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 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 1071
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What I really want to know!

Is there a creative way to make this tax deductible?


No suggestions?

I wrote off the cost of flying to Thailand and hotels as a medical expense because I got eye surgery there. So that was a tax deduction that helped out.

I should have included my GF as a medical assistant, but I thought maybe that was pushing the envelope.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1072
who pays
Posted: 4/26/2016 12:31:18 PM
Well, if she pretends to be my customer, I can expense out the dinner.

Not sure how management will feel if I get a room with a king size bed....
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 1073
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 4/26/2016 12:38:33 PM
Back ~30 years ago, I took my fiancée on a business trip around the USA.

I had to fly from Chicago to New York, spend 3 days there, then to Dallas, spend 3 days, then to SanFran for 3 days, then back to Chicago.

I took her along, I paid for the extra plane ticket, but most of the rest I expensed. I often get a king sized bed even when traveling alone.
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 1074
who pays
Posted: 4/27/2016 6:43:25 AM
I always show up to the first meet assuming I will at least pay my share and over time I am confortable with some back and forth in that process. It does not have to completely 50/50 right down the middle but there should not be an assumption that one person will always be treating unless they themselves want to be doing that.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 1075
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 8:19:54 AM
^^^" I do agree that she should have offered to pay for something, but that is just my opinion"

A woman offering to help pay a portion of a dinner bill is fine-if it's a sincere offer. There are women who feel every date should be totally free for them, but might offer to pay a portion as a courtesy, but hoping the guy doesn't take her up on her offer, since most guys will say "No. It's OK. I've got it." It's a "How cheap is this guy" test. If a woman has no desire to chip in a few bucks towards the bill, don't make a fake offer and drop the guy if he takes you up on it.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 1076
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 11:38:55 AM

A woman offering to help pay a portion of a dinner bill is fine-if it's a sincere offer. There are women who feel every date should be totally free for them, but might offer to pay a portion as a courtesy, but hoping the guy doesn't take her up on her offer, since most guys will say "No. It's OK. I've got it." It's a "How cheap is this guy" test. If a woman has no desire to chip in a few bucks towards the bill, don't make a fake offer and drop the guy if he takes you up on it.


This is true. I've known women that "test" men by making fake offers to chip in, then refuse to see the man again if he takes them up on it. Men can't always tell a fake offer from a sincere one, so many men play it safe by insisting on paying the entire bill.

However, if they do this when they really resent it deep down, they are being just as disingenuous as the woman making the fake offer. Men shouldn't insist on paying, unless they sincerely want to treat the woman.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 1077
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 11:45:19 AM
^^^^
True.

But, there's a lot of social weirdness attached to the public display and use of money that probably comes from attitudes of ancestors.
Filthy lucre.
Women freshen up while men pay the bill.
"Don't worry your pretty head about it."
Money as an enhancer of social status.
Conspicuous consumption.
Trying to find out someone's salary by asking them.
All that sort of thing.

EDIT: People need to understand their own reaction to money and spending.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1078
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 12:05:01 PM


Trying to find out someone's salary by asking them.


I've never been directly asked what my salary was, but rather how much my car payment was.

That happened on 3 separate 1st dates. My response is always the same.

I won't share that with you until we've slept together.

Other foo foo stuff is dropping the occupation or salary of their ex in conversation.

Don't care in the least.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 1079
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 12:15:53 PM
You know, Clooneystutor, sometimes there is just so much stuff that a man won't talk about or is out of bounds that I wonder...

What do these men talk about on a date?

Also, I do wonder if I get a warning or does he simply mark me off his list and I have no clue why he dropped off my radar - like some women complain that men do.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 1080
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 12:36:56 PM


A woman offering to help pay a portion of a dinner bill is fine-if it's a sincere offer. There are women who feel every date should be totally free for them, but might offer to pay a portion as a courtesy, but hoping the guy doesn't take her up on her offer, since most guys will say "No. It's OK. I've got it." It's a "How cheap is this guy" test. If a woman has no desire to chip in a few bucks towards the bill, don't make a fake offer and drop the guy if he takes you up on it.


This is true. I've known women that "test" men by making fake offers to chip in, then refuse to see the man again if he takes them up on it. Men can't always tell a fake offer from a sincere one, so many men play it safe by insisting on paying the entire bill.

However, if they do this when they really resent it deep down, they are being just as disingenuous as the woman making the fake offer. Men shouldn't insist on paying, unless they sincerely want to treat the woman.



- I've been tested like that a few times on first meets/dates. I always offer to pay upfront, but if she offers to help, I'm not going to insist on paying, or get into a petty argument over it..... I just say "thank you", and let her help.

I'd prefer that those type of women, who would test me on something like that, would weed me out..... I would prefer a nicer woman myself.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1081
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History
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 12:41:33 PM

The person who asks out should be the one paying, reason why, I think, first dates should be for coffee, to get a pulse of in what page are you both in.

IRL, it doesn't necessarily roll that way, even among some women who claim that notion (not saying you tho).

First, it's not always a situation where's it's a clean-cut guy-asks-girl-out. Second, when one blurs the notion of who-asked-who-out, and all it takes is a suggestion when in conversation -- girls will do that a decent amount of the time. Do they expect to pay because of that? Nope. By basic popularly-followed American-rulez, the girl has to explicitly ask to Take the guy out, to pay. Otherwise, by default, he's expected to pay at least the majority of it.

I've known women that "test" men by making fake offers to chip in, then refuse to see the man again if he takes them up on it.

Yeah, that is crazy to do... especially when gals "don't like to play games" - lol.

Men can't always tell a fake offer from a sincere one, so many men play it safe by insisting on paying the entire bill.

Yep. Many guys (including myself) Want to pay, due to indirect reasons, without even thinking about it. It's a Want really based on what we clearly Don't want. When out on a date with a self-sustaining career woman, we Want to err on the side of stability and not rock the boat, when going out on a date. So when it comes to those situations of offering on an initial date, unless she's strongly insisting after I decline, I won't want her to.

However, some guys will get Irked if the girl Does insist -- as that can imply she's not interested in him... and the guy in angst-mode forgets that him paying for the date wouldn't turn her heart around if she wants to for that reason. And if it's not for that reason and she is interested, well, his angst IS going to turn her heart around in the bad direction. :)
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 1082
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 12:55:04 PM
Wow. Dating sure seems to be complicated these days...who pays...what do you talk about....you own or rent...nice car or a beater...are you a Tues or a Sat date...sex is expected for dinner..no sex till at least date three....men stopped bathing....soap is bad....he has ED...she's not interested. Holy smokes!

What's sad is....at some point in the future someone's going to
look back on all this and say...remember the good ol days. ;)
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 1083
who pays
Posted: 4/29/2016 1:24:11 PM


Wow. Dating sure seems to be complicated these days...who pays...what do you talk about....you own or rent...nice car or a beater...are you a Tues or a Sat date...sex is expected for dinner..no sex till at least date three....men stopped bathing....soap is bad....he has ED...she's not interested. Holy smokes!


Only for forumites it would seem. LOL
In real life for me it has always seemed very simple. The POF "dance" to get to the first meet is the only part that seems to be complicated, after that it is smooth sailing.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 1084
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 8:00:05 AM
there won't be anyone in the future to look back, b/c the mating stopped. or maybe only the beautiful people will be mating, and the rest of us "gene polluters" will be having "pulled pork" on the nightly menu.

oh well, the young generation is on Tinder anyway.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 1085
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History
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 8:22:27 AM

Maleman999
A woman offering to help pay a portion of a dinner bill is fine-if it's a sincere offer. There are women who feel every date should be totally free for them, but might offer to pay a portion as a courtesy, but hoping the guy doesn't take her up on her offer, since most guys will say "No. It's OK. I've got it." It's a "How cheap is this guy" test. If a woman has no desire to chip in a few bucks towards the bill, don't make a fake offer and drop the guy if he takes you up on it.


halcyon_skies
This is true. I've known women that "test" men by making fake offers to chip in, then refuse to see the man again if he takes them up on it. Men can't always tell a fake offer from a sincere one, so many men play it safe by insisting on paying the entire bill.

However, if they do this when they really resent it deep down, they are being just as disingenuous as the woman making the fake offer. Men shouldn't insist on paying, unless they sincerely want to treat the woman.


I think the key word above is “insisting”. Early on, initial meet, first real date, etc, I try to avoid “insisting” about anything. Who pays, where we go, whether we kiss at the end of the evening, open to discussion, no insisting.

I will always suggest a place to go, a thing to do, I hate people who say “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” I believe a man should be decisive, but open to counter suggestions. If a woman offers to pay half, or split the check, I say, “I expect to pay, and I don’t mind paying, but I’m open to you paying your share if that makes you more comfortable?”

Notice the question mark at the end of the above quote. I use rising inflection at the end of the sentence, so that she knows it is a question. I’m sure some women make judgements about me for letting them pay half. That’s okay, I make judgements as well. That’s what we’re there for, to make judgements, to decide whether we really want to see that person again.


gtomustang
oh well, the young generation is on Tinder anyway.

Not just “the young generation”. I have met a couple of women through Tinder.


dragonbytes
Back ~30 years ago, I took my fiancée on a business trip around the USA.

I never did anything like that. When I was younger, and traveled for business, that would have been like “coal to Newcastle”. I seemed to always find someone to “hook up” with when I was only in town for a few days.

Women who think it is a bad idea to have an “office romance”, because they have to see you every day after they break up with you – they absolutely love not having to break up, knowing that you will be gone after 2 or 3 or 4 days. Or at least this was true back in the 70’s and early 80’s. No idea what it’s like these days.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1086
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 8:24:56 AM

The person who asks out should be the one paying, reason why, I think, first dates should be for coffee, to get a pulse of in what page are you both in.


If the person that did the asking was the "host" and in charge of the setting up the date, then I could better understand that argument. But if both people had some input on the details of the date, I don't think one person should be expected to pay when everything else was shared up to that point.

If a woman didn't want to date me because I accepted her offer, then I would be better off without her. Instead of wasting my time, effort, and money on future dates.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1087
view profile
History
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 11:51:57 AM

What's sad is....at some point in the future someone's going to look back on all this and say...remember the good ol days. ;)

I think nostalgia many times falsifies a POV for the positive. I've always said "Nostalgia's for Nostrils" (and people get offended for some reason). :) But even with that, if we look back to these days from the future as the "good ol days", gawd help us all. In all seriousness, I think some of the male/female complications will be better & sorted out, and we'll look back on the end-of-the-20th/beginning-of-21st century as a period of time of change with working women on the same level as men happening, where you had old-school male/female dating 'rulez' still applying that wasn't fitting for all -- but by mid-21st, much of that will be sorted out for the better.

But if both people had some input on the details of the date, I don't think one person should be expected to pay when everything else was shared up to that point.

I agree. Some people too hastily think "Oh, it's whomever asked the other one out," but it's not necessarily quite like that. Both parties when mingling can banter about it, and can formulate the same way two friends set something up on where to go mutually. Like between two friends, there's not necessarily an Asker and Acceptor about a particular outing they go on.

And as I've said, even when there kinda-is, it's widely assumed that the guy's expected to pay if he kinda-asked/initiated it -- but if the girl did, it's not assumed she's going to pay his bills at all. She'd have to Clearly ask to Take him out for that to apply.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1088
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 11:58:59 AM


What do these men talk about on a date?


Lots of things!

Sexual preferences...(joking)

I was once asked what I discussed on a date. Simple, singles living, laundry, cooking, time spent not at work, etc. We need to make sure the domestic qualities are present for a nurturing relationship.

I'm tired of making sandwiches and using my rice cooker :(

It's really not that hard to avoid discussing money, at least until the check comes :)

Remember guys, Tipping is not a city in China, and ladies?

No more going to the bathroom when the server goes to fetch the check...
 RANDMAN2
Joined: 6/18/2013
Msg: 1089
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 6:29:55 PM
I agree with you totally. I have had a couple of dates like that. They never agreed to even pay the tip, when I asked they thought that was rude to even ask and I ended it there. I have also had a date that made six figures as well and she always insisted on paying the way. We came to an agreement and then she broke it again. If someone does not look me in the eye during conversation and always looking somewhere else that also bothers me. In interviews as well. To me it shows a lack of confidence. Maybe I am wrong, let me know what you think. She had an attitude to go with it. That is a real turnoff.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 1090
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 8:22:26 PM

We need to make sure the domestic qualities are present for a nurturing relationship.

I'm doomed to singlehood for the rest of my life. The only domestic qualities I have are... p/t maid service and a nice wine (dry Riesling).
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 1091
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 8:47:00 PM
Domestic qualities...hmm. I don't mind cooking, I prefer to wash dishes by hand, I don't mind laundry...but the next man is coming complete with weekly housecleaner. I detest bathroom cleaning, vacuuming, etc.

And yes, he should know how to BBQ and select a decent wine. I'll iron his shirts. I'll look after my own car. No yard work.

I have two friends who each get a once every two weeks housecleaner as a paid work benefit. Both have husbands and children so it's a nice perk for them.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1092
who pays
Posted: 4/30/2016 9:14:27 PM
Wine can make up for a lot of things.

Charles Shaw for president!



If someone does not look me in the eye during conversation and always looking somewhere else that also bothers me


I take this as a sign of no interest.

No problem.

No dessert and no 2nd date.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 1093
who pays
Posted: 5/1/2016 3:14:49 PM
shoot, if y'all were local, I could have taken you on a cheap date: http://daffodilfest.com/ Free to park. free to go, and for those who like the exercise, a nice castle tower on the top of a small mountain for a view. Local bands playing just about any genre. Food tent the size of a parking lot, so you can be fed for $5-10 dollars. Of course, its mostly fair-type food, so other than the sour pickles soaked in cherry Kool Aid (hey, they were good), most of it is fried or crammed into something's intestine. and the town even brought by its library's bookmobile--remember those things?

the only problem with comfort food and live music is...you're sitting around, so you better bring some good conversation. hard to cover up that sin.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 1094
who pays
Posted: 5/2/2016 8:56:25 PM

.............the sour pickles soaked in cherry Kool Aid (hey, they were good),

Hey GTO, I had to google this. Found the recipe, several in fact, and some pretty pics of red-yellow-green-blue-purple "Koolickles". Thought my grand kids would love to make these! Thanks for the idea here!
LOL Yes I'll pay for'em!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 1095
who says
Posted: 5/3/2016 8:56:37 AM
Kool! I hope they enjoy them, tho half the fun is making. when I was a kid, I tried making those stained glass cookies, you know, smash up the Lifesavers and make the window panes with dough and fill in with the crushed hard candy. couldn't ever get 'em right, tho. but it was fun to try.

We used to throw fizzled-out soda into ice cube trays, so they wouldn't water down the drinks when they melted. The popsicle makers that Tuperware used to sell (or do they still?) were a blast. tried everything that came to mind.
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