Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 50ThousandAnd1
Joined: 12/28/2015
Msg: 259
who paysPage 11 of 58    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

I do think a woman who dates just to use men is not very nice either

If a man (my man) wants to whip out his credit card (or anything else LoL), I am down w/ it.

We don't consider ourselves "equals" & that is what works for us.

We are more romantic than companionate, but that is just how we roll.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 260
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 1/6/2016 4:04:02 PM

I'm amazed at the fact that people still end up talking about this in terms of being equal or fair, the exchange rate, etc.

For me...and I think that it's this way for many others but they just don't see it consciously...it's all about your motivations or intentions for being on a first date with someone, or your views on the genders and how they should relate to one another (as in some form of female chauvinism, for example), not financial equality or fairness. You should only be on a first date with me because you were interested in me and looking at the possibility of how we may go together, etc. That undermines any logic or ritual which involves one person paying for the other. If you accepted a date request from me, and it wasn't because you had this interest, then you've committed a major offense. If you weren't interested but still "giving me a chance", that doesn't change anything - that's your choice, and I shouldn't owe you something because of that. If you think that I should pay for you just because I asked you on the date, then again you are still a liar in some way.

From the last time when I posted this ^, the posts between there and here...

...see what I mean?
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 261
who pays
Posted: 1/6/2016 5:48:05 PM

We had to wait for a table, so I asked if she wanted a drink. She said yes and sheepishly handed me a twenty. I think she was embarrassed to give the money to the bartender herself, but at least she paid.


Well that’s the important thing. Who cares if she was embarrassed as long as she pulls her financial weight.

Now I suppose she is worthy of a relationship. :/


(maybe she'll think that the bartender/waiter thinks you can't pay).


That would embarrass me. but he doesn’t care why she was embarrassed; as long as she paid.
 atlast250
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 262
who pays
Posted: 1/6/2016 6:07:01 PM

Well that’s the important thing. Who cares if she was embarrassed as long as she pulls her financial weight.

Now I suppose she is worthy of a relationship. :/


The OP has explained himself pretty well. Why do you insist on trying to portray him in a negative light?



That would embarrass me. but he doesn’t care why she was embarrassed; as long as she paid.


Quite the assumption on your part.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 263
who pays
Posted: 1/7/2016 6:24:57 AM

If a man's sense of masculinity is so shaky that he feels threatened by equality in a relationship, he's not much of a catch, IMO. It demonstrates to me that he's insecure and has control issues.

This.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 264
I paid, didn't get laid, now i'm afraid i'll become an old maid
Posted: 1/7/2016 7:48:52 AM
if a man is insecure about equality, and he dates a woman he shares that in common with, then...they might be both great catches for each other. well, until they really need the other person to be something other than insecure...

Yes, we can take a small problem and max it out. Like calling up home from college and venting our issues and then our parents come up with some grand plan to fix it, only to find out by the next phone call...the "problem" sorted itself out.

It would be nice to think the lady's issue is paying the bartender. Maybe she thinks "certain types" of women are in bars often enough to pay? Anyway, I figure the relationship is solid, and mark was just venting.
 kandykane111
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 265
I paid, didn't get laid, now i'm afraid i'll become an old maid
Posted: 1/7/2016 11:13:25 AM
""We don't consider ourselves "equals" & that is what works for us.""

I find the above statement sad. I can't imagine a man or a woman not considering themselves equal. Its 2015 not 1950 or 1850. How does one determine which of you is "above" the other? Or, which of you is sub par?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 266
I paid, didn't get laid, now i'm afraid i'll become an old maid
Posted: 1/7/2016 12:55:31 PM

Msg 265:
BTW I realized the OP's girlfriend finally did pay for a date. Amen!


Maybe, maybe not. The OP said in Msg 255:
"We went to dinner on Saturday. We had to wait for a table, so I asked if she wanted a drink. She said yes and sheepishly handed me a twenty. I think she was embarrassed to give the money to the bartender herself, but at least she paid."

So did she just pay for the drinks while they were waiting for a table, or did she also pick up the tab for the meal? At least it's a start.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 267
I paid, didn't get laid, now i'm afraid i'll become an old maid
Posted: 1/7/2016 1:00:12 PM
Bluemoon….. I don’t have to assume; as you say, he explained himself:


I think she was embarrassed to give the money to the bartender herself, but at least she paid.


If you want to make a point, make one. Don’t piggyback off me.
 atlast250
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 268
I paid, didn't get laid, now i'm afraid i'll become an old maid
Posted: 1/7/2016 3:29:44 PM

I don’t have to assume; as you say, he explained himself


Well you certainly did assume. You specifically stated he doesn't care why. Where did he say this? He said he thought she was embarassed to give the money to the bartender. How do you interpet that to be he doesn't care?

Regardless you've been dogging the OP from the get go. Just twisting things to fit that man hating narrative you lug around continuously.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 269
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 1/7/2016 7:45:13 PM

Sounds like her reaction to your conversation was more knee-jerk than firmly-held-conviction and she just needed some time to think about it and do a little introspection.

Yes, sounds like it. And that is something key -- to sit back and think about it a bit, especially when possibly not having much or just new dating experience in recent times. Hopefully she's not doing that due to a feeling of "giving in" & reluctance, as to some it could -- but that she's Not bothered by it as it makes common sense to her, and is just new to it.

With that said, she "sheepishly" handed him a 20, so if she's embarrassed in doing so and would be embarrassed to order from the bartender and give him the $, that may be an indicator it may have seemed to make logical sense but doesn't feel comfy doing it and it's just a test run for herself. If one finds that Weird for a gal to go up to the bar and order a couple drinks when she's out with a guy -- said person needs to come back down to earth. Hopefully for the most part, she has! :)

Well that’s the important thing. Who cares if she was embarrassed as long as she pulls her financial weight.

But you felt she didn't have to, thus, you should be disappointed that she's "pulling her financial weight", as you felt there was no financial responsibility on her in their situation.

Now I suppose she is worthy of a relationship. :/

If she isn't groaning and the act of contributing (that normal people do) doesn't get to her -- yes... she's not so much "worthy", but is more "fitting" for most relationships and dating situations when one's seeing someone. It's good for her, because it helps to set back unwarranted feelings of entitlement... while also opening up her compatibility options due to something that makes her a better fit in general (not just to him).
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 270
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 1/16/2016 8:06:05 AM
I look at who pays as a matter of being equitable and one's expectations in life.

I paid 100% of all possible costs for 3 years when dating my wife, she didn't have any money cash. BUT she likes to save money by not staying in expensive hotels or eating at expensive restaurants. She is happy staying at at $15 budget hotel in Cambodia.

On the other hand, during that same time period I also dated a Chinese woman from Hong Kong, she paid roughly 45% of all the expenses, but she had very expensive tastes. We stayed at a $250 hotel in downtown Chicago, with $25 valet service. And we stopped to inspect a minimum $600 dollar hotel because she really would like to stay there, as diplomats, CEOs and heads of state typically stay there. If she had enough money, I am sure that would have been her first choice. She was very much into showing everyone that she travels first class.

I spent a lot more money per day on dating the Chinese woman, even though she often paid.

And now my wife gives me 50% of her current salary to pay down some loans I have, so it will eventually even out.

In the past before OLD I always expected to pay 100%. Most of the time I earned 3-6 times the income of my date, but rarely someone had more earnings / assets than I had (at the time) I still paid 100%, but that was the early days when it was customary.

Now if I were dating and someone earns a similar income to me, and most everyone will earn more than me, I would expect them to shoulder 50% of the expense after the first few dates or we have will have very cheap dates.


I've taken a woman on ten dates over a period of five weeks. None of the dates were expensive ($20-$70) but she has never offered to chip in or pay. I brought this up after date ten and she took offense, said it was too soon for me to start complaining.


I would have been amused, as it's likely I would have asked how much time should go by before she expects complaints?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 271
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 1/16/2016 8:03:09 PM
I guess she figured that there is a certain period of wooing and paying for dates by the man and then the relationship becomes more everyday and real and that is when she should be contributing as they are now an official couple. She has got the hint and now contributes at least something, even if it is only a drink or two.
 jokinjillofalltrades
Joined: 1/4/2016
Msg: 272
who pays
Posted: 1/18/2016 10:12:07 AM
We can see why she's still single. AND ON PLENTY OF FISH. HAHAHA
Well she's saying its too soon, implying she has a date when she would pay for you. Maybe ask her when she thinks that time would be. (In a monogamous relationship? Etc)
I usually let the guy pay for the first two dates but then I offer to take him for ice cream or something cheap for me at the third IF I'm not driving all the way to meet him somewhere for the first two dates. But then again I don't like my area and wouldn't want the guy to necessarily come see me. But then again I'm 28 so I am 2-3 generations younger than you.

But yeah I ALWAYS ask a guy I really like to hangout and say I will pay for him by the third date because that implies it's getting serious. The 10th is way too far implying that she maybe wants a man to pay for everything? But then she said the 10th date which is insane. Traditional on money but not on waiting until marriage? Crazy. Yeah ask her. $20-70 a date is expensive. HAHAHA also like the others said ask her if she wants to hike or whatever those are the things that keep my dating going so we both aren't emptying our pockets but it also adds variety.

GOOD LUCK AND LET US KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 273
who pays
Posted: 1/18/2016 11:05:38 AM
^^Put that intellectual personality into practice and notice OP already provided an update.

P.S. A generation is roughly 20 years. OP is old enough to be your father but not your grandfather or great-grandfather. [additional comment redacted]
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 274
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 12:39:32 AM

It looks like SHE has a man,The OP. A man that enjoys treating her to nice dinners. How about you?


I do.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 275
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 8:59:18 AM


A man that enjoys treating her to nice dinners. How about you?
I do.

In this context, the "How about you?" refers to whether or not you Enjoy treating the other for dinner. :) Of course, putting past stuff into consideration, that's not where she was coming from, but whether she "has a Man" (lol - what, are we in high school?).

IMO, a guy is going to enjoy treating a gal to dinner. Of course. That's never a controversial issue at all. The issue is whether She Also enjoys treating Him to a nice dinner -- if applicable and if so within her budget. A gal doing so makes her no less a woman, nor him no less of a man. In fact, if anything, a gal unwilling to do that or a guy unwilling to want that would make them less of a mature adult, and more teenagerish.

Of course, if a gal isn't working or hardly working enough to keep her own budget (while he is), then by all means, a guy should pay for them all -- whether they're dinners in, out, or just McDonalds. There's no other choice, of course. And if the guy doesn't like that, well, he shouldn't be dating a gal who can't hold her own, thus has nothing to complain about when she doesn't pay for anything or doesn't contribute much if anything.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 276
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 9:29:45 AM

^^^....a guy should pay for them all -- whether they're dinners in, out, or just McDonalds.


I heard the price of Happy Meals has gone up, so going to McD's might be out of the question.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 277
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 9:31:56 AM
Part of being a "real man" is also being an ATM with legs..
 sillysarainsask
Joined: 1/12/2016
Msg: 278
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 9:44:18 AM

Of course, if a gal isn't working or hardly working enough to keep her own budget (while he is), then by all means, a guy should pay for them all -- whether they're dinners in, out, or just McDonalds. There's no other choice, of course. And if the guy doesn't like that, well, he shouldn't be dating a gal who can't hold her own, thus has nothing to complain about when she doesn't pay for anything or doesn't contribute much if anything.


So if I'm not working or hardly working I should find a guy to pay for my dates. Maybe have half a dozen dates a week with meals paid for. Maybe I could even ask them to subsidize my rent, pay my phone bill. After all, that's what men are for, to be used as a bank machine. And if the guy doesn't like it, well, he shouldn't be dating and I should find some guy who WILL pay for everything. You know, some women think this way, some don't but some do.

Do you realize how silly that all sounds NG?

Its almost as good as the comment I read the other day "it's not in my culture for me to pay, the man pays" WTF.


Part of being a "real man" is also being an ATM with legs..


Many times this is true.
 Llove2laughtoo
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 279
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 9:47:39 AM

Woman Lets Match dot com Dates Pay For All Of Her Dinners:

These are rough economic times, but thankfully a young woman has developed a way to get strangers to cover your entire food budget, including the occasional bottle of $200 champagne. All you need to do is aggressively court men on Match dot com and set up a complex dinner date schedule that keeps you well-fed throughout the week.

Rather than shipping out to a less ritzy borough and learning to subsist on ramen noodles and rice and beans, she found that she could do nearly all of her eating for free and keep herself out of debt thanks to men she met on Match dot com.

Sporty went from easily spending $500 a month on dinners alone to having someone else dole out an average of $60-plus per night. She also stopped eating lunch and opted for a light breakfast to save even more.

According to our calculations, Sporty save over $1,200 a month.

Match dot com does require a $50 monthly subscription, but the dates more than made up for the entry price.

"I mean, a guy buys me three drinks at $15 a pop and that right there made up for my Match fee," said Sporty.

Soon Sporty's roommates joined in and the women decided to make their formula more scientific by making up spreadsheets about their dates including names, photos, and information from their online profiles. They also limited themselves to online five meals with each suitor.

While it seems she was dating a lot off Wall Street types we're not supposed to feel sorry for, she repeatedly lied to the dudes. They aren't entitled to sex, but it still isn't cool to make anyone believe that you're potentially interested in a relationship when all you're really after is free food and booze.

http://jezebel.com/5863621/woman-lets-matchcom-dates-pay-for-all-of-her-dinners
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 280
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 9:48:31 AM
"Part of being a "real man" is also being an ATM with legs"





Show me a man who is with a woman who makes him feel this way and I'll show you a man who chooses poorly
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 281
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 10:20:23 AM

Show me a man who is with a woman who makes him feel this way and I'll show you a man who chooses poorly


Yes...this! ^^^
Thank you Mr. Butterchicken! :o)
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 282
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 10:21:25 AM
Pues soy cajero automatico con piernas.. Que Pena mi Vida!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 283
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 2/11/2016 11:09:28 AM

I heard the price of Happy Meals has gone up, so going to McD's might be out of the question.

Well, the $1 menu has now forced you to by 2 for $2. How do I know that? Don't ask! ;) Regardless, a special lady deserves a double entree at that there fancy Mickey-Ds!

So if I'm not working or hardly working I should find a guy to pay for my dates.

All humor aside, and being practical: It's not about that. It's that IF you go out on dates with a guy, he has no choice but to pay if he can afford it but you can't. In terms of FINDING a guy as you say, regardless of how much you make or lack thereof, if he Asks you out, he's in position to pay anyway. But yes, if you ask a guy out -- you have to tell him you can't afford dates, and you'd be asking him to Take You out. Or during the first date or two where most guys, under normal he-asks-girl-out-she-accepts conditions, she lets him know that she can't afford to pay to go out. That way, he knows he has no complaining room.

Maybe I could even ask them to subsidize my rent, pay my phone bill. After all, that's what men are for, to be used as a bank machine.

LOL. Although it's unfortunate that some women (and men) are conditioned to believe that to "be a man's man" (pull up your Wranglers! Hee Haw!), he is to be a bank machine as far as a DATE's concerned -- even when said 'tradition' contradicts a woman's financial situation where she's working and can make ends meet just fine. But to be FAIR, there's a difference between a DATE where a guy & girl go out and the guy paying -- and a guy paying for a gal's own rent, phone bill, shoe collection, etc. Unless he's buying her shoes to wear just around him or something -- paying for a Date and that stuff is on a different wavelength.

Do you realize how silly that all sounds NG?

Again, if the gal can't afford to go out by her ownself, IF the guy wants to go out with her, he will have to pay. Not silly, just practicality and common sense. I think when a gal IS in that position, she should let him know her situation if he didn't blatantly ask her out (which he is to pay anyway). When she does bring that up for a potential date or following-dates, many times the guy will say "Oh, no worries, my treat."

But that's not the situation of the OP. Otherwise his gal by date #10 when he asked her to contribute, would have already let him know she doesn't have enough $ to make ends meet, or, at least let him know right then and brought him up to speed. Those aren't the heated controversies. The heated controversies are when a gal does make ends meet and can at least pay for a small treat (he's got the dinner, she's got the ice cream visit after) -- but doesn't want to, because she "wants a man". :)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >