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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 534
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I am occasionally invited out to dine with a neighbour and his family and he always insists on picking up the whole bill
so some men do it, even for just friends. However continual outings that are not really dates but the guy picks up the bill all the time would not be on, for me. It would also be a puzzle as to his motives if there is no kissing or making out. I would have to offer to have him over for dinner, buy some tickets for a show and invite him etc.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 535
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 6:49:39 AM

you're just like me and every other woman on POF


No.



And just so you know, I've never paid for a first date either.


...just your share of it.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 536
he pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 7:07:09 AM

I am occasionally invited out to dine with a neighbour and his family and he always insists on picking up the whole bill
so some men do it, even for just friends. However continual outings that are not really dates but the guy picks up the bill all the time would not be on, for me.


My male best friend and I dine out together and I cook for him. My female best friend and I more or less do the same. We share in our way.

My ex-fiance (now close family friend) insists on taking my children and I (and his small family) out to dinner (together) at least once or twice a year and he pays for it, including tip. On this occasion, it's the time he gives birthday gifts to his niece and my daughter and son (because their birthdays are all close together).
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 537
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 8:23:51 AM
"you're just like me and every other woman on POF"



No.


Yes you are. Just like every single woman on this forum and in real life, no better/no worse. If you want to tell Whiskey or Ouija or KJ or 2ufo or a few others how much better you are than them...go ahead, but it would a lie. You're just like the rest. Actually, I'm surprised you're even on POF, you don't seem like the type that would even have a profile on a dating site. You're so damn special and pretentious that I would think you'd have a professional matchmaker in Manhattan somewhere and invitations would be sent on gold leaf with the finest calligraphy. It seems you're not great at either holding down a marriage OR a relationship. I'd let someone else do the selecting from now on. Go to Manhattan and find a matchmaker because if the women on here are no where near as good as you, I'm sure the men don't measure up either. Not high caliber enough or high quality enough. Sad. Poor little princess.

"And just so you know, I've never paid for a first date either."



...just your share of it.


Nope. Haven't paid my "share" but I've treated. And I don't say things like "I earned every damn diamond in that ring" and "I deserve more for gestating his son" "I cooked and cleaned while he just earned the money". WTF. Earned it, yup. Probably did and he probably earned every thing he got too. It's hard to supplement an entitled princess with a narcissistic attitude, or with mental issues. Earned it. Too funny.

I find it odd that you are responding to a post where the poster (me) was removed, again, for comments made to you and Sunshinegirl. I noticed another poster called her a beeotch in a thread last night....she follows this guy around. So yes, beeotch fits. So I hope he doesn't get removed too for making comments like I did. Good thing you two don't report people. hahahaha

Tell you what, you let it go....I'll let it go.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 538
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 11:01:09 AM
@letitialegrand

How often do the guys insist on picking up the bill when you offer your share? In my experience most do.

Yes...same here, I am not going to arm wrestle but I then leave a sizeable tip.....but I always offer to pay....a few didn't argue.
@Blue....Just so you know, I may not always agree with your language or nagging about certain posters...I did not vote to delete you.
I think it should come to a halt....it's such pettiness and like I said before....If a man pays for me...doesn't prove a thing !

In my experience they may be big blowharts and have little else going for them or may be control freaks.
If women are choosing their mates solely because they pay....that's just not very smart, in my opinion.
I don't get impressed that easily.....ymmv.
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 539
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 11:05:57 AM

Tell you what, you let it go....I'll let it go.


I posted this above you, and I mean it. And that goes for both of them.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 540
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History
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 11:09:50 AM

How could you be such a sucker? So I take it you haven't yet learned that if a woman is into you, you shouldn't have to spend a cent on her. And spoiling them likely won't make any difference, especially with ingrates like her.

I don't think it's universal in any & all circumstances, that if a gal is into you, you don't have to spend a cent on her. It's circumstantial. For instance, if you ask her out to dinner on an Initial date, and you're wanting a raw split -- she can understandably lose interest without entitlement. You asked her out on an initial date. I think the POV you present in it's universal standing is more with college kids living on/around campus hanging out where guys (nor many people) aren't expected to have much bank to work with... or a gal being Clearly ga-ga about a guy, chasing Him and and/or asking him out. But picking up the tab? A gal can lose interest in many situations & circumstances -- with either the Entitlement complex, or not really having it.

Most guys aren't going to feel like someone it taking advantage of them if they pay for the first date, but I would be worried too if someone complained about paying for themselves on the tenth date.

The first part I especially agree -- especially since guys usually at least motion to get the first date or two rolling. And the second part totally agree, as that was the case with the OP. It wasn't a vague-circumstance scenario. They were Solidly past the initial dating phase. It was 10th date, and she Expected him to pay her whole way with a "we're not there yet" response, despite sleeping together and having already begun establishing themselves all around. Yikes. She realized her err on their next outing, but was a little silly to give him money to pay the bar for a couple drinks. If I were him, I'd smile and say "Hey, you're not buying a house -- here, go up and get the drinks all-by-yourself, they're $6 each... and here, I'll chip in for the tip, here ($3)." Baby steps to modern society! :)

It was a first meet set up by the t.v. programme but she looked at him like he was scum and was outraged at the idea of going dutch.

And it's the fear of this happening, when a guy didn't initially ask to Take the girl out, that he won't usually want to motion to even Partially split it ("Here, just give me a $10, I got the rest."). A lot of guys who are going to step forward to say "No, I got it," when it's past the first couple dates is because:

(a) He likes a Genuine offer -- to many, that takes care of a lot of it [although fake ones won't so much, unless he's a pvzzy or trying to get pvzzy]
(b) He doesn't want to rock the boat in general and is conditioned that way -- whether it be paying for a bill, or picking out the wrong topic of conversation or joke

I am occasionally invited out to dine with a neighbour and his family and he always insists on picking up the whole bill
so some men do it, even for just friends.

Yeah, that's a different story. When out with someone's family, and they Want you to join them, knowing being a 3rd party can be a little uncomfy, they'll want to throw your dinner into the whole pile they're paying for, yeah. Much the same as inviting one over for dinner.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 541
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 11:54:22 AM
I'm not sure where all these guys are coming from who always insist on picking up the tab. Maybe it's a generational thing.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 542
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 12:00:41 PM
Who pays: The person or people who have consumed. Anything else is just an assumption. If you can't afford to eat, drink, participate - stay home. That is all.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 543
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 7:05:01 PM

Karma:

I know these threads can be mean at times, the following comments are intended as honest and well intended.

You owe your male friend the gift of honesty. You must tell him how you feel. To just go with the flow is unfair.


Why "must" I tell him how I feel? He is the one who keeps asking me if I want to go out. I posted on my Facebook that I was out with my girlfriend *waves at jessebunnies* and he was like "let me know next time you are going out again, I want to go to that and that restaurant". So I did - I told him I was free the following weekend and wanted to go out, and he was all over it. I don't think I "owe" him anything, he asked me to go out again.



If you had a female friend who always had her meals paid for by her "friends", wouldn't she be considered a leach? If you are merely friends with this man, and he always pays, aren't you being a leach as well? ( I am not trying to be mean, just to make a comparison).


She would only be considered a leach if she her other friends weren't prepared to pay for her. As in "oops, I forgot my wallet". I've tried to pay several times when I was out with him, and he won't let me. I've offered to pay for my girlfriends before, and they won't let me either. WTF, nobody wants my money lol. The only time jessebunnies let me pay for both our dinner or lunch was when I won some money at the slot machines at a casino. I'm a very generous person, believe it or not, I pay for my friends a lot, and I enjoy it when I have the money to do so.

My male friend makes very, very good money. He has several expensive toys and drives a luxury car. For him, a hundred bucks is probably like 10 bucks for me. He knows I make much less money than he does, and I'm a single mother as well, so he would feel like shit if I paid for him.


What is your end game? You can't truly want him to pay for you forever as just a friend. And if you have feelings for him, you are putting of some great experiences if he reciprocates!


I don't know what my "end game" is. On the one hand, I'd like to see what it's like to date him, on the other hand, I'm worried that if that doesn't work out, I've lost a friend. Maybe we both want friends of the opposite sex more at the moment than a relationship. Besides, I really don't enjoy to be the one to make a move - I can drop hints, but ultimately, the man has initiate, that's just how I roll. I really tried to make it obvious last time we went out that I like him more than a friend, but then I chickened out and whatever signal I sent was probably way too subtle. But we're going to make plans again soon, so we'll see.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 544
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 2:52:01 AM

I'm not sure where all these guys are coming from who always insist on picking up the tab. Maybe it's a generational thing.


They're typically unselfish people who enjoy the company of quality people (which you won't find much of them, here).
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 545
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 2:56:29 AM

Yeah, that's a different story. When out with someone's family, and they Want you to join them, knowing being a 3rd party can be a little uncomfy, n


I'm never a "third party" or a "third wheel" when my friends and I have meals, together. My friends ARE my family, the kind of family that is not bonded by blood.


they'll want to throw your dinner into the whole pile they're paying for, yeah.


No -- we do this for each other because we love each other. We don't lump things together; we bring together people whom matter to us.



Much the same as inviting one over for dinner.


No. It isn't. An invitation to a home-made dinner is just as gracious as a gift and treat as it is when one take one outside to dine in a public establishment. The fact that somebody trusts you enough to go to their home to eat a meal with them, in the privacy of their own castle, so to speak, and cook a meal for you to enjoy is pretty spectacular and something to be treasured.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 546
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 2:58:24 AM


My male friend makes very, very good money. He has several expensive toys and drives a luxury car. For him, a hundred bucks is probably like 10 bucks for me. He knows I make much less money than he does, and I'm a single mother as well, so he would feel like shit if I paid for him.


I don't know your friend, but it seems like he covers your meals when you both spend time together because he cares about you and enjoys your company. He'd have done this with a lower income, I believe.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 547
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 6:25:31 AM

They're typically unselfish people who enjoy the company of quality people (which you won't find much of them, here).


If a man insists on paying for all the dates, that's their prerogative. But wanting a woman to occasionally contribute on dates ( which is the original point of this thread ) is not being unreasonable, cheap,or selfish. Also "quality people" is a 2 way street. A woman should be enjoying my company as well.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 548
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 7:04:54 AM
hey, maybe the friend's really after jessiebunnies :)

shoot, I have a hot female friend I treat to dinner every now and then b/c she's great to look at across the table. And its going to pay off next week b/c I need a ride from oral surgery. It helps that she's a cheap date (Well, with me, I don't know about her bf). what the heck, I've gotten "the brother in law" price from places b/c I knew someone. we all can enjoy some benefit somewhere.

I figure those who begin the relationship with low quality, however...are laying a foundation.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 549
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 8:30:52 AM

I figure those who begin the relationship with low quality, however...are laying a foundation.

Oh Lordy!! What do you believe to be "low quality" people? I don't mean to jump on you but I really do need to try to figure out...
Just what the hell does that means??
I will stand up for your right to have an opinion and not pay or to pay but what makes anybody that does either....higher quality or lower quality??
Not getting it!! Especially with the few that argue they are better quality because they have chosen dates because they pay....in their own words, well, ended up being scoundrels and/or liars. Cripes, one of the ladies that preaches it...went back to an ex...lol. Like I am going to believe her theory...NOT
Call me a bleeding heart but I just hate "labels" and pretentiousness!!
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 550
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 8:32:01 AM

If a man insists on paying for all the dates, that's their prerogative. But wanting a woman to occasionally contribute on dates ( which is the original point of this thread ) is not being unreasonable, cheap,or selfish. Also "quality people" is a 2 way street. A woman should be enjoying my company as well.


I know that if I had cooked 10 meals in my home, by my own hand and after 10 homecooked meals he hadn't reciprocated or chipped in without a loaf of olive bread or a mango...I'd be miffed. And most on here would agree. So why so many disagree with the OP and paying for 10 meals out?

And yes, quality is a two way street. Some forget that.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 551
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 8:33:16 AM
hey, maybe the friend's really after jessiebunnies :)

---

Doubtful. They have never met.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 552
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 12:43:18 PM


I figure those who begin the relationship with low quality, however...are laying a foundation.


Oh Lordy!! What do you believe to be "low quality" people?


I took it to mean 'low quality expectations'.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 553
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 12:59:43 PM

Why "must" I tell him how I feel? He is the one who keeps asking me if I want to go out.

Because it's past just a couple dates, and he's insisting on picking you up and taking you out. If you Weren't That Into Him, I'd say you'd have to say No. You couldn't use the "but he's asking me if I want to go out and I do!", obviously. But if it's true that you Are That Into Him (and not just the time spent on all-expense-paid great outings) -- I understand your position. But since it is past just a couple dates, it should be getting weird for Both -- ya know? It's in Your best interest to inquire to know what's up.

Don't pretend you're Just Friends. You're not. This is kind of like the Cuddling with a Friend but nothing more. It gets weird. :) My advice still stands. On the next Date, flirt. When he drops you off, undo the seat belt, position yourself openly toward him, clearly inviting a kiss for a guy with any sack of balls. If he doesn't, and he's in no rush, best to bring it up right there with a smile: "So, we're going out on these dates, there's mutual attraction... aren't you going to kiss me? (smile)" ... or at least afterwards text him to inquire.

I don't think I "owe" him anything, he asked me to go out again.

If you have real Interest in Him, and he's the type who doesn't even want you to use your military ID for a standard bill discount -- no, you don't owe him -- but you owe it to yourself (and the other) to avoid built-up drama. If you're Not That Into him, then you do owe him not paying for you even if he wants to. That'd be REAL drama, which most of us learn from in our late teens / early 20s.

Maybe we both want friends of the opposite sex more at the moment than a relationship.

If you do just want opp-sex friends -- then outside an isolated occasion, if you're going out 1-on-1 with the male who you would even slightly prefer as just a friend and aim to be suspended in that -- you don't let him repeatedly pay your way. Only let him pick you up & pay for it all Repeatedly if you Want him. Otherwise, you're inadvertently leading him on. Even though not much sympathy is to be had for him, because he's laying the groundwork To Be led on one way or another, it's to avoid drama. If wanting to be just-friends is to avoid potential drama -- Same Goes With Him Picking you up and Paying Your Way on ALL Dates he wants with you! :)

hey, maybe the friend's really after jessiebunnies :)

She is pretty hot. If he saw her picture as one of Karma's friends before he's wanted to take her out on Dates, then maybe that could be it - lol. It's already kinda weird (yes, regardless of how much money one makes).

They're typically unselfish people who enjoy the company of quality people (which you won't find much of them, here).

It's this POV that Not paying for a gal's bill 100%, 100% of the time means he's low-quality that makes one shake their head. Even for guys like me who will err on the side of doing so. It's not a preference had, but a Judgment had on others. Yikes. I think an unselfish, quality woman is going to Truly Want to contribute within her comfortable means once past the initial dates (and not merely out of feelings of obligation).
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 554
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 1:05:04 PM

What do you believe to be "low quality" people? I don't mean to jump on you but I really do need to try to figure out...
Just what the hell does that means??


Some "low quality" people:

Charles Manson
Adolf Hitler
Benito Mussolini
Saddam Hussein
Idi Amin
Pol Pot
Jean-Bedel Bokassa
Moammar Gaddafi
Bashar al Assad
Kim Jong Un
ISIS members

Among more everyday people, would be people whose character flaws far outweigh any good qualities, such as cheaters, liars and thieves who are good looking and smile a lot.



Call me a bleeding heart


As long as your heart bleeds for the right people.
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 555
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 1:22:05 PM

They're typically unselfish people who enjoy the company of quality people (which you won't find much of them, here).


Unselfish people who enjoy the company of selfish people.

What or who exactly are "quality" people? And if you can't find them here...why are YOU here as in essence, does the mere fact you're here mean that you too are not of quality? Just askin?

Low quality, high quality, poor quality, bad quality. Geez.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 556
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 3:15:25 PM
Granted, there are "low quality people", but I wasn't talking about beginning a relationship with low quality people, but on a low quality focus. A healthy relationship tends to begin with a healthy attitude, a healthy mindset. If one begins a relationship worrying about nickels and dimes...I suspect the relationship will continue to focus on nickels and dimes and "I spent $100 on you, you owe me some play time" type of trade. a relationship should be about time and energy shared, not how much was given up and then received back in trade.

Though, I am reminded of a few people I have met who defined their whole life around how much money they spent on things. Some were name-droppers, but others taught me the difference between frugal and cheap--the former want their money's worth, the latter want it for free. The latter couldn't just see money as a tool, made to be spent. They had a small view of things, and so they always lived small. For example, they'd spend a lifetime eating at McDonald's, ready for the time Donald Trump or Bill Gates came in so they could make a business pitch at either. Needless to say, they would never meet either one, living the way they lived. You can't land a deep-sea tuna in a chlorinated pool.

but these people are certain they are smarter than anyone else at McDonald's, b/c at least they are prepared should the opportunity somehow arise. Are they, or are they screwing themselves by not going where the "big whales" eat and can be reached?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 557
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 5:01:49 PM
Perhaps the " quality" people are simply drawing similar quality folks, but don't care to admit it to themselves.
The whole low/high quality concept is a giggle to me.
Yep.. out of shape and kinda ugly but I want a super model GF. Then when they don't have rain down upon me
All other women are low quality. Oh, and expect to have their meal at the Olive Garden paid for
because it is a treat to watch someone who normally eats at the coffee table slurp pasta
That would be what, mid quality?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 558
who pays
Posted: 3/3/2016 5:39:54 PM
"Perhaps the "quality" people are simply drawing similar quality folks"

>>>oh, I totally believe that. we want to spend our spare time with people who make us feel comfortable about the way we run our lives. after all, we don't choose what we believe in, what rules we run our lives by, by accident. We choose to do what we do, believing what we believe. we want to be that person we think of ourselves to be, inside our head. we want to be the winner of every situation, the center of attention in any room, the nicest person in the world, the smartest on the forum, whatever it is. we may want to be that person in reaction to something that happened to us growing up, but we do tend to have an idea in our head of who we are on our best day. we think highly of ourselves, regardless of the reality...b/c our reality revolves around us. we are the most important person in our world, otherwise we might be suicidal or destructive due to the pain of not being the most important person to us.

Show me someone who chooses to date a crook, and i'll show you someone who's an opportunist. Risk takers feel confined by those who play it safe, people who feel uncomfortable around a risk taker who can pull them into the risk just for being around them. Red flags are hard to label as red flags when they just look like your own behavior.

The easiest people to spot, are the ones who do things different than you...b/c they don't do the things you do. some people in that position will immediately criticize their choice, in order to affirm that their choice is the right one. if you live a healthy life, you'll automatically stay away from those who live an unhealthy one...and why wouldn't you? you don't invite that into your life, so why invite that into your life? the more you respect yourself, the easier it is to identify those who don't respect you...b/c their behavior is the opposite of how you treat your own self. its uncomfortable, so you notice the discomfort without even having to lean back and think it over. its uncomfortable, it bugs you, you can consider "why?" later.

sometimes, we don't admit it to ourselves b/c we can't see it--we think our way is the right way. other times, we don't want to admit it to ourselves...and again, if you're cheap, do you really want to be around someone who shows you up all the time? not if you have any need for self respect. of course, if you have no self respect, and can only see them as an easy mark...but then, what are they doing around you? maybe what they share in common is a desire for opportunity.
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