidal ideation phase in my 20s ..to make the best of the short time we are here, motivated to cheer up some gloomy family, those I felt I made a positive difference with, though I myself am gloomy. It is nice to feel one can help in small ways, though it gets draining and we must stop being without bounds, and assert ourselves.
I try to do what matters to me now, after thinking " love"would fill that hole, but all I got was drama, pain, disappointment, alienation, judgement and rejection, with a few good times and learning lessons. I like peace now...

People do accept you and like you once you show the real you, which I think you have done here, but you waver about your commitment. I understand you are without the scaffold of famliy and how that feels rejecting. I was estranged a long time as well but decided to put some oil on those edges. Some situations are simply too destructive and that is really sad. It leaves a hole there.

All one has is the ability to connect and to commit to something. I floated about a while, moving, unsure. I think you have that upheaval, as well as others so you feel the loss of this gal very intensely. She was a constant. You showed yourself you said in ways you hid perhaps before, to conform.

I think you are moving towards this sense of grounding and commitment, but are in transit, so it feels unsettled, chaotic. You need some friends, stabilizing influences so you can make truly authentic choices to be that person you feel at home with.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 31
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/25/2015 10:33:40 PM
Tango. I had a long post written, now deleted.

Instead.

Hugs.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 32
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/25/2015 10:35:44 PM



There is SO much wisdom in these forums.


there is a lot of heart and humor too; and a ton of inspiration. Thanks to you guys for sharing...

OP, medication can really mess with your head... please be careful with it, k?
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 33
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/26/2015 5:58:22 AM
Tango, I think you're a gift. You swim in very deep waters, I haven't known too many people with your insight.

'Too far gone' puts a negative spin on it, I just know for sure after several years that I'm not for everyone, and I'm not interested in most.
I get a lot of interest on here, men that only look at pictures think I'm attractive but when they realize I have opinions and healthy boundaries, that I'm not a big flirt in platform stillettos, they back right off.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 34
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/27/2015 4:49:51 PM
TangoFish- I don't think you are too far gone, at all.
You have come to a place where you know who you are and you won't pretend to be what you are not to please someone else.
That is called self acceptance and it's a GOOD thing.
When you meet someone that you realize you aren't companionable with, it's BETTER to recognize that early on, instead of trying to be something you aren't, or asking that of them.
I think you are making the mistake of seeing yourself as defective somehow because you might be incompatible with someone.
That's NOT the case.
It's not that something is wrong with you, it's just that you aren't right for THAT person, or they aren't right for you.
It took me a LONG time to get that, but I do get it and I hope you do too.
Accept yourself for who you are, embrace it.
If you don't find someone, happiness is STILL very possible, but it requires liking yourself.
Like yourself, you are a GOOD person.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 35
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Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/28/2015 1:06:44 PM
Thanks all, I appreciate the vote of confidence in my observations and insight. I try to be a good person, I really do, but I always seem to end up the bad guy. So thanks for the positive affirmations I really appreciate that. Because I dont know, a lot of the time I think things that are crazy, and I think sometimes I might be losing my grip on reality.

I don't know if ill ever find my way out of this madness. I feel more connected to you guys on the forum than I do to people I've lived with in reality for months at a time.

Maybe its just that I've always bonded with friends while using drugs or alcohol, and I just dont know how to connect without some sort of mechanism. And maybe that's why I liked the relationship that centered around drug use. It's either that or I have no ability to engage in affect connection to people, which is a scary thought if it's true.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 36
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/28/2015 1:11:22 PM
yes OP, mixing meds and chemicals/alcohol CAN make you feel and do crazy things. If you can learn how to feel comfortable in your own skin without the other things; you will find more than a little clarity.

And sometimes talking to faceless strangers can be easier than being vulnerable with people face to face... being real (even when your real feels a little crazy) and knowing other people get it and can see even things you maybe don't show often... you will learn that the real you is good... valuable... validatable and special... and you don't need "dutch courage" to show yourself.

Connecting with the RIGHT people is good; just be very careful who you connect with; some poeple who only can see themselves won't be able to see you; don't mistake that for your not being seeable... it is THEM that can't see.

Good luck and keep on keeping on :)
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 37
Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/28/2015 6:20:12 PM
Agreed.
Sometimes faceless strangers can be good.
With all the horrendous bullying and bashing that happens on here and elsewhere on the internet it is good that sometimes, like now with you, people in the anonymous internet haze can be supportive.
One of the best things the internet can do.

Real life people are best. Good and supportive real life people.
Especially people you can be friends with and enjoy company without alcohol or drugs.
Mixing meds with other drugs can be a very bad thing.

Keep that handsome young face of yours smiling.
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 38
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Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?
Posted: 11/28/2015 6:31:19 PM

yes OP, mixing meds and chemicals/alcohol CAN make you feel and do crazy things.


Wwhhaaaaaaa?

My dealer didn't tell me this shit! Are you telling me that a little Xanax, a fatty, a toot or two while slamming a bit of vodka can turn me into a bit of a wingnut?

I find that hard to believe....

Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Anyone else feel too far gone, or otherwise incompatible?