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 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 684
who paysPage 28 of 58    (18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58)

Why Women Like Generous Men
If there’s one pet peeve many women have is cheap men. Somehow these guys always find ways to rationalize their cheap behavior. And that’s usually done at others’ expense.

When someone is cheap, it says a lot about their character. If a man isn’t generous with money, he’s also most likely uptight with other things, such as emotions, love or being an open-minded person.

The society, and men, often call women gold diggers just because they want a guy to be generous with them.What people don’t see is that many women are completely financially independent and are not gold diggers at all– yet, they still would like to be treated like a lady.

The underlying explanation is more rational than many people think. Men often say that their behavior stems from the cave-men roots. Well guess what, so does women’s behavior.

Women want to feel that they will be taken care of and that they are special for the guy. Women take care of family. Men bring home the bacon. Women need to feel they will have shelter and food so that they can feed and raise a family.

So when a woman gets taken out by a guy on a date and he asks if they could split the bill, that’s one of the worst messages a guy can send to her. It says that he’s not willing to take his manly responsibility and that he’s not proud of who he is and what he can provide to a woman.

Some men explain it by saying they’ll invest more in the woman once they’re serious with them. They don’t want to ‘waste’ the money if the girl is not worth it or if the relationship doesn’t go any further.

Well that’s a very bad excuse. You’re either a generous man or you’re not. Taking a woman to a nice dinner, buying her a little something or even helping her with the repair at home should be a pleasure to a man. Even if the relationship doesn’t go anywhere, it is never wasted money.

By being a generous man, you’re building yourself a nice reputation and you even start to feel better. This in turn will increase your confidence and you’ll be even more successful with the next girl. You’ll create lots of positive energy that will pay off big time in the future.


http://womenapproachyou.com/why-women-like-generous-men/
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 685
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 9:28:40 PM
It's not necessary to reciprocate with money? In that case, a woman can buy me dinner, and I will agree to carry out her garbage, mow her lawn and fix the tiles on her roof.
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 686
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 9:30:37 PM

Notice the one thing here that still somehow remains hidden - The woman demonstrating her appreciation or valuing the man's time isn't even a question. Never even comes up in her brain. Can't even comprehend the concept.
Saying that it's not about the money, then showing that it is.
Showing that it isn't about money, as I say, and that the dilemma is just revealing of something else, then demonstrating my point.
When you see the real WHY of all this...eureka.
For example, since some are whining about alleged profile reviews, let me show how looking at a profile helps in discussions.


You missed his entire point, and it is a valid one. Many have missed it.

And really Karma, EVERYONE knows why women like a generous man. Everyone.
 B1tch_My_Feet_Hurt
Joined: 3/5/2016
Msg: 687
who pays
Posted: 3/8/2016 9:54:05 PM
Karma is correct & it works for her, so who has a right to question what works for her?

She could find a man/relationship in a Monastery for Blind Men.

She's smart, beautiful, sexy & last but not least, she values herself...


And really Karma, EVERYONE knows why women like a generous man. Everyone.

The God-Complex Creature knows what everyone thinks. What a narcissist. If she thinks it, we all must think it!
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 688
view profile
History
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Posted: 3/8/2016 10:11:59 PM


Well that’s a very bad excuse. You’re either a generous man or you’re not. Taking a woman to a nice dinner, buying her a little something or even helping her with the repair at home should be a pleasure to a man. Even if the relationship doesn’t go anywhere, it is never wasted money.


It's not a waste of money because it's not their money and I say that as a guy who donates money to charities, gives to the homeless, tips well and volunteers at food banks at the same time I'm also a guy who doesn't like to be taken advantage of either, eventually we would have to move forward in our relationship and see progress. No one likes to be taken advantage of, women don't like to be used for sex so what makes women think that men like to be used for their hard earned money with no end in sight? I don't get the logic here. There's a fine line between generosity and being made a fool out of. And no I'm not going to value the next woman more because the last chick flaked out on me, my confidence isn't going to grow because I had a failed date or because a chick humored me long enough to get a few drinks and get out of there. That's not confidence building, that's the total opposite of confidence building, that's like kicking me in the balls multiple times and claiming that you're making my nuts tougher.

I have no issue paying for dinner but I have no issue being treated either for example a female co-worker bought me lunch a few days ago, nothing too expensive but still a nice gesture. I didn't feel emasculated, she didn't think I was weak, it was a gesture between friends.


This all seems overly complicated and dishonest to me. If a woman wants a guy to pay for the first date, say so. Guys aren't mind readers. They can barely tell when a woman is flirting wit them. I'm upfront and honest from the start and that's what works for me. I suppose everyone learns what their "type" is over time, or more likely, they learn what they don't want, but I see no issue with being honest regardless of what kind of partner you want.


This. That goes for both men and women, if you don't have it you don't have it. It's not a bad thing, it's just life pretty much. I learned that a long time ago back when I was in college and overspending my means to impress dates for girls who were never that into me in the first place. I broke the habit pretty quickly.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 689
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 12:01:57 AM
homemakermom,

I also want to point out that I knew that my profile would not appeal to EVERYONE and that is OK with me. My inbox is still very crowded.

Although I disagree with what you want being ideal for yourself (a whole other discussion), I can't have any disdain about your actual POV at all. The key is you see it as a way you you roll, realizing it's not the norm or what should be expected to be the norm -- which at the end of the day is cool... as opposed to believing "this is the way it Should be" + "you're less of a man if you don't", etc, which is what causes the ruckus around here. :)

but here, one more time: when a man pays, it's not about money.

It is about the money. You're meaning you don't want a sugar daddy. You mean it's not about a High amount of money. But it surely is about money for you. If it wasn't about the money...

It's about a man showing that he appreciates me, that he values me. Men value their money and their time - if they are willing to spend both on me without expecting sex right off the bat, they pass the litmus test.

... this wouldn't be true. Again, you just mean you're not looking to be Dependent on a guy or looking for some sugar daddy. But the money Matters to you. Women value money just as much as men do, and I would think their time as well. I know you'll avoid this question as everyone does, but -- do you see the guy as the contestant and the gal as the panel of judges, and that's how it should be? Does a guy being the contestant make him more of a manly man? Speaking of which...

It's not about him having a good job or not.

I would think that if the guy can barely scrape by to even treat a gal for a date (yes, those are going to happen) -- then yes, it does matter if one wants a manly-man, ie the provider -- as you said you totally agree with msg #678.

showing me he values me by spending time and money on me (at least at first) is one of the things I will not compromise on

Let's be honest -- there's no debate about spending time. You can't be on a date without Mutually spending time together; that's a two-way street between the two people. You want him to show you he values you by spending Money on you, and you won't compromise on that. Even though you have said in previous posts that you Wanted to, but we'll set that aside. I understand the concept that you're not looking for riches -- but that's neither here nor there. Nobody's assuming one is on either side of this debate. Nor is it about gals wanting uber-expensive outings. Nor does it have to be.

It's the position that: A man is less of a man if he doesn't pay for all her dates, even when it's past the intro-phase and it's not going thru the motions of "asking her out". That he has something to prove, and the female doesn't. And when that intro-phase is over with, he still has to man-up. It doesn't have to be riches by any means, but he's still gotta do it. Because that's what a real man's gonna do. :)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 690
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:13:56 AM

Why Women Like Generous Men....


This is a slanted article from ( some ) women's viewpoint. It talks about men paying for dinner, fixing things around the house etc. But generosity should be a 2 way street. It doesn't mention how women can be generous with a man ( besides raising a family which isn't a factor when you start dating someone ). Having a different viewpoint does not make someone "cheap", "not generous", "selfish" etc.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 691
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:39:14 AM

It's not necessary to reciprocate with money? In that case, a woman can buy me dinner, and I will agree to carry out her garbage, mow her lawn and fix the tiles on her roof.


I have paid for lunch or dinner when a man fixed something at my house or helped me solve a problem at work. Not just men that I was dating. But friends, neighbors, and colleagues as well.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 692
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:39:18 AM
^^ agreed.
I have found cheese parers to get worst over time.
Why exactly do Men feel they ought not pay for the dinner date? Is it because you reckon you may not get anything in return? Have you done it so often you feel like a human wallet?
If I pay too often for someone ( GFs) well then I simply stop going out with them :/ Problem solved.
I guess dinner dates could happen at Costco.. wandering around dining on samples.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 693
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:47:23 AM
I have paid for lunch or dinner when a man fixed something at my house or helped me solve a problem at work. Not just men that I was dating. But friends, neighbors, and colleagues as well.

---

I have taken out my friends for dinner after they helped me move into my new house. They don't have to prove anything to me though, I know they already like me and I show my appreciation for their help. A good friend of mine is doing something for me this weekend, and I plan on taking her to lunch. I have no problems paying, just not on dates. TO ME, it doesn't feel right, and TO ME, it's a turn off. I want to feel good when I'm with a guy, and me paying my share or for him on the first few dates does not feel good. Makes me feel like I'm the man in the relationship. I don't care if the good people here in the forum don't see it my way or want to rationalize it, my feelings are MY feelings, and that's just it.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 694
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Posted: 3/9/2016 9:38:08 AM
Let's face it. Every post since my last one demonstrates just what I always say on this and have said many times before - The dishonesty. Mealy-mouthedness. Dishonest and manipulative rhetoric. It's all right there in your face. Hard to misinterpret. And, for the hundredth time, everyone has quickly lost a good hold on what it's really about. Even after I spelled it out. I just didn't know that it was so slippery. Now instead it's again an argument about equality and gender roles, money and fair sharing of effort. For pete's f-cking sake...

...*sigh*, it was fun again folks.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 695
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History
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Posted: 3/9/2016 10:11:21 AM
Ya know, I'm a total gentleman, but more often than not, I end up feeling used. Sure some women appreciate it, but they also look at me like a chump. Thankfully, women usually approach me, and I haven't had to endure the endless BS that these threads illustrate. When I approach and make the first move, the women assume an arrogant position and the relationship goes nowhere. When they approach me, I treat them well and we proceed on an equal footing, and those are the relationships that work. Funny how that works.
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 696
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 10:36:31 AM

The God-Complex Creature knows what everyone thinks. What a narcissist. If she thinks it, we all must think it!


Sorry, the narcissist ones are the ones insisting that they be paid for. Bought and paid for, because it makes them "feel" good.

Drinkswithmyface's point was - sure, you're bought and paid for and YOU "feel" good....but you never mention the man. Being bought and paid for makes you feel good, you like generous men that pay and give you things and make YOU feel special. You never mention how you appreciate his time, effort and money. You just talk about what he MUST do and can do for you. It's all me, me, me. However many pages of me, me, me and what men have to do to spend a moment of time with you. Well, what about him?

I remember a conversation with Clooney once and he said - these broads never mention "love", it's about "what can you do for me".

And really Karma, do you not think that man appreciate a generous woman?
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 697
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History
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Posted: 3/9/2016 10:41:40 AM
I always require my dates be able to perform this -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpiFmZLICgM

I'd pay for that sh!t.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 698
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 10:49:06 AM

when a man pays, it's not about money.


I'm pretty sure the restaurant thinks it's about money.

Try walking out without paying the check.


Why Women Like Generous Men

Somehow these guys always find ways to rationalize their cheap behavior. And that’s usually done at others’ expense.


Free meals are usually procured "at others' expense", too.


Why Women Like Generous Men


More self-serving psychobabble.


What people don’t see is that many women are completely financially independent and are not gold diggers at all.


Women take care of family. Men bring home the bacon. Women need to feel they will have shelter and food so that they can feed and raise a family.


Contradictory statements within the same psychobabble article.

If women are "completely financially independent", why do they still need men to "bring home the bacon" and provide the shelter and food?

Bizarre.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 699
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 10:52:14 AM
Funny how personals ads that seem clearly to be from professional 'escorts' or basically hookers seem to frequently state that they are 'seeking a "generous gentleman"..
Generous the key word.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 701
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Posted: 3/9/2016 11:10:38 AM

What people don’t see is that many women are completely financially independent and are not gold diggers at all.


Being financially independent and being a gold digger are not mutually exclusive.

Just more propaganda designed to help women retain the benefits they want while not having to give anything in return. Karma even says so herself. "Selectively traditional", etc. That, and she outs herself as being bitter after being a "nice girl" for so long and getting used by men. Of course, that doesn't fly when a man says that he used to be so nice to women and got used for his troubles.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 702
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 11:28:20 AM
Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out to dinner.

Tactics is getting her to drink it...
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 703
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Posted: 3/9/2016 1:38:13 PM
Two nights ago the Bulls played the Bucks in Chicago at the United Center, the Bulls won 1o0-90. It was a big win for them, it gives them two straight wins at home, first time they've kept an opposing from scoring under 100 pts in 2016, it keeps them in the 8th spot, Pau Gasol had a triple double, Derrick Rose dropped 22 and has played well since the all-star break, they beat a divisional rival on the road. Instead of fans cheering those accomplishments the most they got excited was when E'Tuan hit two free throws to give the Bulls 100 points. Not because they were up by 10 with 15 seconds left, nope it's because whenever the Bulls score 100 points, fans at the game get free Big Mac coupons. A piece of shit, dry ass burger worth 4 bucks, they had to have spent 7 dollars in the United Center on one 20 oz. beer, all the overpriced food and beer in the United Center and they're happy about free Big Macs, nevermind the fact half of them are siting in 500 dollar seats.

I'm telling this story to say that people men and women love free shit, that's the simple gist of it all. It's not about being a "real man" or being generous or showing appreciation. You can show appreciation without spending a dime. THey could go dutch but why 'go dutch when there's a guy out there willing to pay for everything? Why go dutch and spend 30 when you could save 50, 60, 70, 80 dollars and have that in your pocket? It's a damn good deal, now of course there are women out there who have no issues splitting a bill and that's fine and 9 times out 10 the women I've come across don;'t have hangups over money even my worst ex-GFs were pretty relaxed about money but I'm also not going to be surprised when a woman decides that she doesn't want to date a Coastie who makes 43 grand a year when she could date a man who makes twice as much.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 704
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History
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Posted: 3/9/2016 1:43:21 PM


It's not necessary to reciprocate with money? In that case, a woman can buy me dinner, and I will agree to carry out her garbage, mow her lawn and fix the tiles on her roof.
I have paid for lunch or dinner when a man fixed something at my house or helped me solve a problem at work. Not just men that I was dating. But friends, neighbors, and colleagues as well.

Yeah, but would you do that for dates? The point was, was that if it's not necessary to reciprocate with money, then it can go the other way around -- on dates. So if a guy you're starting to see fixes somethings around your house, you're not going to mind taking him out for dinner, right? (I think most women wouldn't) Or if he invites you over and cooks you dinner, you'll reciprocate by buying him dinner another time (that'd be roughly ballpark range of equal expenses)?

I think a gal cooking/making dinner at her place is an equal exchange when he takes her out to dinner (or cooks one himself, the other way around).

They [friends] don't have to prove anything to me though, I know they already like me and I show my appreciation for their help.

But when you already know a guy likes you, he too doesn't have to prove anything to pay for your dates?

I have no problems paying, just not on dates. TO ME, it doesn't feel right, and TO ME, it's a turn off.

I would say with your "guy-friend", it should make you feel More not-right if he never makes a move, but insists on picking you up and paying. THAT should make you feel more uneasy. If it makes you feel less uneasy VS even contributing to date #x with guy where it's affirmed he likes you (and vice versa) -- then that's more than just a clue that you may not be fully aware of that Money Matters to you, directly or indirectly.

I want to feel good when I'm with a guy, and me paying my share or for him on the first few dates does not feel good. Makes me feel like I'm the man in the relationship.

I think you'd feel more like the man if you had to ask him out, pick the place, etc. Or if you end up paying the majority of expenses on the dates, I could see that too, feeling a bit like "the man". But certainly you're not going to feel like "the man" if you're sharing expenses. After all, to you, a manly man doesn't merely contribute -- he at least pays the majority or the whole thing. :)

I don't care if the good people here in the forum don't see it my way or want to rationalize it, my feelings are MY feelings, and that's just it.

I think others (notably me) want to rationalize it, but I don't think You want to rationalize it -- and don't want to care if you're taking things for granted.... as you say, your feelings are your feelings. You're going by emotion -- and that's just it.

You just talk about what he MUST do and can do for you. It's all me, me, me. However many pages of me, me, me and what men have to do to spend a moment of time with you. Well, what about him?

True. I think many gals stuck in that situation don't think of it that way, because so many guys, even ones like me who in forums question it but usually do it anyway, are going to pay pay pay. :) But it stems from some people's mindset that the guy is the contestant, and the gal is the panel of judges by merely being on any date. Those situations do exist (like guy chasing girl).

If women are "completely financially independent", why do they still need men to "bring home the bacon" and provide the shelter and food?

Good point, and an obvious point. It's OK because enough people believe it and roll with it. Popularity = validation to many (see religion or politics). :)
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 705
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:56:57 PM

Makes me feel like I'm the man in the relationship. I don't care if the good people here in the forum don't see it my way or want to rationalize it, my feelings are MY feelings, and that's just it.


Then you do what you want and let the men who don't think the same way as you do what they want. No need to call these men less "manly" because they insist on splitting the bill.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 706
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 2:47:45 PM

If women are "completely financially independent", why do they still need men to "bring home the bacon" and provide the shelter and food?


The selective tradition of "Whoever has the vagina gets free food forever" ranks up their with a poster from a while back, who posted that she went out for lunch/dinner with a guy she met for the first time, and as expected, he picked up the tab. But she was disgusted with him and refused to see him again afterwards because she felt he didn't leave a big enough tip. She said everything was going well up to that point. I don't know how she found out what the tip he left was, if she wasn't paying the bill, unless she asked him, or if it was left on the table after paying the bill, which is common at a diner or pub type of place. But I guess she wasn't disgusted enough to reach in her wallet and contribute a few dollars towards the tip if she felt it was too small, or suggest to him to maybe leave a lit bit more. But of course, guys have to be mind readers. I think the Venus and Mars thing is all wrong. Who ever came up with that should've picked two planets further apart, which is more appropriate to the differences in the way of thinking.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 707
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History
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Posted: 3/9/2016 5:02:52 PM
Stellan77 said:
No need to call these men less "manly" because they insist on splitting the bill.


But I do see them as being less "manly". It's how I feel about it.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 708
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 5:05:49 PM
What if a woman outweighs the guy? Or has larger chest, waist, arm measurements? Does that make him seem "less manly" ? "TRADITIONALLY", in general, men should be, or are, bigger than women. But some women are turning that around..some could certainly stand to miss a few meals, regardless of who pays.
 Mz_Dressup
Joined: 11/15/2014
Msg: 709
who pays
Posted: 3/9/2016 5:18:11 PM
Men appreciate when women go out with them.

Woman appreciate when men go out with them.

But neither sex owes for anything more or less.

Treat your date as you wish they might treat you, with excitement and respect.

If one wishes to pay for the first date, the other acquiesces with "my treat next time."

If you're only whoring yourself out for the next meal, (either sex) well there's your price.

Men and women should value themselves as equal, with no sex pulling ahead.

Otherwise we're all pigs and whores.

Reciprocate until which time a relationship occurs and monetary decisions can be further decided then.

Not one person is valued over another.

Truly disgusting when that happens.

This is only my opinion.


What I've read over the majority of this thread is embarrassing.
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