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 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 26
Golddigging in the Minor LeaguesPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Your lovin give me a thrill
But your lovin don't pay my bills
Now give me money (that's what I want)
That's what I want (that's what I want)
That's what I want only yeah(that's what I want)
That's what I want (that's what I want)

Money don't get everything, it's true
what it don't get, I can't use
Now give me money (that's what I want)
That's what I want (that's what I want)
That's what I want only yeah(that's what I want)
That's what I want (that's what I want)
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 27
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/24/2015 8:59:57 PM
That better be the Flying Lizards version of that song. It's the definitive version and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 28
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/24/2015 9:14:07 PM
^ It can be whatever version you want, for a price ;)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 29
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History
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/24/2015 9:27:58 PM
You know what, someone seeing you as a man she's interested in after finding out that you have set up goals that you've reached, is hardly gold digging. She may be, then again she's been hanging out with you for 9 months, that's hardly not wanting anything to do with you. But, considering your low opinion of her, I'd say move on.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 30
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/24/2015 9:39:57 PM
Sorry to hear you're going to die in 4-6 years.
I don't know when I'll kick it.
Leaves some mystery in my life.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 31
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 12:11:42 AM
Tut tut, another thread questioning the integrity of women. Maybe a woman might not be right, but women, are not The gold diggers. Misogyny in the minor leagues?

Some humans try to get financial reward, take advantage, and many a man wants a match in that regard...it's not the exclusive province of women and it is getting old, that refrain that men are being ripped off, due to those born of xx chromosomes.

The gold digger accusation always come from modest means guys who highly value their things, are of miserly greed, probably buy generic food, freeze everything, etc....

My first thought was if this is not a self pity thread, I have no clue what constitutes one, then.

The other thought was Zero self esteem( "what else could she want!"). I mean, that's fine, but makes dating hard, with all the defenses erected, covering one's vulnerable bits.

Your greatest fear is being poor, so your go to "set up to fail" test of potential paramours is " gold digger test" . What, did you start with," I am broke, Etc.." then 9 months later you lay in wait...the test," yeah, I have a cabin, etc..." aha!

Is this scenario something you attempted before?

But, before, none of the other gals cared about your nest egg? They were annoyed by the self pitying " I am dead in a few" routine, gosh knows what other charming comments, to keep yourself safe from involvement and all the insecurity it brings.

If you want to break your pattern which could be self defeating, why not just be friendly back, get to know her.
She cannot force you to marry her. Oh, no...then, you'd have to be vulnerable and see what happens, that not all women are out to get you, or that you can handle a bit of change and complexity.

Don't date if you do not want to, but stop owing it all the those hell fire gold diggers.

Are women such monstrous, subhuman harpies, really?
I find it hard to fathom she will make love to you, bide her time for years till you're dead, then get what haul? You said it was modest. Are you matching lifestyles or insinuating you have more money? Is she gaining Euro vacays or just a Kohls free for all?

Maybe She was testing you those 9 months, you held in sexist statements, didn't paw her, spent time treating her as a person, had some nice talks and now she sees you aren't indigent like you might have played and now she thinks you might be a gentle man, not a distrustful guy.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 32
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Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 12:23:57 AM
O'H Good advice
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 33
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 4:26:53 AM
OP, did you ever think that perhaps the fact you mentioned you would be retiring opened up new possibilities to someone who may not have wanted to get involved with a coworker?

For all you know she has been interested in you all this time ( hence th dinners) but kept it on a friendship level for not wanting things to get potentially messy at work. All of a sudden you inform her you will be retiring in nine months, and you stop being forbidden territory. You work at the same place, she obviously has a job, she's not broke.

It's interesting your conclusion is shes a gold digger. That may say more about you than her. Something for you to ponder?
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 34
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Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 7:43:14 AM
I really don't get why the Op believes that the woman that he was highly interested in is now a gold digger.
She had "a tepid interest" at first, but did accept occasional dinner dates....so why would she accept those dates if she had NO interest in him at all?
She learns that he's financial solvent and doesn't live in his mother's basement, so she won't have to support him. THAT is what most women want in a man....
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 35
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:02:00 AM


She learns that he's financial solvent and doesn't live in his mother's basement, so she won't have to support him. THAT is what most women want in a man....


It's interesting. A woman's need for security can be interpreted as misunderstood gold digging based on the context of the situation.

I reserve the gold digger label for the women that straight out ask me blunt, direct finance related questions (i.e. what's your car payment?)

What I do for a living, where I live alone and my ability to drive and pay for the date without b!tching about the outcome should suffice unless she wants the altar experience.

This gal? I admit it does sound suspicious all the interest 9 months later after his finances were mentioned.

Maybe she ended something recently and is on the rebound?

I'd have some fun with her first and see if she's predictable. OP, make sure you mention the time shares you have and your life insurance policy :)
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 36
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:17:24 AM
Oh and this:


I'm petrified of being poor.


You get used to it. You adapt. You plan. You don't have expectations outside of reality.

We poor people deserve to be loved too.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 37
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:21:02 AM

I reserve the gold digger label for the women that straight out ask me blunt, direct finance related questions (i.e. what's your car payment?)


NO way!!! NO WAY??? I have been married and NOT know what he paid for the car. I couldn't image asking a man that kind of question. Wow.

I am sorry but gold diggers tend to seek out men who have gold and is willing to hand it over to her. She is not a gold digger because she does not want to date a man who is not broke. You already stated you have health issues, what if she is considering weather she will have to pay for your care as you decline in health? That can break a person in two. She saw a guy she liked enough to date. At our age you consider things like if this person's health will lead to them being single again 10 years from now. Or weather their health care will eat our little savings.... When men consider this they are just being practical but when women do it they are being gold diggers.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 38
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Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:28:48 AM
What's your car payment? Really, that's a gold digger? I don't think a gold digger cares about your payments on anything, what they would be interested in is what are you going to give them, buy they, like right now, today, hand it over. Someone who is interested or worried about if you live within you means does not sound at all like a gold digger to me.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 39
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:34:32 AM


It's sad in a way. The conventional wisdom is to find your own path and be happy alone. Create a life for yourself.

Some folks then look at you and wonder how much life is leftover to be shared with them, rather then creating a life together.

Several women I've spoken too have said they've met men that have set up shop somewhere (i.e. built a house) and are basically saying Come join me in the life I've created for myself .

These women were turned off and felt there was no compromising with these men. The men already sealed their fate so to speak. What were the men supposed to do? Put their lives on hold until Ms. Foreva showed up?

Truth be told, I've chatted with female homeowners that lived 2 hours away. Aside from the distance and getting to know her, what are the odds that she'd rent out her home to come live with me by the job I'm chained too?

It would seem that folks choose to be chained to things that put up walls to being approachable (i.e. job, mortgage, retirement, scale).
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 40
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:34:36 AM
Asking about your car payment is a little forward. Or odd. But one of the big causes of relationship breakdown is not talking about finances. It's possible that she was seeking a fairly minor financial question just to get that line of communication open early.

If she's had a divorce it's likely that not talking about money was a problem in her marriage and she doesn't want to repeat that pattern.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 41
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 8:41:43 AM
Discussing finances in a relationship is very important, but on a 1st or 2nd date? On a cynical note, I don't blame the women for gold prospecting early on since the men are perceived as prospecting for...well, you get the idea:)

I've told the two women that have asked that question on a first meet that I'd share the answer after I slept with them.

One told me she doesn't have sex outside of a committed relationship, to which I said that's fine, I don't spend money outside of one.

I had fun with the other but she admitted after the 5th date, on the phone, that she only wanted to work 2 days a week and couldn't commit to a guy that expected her to continue working at the rate she was.

She said this in tears, crying from working 12 hour shifts.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 42
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 9:05:58 AM

Suddenly I am much more attractive! She drops by my desk every morning for a little flirt, sends a cute mid-day email. Happy, Happy, Happy...

I wouldn't believe the golddigging without seeing it happen to me.


Flirting? Has she actually indicated to you that she finds you attractive? Has she actually asked you out on another date? If not, I suspect you're misinterpreting her platonic friendliness as romantic interest.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 43
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 11:28:25 AM
Show have you considered she was car shopping and wanted to know what you paid for your's????
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 44
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 11:35:20 AM
Asking the sticker price would have been more palatable then the car payment, assuming I have one that is.

YMMV
 goldenbear60
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 45
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 12:54:56 PM
There are people that do ask inappropriate questions and my response is always "and why would you ask that?". I have had questions about mortgage or own outright, car payment or own outright, investments, etc. It never goes past there, it ends for me. Money questions are at the top of the list of "tacky" questions, just like "do you swallow?".
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 46
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 12:55:22 PM
Showboat...... I wonder if the ladies would ask the same quesion if you turned up in a rusty old VW beetle?
Rather than your spectacular, gleaming 'chick magnet'.

As silly as it sounds, I often turn up to first and/or early dates, especially ones where my car will be visible, in my old 4WD rather than my new(er) convertible. There are many advantages to having 2 cars.


Steve - Showboat.

5miles of cycling, wearing your blazer, on a day like today, here, where the temperature will be well over your 100F to get to a date could culminate in your date having to drive you to the Emergency Room with heat exhaustion.

Now if the weather were more moderate and we both cycled to a beach for fish and chips and a swim?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 47
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 1:07:22 PM
I don't automatically assume people who have nice cars are rich.
Maybe they have wicked high car payments.
Maybe their credit cards are maxed out and that's how they're able
to dress to the nines.

People who meet me in real life must have a hard time figuring me
out if they're using visual aids.

I can't imagine marrying someone I wasn't insanely attracted
to just because it looked like they had money. If I needed money,
I'd think it would be cheaper in the long run just to steal it or
get a loan from a bank.

And yes...I've been there...and back.
I know what poor is.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 48
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 1:07:53 PM
Diana,

I'm gonna date within a 5 mile radius so I can drive a cheap a$$ bike from Target to the meet.

I'll have to add a fender to the rear wheel to keep debris from flying up and hitting my blazer.

Boo, I highly encourage all women to use their visual aids to attract men. Wait, except daughters.

They're different...

So what differentiates minor from major league anyway?

Starting a family dynamic vs. approaching retirement?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 49
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 1:19:22 PM
^^^^minor leagues is owning a cabin in the mountains...major
league is owning the moutain...hahahahaha!

Well I do have visual aids...they just aren't cars or purses!
:-)
 Rapunzel2016
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 50
Golddigging in the Minor Leagues
Posted: 11/25/2015 2:21:06 PM

Late last week, I went to dinner with a co-worker who has only a had tepid interest in me. I was highly interested in her at first 9 months ago but I came to see that I was hopelessly friend-zoned. The occasional dinner was better than eating alone, but not by much.

As dinner conversation, I let slip that I had a little money. Not much by contemporary standards. A house, a mountain cabin, a small pension, and fairly generous social security. Some of this had been mentioned before, some was brought up when discussing that I had set a date-certain retirement date of June 30, 2016 from our current mutual employ.

Suddenly I am much more attractive! She drops by my desk every morning for a little flirt, sends a cute mid-day email. Happy, Happy, Happy...

I wouldn't believe the golddigging without seeing it happen to me. The irony is if she had exploited my initial crush 9 months ago she would have got it ALL by just outliving me. (She is about 4 years younger than me and much healthier than me. I'm good for 70 to 72 at most. I think she'll make 80 and push on through.)


Seki, many relationships start out w/ one party having a "tepid" interest! Maybe you were "friend-zoned" in the past bec. she had a BF, was pre-occupied w/ family matters, etc.

So YOU told her about YOUR ASSETS & INCOME. AFTER she accepted your dinner invite? Not before?

Then she starts flirting. Maybe it had nothing to do w/ ur modest income! First of all, a GOLD DIGGER digs GOLD, not a modest pension man!

Part of a woman's attraction to a man (if she is smart & emotionally healthy) is his ability to provide for HIMSELF (who wants to be a Mommy?) & even provide a little for her. It is not ALL of the attraction but part.

Do little girls & young women dream about meeting, falling in love & marrying a HOMELESS BUM? (sorry to all the homeless bums)

The same way young boys & young men dream about meeting & falling in love w/ a cute gal, not "The Ugliest Girl In Town" (google that, younger generation!)

Seki, live in the moment, enjoy the gal & for cripes sake, ask her out again! Keep your eyes open, but more importantly so, YOUR HEART NEEDS TO BE OPEN!
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