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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 659
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who paysPage 27 of 58    (18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58)

Based upon my observations of the younger generations dating rituals....there appears to be no set rules...neither traditional nor non. It's just whatever. :)

If you mean Real young (like below to not much above drinking age) -- I wouldn't know. But as you can see here, there aren't age-related ties to it. And from my dating experiences, when I was younger around 10 years ago, when going out with MILFs, if anything, they'd step forward wanting to genuinely contribute after a 1st date moreso than early-to-mid 20-somethings.

People with different viewpoints are allowed to state their opinions as well. From what I have seen, it's largely the "traditional" women that have been hurling insults.

I can't really argue with that. I see it as not trying to fling mud, but more having an insulting / entitled POV that's too often brought to the table. For me, I err on the side of paying when it's in the gray-zone. Do I like it? When an expensive place and I see her interest may just be as gray -- no. I get no sense of being a manly-man by merely paying for a gal's feedings at the table, and I think only a guy with a low self-esteem would feel like he's losing a bit of his manhood/pride if he (gasp) allowed a gal to contribute to (an even early) date.

This thread really took off didn't it? Jellyfish, Sea Horses and throwing poop.

Yes, it's usually what a standard POF 1st date included, so it is relevant. ;)

Personally I always assumed I was paying, never really thought about it. However, was always impressed when a date offered.

Right or wrong, that's pretty much the standard POV most guys have when it's the first several dates or continually beyond that if she's a gal who tries to make ends meet, etc. And the standard guy is also going to like it when a date offers to contribute or even pay for a whole date when things have gained ground between them.

we decided after dinner (I paid) to get ice cream, The bill was like 5 or 6 bucks, my cash was used up and I really didn't want to charge 6 bucks so I ask "got any cash?" The look I got basically killed the relationship.

That's the thing that gets me: The Entitlement POV a gal may have. Even if it doesn't instantly kill the dating relationship between the two, but shifts things in Any way, given situations like that. Overall, as you point out -- it's about the attitude.

I'm anything but traditional. I date younger men, which is not traditional.

To follow up with what SCity said, you as a whole may be, but it's funny how you'll want that "traditional" clause added. Your motivation is what "tradition" stems from. I think you're picking and choosing what suits ya best. Which, in the dating world, we all dislike the trips & stumbles of it, and do what's best for ourselves and look out for ourselves. So it's Easy for one to take certain things for granted when it benefits them -- namely this topic. What gets me is that you also express in other posts, situations where you Want to pay for this piece here or there as if it's no big deal, yet you'll post this about how you truly want & desire a guy to pay your way.

But I also like manly men, and having a man take charge and pay is one of the things I find manly.

That stems from 'tradition'. You want the man to have the bill charged to him -- that's a take-charge kinda guy, huh? Certainly doesn't put hair on a nerd's chest. Guys who are far from manly, who get walked all over by women do that too. Don't see the connection. I can see the "man" motif applying to him having the balls to come up and ask the gal out for a 1st date, and paying it as a follow-thru on it. But...

And that is the only reason I'm with a man, otherwise I might as well just hang out with my girlfriends.

Wow. Yeah, because GFs don't pay your way. Wow.

Heck, even my FWB and younger dudes with shitty jobs pay when we go out.

A FWB should be in no position to pay your way. They're a friend (with benefits). If they're dates, they're not FWB btw. Unless you have a sh!tty job where you have to work to make ends meet, a FWB or the like shouldn't be paying your way. Otherwise you're dating. And certainly not a male friend who Insists, and won't even let a military discount apply. Manly? No, that's chicken-sh!t guy who doesn't have the balls to make a move on his pretty female friend. :)

One guy even took on an extra job so he could take me out. He told me afterwards, and I thought that was super sweet.

Yeah, even though you paid the next time, and there being nothing wrong with finding it sweet -- you're using that as fodder that men Should Always pay -- not "well, this is what I find." If a guy has to take an extra job to even take you out -- how in the world is that "manly"? I would think the more "manly man" would be one who has a solid foothold in life, not one who struggles. Yikes.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 660
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 10:15:13 AM
I feel like we should start a GOFUNDME for people who
go on POF first dates.
That way all first dates could be paid via the fund and there
wouldn't be a question of who pays. Maybe we could set a
limit...like after 3 dates you can't use the fund anymore and
you have to come up with who's paying.
At least then people would have a head's up and would know
the conversation was coming.

I can't believe this is such an issue.
I've never expected anyone to pay my way for anything, but I
do appreciate a treat every once in a while and I do like treating
others.

Sharing is good as well.

I still love going through the Starbucks drive thru and paying for
the car behind me.
And before you go off on how expensive Starbucks is...stuff it!
Very berry hibicus refresher until I die!
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 661
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 10:22:46 AM
Norweigan wrote

" I would think the more "manly man" would be one who has a solid foothold in life, not one who struggles. Yikes."




Most teenagers don't have a " solid foothold in life " yet, give the kids a break . Geez.
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 662
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 10:33:40 AM

I feel like we should start a GOFUNDME for people who
go on POF first dates.


I don't think the question really had to do with the first date or even first couple of dates.

IMO, a few already have a GOFUNDME attitude. :-) One poor guy had to get a second job to fund her.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 663
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who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 10:45:58 AM

Most teenagers don't have a " solid foothold in life " yet, give the kids a break . Geez.

I dunno if that was a joke in reference to Karma... lol. But to clarify, I was talking in reference to her situation being an older gal dating guys who are well past teenage-hood (even when dating younger). And I would also say that in more casual non-traditional date setups when the guy is really young, I could hardly see the "I want a manly man" apply if he's so young he's not expected to have a solid foothold in life yet. If so, it'd mean they'd just want to be paid for (or not want to be not paid for) on dates as their main motivator -- because if an older gal is going to date a guy so young enough that he's not expected to have a career yet, it's not about him being an actual provider.
 Aprilovesrosasblancas
Joined: 2/24/2016
Msg: 664
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 10:55:26 AM

I'm glad that I'm not an animal, but a human being. I'm glad that, as a human being, I don't pretend that I have no control over who I am or use facts about the rest of the animal kingdom as an excuse to not put much thought into what makes sense and is appropriate.


Hmmm ...key words..."Makes sense, and appropriate"

Let’s see drink, you said I didn't put...."thought into what makes sense.”
Well, you know what? You are right; I didn't put much thought on this until now that you have mentioned it.
Yes, Men should not pay for HER Dinner on the FIRST date.
And women should not expect this kind of behavior from men, we (women) should ignore our inner woman nature and not feeling so flattered just because the man had the chivalry to pay for a dinner on the first date.
See, do you like that?...good.! :).............
NOW let’s talk about... Into what (should be) is appropriate. ( your words)

I think that Instead of women expecting a man to pay for a ridiculous dinner on first date, what all women should expect and demand is that he behaves as in the old days by Demanding a proof of his financial responsibility.
In the old days, the man was to give the girl's father a dowry / who was a large sum of money, a price for his daughter, that was the proof of the financial stability of the man, as a first thing.

How does this seem to you now? Does this make sense and it is appropriate?

--=======================================================================

From a large amount of money that men had to give in the old days, it is now reduced to a ridiculous dinner on the first date, and men are still crying, and not only that, a lot these men when they are a in relationship send the woman to work and they stay at home saying that they can't work because of "his backache".



You can take heart in the fact that the " selectively traditional" women such as myself....will pushing our walkers up and down the corridors of the nursing home still looking for a man to pay for our dinner in the dining hall. And it won't even register that meals are included in the monthly fee


Well, perhaps you are right, but it is better aging alone, and without concerns of any kind, that aging with a man who did not have the polite gesture of at least woo her by buying a two dollars flower with HIS own money.

Many of these " selectively traditional women" as you said, are as I see, financially stable, Hard workers and professionals who do not need the money of the man, They just need to be treated like ladies.



Ps.
After 60 the dating game changes.....because of the age and all those "nice but not so nice" things that life brings and that comes with age.!!
Now if a 60+man happens to like younger women, then he has to go by the "rules" and be quiet about it.
 Llove2laughtoo
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 665
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 10:56:49 AM
One of the FIRST things I ALWAYS look for on a profile is the “ personality” section.

Those listed as “Divas’ or Princess”, in my opinion, tells me she’s self-centered, expect to be showered in lavish gifts, and is expecting to live a luxurious life style. She’s also high maintenance, in every form, emotionally, financially, physically and mentally. There are men who seek and indulge women with those traits, more power to them.

Those are the types of profiles I avoid like the plague.
 JaiNai2
Joined: 5/30/2015
Msg: 666
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 11:34:25 AM
Ladyinred0407:
I got a good laugh when I read your response. Because actually, I don't see it as being courageous to be here.
Doesn't take any courage to post on a dating forum nor to be seen here. And I've never been reluctant to speak my mind.
So, guess I'm missing something in your meaning. LOL
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 667
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History
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 12:55:57 PM

I think that Instead of women expecting a man to pay for a ridiculous dinner on first date, what all women should expect and demand is that he behaves as in the old days by Demanding a proof of his financial responsibility.
In the old days, the man was to give the girl's father a dowry / who was a large sum of money, a price for his daughter, that was the proof of the financial stability of the man, as a first thing.

How does this seem to you now? Does this make sense and it is appropriate?


Nice try, but you got that backwards. A dowry was a sum that the parents of the bride paid to the husband. You know, to take her off their hands.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 668
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who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 1:03:51 PM
...and so, the lesson once again that one should come away with here is that this is not about men versus women. But it's about certain kinds of people, both male and female, versus other kinds of people, male and female. And that it shouldn't even be "versus" in the first place.

Aprilovesrosasblancas - You demonstrate my points well all by yourself. Which includes the fact that you seem to not even be aware of doing so.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 669
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who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 1:16:19 PM
Okay, apparently it can also mean a sum given to the wife, but the most common usage is that of a sum paid by the family of the bride. In the OED, the bible of dictionaries which trumps all others, the first definition is a sum paid by the bride’s family, which I believe indicates the most common usage.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 670
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 1:25:53 PM
apparently, it may have been paid not to take her away (ie, one less mouth to feed) but to be used by her to help start the new household.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry
 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 671
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Posted: 3/8/2016 1:37:11 PM


She's a catch. Here's the profile text:
"I need a man who I can spoil and who can help me pay some bills. A real man works hard and takes care of his woman. I will cook clean and rub you down every day to motivate you for another hard day at work. "

Isn't that a bit like being a whore?


Yes.... YEEEES! I find that there is nothing wrong with being a whore, a ****, or a slut for your man (I even play nurse or cop for fun sometimes. lol!). What ever he needs to make him look forward to coming home to his woman (ME) so that he never has to look elsewhere. My goal is to make it so that if he EVER decides to move on to the next girl, he WILL think twice. 😉

Oh! and THANK YOU for the promo now post THE REST of my profile. 😘
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 672
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Posted: 3/8/2016 1:56:18 PM
Well well, homemakerwoman, you are a perfect part of this discussion. My my, what man wouldn't want you? (not really)

But what people need to understand here is that homemakerwoman is not really doing anything illogical. You can't fault anything that she's looking for or how she's going about it. If she calls herself, what she's looking for, or how she wants to go about finding it, "traditional"...then at least she really is. She's going all the way, instead of being inconsistent or mealy-mouthed. Our problem shouldn't be with someone wanting to be a certain way, but our problem should be with those who are inconsistent or mealy-mouthed about how they date compared to how they'd want the relationship to be structured, or what they call themselves.

Being a true homemaker does have it's value, and does take work, depending on the particular situation. It's not automatically being a whore. In many situations, there's not really any work involved and that woman basically does get to take it quite easy and just give such things in return for being taken care of. In which case it might be likened to being a whore of sorts. But again, if she's consistent with it and not mealy-mouthed, and the man that she finds is a good fit for that, oh well.

More from the profile -


You need a woman like me. Not some stuck up female who is too independent and will not give you any quality time or attention.

However, homemakerwoman, just keep in mind the possibility that a man may indeed leave you precisely because all that you are is a home-mistress. Even a home-maker who does a good job at home-making. The thing about some women that you might be referring to as stuck-up and independent is that they can be quite a bit more interesting. A man can do much more with them, talk with them about much more, and possibly respect them much more. A man who is exactly as you're looking for and is looking for exactly who you are, might get really bored with you really fast. The kind of quality time and attention that you're offering might not be the kind of quality time and attention that gets you very far. So this is no guarantee that he won't begin looking elsewhere as you say above.
 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 673
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Posted: 3/8/2016 2:51:04 PM

If she calls herself, what she's looking for, or how she wants to go about finding it, "traditional"...then at least she really is.


I never even used the word "traditional" someone else did.



The thing about some women that you might be referring to as stuck-up and independent is that they can be quite a bit more interesting.


You are right about that. I used to be one. The thing is, that they are a dime a dozen. Men want to feel NEEDED. Most may not want to admit that but they DO.



A man who is exactly as you're looking for and is looking for exactly who you are, might get really bored with you really fast.


Nothing lasts forever and I am ok with that. The type of women that I have described in my profile are done the same way but here is the kicker... All of my exes still find ways to contact me because no other woman has or ever will treat them the way that I have and they will most likely never find another like me. I never go back to them but I love being the one they can NEVER forget. 😊

I also want to point out that I knew that my profile would not appeal to EVERYONE and that is OK with me. My inbox is still very crowded.

I just find it funny that people feel the need to point out what is on my profile when it is not even the topic. Again, I NEVER asked for a profile review. lol!

But go ahead and keep posting comments such as " good luck with that. ha!" and "oh you're a real prize (not)". Excuse me while I go sort out all 80 of my inbox messages....
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 674
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 2:56:39 PM
Someone is winning :/ Agreed, she never asked for a profile review yet some people seem caught up in it.
Lordy if someone would cook my meals and rub my feet daily I'd darn near switch teams
I like the honest no BS tactic. Said before profiles would be way more a fun read if people were this frank.

Apologies to all the " live, laugh,love" fans. LOL
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 675
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Posted: 3/8/2016 5:48:20 PM
There was a conversation similar to this on Facebook that spurned a huge discussion when a guy posted about wanting to take care of everything, the bills, the money, no 50-50 and how the man is supposed to be the breadwinner and the woman takes care of home and if the guy can't afford to do all that, the guy shouldn't be in a relationship.

It spurred a lot of "Amens" from a lot of women and even some men, while myself and others (including women) were like wait a minute?

I see the same conversation taking place now.

And I'll just repeat what I said in that group

Shit isn't really all that realistic and shit is way more complicated than gender roles and "man takes care of bills" we're in the year 2016, the last time I checked during the Dubya era we were in recession, people were out of work, some people didn't have jobs for years. What happens if the well runs dry? What happens if he loses his job? What if she makes more money? What if his schedule is a lot easier to be the one who takes care of the house for example my parents, my Mom worked the overnight shift or second shift and my Dad worked first, so he cooked and cleaned a lot. Then they changed when their schedules changed accordingly, 50-50 partnership and the keyword is partnership. It's up to the couple, if my girl loves her career then I'm not going to stop her from working, I'm getting my master's in creative writing which means I'll work at home a lot so my hypothetical wife wouldn't have to worry about cleaning up and cooking all the time.

I personally like my women independent, if they're not what the hell have they been doing on their own before I met them? There's something sexy about a woman who's her own boss, who just has her shit together. The way she carries herself.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 676
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who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:34:25 PM

I never even used the word "traditional" someone else did.

I was just using this opportunity to show that there isn't necessarily anything wrong with what you want...what people are arguing about is the "who pays" jazz, and things like the euphemistic use of the word "traditional" and if that adjective really applies. You are straight-up about yourself, and a bit more accurate and honest about things, and less euphemistic. In this sense at least so far as we can tell.

[stuck-up and independent women] I used to be one. The thing is, that they are a dime a dozen. Men want to feel NEEDED

Don't make me a liar in my assessment of you. Feeling needed isn't necessarily absent with an independent woman. Stuck-up women maybe...those who have this weird hang-up with two people depending on each other and needing each other, maybe...but that isn't really a definitive part of where you're at. A strong independent-capable type of woman may be just as loving and give just as much attention to her man as you would.

All of my exes still find ways to contact me because no other woman has or ever will treat them the way that I have and they will most likely never find another like me. I never go back to them but I love being the one they can NEVER forget

The behavior of your ex's probably couldn't be an indication along these lines. If you got with them under these relationship-criteria in the first place, then of course they're going to be the type to do as you say. If you got with them while you were your previous self as you described - stuck up and independent - that only means that you give a man great attention, no matter which way you're jumping relationship-wise from one time to the next - it doesn't really prove anything about the kind of relationship that you're looking for right now; it only demonstrates the kind of person you are despite what kind of relationship that you're looking for.


And btw everybody, let's not whine too much when someone brings someone else's profile into commentary. This is a dating site, and we're talking about stuff like how to date, who pays, kinds of relationships, and people's opinions on that, etc. It's relevant. Not the same as giving a profile review. And even if some inevitable profile reviewing takes place in order to hold discussions, so what. Sometimes it's not appropriate or necessary, but not always.

Given, the initial posting of part of her profile maybe wasn't done to be all sweet and nice...but go back and look at her saying "she allowed you to be a man" and what that was a response to. Homemakerwoman...when a guy dates an independent-capable woman who doesn't like her guy to TAKE her out and pay for first-dates and TREAT her...is he really not being a man?


Blackwood85 - A lot of my confusion about people's opinions on things in here was reconciled when I realized that lots of these people don't really want any kind of Relationship (or understand them), but instead it's all about a series of short-term relationships. Everything makes sense with that in mind.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 677
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:54:22 PM
Msg 665 and 678 - totally agree.

I'm wasting my time trying to explain it again and again, but here, one more time: when a man pays, it's not about money. It's not about him having a good job or not. It's not about me being "dependent" on a man (I make enough money as a nurse and own my car and home outright). It's about a man showing that he appreciates me, that he values me. Men value their money and their time - if they are willing to spend both on me without expecting sex right off the bat, they pass the litmus test. Men who take me out to dinner and pay, and then pounce on me in the parking lot afterwards are not what I'm looking for. I have never gone on a second date with one of those guys.

And yes, like some other poster stated, I'm "selectively traditional". Everybody is looking to get the best that they can get, including the person they will have a relationship with. And a man showing me he values me by spending time and money on me (at least at first) is one of the things I will not compromise on. I'm very happy to remain single if I can't find someone that fits the bill 100% (pun, haha).
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 678
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:57:13 PM

It's about a man showing that he appreciates me, that he values me.


You're just looking at it from the female point of view. Men are also human beings who appeciate being valued. If a woman doesn't want to take turns paying for dates or split the bill then how does that show she values a man? What's the difference- women don't share?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 679
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History
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 8:01:23 PM
This all seems overly complicated and dishonest to me. If a woman wants a guy to pay for the first date, say so. Guys aren't mind readers. They can barely tell when a woman is flirting wit them. I'm upfront and honest from the start and that's what works for me. I suppose everyone learns what their "type" is over time, or more likely, they learn what they don't want, but I see no issue with being honest regardless of what kind of partner you want.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 680
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who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 8:10:20 PM

I'm wasting my time trying to explain it again and again, but here, one more time: when a man pays, it's not about money. It's not about him having a good job or not. It's not about me being "dependent" on a man (I make enough money as a nurse and own my car and home outright). It's about a man showing that he appreciates me, that he values me. Men value their money and their time - if they are willing to spend both on me without expecting sex right off the bat, they pass the litmus test. Men who take me out to dinner and pay, and then pounce on me in the parking lot afterwards are not what I'm looking for. I have never gone on a second date with one of those guys.

And yes, like some other poster stated, I'm "selectively traditional". Everybody is looking to get the best that they can get, including the person they will have a relationship with. And a man showing me he values me by spending time and money on me (at least at first) is one of the things I will not compromise on. I'm very happy to remain single if I can't find someone that fits the bill 100% (pun, haha).


You're just looking at it from the female point of view. Men are also human beings who appeciate being valued. If a woman doesn't want to take turns paying for dates or split the bill then how does that show she values a man? What's the difference- women don't share?

Notice the one thing here that still somehow remains hidden - The woman demonstrating her appreciation or valuing the man's time isn't even a question. Never even comes up in her brain. Can't even comprehend the concept.

Saying that it's not about the money, then showing that it is.

Showing that it isn't about money, as I say, and that the dilemma is just revealing of something else, then demonstrating my point.

When you see the real WHY of all this...eureka.

For example, since some are whining about alleged profile reviews, let me show how looking at a profile helps in discussions. Someone says this in their profile -

You:
Impress me.

About me:
Let's go out on a date and you'll find out. Chemistry is either there or it's not, no need to write a long essay about who I am or who I'm looking for. I'm not giving away my preferences so someone can pretend to be all that I list in my profile.

What's wrong here? You have to impress her, but you don't know anything about her. You're going on a date with her, with nothing to have given you an initial interest in doing so, and you're already being required to impress her. Before you even know her. Skips right over that part. Foregone conclusions.

So let's be honest here...women like this are successful in their dating, sure. And both are happy. Of course they are...but what kind of men are most of them getting with most of the time? Why are most of them responding to the profile and wanting to take her out?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 681
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History
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 8:33:59 PM
I am with Karma. I would go as far as to say that a guy who avoids eating because he doesn't want the possibility of footing the whole bill, is not for me. It has happened twice and something just dies in me when that happens. I am not into mean spirited, parsimonious men who calculate whether I am worth the money and what they may get out of it.
As for women having equal pay and equal rights I do believe we should reciprocate in some manner when a guy buys dinner and the relationship is continuing but not calculating and dividing up the bill at a restaurant. Awkward and offputting. It is hard to explain but it is not about the money per se.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 682
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History
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 8:59:18 PM

I am with Karma. I would go as far as to say that a guy who avoids eating because he doesn't want the possibility of footing the whole bill, is not for me. It has happened twice and something just dies in me when that happens. I am not into mean spirited, parsimonious men who calculate whether I am worth the money and what they may get out of it.
As for women having equal pay and equal rights I do believe we should reciprocate in some manner when a guy buys dinner and the relationship is continuing but not calculating and dividing up the bill at a restaurant. Awkward and offputting. It is hard to explain but it is not about the money per se.


That's a bit overly dramatic. A man isn't "mean spirited" because he's not buying dinners for women that most likely won't even call him back for a second date or communicate what they expect. I'm curious, when you say you should reciprocate in some manner when a guy buys dinner and you stick with him, what do you give?
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 683
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 9:05:37 PM
If you must dissect my profile, msg 694, let me enlighten you. I used to be cute, friendly and bubbly in my profile. I had "hopeless romantic" as my personality. Put in my profile exactly what I wanted, what I was all about, and what my perfect man would be like. And I was a magnet for sociopaths who played me like a fiddle, used everything I put in my profile to lie to and manipulate me. I had no boundaries and was a people pleaser. Tried to be super nice and accommodating to men, gave everybody the benefit of the doubt. And got walked all over, lied to, cheated on, you name it. I had to learn to put up boundaries and value MYSELF first - not some stranger. Men pursue women, not the other way around. When I did pursue men, it blew up in my face, every single time. The "****ier" and more "demanding" I get, the better the men who contact me. They are not looking for a doormat to exploit, they want to get to know me. They treat me with respect and show their appreciation by taking me out on their dime. They value me because I value myself.
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