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 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 764
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Yeah, because the meal is free. Most guys that write messages like that never get a response and that's why I tell them not to write in that style and frame things that way.


Can you write an example reflecting your style of a MSG you would send to Karma? (If not Karma, then some other imaginary profile.)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 765
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Posted: 3/11/2016 11:15:54 AM

Can you write an example reflecting your style of a MSG you would send to Karma?


"You're hot. You look young for your age. I want to buy you stuff."
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 766
who pays
Posted: 3/11/2016 11:17:00 AM
Congratulations Ms. Karma! :D

I am glad you received a message and subsequent date offer from someone who's messaging style does it for you.

Just goes to show you, though, gentlemen...that individual women are often quite contradictory in what does it for them.

I, for instance, when I was dating, would have not replied to that message. I am very much turned off by the mention of my appearance in either a first message or upon first meeting someone. That's just me.

And I would hope that a man would not view getting to know me as work or an effort.....but a pleasure. Word choice is important to me. :)

Now....I could see a man viewing....marrying me...as work and a whole lot of effort! Hahaha!


Whether you pay....don't pay....go dutch....or do something for free....just have fun!
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 767
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Posted: 3/11/2016 11:26:54 AM

Hi how are you, my name is XXX. Your smile is awesome,


Funny, obviously a cut and paste job, nothing specific to her anywhere in the email . Considering that out of all of her pictures there is only one showing her smile and two of them are with her in a bikini I doubt it would be what would stand out to most guys. She did say she found him handsome so was it that ass kicking first email or did you just like what you saw? So, yes you never know what will work.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 768
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Posted: 3/11/2016 11:38:07 AM

Can you write an example reflecting your style of a MSG you would send to Karma? (If not Karma, then some other imaginary profile.)


I would write something so the frame is better and creates attraction. The only appeal to the cut and paste job is that the guy looks like a sucker that will wine and dine anyone. If you want more specific examples, you can message me. I don't write my greeting messages on the forum because people will just say: "lol, me wouldn't respond to that!" But basically, all you're doing is communicating that you're a man that has women in his life and has value. A guy that writes copy and paste jobs asking permission if he can take you out doesn't reflect that frame.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 769
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Posted: 3/11/2016 12:01:18 PM

Men pursue women, not the other way around. When I did pursue men, it blew up in my face, every single time.

It goes both ways, but men far more get the ball rolling. It doesn't mean women "aren't supposed to". And if a guy blows up in your face -- there's at least success, right? ;)

I'm not really sure what is meant by "pursue". If what is meant is initial contact, it's never made a difference to me.

Good point. Girls make initial contact all the time, although most of the time it's not hitting on someone. But one doesn't have to hit on someone to get the ball rolling. Sometimes it's by happenstance, when the girl (or guy) isn't trying to pick them up or anything -- they're not giving it much thought, and one thing leads to another. A guy can't really "blow up in your face" if you initiate conversation with him any more than another gal doing the same.

Now kicking it off by hitting on them -- sure. But that's not so necessary. However, girls can get more positive results than guys do, pound for pound, when making clear moves. The Downside that gals will get, if they roll in the hay soon after, is that the guy wasn't that into them. Because guys are more willing to roll in the hay with gals they find "mediocre" than girls doing the same.

TrvstInKarma: How is that not super-generic?

It does have that cut-n-paste feel to it -- and coming on a bit too strong to have a good batting average in results.

one thing about going dateless for 9 years, you've definitely saved up enough to pay whatever is needed for the next date you have.

Well, that's why "escorts" may be considered. I'm talking tongue-in-cheek, but not totally joking on the money comparison. Gals, in general, take being paid for on dates for granted. It's not a mere taste thing -- a mere taste thing would be someone who likes it when things are more expensive/selective outings. It's a "rule" to some women the man always pays 100% of a gal's bill every time, even when he's not chasing her or asking to take her out, past the intro date. The $$ add up for guys. The laughable article posted on here is a clear example of taking it for granted, as a guy who's an active dater is going to see his $$ be spent a lot more than one realizes (kind of like a guy who goes out to the bar VS staying in).
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 770
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Posted: 3/11/2016 12:14:13 PM

If you want more specific examples, you can message me. I don't write my greeting messages on the forum because people will just say: "lol, me wouldn't respond to that!"


You are right, no doubt some would do the LOL.

I am curious what you would write, but I can't contact you because of the age range. I knew I should have picked a younger age for this profile. :) I guess I could use a "proxy".

 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 772
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Posted: 3/11/2016 12:21:53 PM


Hi how are you, my name is XXX. Your smile is awesome, it makes me smile and you are an absolutely stunning lady. I would very much like to get to know you, I feel anything worth having is worth working for, I would very much like to demonstrate that in my efforts to get to know you. let me know what you think and how you feel about us getting to know each other. XXXX

P.s. You are absolutely worth putting in the work and effort to get to know. I hope you allow me the opportunity to do just that.


Sounds like a cover letter to a resume. Generated in HR perhaps by a...doormat.

I would never message a woman that I've never met that she worth putting in the work and effort for. Well, truth be told, I rarely message them first anyway.

In fact, I think that message is fake bullsh!t.

 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 773
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Posted: 3/11/2016 12:49:16 PM

You are right, no doubt some would do the LOL.

I am curious what you would write, but I can't contact you because of the age range. I knew I should have picked a younger age for this profile. :) I guess I could use a "proxy".


Most of my messages aren't planned, the important thing is establishing the right frame. From there, you can say anything.

Try messaging again, you can also change your settings here I believe:
http://www.pof.com/mailsettings.aspx
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 774
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Posted: 3/11/2016 1:53:31 PM

TrvstInKarma: How is that not super-generic? It indicates nothing about what's on your profile (except arguably your smile... I could literally copy-and-paste that word-for-word and send it to every woman that interests me.


I will second that.


although interestingly, you are not really smiling in your main pic).


Makes it even more generic, eh?

It's amazing what women will fall for from a handsome pic.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 775
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Posted: 3/11/2016 2:00:52 PM
ègo-stroking works on most people...would the cut and paste of saying she`s beautiful work when sent to a profile without photos..

hey Whatssamatter you went blonde hm.. suits you. :)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 776
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Posted: 3/11/2016 2:03:26 PM
"It's amazing what women will fall for from a handsome pic."




Some.....a few.....many.....even most......I really don't care which one you use!!!

But for goodness sakes.....use....a.....freakin' qualifier/quantifier!!!

Otherwise by default you are saying ALL women.....and I am....A.....woman....but not....ALL women and ALL women are not ME....A....woman! Get it??




Ooooh........think I better go have a glass of wine. :/



VVVVV Don't get me started on you, Mr. Caballero!

Great! Now.....I need the whole bottle of wine! Sheesh!
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 777
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Posted: 3/11/2016 2:04:09 PM
you`re cute`, I make over $250,000 a year and am VERY generous..I enjoy paying for everything and buy gifts for my dates..

----------would be very successful
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 778
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Posted: 3/11/2016 2:32:06 PM
It just shows what gets our attention. I wouldn't have relied to that message either. Maybe this is why people have problems finding a partner, they have poor selection skills. Now if you just want a night out, free dinner and maybe flowers, this might work. Players. Then they complain to their girlfriends that all men are pigs and all they want is sex. I find it funny that the men posting on here saw that message for what it was, a cheesy pick up line that worked, again.

Caballeros guy got it right, as have others.
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 779
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Posted: 3/11/2016 3:06:50 PM
caballerosiempre:
Not everyone makes what you make. So some of us have our limitations.
You might attract gold diggers cause you can provide for them. I run from them
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 780
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Posted: 3/11/2016 3:19:07 PM

.........a cheesy pick up line that worked, again.


LOL To some of us, cheesy, yes. In the past, when replying to men from their first message, I would have thought this was a class A pick up line. A "cheesy line" would not have worked for me.
BUT, it appeals to Karma. She did respond. She may very well have a dinner date this weekend, she will enjoy herself while others here may be home alone, feeling sorry for themselves...............or not.........who knows?
Different strokes for different folks?
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 781
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Posted: 3/11/2016 3:34:10 PM
HawkingJr
I'll worry about that the next time I actually have a date -- one thing about going dateless for 9 years, you've definitely saved up enough to pay whatever is needed for the next date you have.

Going dateless for 9 years? Haven't you met women via POF within the last 9 years?
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 782
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Posted: 3/11/2016 3:40:54 PM
^ He and I met, but evidently I don't count.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 783
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Posted: 3/11/2016 3:47:11 PM
"Going dateless for 9 years? Haven't you met women via POF within the last 9 years?"

Here is where we get into semantics about what a "date" is. Some people on here will say a first meeting is not a date, and some will say it is. Personally, I go largely by whatever the woman tells me it is, and the handful of women I met on here all said it wasn't a "date," just a "meeting" to see if we would go on a "date" later (didn't happen in any case). There was definitely nothing romantic about any of those meetings. But even so, the last time I had a non-forum-related meeting of any sort with a woman from here was several years ago. My last unquestionable date from 9 years ago first had a meeting with me after we connected on another OLD site, then we went on several unquestionable dates.

"He and I met, but evidently I don't count."

Unless you are Belle, KJ or that RedSox girl... that seems very unlikely.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 784
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Posted: 3/11/2016 4:03:38 PM

However, I'm not sure that who approaches first matters in the "higher value male/lower value female"

Yeah, not really, no. It was just an added comment, as I was being fair by adding the clause that many times, just because a guy engages with you with some interest (or reciprocates your interest if you mingle with him) -- doesn't mean he's interested in going down relationship alley, is all. Comparatively speaking, that should be the real difficulty women will have when initiating things with guys (or not initiating). He doesn't get a gal clearly initiating things very often, so IMO, he'll be even More apt to roll with a not-so-quite-par gal.

Not everyone makes what you make. So some of us have our limitations.

I believe his was a joke making fun of Karma's copy of the 'sweet message' she got from the guy. :)

Otherwise by default you are saying ALL women.....and I am....A.....woman....but not....ALL women and ALL women are not ME....A....woman! Get it??

In the context in which he said it, I don't think it's so implicative of 'All', but yeah, would be best to have put "many" or "most" I guess. Part of that is because the statement could be in many different directions. It's amazing what men will do when there's porn on isn't quite the same as "Men love porn," which, IMO would be more implicative of 'All' in that statement.

LOL To some of us, cheesy, yes. In the past, when replying to men from their first message, I would have thought this was a class A pick up line. A "cheesy line" would not have worked for me.

I think anything that can be Easily Seen as a put-n-pasted pick-up line or message would be classified as "cheesy". I guess for those who don't see it clearly as a cut-n-paste pickup message wouldn't find it cheesy if it peaked their tastes too.

Some people on here will say a first meeting is not a date, and some will say it is.

Just because a first meet is a first, doesn't mean it's not a date. The "first" part should have no bearing on whether it's a date or not. It's the type of 'meet'-ing it is. If the casual thing you had on that 1st outing, was the same as after the two have kissed and got along well -- it's the same thing. Meet up for a couple drinks? It's a date.

Litmus test: If you had a GF at the time and did it, and she wouldn't call it a date, but just a meet -- then it's just a meet. :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 785
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Posted: 3/11/2016 4:07:26 PM
not to join the pile-on, but...yeah, that message is the definition of "try hard". Half the sentences are, "i'll do anything to get to know you." But its a reminder that, trying hard can work in some cases. Maybe its that he's really attractive (but then I always say looks matter), maybe the recipient is feeling the effects of early spring, maybe it was a matter of good timing. it got the proverbial foot in the door, and that's what matters. when people ask why they get this type of email, here's the reason why--it only has to work once.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 786
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Posted: 3/11/2016 4:15:28 PM
It also worked on a specific type of woman..wouldn't work on all women..some want a suckup kissazz doormat type with a big open wallet, and others don't.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 787
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Posted: 3/11/2016 4:23:48 PM
Thx for taking the time to explain, Hawking. :-)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 788
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Posted: 3/11/2016 4:53:40 PM
seems no one pays ( thanks Netflix) if the forums were a fee I'd be talking to myself like some of the socks
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 789
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Posted: 3/11/2016 6:52:45 PM
Aww darn. I was gonna leave this topic alone now.

Hi how are you, my name is XXX. Your smile is awesome, it makes me smile and you are an absolutely stunning lady. I would very much like to get to know you, I feel anything worth having is worth working for, I would very much like to demonstrate that in my efforts to get to know you. let me know what you think and how you feel about us getting to know each other. XXXX

P.s. You are absolutely worth putting in the work and effort to get to know. I hope you allow me the opportunity to do just that.

My thoughts didn't include that this is copy/paste or generic, etc. It is potentially so, and seems like it, but that's only because we're in a place where millions of these things have been sent. And the most genuine and normal message becomes meaningless.

But, what's wrong with this in my mind is that this guy tells her that she's absolutely stunning. Yet he doesn't know a thing about her. There's nothing in the profile at all. That's kind of the point with her profile, and she states this there. But he already thinks that she is stunning. This dynamic of which I speak (again) is perpetuated by the fact that they are going out, yet haven't done any talking. Yea, I'm sure, she'll tell us that they've chatted some. But I mean real talking. Going by all this, I'm pretty sure that there wasn't any real talking, only the foregone-conclusion and asymmetrical dynamics. She was taken by this first-message, but was she interested in him much, and getting to know him? Or only interested in the fact that he charmed the heck out of her? Did he have her because of that first message, or because of his profile and any chatting that took place? Does she not think twice about a man saying that she's so awesome when he doesn't know her at all to even know that? That seems scary to me.

Yes, I know, getting-to-know-someone is what that first-date is for. But if that's the case, then how is she already so absolutely stunning? Obviously, that first date will have this undertone of foregone-conclusion and asymmetry. It's all about him working hard to 'win' her, and her just giving him the chance to do so because he begged for it. Not much else. Eeww.

When I say stuff like this, it isn't meant to be personal or mean, I swear...but...you just seem pretty darned easy and shallow to me. Predictable shallow flattery would get a man anywhere with you. I may not have thought 'copy/paste' when I saw this, but I sure as hell thought that "I feel anything worth having is worth working for" and "you are absolutely worth putting in the work and effort" are some of the lamest-assed cliché/lines that a woman could ever get in a first-message responding to a profile which has nothing in it to already know anything about the woman. In my observations, approaches like this make many women look sideways at a man who doesn't know her, say "oh REALLY. How so?", and walk away. Of course, certain kinds of women, that is, versus other kinds. Some women respond positively to this, but stop and think of the various scenarios or reasons why.

This kind of first-message, and what I can imagine the first date is all about in this kind of instance...is what I think about when I imagine pick-up-artists and the women who respond to them or even in turn look for these men specifically, and is what I think about when I imagine those not really looking for a relationship that's very deep or long-lasting, or when I imagine those who get into relationships without understanding them and how to know if they even belong together and end up having things turn sour later on if they were under the impression that it was to last forever.

This is how it's done? No. It's how it's done for certain people. Approaches and meetings like this surely work out well frequently, but it's certainly not a good way to go about things and I wouldn't suggest it.
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