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 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 735
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It's the GESTURE that counts.


Exactly, and as I remember the thread started with the OP going out on 10 dates and felt he was being taken advantaged of, she never offer and became insulted when he brought it up. It is the gesture that counts.

I do not believe most of the men here have a problem picking up the first tab. Usually they make the initial contact and ask for the initial meeting so being the invitee, picking up the tab is probably the right thing to do. The problem seems to come in because men feel like they are being recruited for a meal ticket. I always, always reach for my wallet first, have never asked for my date to chip in on any occasion. I even pick up the bill when I knew immediately the meet was a bust and I would never see this person again...Hell geekgrrrl I would even have picked up the tab if we had ever met. However, I have always noticed how my date reacted when I am paying. It was one of the many things that went into the assessment process.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 736
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 6:47:27 AM

So all you dutch daters, who pays for the condoms? Do you argue about it in the Wal-Mart? Or is that decided while enjoying your happy meal in the Micky D's parking lot? Divide up the unused ones so each goes away with their fair share least you never see each other again? lol


I wouldn't offer to pay anything. I would insist that she pays for the condoms and Happy Meal. That would "make me feel good". BTW I'm being sarcastic in case someone can't tell. LOL.
 seasprite4u
Joined: 2/14/2016
Msg: 737
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 7:57:57 AM
^^^ Now there is something I've wondered about but not asked or had an answer. Who brings the condoms? I'm not just saying, who BUYS, but who brings? I just threw out a small box I had bought number of years ago because they had a "best before" date on them and I'd not used any on my "best before dates" or even any "not so great dates".

So lady's, do you pack? Do you keep a few kicking around? Is it up to him to take care of that?

Dinner and sex...one way or another is a Happy meal. Just sayin.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 739
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who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 8:54:10 AM

In the end I seemed to end up pursuing women who pursued me with equal enthusiasm


Exactly. I've had the best relationships with women who let me know they were interested and made an equal effort. It seems demeaning to be the sole pursuer.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 740
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 8:58:20 AM
SHE DOES

...otherwise, she doesn't appreciate my awesomeness and THAT, my friends ....is ...a ..... DEALBREAKER
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 741
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 9:57:40 AM

In the end I seemed to end up pursuing women who pursued me with equal enthusiasm. I always figured my presence was just as valuable. The women that I got on with seemed to understand that and acted accordingly.


Touche to that. The ones that I have a problem with are the divas who justify getting a free meal and entertainment on every date by saying they have sacrificed some of their spare time by being on a date, so they want a reward for it, and the guy's time spent on the date is of no consequence. His time doesn't count.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 742
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who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 10:16:09 AM


Well that’s a very bad excuse. You’re either a generous man or you’re not. Taking a woman to a nice dinner, buying her a little something or even helping her with the repair at home should be a pleasure to a man. Even if the relationship doesn’t go anywhere, it is never wasted money
Easy to say when you're not paying for it.

I agree. That article quote is a REALLY BAD POV -- a classic case of being conditioned/brainwashed into Entitlement Syndrome. A POV not to be respected. One doesn't have to lose respect for a woman being in a situation with a guy having that angle/POV while she *also* truly Likes him in-that-way, but she's just rolling with it. But that POV on dating and what's expected? Yikes. A skewed version of dating. If that isn't a claim that the guy is the Contestant, and the woman is the panel of judges + believing "That's How It's Supposed to Be" -- I don't know what is. :)


I think a gal cooking/making dinner at her place is an equal exchange when he takes her out to dinner (or cooks one himself, the other way around).
Yes I have. The point was I have done this for other people in additional to dates.

That's good! :)

Now there is something I've wondered about but not asked or had an answer. Who brings the condoms? I'm not just saying, who BUYS, but who brings?

Condoms? Condoms are for sailors, baby! ;) On the dating circuit? Well, the guy's probably wanting one that fits well to him, so the ball's in his court on that. If she's going to be on the pill and she handles that. But if one's going to have rolls in the hay in the dating circuit, both should more often than not have one handy in their wallet, purse, or bedside for such an occasion. The "possession arrow" (basketball analogy, it's March) points to the guy as it should.

If she always or too often has to buy/obtain condoms -- yeah, there's an issue on his part. But like the controversy of guy-pays-all, it's about attitude and POV. If the gal refuses to Ever buy/obtain condoms and is stuck on a "that's what a man does" POV -- she's got serious issues. She's an adult, not in high school. Or even if she is, it's best to have what can be considered a "just in case" assortment of a few. It's in her best interest.

The ones that I have a problem with are the divas who justify getting a free meal and entertainment on every date by saying they have sacrificed some of their spare time by being on a date, so they want a reward for it, and the guy's time spent on the date is of no consequence. His time doesn't count.

Hey! He should be happy to be generous to buy her things, take her out, and to fix things around her house, even if they don't become an item! He should find pleasure in doing that in and of itself... gracious of the opportunity to service a woman! ;)
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 743
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 10:25:37 AM
Some young guys are a little " wet behind the ears " but beyond a certain age....they're called :


DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMB
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 745
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 11:22:46 AM
LMAO, I never, in a million years, had the idea, that DATING was sooooooo F'n complicated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEVER crossed my mind!
I just NEVER got THAT memo!

Memo: Dating is complicated, and don't ever forget THE RULES! Or else! ???????
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 746
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 11:45:32 AM

Men pursue women, not the other way around. When I did pursue men, it blew up in my face, every single time.


I don't know why some women think that men are any more successful at getting what they want. Men may also be rejected the majority of the time. Not everybody who we find attractive is going to think the same thing about us- that is why dating is so difficult. If you pursue a man and he rejects you it's probably not because you took the initiative to ask him out first - he probably wouldn't be interested even if you didn't. Men just like women like to be pursued, but only by people we are interested in.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 748
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who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 2:59:50 PM

LMAO, I never, in a million years, had the idea, that DATING was sooooooo F'n complicated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEVER crossed my mind!
I just NEVER got THAT memo!

Memo: Dating is complicated, and don't ever forget THE RULES! Or else! ???????


It's not complicated, people make it complicated because of rules and if the rules are broken then something is clearly wrong with that person. When in reality said rule is more than likely archaic and stupid.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 749
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 5:29:42 PM

Do those things have an expiry date?


You're trying to bait me!
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 750
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 5:33:39 PM
She's just never been with anyone who had to roll it down far enough to read the expiry date.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 751
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 5:42:15 PM
Dude. You're getting jumpy. I promised I'd never tell anyone about our little tiny tryst, and I meant it.

*Besides, I thought it was kinda cute :)
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 752
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 6:58:02 PM

When I did pursue men, it blew up in my face, every single time.


That's because you pursued the wrong men.

Unenlightened men.
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 753
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 7:01:07 PM
On my next new date, I will demand to know what her credit score is lol

Oops. that will not happened since I like what I have now. So no more new dates for me.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 754
who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 8:00:04 PM

Now there is something I've wondered about but not asked or had an answer. Who brings the condoms? I'm not just saying, who BUYS, but who brings? I just threw out a small box I had bought number of years ago because they had a "best before" date on them and I'd not used any on my "best before dates" or even any "not so great dates".


Most of the time, I have condoms in my car, house etc. If I didn't have a condom on me at the time, I would buy it because I know what type of condoms I like.


Men pursue women, not the other way around. When I did pursue men, it blew up in my face, every single time.


The majority of my first dates / meetings were with women that contacted me first. When I wasn't interested, it wasn't because she contacted me or asked me out. Most likely there wasn't enough physical attraction or compatibility.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 755
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Posted: 3/10/2016 9:04:03 PM
Hehe...hey, on our first dates, we should all just start going to the movie ticket booth with her, buy our one ticket, take a few steps towards the theater, and then stop and turn around and say "you coming or not?"

And when people remark that we won't keep any dates that way, we let them know that, in fact, we do. But only the ones that we should be with. Because we have to weed them out to get to the good ones. Don't want no women who just reach for the low-hanging fruit. We gotta do our part to begin making sure that following generations aren't in the stone age. It's all about the gesture. To see if she's a lady. If she buys herself a ticket and walks with me to the theater, then I can know that she appreciates my time and wants to spend the evening with me. That way I can tell that she has the sense to know what to really look for to tell if I'm manly and worth her time.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 756
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who pays
Posted: 3/10/2016 11:57:26 PM

When I did pursue men, it blew up in my face, every single time.


I see this scenario in porn very often. It's called a "facial"...
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 757
who pays
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:19:33 AM
Here is an example of the messages I get from men who have no problem taking a woman out on a date. And yes, I replied to him and hope to go out with him tomorrow:


Hi how are you, my name is XXX. Your smile is awesome, it makes me smile and you are an absolutely stunning lady. I would very much like to get to know you, I feel anything worth having is worth working for, I would very much like to demonstrate that in my efforts to get to know you. let me know what you think and how you feel about us getting to know each other. XXXX

P.s. You are absolutely worth putting in the work and effort to get to know. I hope you allow me the opportunity to do just that.


This is how it's done, and yes, the guy is older than me and very handsome.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 759
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Posted: 3/11/2016 10:49:11 AM

Here is an example of the messages I get from men who have no problem taking a woman out on a date. And yes, I replied to him and hope to go out with him tomorrow:


Yeah, because the meal is free. Most guys that write messages like that never get a response and that's why I tell them not to write in that style and frame things that way.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 760
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Posted: 3/11/2016 10:50:20 AM
TrvstInKarma: How is that not super-generic? It indicates nothing about what's on your profile (except arguably your smile... although interestingly, you are not really smiling in your main pic). I could literally copy-and-paste that word-for-word and send it to every woman that interests me.

I'm not saying it's badly written -- I'm just saying most women in the forums claim they do not find generic messages worth responding to and strongly suggest that men mention something that's in the woman's profile when they write to women, and that message completely breaks that rule. Also, I do realize you are your own woman and don't have to do what other women do, but us men are just getting a lot of conflicting advice from women (and men who supposedly know what they're doing) and I'm trying to figure out what is the best advice. I mean, since this guy is "very handsome," had he sent, "Hi, how's it going?", would that also have gotten a reply? What was it about this message that made it worth responding to for you?

I'm not getting directly involved in this "Who Pays" debate. I'll worry about that the next time I actually have a date -- one thing about going dateless for 9 years, you've definitely saved up enough to pay whatever is needed for the next date you have.

Edit: Coma and the other guy snuck in while I was typing -- I don't want this post to seem like I'm just piling on -- Coma said "free meal," not me. I'm just genuinely curious as to why that message worked, for my own sake.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 761
who pays
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:52:48 AM
^ Each to his or her own. It sounds to me like they might hit it off.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 762
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who pays
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:59:37 AM

Edit: Coma and the other guy snuck in while I was typing -- I don't want this post to seem like I'm just piling on -- Coma said "free meal," not me. I'm just genuinely curious as to why that message worked, for my own sake.


Hey, a meal is a meal. Guys that present themselves that way will get stuck in the first level of dating Hell. Buying dinners, driving women around, playing phone tag, etc. I don't think the message "worked" as much as it's numbers game. Even a bad message will get a response every once in a while.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 763
who pays
Posted: 3/11/2016 11:03:27 AM

Hi how are you, my name is XXX. Your smile is awesome, it makes me smile and you are an absolutely stunning lady. I would very much like to get to know you, I feel anything worth having is worth working for, I would very much like to demonstrate that in my efforts to get to know you. let me know what you think and how you feel about us getting to know each other. XXXX

P.s. You are absolutely worth putting in the work and effort to get to know. I hope you allow me the opportunity to do just that.


I know we all do what works for us, and I respect that and you and your choices.

However, I wouldn't respond to a message like this mostly because it doesn't say anything (that I don't already know...hahahaha!)
about me that he finds interesting. This to me is a cut and paste. I'd rather he mention what he finds interesting and intriguing
that sets me apart from someone else. I'd also like to see more of his personality in his message.
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