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 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 26
How would you handle?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
[/Have him repeat your name over and over and over and over again -- and razz him. It'll stick]

Someone mention name association... both females would be label (female, happy, laughter) and so far he hasn't called me her name since I called him out on it. But I won't lie it threw for a curve, then I thought something was going on medically, dosage change has just happen so we'll see.

Dating in our 50, 60's is not easy. There are way too many broken spirited, sexual predators (one night wonders) and so many married ppl trying to act single OMG... the weeding process is tough. So were both making a effort to see where this goes, I am trying to keep a level head but that infatuation stage of dating pretty darn intoxicating. Just swimming through it. Time is precious and don't want to waste it. I was confused, couldn't be objective and knew someone had to have this happen. Been given great perspectives, humor and smart a.. comments . Thanks
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 27
How would you handle?
Posted: 12/17/2015 7:52:49 AM
Well, I hate to break this to you, but you guys are as old as the hills (and I'm not far behind).... you should be glad he can find you in daylight.

He loves you - talk is cheap but actions scream.
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 28
How would you handle?
Posted: 12/21/2015 9:17:14 PM
[]He loves you - talk is cheap but actions scream[/] LOL hemingway234 yeah we are old, and it's pretty darn sweet. The word "Love" is used way too much in conversation. His actions show his declaration. But when you have his friends, stating the same thing... it's actually pretty flattering.

I have never had a man call me by someone else's name in my life... first time didn't bother me, laughed it off. But the next day over and over and conversation ... my alarm bells went off. PPl here were willing to give their viewpoint. Which lead to me assessing and venting my concerns. Enjoy your age bracket of dating. It's a fun time I'm sure.
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 29
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/16/2016 9:17:16 AM
[ ]Remember this;
There is a reason you posted this question.
There is a reason that name is in his head.
Too many coincidences aren't a coincidence.
Love is blind, but the neighbors ain't.[/ ]

Oh Crabdipper you were wiser than you knew. Turns out this wonderful Christian is addicted to PORN, exchanging NUDE pics with women while dating me, sexexting, ... yep. Exchanging text, took pics in my car and sent to one of them. Claims to have stopped smoking pot (but he puts himself in situations around drugs, having falling issues) and the blessing is NEVER was intimate. Ms. Gorilla question... I had a feeling was an issue but I genuinely like this guy, great meals, dinners, wine, wonderful couple dates, we hiked, went to the falls, had lots of activities and so much fun even at the grocery store. But porn is porn he can't do anything sexually, and his self esteem (low) to feel that is what life is...

To boot his profile is courtesy of my writing feel bad that a movie I enjoy with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks... he's using the title just change to NC or his hometown. Heaven help the good women who gets caught in his net... Sad cuz he has a great personality, is so, so SMART but things pot enhances his abilities... sigh

Lesson trust those red flags or instincts... chances are something is there.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 30
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 1:57:17 PM
My entire family has this problem of calling each other as well as some good friends by someone else's name; more so in emotional moments. My mother calls my son by my brother or my father's name. My brother references his wife by two different names - they've been married for eight years and I still don't know her legal first name. We've gotten used to deciphering who is actually being talked to or about.

How to deal with it? I always ask if 'John' or 'Mary' is the person actually being referenced... especially if it is something like returning a phone call. Other than that, get used to it. Or tell him it really bothers you to be called by someone else's name and come up with a 'nickname' or some other solution.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 31
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 4:20:22 PM
benarflick

why would a woman you knew 3 weeks want to hurt your feelings when on a romantic stroll, by calling you by the ex she was still not over? That is plain stupid and illogical thinking by posters. People do mix up names at all ages. My mother had trouble with her three daughters in that way, even in her late thirties.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 32
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 4:25:45 PM
Oh gosh, my dad used to go through the list and still got our names wrong, and there was only me, my brother, and my mother. I'm bad at it too, which is odd in that I have a thing for names, I want to know people's names, what they name their babies, pets, etc., I've always been interested in names. And yet, I will stand there and look blank and can't for the life of me remember the name of someone standing right in front of me, you know, like my granddaughter's name.

Unlike the one about the ex who still wanted to be with her ex and called the person by the exes name, which I do not find to be the same thing as OP's situation at all, it sounds like it's just the way his brain works. When I was very young and married, my husband once, one time, called me his ex-wife's name and I fell to pieces. Cried and screamed and accused him till he wished I would leave and never come back. I wouldn't suggest that, but I was immature, way too young, and jealous as all get out. My advice would be that when he does this, nicely remind him and tell him it bothers you. Other than that I'd leave it alone.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 33
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 4:52:23 PM
I feel the need to speak up here.

Being terrible with names is not indicative of a porn addiction. They really aren't related.
 yougotmeakitten
Joined: 8/30/2014
Msg: 34
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 5:00:24 PM
I can only say, I have referred to my ex husband as my ex ex by name. Never considered one to be better or the one. Just habit. Then there was the night he maybe not know he was going through a divorce and when asleep said" I said, "I love you Steve". His name was Rob and I didn't know a Steve.???? I did later ??

Le Pew

Ha ha, all following posts... This is brain disconnect at moment of orgasm
 michelinman2
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 35
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 5:21:18 PM
Message 30 from the lady who started this thread - I am sorry how this turned out for you. It just shows that sometimes listening to our gut instinct is wiser than listening to our heart. Always follow your instinct.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 36
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 6:24:32 PM

she called me Bob ….

I NOW believe she wished she was with him then instead of with me.


Ouch….seems she preferred her B.o.b. over you. Tough break. :/

OP: He’s “addicted to porn” because he exchanged nude pics with women while dating you and sexted??? How do you know he did that, did you go through his phone? Was he clinically diagnosed by a professional, or by you? :/

If you weren’t intimate, how do you know he can’t perform sexually? If it’s because you tried, I would suggest a little decorum from you…no need to trash him to this extent. Just recognize he wasn’t for you and move on.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 37
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/17/2016 11:05:40 PM
I am sorry he was not the guy you thought he was. I still cant get over him exchanging nude pics at his age, even in flattering light! ewwwww!!!

Whilst sixtyish is not old these days it is getting up there. He couldn't get it up there, so to speak, so was compensating well and truly by all his other actions. If he fell he may have bone problems such as weak hips and knees. Some women wont mind the lack of sex if there are other fun activities such as you describe, on offer.
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 38
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:42:16 PM
Ahh Sunshine Girl why do you hide?

It started innocent enough, just calling me someone else's name repeatedly. ED, we had a discussion where he stated it. Porn soft or hard core is porn. There are some studies that indicate a correlation of excessive Porn and the inability to maintain an erection or pre ejaculation. I could of care less about the ED. I was in to him, there are many ways to make love without intercourse. Hoped he would be willing to explore later on. ED is now getting more and more in the 25 to 35 yr olds. we see at work.
I sought help trying to sort, to see if others experienced... the name mistake repeated got great advise

Pics, texting, sexting it's all there. Because he uses a huge 50 inch TV and opens mail, the exchanges were there. He bought a new phone and guess what all that he transferred was still on the old phone. I went to leave a text message and got a hellooo of a surprise. Little things weren't making sense. I had to laugh when YOU spoke of decorum. Walk in my shoes, then sing your tune.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 39
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/19/2016 4:04:41 PM
Would you be willing to see him as a friend? Knowing about his habits etc and you seem to understand. Maybe the pot smoking worries you?? Soft porn is not the same as hard porn but it can be a real addiction.

Companionship and interests in common are more important in later life, I feel. If only the younger girls do it for him then so be it. Frankly, as I am a woman your age, I am not interested sexually in men my age either. lol!!
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 40
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/20/2016 1:24:51 AM
He is funny, sweet, kind but my Trust, I feel betrayed. We live far apart, Two hrs.15 mins. from my home. An hour and 15 mins from work... long commute. Friends I just don't know. Finally got a real apology, I knew he meant it.

Faith is important to me, knowing what I do, I can't help but feel were smacking God in his face, in his house. In my job, can't be around drugs/use. Randomly checked regularly as I courier occasionally.

As for the sexual interest I would say that is one of the biggest difficulties post divorce. As my Ob/Gyn said " Use it or Lose it". Astroglide is amazing stuff. Kind of realizing the joy of Great Sex is over...darn I'm not ready LOL
Thanks Letitialegrande for asking.
 amee11
Joined: 12/6/2015
Msg: 41
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/20/2016 2:25:46 AM
Hi.. I've never been on a forum before so not sure if I'm doing this right.. Being almost finished a psychology degree I would suggest
u google 'Freudian slip'. I'm sorry but it's not a good sign at all.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 42
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/20/2016 6:32:23 AM
TO: LuvFishes

Sorry to hear things turned south with this man.
A good boyfriend is hard to find. Keep positive!
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 43
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/20/2016 8:07:27 AM

"why would a woman you knew 3 weeks want to hurt your feelings when on a romantic stroll,"


I never thought she did.

I have no idea why so many here did. It appeared to me some members just liked to write mean and hurtful things. I don't have a clue why. I was new here. Maybe a few hate old men.


"Ouch….seems she preferred her B.o.b. over you. Tough break. :/"


Yeah, I think she preferred him. At the end of a fantastic week vacation it hurt, but about a month later she asked Bob to dance - that hurt a lot more. The relationship would have ended then if I didn't stop in the men's room on the way out. I cooled off. (I noticed my face was a bright red when I looked in the mirror.)

She was stunned after I told her I was about to leave her there. She said she had no idea our relationship was hanging by a thread. Perhaps she had no idea how hurtful it was watching her ask her ex-lover to dance - much worse than calling me Bob.

I'm glad I didn't leave her that night. We had a great 23 years together. I was extremely lucky. She was way out of my league: beautiful, great body, more educated. earned more money, she played tennis and golf, and I had a incredible good time being with her except for the time she asked Bob to dance and maybe a few other times. Not too bad!

My advice to anyone: if there's a possible love connection don't be too quick to end it on a trivial matter - especially a slip of the tongue. My opinion!
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 44
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/20/2016 8:37:47 AM

I'm glad I didn't leave her that night. We had a great 23 years together.


Had no clue your story would end that way. Good for you!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 45
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/20/2016 2:39:18 PM
LuvFishes- I am truly sorry things ended this way. :(
His loss, I hope you know that.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 46
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/20/2016 3:55:42 PM
luvfishes

I hear you re the sex life. The answer is to get a younger lover. Okay, there wont be commitment or any serious relationship more than likely but it can be fun. There are men who appreciate a mature woman and the fact there is no pregnancy worry or wanting a real legal commitment, can be attractive. I am speaking from experience!!
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 47
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/24/2016 8:05:20 PM

The answer is to get a younger lover

Is that what we do as we age, go younger? Is that what we over 50 plus are doing? Probably is amazing, didn't realize that is what many ppl are seeking... hmm
Very grateful to have insights, opinions, and gaining both male/female perspectives. Did check and read about the Freudian theory... what an eye opener.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 48
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/25/2016 11:47:31 AM
It all depends. If he spends a lot of times with her, it is natural for him to mention her name often, for his thoughts to carry her name, if you know what I mean. I spend a lot of time with some of my friends, and I catch myself thinking conversations with other people but saying the name of my friends instead. I don't do it in conversations with other people, but I think it, and catch myself.

I don't think it's odd, but it's annoying. Maybe you don't communicate often enough that he can think with your name in mind, and get used to saying your name. It's only been 4 months, I've known my doorman much longer than that.
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 49
How would you handle?
Posted: 1/31/2016 1:55:44 AM

I don't think it's odd, but it's annoying. Maybe you don't communicate often enough that he can think with your name in mind, and get used to saying your name. It's only been 4 months, I've known my doorman much longer than that

You compare a couples relationship to your relationship with a doorman, really?

Originally, it was experiencing being called another women's name. A first for me. We talked daily. were together probably 5 out of 7 days most weeks. If we weren't together, we were on the phone having the most amazing conversations. But he had a 3 hr. window to chat... he'd go outside or to the other room. It was deliberate ... he hated being caught, hated that I confronted the issue head on and thought I would be ok. Took him a week to apologize, he was trying to convince me it was ok with God. The forgive I have done, but forgetting will in time. Life lesson learned. The dilemma is not bringing the betrayal forward. That is the difficulty and his stocking is another.

But if you go back, you would know he was chatting, exchanging pics, porn while professing love, commitment, etc. ... the latest for me is he is following me on the net. I asked him to stop. He's on Our Time and I am on Senior People Meet (not an active member). Their sister companies thus we cross but he is deliberately following me, comes on when I am there. He goes to FB.

One thing I've learned if they have been single for over decades... they seem to be hooked on dating sites, chatting, and if women send naked pics they lust, convent them. Porn sites, excessive drinking, being with drug users etc... It is a side you can't see till your around the person. He's smart, funny but the other trash out weighs a healthy relationship. He insults our religion with his behavior. I was actually insulted by the women; were so unattractive. So while betrayal is not easy to face, my instincts served me well.
 Stackwoofen
Joined: 2/24/2015
Msg: 50
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How would you handle?
Posted: 1/31/2016 2:11:16 AM
I have done this before, it's not a big deal. It's just the brain misfiring. You should turn it around and make it fun for him, and take the awkwardness away from it, see it as a complement that you remind him of beautiful people. This is how life works. You don't get victimized by life, you deal with everything honourably with kindness involved. Trust me, you don't want to be known as an explosive, argumentative, control freak that pushes buttons, looking for trouble. Women need to esteem their men, not correct them. This is why most relationships don't last. Just be beautiful and kind, all the time. Men will love you forever. Peace out !
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